In modern practice family education Three styles (types) of relationships are quite clearly distinguished: authoritarian, democratic, and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.

The authoritarian style of parents in relations with children is characterized by strictness, exactingness, peremptoryness. Threats, prodding, coercion are the main means of this style. In children, it causes a feeling of fear, insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself outwardly in rudeness, deceit, hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

In the authoritarian type of parental relationship to the child, A. S. Makarenko singled out two varieties, which he called "authority of suppression" and "authority of distance and swagger." He considered the authority of suppression the most terrible and wild kind of authority. Cruelty and terror are the main features of such an attitude of parents (often a father) towards children. Always keep children in fear - this is the main principle of despotic relationships. This inevitably leads to the upbringing of children who are weak-willed, cowardly, lazy, downtrodden, "slushy", embittered, vindictive and, often, tyrants.

The authority of distance and swagger is manifested in the fact that parents, either “for the purpose of education”, or due to the prevailing circumstances, try to be away from their children - “so that they amuse themselves”. Contacts with children of such parents are extremely rare; they entrusted their upbringing to their grandparents. Parents do not want to lose their prestige in the eyes of their children, but get the opposite: alienation of the child begins, and with it comes disobedience and difficult education.

Liberal style involves forgiveness, tolerance in relations with children. The source is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined, irresponsible. A. S. Makarenko calls the conniving type of attitude "the authority of love." Its essence lies in indulging the child, in pursuit of childish affection through the manifestation of excessive affection, permissiveness. In their desire to win over a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, prudent person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of dealing with children. A. S. Makarenko called teachers who showed such forgiveness towards the child “pedagogical beasts”, carrying out the most stupid, most immoral kind of relationship.

Democratic style is characterized by flexibility. Parents, motivating their actions and demands, listen to the opinion of children, respect their position, develop independence of judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better, grow up reasonably obedient, enterprising, with a developed sense of their own dignity. They see parents as a model of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they are.

1. Methods of raising children in the family

The ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out do not differ from the general methods of education, but have their own specifics:

The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adapted to the personality.

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of family relationships, etc.

Therefore, the methods of family education bear a bright imprint of the personality of their parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. For example, persuasion in some parents is a soft suggestion, in others it is a threat, a cry. When relations with children in a family are close, warm, friendly, the main method is encouragement. In cold, aloof relationships, strictness and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to cultivate obedience - therefore, the methods are aimed at ensuring that the child fulfills the requirements of adults without fail; others consider it more important to teach independent thinking, taking initiative and usually find appropriate methods for this.

All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice), personal example, encouragement (praise, gifts, an interesting prospect for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasure, rejection of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.

There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among them - the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, spiritual and family climate, press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys , demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc.

The choice and application of parenting methods is based on a number of general conditions:

Parents' knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what kind of relationship develops with classmates and teachers, with adults and with younger ones, what is most valued in people, etc. Seemingly simple information, but 41% of parents do not know what books their children read, 48% - what films they watch, 67% - what kind of music they like; more than half of parents can't say anything about their children's hobbies. Only 10% of students answered that their families know where they go, who they meet, who their friends are. According to sociological surveys (1997), 86% of young offenders who found themselves behind bars answered that their parents did not control their late return home.

The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relations in the family, the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods, relatively more often uses teaching.

If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication while working together, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, and this helps parents understand them better. There is no joint activity - there is no reason or opportunity for communication.

The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education. It has long been noticed that in the families of educated people, children are always better brought up. Consequently, teaching pedagogy, mastering the secrets of educational influence is not at all a luxury, but a practical necessity. “The pedagogical knowledge of parents is especially important at a time when the father and mother are the only educators of their child ... At the age of two to six years mental development, the spiritual life of children depends to a decisive extent on ... the elementary pedagogical culture of mother and father, which is expressed in a wise understanding of the most complex spiritual movements of a developing person, ”wrote V. A. Sukhomlinsky.

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Parenting styles and their impact on child development

Raising children is the most important task of the modern family. The development of the personality of the child as a whole will depend on which style of family education prevails in the family.

Family parenting style the way the parents relate to the child, their use of certain techniques and methods of influencing the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction with the child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child's personality, to problems in his behavior.

Characteristics of family parenting styles

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family parenting styles: authoritarian, conniving, democratic, chaotic, aloof and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the psyche and personal development of the child in different ways.

Authoritarian parenting style

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child's initiative, rigidly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them.

Parents strictly enforce homework younger schoolchildren, to the point that they stand nearby and put pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.

With parents, such children may seem calm and executive, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable.

The impact of authoritarian parenting style on adolescent behavior

As the child grows older, he becomes more and more intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. AT adolescence frequent conflicts can lead to a disastrous outcome. It is with the authoritarian style of family education that adolescents will generate conflicts, treating others with hostility. Parents always make decisions for the child themselves, thereby suppressing the initiative of the child, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.

Active and strong teenagers will start to rebel, resist, becoming more aggressive, they can run away from home. Shy and insecure teenagers with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything, not making attempts to solve their own problems on their own, they will always and in everything rely on their parents.

Liberal - permissive style of family education (hypo-guardianship)

With a liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Must!”, “Impossible”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.

Liberal parents are caring, considerate, and have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover Creative skills, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is “wrong.” Liberal parents find it difficult to set boundaries for the permissible, acceptable behavior of their children. They often encourage their child’s overly relaxed and inappropriate behavior.

How will a child grow up with a condoning style of family education

As a result, the child grows up to be selfish, conflicted, constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and strong emotional ties with people. At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to yield, obey elders, follow laws and rules.

A child raised in an environment of permissiveness is more prone to psychological problems, phobias, and depression. Such a child is not taught to control himself and his behavior will have little chance of developing self-esteem. In the future, a child raised by liberal parents will be unable to face the challenges of life and will have difficulty with social interaction. Which in turn will lead to the lack of formation of adequate self-esteem and feelings dignity. He will conflict with anyone who does not indulge his desires.

We have described the main styles of family education, but the practice at the Center psychological help family allows you to identify a number of types of inadequate attitude of the mother to the child.

Ustimenko V.N. The conniving style of family education - families at risk.

Styles of family education and their characteristics according to the type of "maternal" attitude towards the child:

A mother's attitude towards her teenage son as a "surrogate" husband

The mother demands constant attention and care from the teenager. The mother constantly interferes in her son's personal life, limits contacts with peers and peers, strives to be aware of his personal and intimate life. You can often hear dissatisfaction from the mother about the fact that the son seeks to move away from her, avoids communication. In a less crude form, the adolescent is given the role of "head of the family".

Overprotection and symbiosis

The mother has a strong desire to keep, bind the child to herself, limit his independence because of the fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future. In psychology, such an attitude is called the "smart Elsa" complex. The mother underestimates the real possibilities and abilities of the child, which leads to limitation and maximum control, the desire to do everything for the child in order to protect him from imaginary misfortunes in the future.

Educational control through love deprivation

A similar style of upbringing is characterized in demonstrating to a child or teenager the attitude “That he does not need this, his mother does not like him this way” with any undesirable behavior, disobedience, insufficient, according to parents, school performance, skills and achievements.

As a rule, parents do not directly express their dissatisfaction, do not speak out, do not try to explain to the child why he did something wrong. Parents simply stop talking to the child, ignore it, talk about it in the third person.

In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude of parents towards him gives rise to an impotent feeling of anger and rage, outbursts of aggression. A teenager with such behavior wants to prove his existence, to infiltrate through the family "We". The parent, because of a sense of fear of aggression, goes to the world, or through retaliatory aggression (slapping, beatings) tries to overcome the wall of alienation created by him.

Hyperthymia- this is a persistent high spirits, cheerfulness, accompanied by personal and professional activity, increased socialization.

In sensitive children or adolescents, such an attitude of parents forms a deep sense of loneliness, their own uselessness. In order to return the love of parents, the child is forced to limit his own individuality, to sacrifice self-esteem, losing his own "I". Thus, parents achieve obedience by devaluing the personality of the child.

Educational control, by evoking feelings of guilt

A child who violates the ban is labeled by parents as "ungrateful", "giving so much grief to his beloved mother", "betraying parental love", etc. In the future, a teenager, under constant fear of being guilty before the troubles of his parents, is forced to fetter his own independence and initiative.

Parenting Styles - Books

1. Azarov Yu.P. The art of educating. M., 1985.

2. Dobrynina O. A. The problem of the formation of a favorable socio-psychological climate of the family (on the example of metallurgical workers): Diss. … cand. psychol. Sciences. Novokuznetsk, 1992.

3. Druzhinin VN Psychology of the family. - M., 1996. - 158 p.

4. Kulikova T. A. Family pedagogy and home education: Textbook for students. Wednesdays, and higher. ped. textbook establishments. - M: Publishing Center "Academy", 2007

5. Schneider L. B. Family psychology: tutorial for universities / L. B. Schneider. - Ed. 3rd. Moscow: Academic Prospekt; Yekaterinburg: Business book, 2007.

The family is the primary cell of education. A lot of the child's future depends on her. What style of parenting adults prefer in relation to the baby will determine him. later life.

It is important to realize the appropriateness of certain requirements, punishments and rewards. You need to know the pros and cons of the styles used in upbringing. This will help build the most favorable relationship with the child.

The family is the primary cell of society in which the upbringing and development of the baby begins. It is so multifaceted that it can both create a healthy personality and destroy it. The needs and desires of the child are either encouraged, or a barrier is created that interferes with self-realization.

Each family has its own interests and values, there is a unique experience of previous generations. The future character of children depends on what these indicators will be. After all, they are very sensitive to the behavior of their parents and assimilate it as normal for the whole society. Hence the problems of education.

Parents as the first educators have the greatest impact on children. Therefore, they also have an advantage over representatives of preschool institutions that also take part in the development of the child. In a healthy family, favorable contact is established between adults and children. They share the same goals and aspirations. This brings spiritual satisfaction to all its members. Such a family is not alien to the manifestation of parental love, care and respect on the part of children.

The style of upbringing in the family influences the formation of the personality of the child. Parents can influence their children with the help of reinforcement, when the formation of the right behavior depends on the encouragement of those actions of their child that seem right to them. In the second situation, everything is based on imitation. The child copies the behavior of the parents in order to become the same as them, without giving an account of whether this is right or not. And, finally, the family, in which the main mechanism of education is understanding. Here, parents respect the interests and needs of their baby, respond to his problems, thus educating a communicative and conscious personality.

How much depends on the style of family education?

The style of raising a child in a family implies the behavior and attitudes of parents towards children. There are three styles: authoritarian, democratic and liberal. Each of them has its own characteristics and consequences.

Authoritarian

In an authoritarian upbringing, the child perceives the desire of the parents as a law for himself. However, adults are unaware that they are suppressing children in this way. They demand unquestioned obedience, while not explaining the reasons for such instructions. Strict control over the life of the child is not always carried out correctly. The result of such upbringing is isolation and disruption of communication between the child and his parents. Such children are less independent and insecure. Only a small part of them are in conflict with their parents, defending their positions.

Advice to parents

If this situation reminded you of yourself, then you should urgently take action and soften the tight control over the child. You need to stop putting pressure on the baby and give him the opportunity to express himself. Be more supportive of the desires, interests and hobbies of the child. If you do not want your baby to grow into a withdrawn, fearful and insecure person, work on the style of your upbringing.

Democratic

It is believed that the democratic style is the most favorable in the upbringing of the younger generation. Parents not only take care of discipline, but also do not interfere with the independence of children. In such a family, the child fulfills his duties, but at the same time his rights are not infringed. Parents respect the opinions of their children and therefore consult with them when necessary. There is no excessive guardianship in such families, so children listen to explanations of what can and cannot be done. In a democratic style, there are no big conflicts.

Another feature of this kind of upbringing is moderation. That is, children do not have excessive aggressiveness, they are able to become leaders, they can control others, but they themselves are practically not amenable to manipulation from the outside. They are quite sociable, easily adapt to life in society. However, there are also features that are found only in a small part of the younger generation in families with a democratic style of upbringing. These are sensitivity, the ability to put oneself in the place of another person, and altruism.

Advice to parents

Democratic style implies respect for the child's attitudes and himself. Therefore, maintain friendly relations with the baby, but do not get carried away, maintain your authority so that in the future the child can rely on you and trust you.

Liberal

The liberal parenting style is also called permissive, and, apparently, for good reason. After all, parents in such families practically do not take care of children. For them there are no prohibitions and restrictions. This is not very good, because the child may fall under the negative influence in the future and even raise a hand against the parents. Yes, and these children have practically no values.

Advice to parents

It is not very good when the child is left to himself. If you do not want him to contact a bad company in the future, be influenced from outside, change the tactics of your behavior before it is too late. Enter some rules and responsibilities that all family members must comply with. Spend more time with your child and engage with him. Don't let the child be out of control at all.

According to the results of upbringing in the family, one can single out children who are self-confident, able to control their own behavior, do not avoid new situations, and are almost always in a good mood. It is more difficult to establish contacts with peers for children who avoid communication. They are afraid of new events, trying to escape from them, and their mood can be called dull. Refusals from stressful situations can often be observed in immature children. As a rule, they have poor self-control and are insecure.

Thus, in order to raise self-sufficient, self-confident children, one must be able to correctly combine control and democracy in family education. Both of these should be optimal. At the same time, you need to accept the child and his interests as they are.

The parenting style is deposited in the psyche of the child as a norm. This happens rather unconsciously, as it begins in preschool age. When a person grows up, he reproduces this style as natural.

For parenting to be successful, you need to find something in between the styles. Identification and dependence should not be too strong, but their complete absence is unacceptable. child behavior is a reflection of family upbringing. Therefore, the further behavior of the child will depend precisely on the experience gained in the family.

A little about the types of education

Each family develops a certain system of education. It is based on the relationship between the child and parents. So, we can distinguish 4 types of raising children in the family: non-intervention, dictate, cooperation and guardianship.

In a family with dictate the dignity and independence of the child are systematically suppressed. If such decisions are justified, then parents have the right to make certain demands on their children, but only when the situation requires it. However, if parents influence the child, humiliating his self-esteem, then they meet with a sharp protest. So, children become hypocritical, rude, often deceive, and sometimes hate their parents. If this resistance breaks, then activity, independence, and self-confidence are suppressed.

A family in which the leading type of upbringing is guardianship , protects his children from external difficulties and worries. Parents try to satisfy any needs of the baby. Children, as a rule, are not ready to face reality. It is difficult for them to establish contact with people, independence is not developed in them, they are not able to make decisions.

non-intervention is based on the independent existence of parents and children. Thus, two worlds are built, between which a line is drawn, and both sides have no right to stand up for it. In this situation, parents are passive, like educators.

Otherwise built cooperation . In such a family, there are common goals and values, it can be called a team in another way. The advantage of this type of upbringing is that the child will never grow up to be selfish.

What does one type of upbringing lead to?

By adhering to a democratic parenting style, parents can build a good relationship with their children. Children grow up independent, responsible, active, show initiative. Democratic style allows you to guide the child's behavior in a flexible and consistent way. The parent's requirements are always explained, and the child's discussion of them is only encouraged. As for power, it is also present, but only in those cases where it is most appropriate. In such families, not only the obedience of the child is valued, but also his independence. There are rules by which parents act, while listening to the opinion of the baby, but not based on it.

The rest of the parenting styles do not give very good results. Thus, the authoritarian type of relationship alienates children from their parents, makes them feel insignificant. Children feel unwanted in the family. Unreasonable demands of parents in the first case cause aggressive behavior and protest, and in the second - passivity and apathy. If children are brought up in families with a liberal type of relationship, they feel they are not needed by anyone. Such parents cannot become a role model for the child, and no one else can fill the resulting gap in education. The “I” of such children is very weak.

Despite all the negative aspects, the authoritarian method continues to live and exist in families. This is due, firstly, to the experience that is passed down from generation to generation. Such parents remember how difficult it was for them, but still build such relationships with their children. Second, they play a role public relations. Thirdly, all the negativity experienced during the day in transport, queues, and so on, parents take out on their children. And, finally, fourthly, it is an understanding of force as a way to resolve any conflicts.

Authoritarianism in relation to the baby does not meet with any protests, but conflicts can be expected from the teenager. At the same time, parents are paying for their old mistakes. It is important to remember that you need to form a personality from an early age, and not wait transitional age. By this time, the style of relations is already taking shape, so it is not possible to replay it.

Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting styles

Each style of relationships in the family, no matter how positive it was, causes the formation of dependent behavior in the child. One of the forms of such a result of education is getting the child's attention due to quarrels, aggressive behavior, non-fulfillment of the will of parents. It occurs when the mother is engaged in any business, but not the baby. In another case, it is the attachment of the daughter to the father. If the latter leaves home for a long time, then this causes aggression in the baby.

The second form of addictive behavior is seeking confirmation . It is manifested in the great exactingness of parents in relation to the achievements of the child. This form is typical for families where the daughter is attached to the father or, conversely, the son to the mother. When children feel jealousy and high demands on the part of the second parent, or the absence of such factors, they exhibit dependent behavior.

Another form of addictive behavior is seeking approval . The child directs all his efforts to this. This behavior is typical for girls whom mothers consider similar to themselves, take little part in caring for them and encourage their dependence. In boys, this phenomenon is observed if he is rarely punished and suffers antics.

The fourth form of addictive behavior is "stay close" . It manifests itself in the case when the child does not know how to behave correctly if the mother treats him as less mature than he really is, and does not trust the father because of actions in the opposite direction.

And finally touching and holding others child. This behavior is manifested in the case when parents show low demands and are completely devoid of anxiety for the baby.

How children are raised today

The family influences the formation of personal qualities of a person from his very birth. Features of the upbringing of children in the family determine the further development of the child. If adults do not take part in the upbringing of the baby, they will not be able to become a role model for him. Under no circumstances should children be allowed to be dominated.

More often modern parents resort to the help of other people because of their own employment. Children who are brought up by a nanny do not receive the necessary warmth and love. It is allowed to leave the baby with relatives or with someone else for a short period. The child will benefit from a change of scenery, in addition, he will receive a new communication experience.

It is worth talking about parental responsibility in modern family. Increasingly, there are situations when children are left to their own devices. It is also a delusion that parents believe that their children receive the right education in preschool or school. Today, parents limit their duties to checking the diary or attending school meetings.

Parents should not forget about their children. It is important to take part in their lives, to know their interests, to get to know their friends and to be curious about where they spend free time. If you are calm in presenting your demands and avoid violence, the child will definitely listen to you. The upbringing of children in a modern family should be based on mutual respect. Therefore, you need to treat your children as you would treat yourself.

Educational program on the topic

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2. Styles and types of family education.

Each family objectively develops a certain, far from always conscious system of education. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the methods of education, and the consideration of what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types corresponding to them family relations, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: diktat, guardianship, “non-intervention” and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression by parents of initiative and self-esteem in children. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance is broken, along with it comes the breakdown of many personality traits: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one's capabilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by providing with their work, the satisfaction of all the needs of the child, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. question about active formation personality fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive concern for the child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called hyperprotection. It leads to passivity, dependence, difficulties in communication. There is also an opposite concept - hypo-guardianship, which implies a combination of an indifferent attitude of a parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, when they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are not able to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but still demand the fulfillment of all their whims.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family common goals and tasks of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

With an authoritarian style, the desire of the parent is the law for the child. Such parents suppress their children. They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of the child's life, and they do this not always correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become insecure, less independent.

The democratic style of family relations is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child's behavior. They themselves grant him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to rights, at the same time demand the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations why one should not do one thing and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without any special experiences and conflicts.

With a conniving style, parents almost do not pay attention to their children, do not restrict them in anything, do not prohibit anything. Children from such families during the period of growing up often fall under bad influence and in the future they can raise a hand against their parents, they have almost no values.

3. Raising children in families of different structure.

Peculiarities of raising an only child in a family

On this account, there are two most common points of view. First, the only child is more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the excitement associated with the rivalry of brothers. Second: the only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister (2, p. 86). Whatever psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that it confirms precisely this, second, point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.

Undoubtedly, parents who have an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. They care too much about him just because they have one, when in fact he is only the first. Few are able to calmly, competently deal with the firstborn in the way that we then behave with subsequent children. main reason here is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to find. If you do not touch on some limitations of the physical order, some parents are afraid of the responsibility that the appearance of children imposes on them, others fear that the birth of a second child will affect their financial situation, others, although they will never admit it, simply do not like children, and they are quite one son or one daughter is enough.

Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when a child is cared for, pampered, pampered, caressed - in a word, they are carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention, his mental development inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which we surround him, he will certainly meet with very serious difficulties and disappointments when he is outside the home circle, since he will also expect from other people the attention he was used to in his parents' house. For the same reason, he will take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem to him too big and significant. As a result, communication with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts, retire. He has never had to share parental love with his brothers or sisters, let alone games, his room and clothes, and he finds it difficult to find a common language with other children and his place in the children's community.

How to prevent all this? With the help of a second child - many will say. And this is true, but if some special problems can be solved in this way, then where is the certainty that it is worth giving birth to another child, how we will immediately achieve the full adaptation of the first. In any case, it is necessary by all means to overcome the desire to raise a child in greenhouse conditions. It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, one should not be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The cares of the father and mother, concentrated on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is taken very hard by such a family, and the fear of such a misfortune always stands before the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, the only child gets used to his exceptional position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they bring up an egoist.

For the development of the psyche, each child requires a spiritual space in which he could move freely. He needs inner and outer freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child can not do without a soiled face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such a space. Consciously or not, he is forced into the role of a model child. He should especially politely greet, especially expressively read poetry, he should be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. He has ambitious plans for the future. Every manifestation of life is closely watched with deep concern. lack of good advice the child does not experience throughout childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating himself, scattered child.

But this may not be, since there are fundamental rules in behavior with only children. They can all be formulated in one sentence, which should become the law for every family where one child grows up: only no exclusivity!

The specifics of education in a large family

The educational potential of a large family has its positive and negative characteristics, and the process of socialization of children has its own difficulties and problems.

On the one hand, here, as a rule, reasonable needs and the ability to take into account the needs of others are brought up; none of the children has a privileged position, which means that there is no ground for the formation of selfishness, antisocial traits; more opportunities for communication, care for the younger ones, assimilation of moral and social norms and rules of the hostel; such moral qualities as sensitivity, humanity, responsibility, respect for people, as well as the qualities of social order - the ability to communicate, adapt, tolerance can be more successfully formed. Children from such families turn out to be more prepared for married life, they more easily overcome role conflicts associated with excessive demands of one of the spouses on the other and low demands on themselves.

However, the process of education in a large family is no less complex and contradictory. Firstly, in such families, adults quite often lose their sense of justice in relation to children, show unequal affection and attention to them. An offended child always acutely feels a lack of warmth and attention to him, reacting to this in his own way: in some cases, concomitant psychological state for him becomes anxiety, a sense of inferiority and self-doubt, in others - increased aggressiveness, inadequate reaction to life situations. For older children in a large family, categorical judgments, the desire for leadership, leadership, even in cases where there are no grounds for this, are characteristic. All this naturally complicates the process of socialization of children. Secondly, in large families, the physical and mental stress on parents, especially on the mother, increases sharply. She has less free time and opportunities for the development of children and communication with them, for showing attention to their interests. Unfortunately, children from large families are more likely to take a socially dangerous path of behavior, almost 3.5 times more often than children from families of other types.

A large family has fewer opportunities to meet the needs and interests of the child, who is already given much less time than in a one-child family, which, of course, cannot but affect his development. In this context, the level of material security of a large family is very significant. The monitoring of the social and economic potential of families has shown that the majority of families with many children live below the poverty threshold.

Raising a child in an incomplete family

The child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Separation of a family or divorce, even when everything happens in the highest degree of politeness and courtesy, invariably causes mental breakdown and strong feelings in children. Of course, it is possible to help a child cope with the difficulties of growing up in a separated family, but this will require a lot of effort from the parent with whom the child will remain. If the separation of the family occurs when the child is between the ages of 3 and 12, the consequences are felt most acutely.

The separation of a family or the divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which greatly disturb him. Moreover, the parents, busy with their quarrels, also treat him badly, even if they are full of good intentions to keep him from solving his own problems.

The child feels the absence of the father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. In addition, he perceives the departure of his father as a rejection of him. The child may retain these feelings for many years.

Very often, after the separation of the family or divorce, the mother is forced to take a well-paid job and, as a result, may devote less time to the child than before. Therefore, he feels rejected by his mother.

What can be done to help a child in a broken family? Explain to him what happened, and do it simply, without blaming anyone. To say that this happens to so many people and therefore it is better to be the way it is. A child can be saved from unnecessary worries when the division of the family occurs for him as completely as for his parents. The visits of the father, especially if they become less and less over time, each time again and again make the baby feel that he has been rejected. The smaller the child at the time of family separation or divorce, the easier it is for the father to part with him. The child certainly needs to be prepared for the departure of the father. Help your child grow up and become independent so that he does not develop an excessive and unhealthy dependence on you. One of the most common mistakes is a mother's overprotectiveness of her son.

It would seem that the mother does everything out of the best of intentions: she wants to give her son more attention, surround more care, wants to feed better, dress better, etc. But by making these efforts, often heroic, sacrificing herself, her interests, desires, health, the mother literally emasculates everything masculine in the boy's character, making him lethargic, lacking initiative, incapable of decisive masculine actions.

If the parents do not live together, if they have separated, then it is very painfully reflected in the upbringing of the child. Often children become the subject of strife between parents who openly hate each other and do not hide this from children.

It is necessary to recommend to those parents who, for some reason, leave each other, so that in their quarrel, in their divergence, they think more about their children. Any disagreements can be resolved more delicately. You can hide from your children your dislike and your hatred for your ex-spouse. It is difficult, of course, for a husband who has left his family to somehow continue raising children. And if he can no longer beneficially influence his old family, then it’s better to try so that she completely forgets him, it will be more honest. Although, of course, he must still bear his material obligations in relation to abandoned children.

The question of the structure of the family is a very important question, and it must be treated quite consciously.

If parents truly love their children and want to educate them as best as possible, they will try not to bring their mutual disagreements to a break and thus not put children in the most difficult situation.

Chapter №2 Factors influencing the formation of a child's personality.

1. Family as a factor in personality formation.

Among the various social factors influencing the formation of personality, one of the most important is the family. Traditionally, the family is the main institution of education. What a person acquires in the family, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family is due to the fact that a person stays in it for a significant part of his life. In the family, the foundations of personality are laid.

In the process of close relationships with mother, father, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers and other relatives, a personality structure begins to form in a child from the first days of life.

In the family, the personality of not only the child, but also his parents is formed. The upbringing of children enriches the personality of an adult, enhances his social experience. Most often, this occurs unconsciously in parents, but recently young parents have begun to meet, consciously educating themselves as well. Unfortunately, this position of parents has not become popular, despite the fact that it deserves the closest attention.

Parents play a big and responsible role in the life of every person. They give the child new patterns of behavior, with their help he learns the world He imitates them in all his actions. This trend is increasingly reinforced by the child's positive emotional bonds with his parents and his desire to be like his mother and father. When parents realize this pattern and understand that the formation of the child's personality largely depends on them, they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior in general contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. Such a process of education can be considered quite conscious, because. constant control over one's behavior, attitude towards other people, attention to the organization family life allows raising children in the most favorable conditions that contribute to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

The family influences the personality of adults not only in connection with the upbringing of children. An important role is played in the family by relationships between representatives of different generations, as well as within the same generation (spouses, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers). The family as a small social group influences its members. At the same time, each of them, with his personal qualities, his behavior, affects the life of the family. Individual members of this small group can contribute to the formation of the spiritual values ​​of its members, influence the goals and attitudes of the whole family.

All stages of development require a person to adapt to new social conditions, helping the individual to be enriched with new experience, to become more socially mature. Many stages of family development can be foreseen and even prepared for them. However, in life there are situations that cannot be foreseen, because. arise instantly, as if spontaneously, for example, a serious illness of one of the family members, the birth of a sick child, death loved one, troubles at work, etc. . Such phenomena also require adaptation from family members, because. they have to find new methods of relationships. Overcoming a crisis situation most often strengthens the cohesion of people. However, it happens that such a situation becomes a turning point in the life of a family, leads to its disintegration, disorganizes its life. (1, p. 31)

family has great value for personal development. Children who are deprived of the opportunity to directly and constantly participate in the life of a small group consisting of people close to them, lose a lot. This is especially noticeable in young children living outside the family - in orphanages and other institutions of this type. The development of the personality of these children often proceeds in a different way than in children brought up in a family. The mental and social development of these children is sometimes delayed, and the emotional development is slowed down. The same thing can happen with an adult, because. the lack of constant personal contacts is the essence of loneliness, becomes the source of many negative phenomena and causes serious personality disorders.

It is known that the behavior of many people is influenced by the presence of other persons. Many individuals behave differently in the presence of other people than when they are alone. Moreover, if a person feels a benevolent, kind attitude of those present, then he most often has a certain incentive for such actions that will cause the approval of the people around him and help him appear in the best light. If a person feels an unfriendly attitude, then he has resistance, which manifests itself in the most different ways. A well-bred person overcomes this protest with a conscious effort.

In a small group where friendly relations reign, the collective has a very strong influence on the individual. This is especially evident in the formation of spiritual values, norms and patterns of behavior, the style of relationships between people. Due to its characteristics, the family, as a small group, creates for its members such conditions for emotional needs, which, helping a person to feel his belonging to society, increase his sense of security and peace, cause a desire to help and support other people.

The family has its own structure, defined by the social roles of its members: husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter, sister and brother, grandfather and grandmother. Based on these roles, interpersonal relationships in the family are formed. The degree of participation of a person in family life can be very diverse, and depending on this, the family can have a greater or lesser influence on a person.

The family plays a colossal role in the life and activities of society. The functions of the family can be considered both from the standpoint of the implementation of the goals of society, and from the standpoint of fulfilling their obligations in relation to society. The family as a microstructure satisfies important social needs and performs important social functions.

Due to its reproductive function, the family is the source of continuation human life. This is the social group that initially forms the personality of a person. The family helps to increase the creative and productive forces of society. The family introduces its new members into the society, passing them the language, customs and customs, the basic patterns of behavior that are mandatory in this society, introduces a person into the world of the spiritual values ​​of society, controls the behavior of its members. Social Features families are manifested not only in relation to children, but also in relation to spouses, tk. marriage is a process that plays a large role in the life of society. One of the main functions of the family is to create conditions for the development of the personality of all its members. The family satisfies the various needs of the individual. In marriage, husband and wife find the happiness of intimate intercourse. The birth of children causes joy not only from the consciousness of the continuation of one's kind, but also makes it possible to look more confidently into the future. In a family, people take care of each other. Also, the family meets the various needs of a person. In the married life of a person, the feeling of love and mutual understanding, recognition, respect, and a sense of security are most clearly manifested. However, the satisfaction of their needs is associated with the performance of certain functions of the family.

Unfortunately, families do not always fulfill their functions. In such cases, the problem of the asocial role of the family arises. Families that are not able to provide their members with security, the necessary living conditions and mutual assistance do not fulfill their functions if some values ​​are incorrectly presented in the family. In addition, when a family brings up emotionally immature people with a weakened sense of danger, with human qualities far from social norms, it harms its people.

Considering the role of the family in the life of every person, it is also necessary to note its psychological function, because it is in the family that all those personality traits that are of value to society are formed. (6, p. 133)

Each person throughout his life, as a rule, is a member of two families: the parent, from which he comes, and the family that he creates himself. Life in the family of parents accounts for periods until about adolescence. During the period of maturity, a person gradually gains independence. The further, the more life, professional and social experience a person accumulates, and the family begins to play an increasingly important role for him.

For the development of the family, a very important stage is the entry of a man and a woman into a marital union. The birth of the first-born opens the parental stage, and after the children acquire independence, we can talk about the phase of secondary married life. Different periods in the life of a family correspond to different periods of time and different needs. Determining the duration of individual periods of a family's life is difficult due to the different timing of partners entering into marriage. In this regard, it can be very difficult to link the development of the family with the periods of personality development, but the coordination of the seed and life cycles is necessary.

From point of view social psychology matrimony - a special group consisting of two persons of the opposite sex. These are two personalities, two individuals who have decided to spend their future lives together. Spouses mutually satisfy emotional, social, intimate needs, help each other in achieving personal goals, together strive to improve the material conditions of their lives, jointly create the economic base of the family. The foundations of the family are formed by the social positions of the spouses in relation to each other. The leading role in the family usually belongs to the spouse who has more influence, knows how to make decisions when problems arise in the process. life together. Usually it is a man, but nowadays there is both a shift in the headship in the family towards a woman, and the equality of spouses. It goes without saying that cultural traditions, as well as the personality traits of each spouse, play an important role in determining family positions. The formation of the structure, and, consequently, the distribution of roles in the family, is seriously influenced by the changes taking place in the social microstructure. The distribution of responsibilities in the family is connected with the roles that the husband and wife have assumed.

After the creation of the family, the process of mutual adaptation to each other begins. And here great importance knows the ability of people to compromise, show tolerance and restrain themselves in conflict situations. Difficulties that arise in family life very often cause a marriage crisis, and in some cases the help of a psychologist is desirable, but in most cases young people cope on their own. (8, p. 70)

The birth of a child is a significant event in the life of the spouses, indicating the entry of the family into a new period of development. This is another test for the spouses. They begin to fulfill new social roles - mother and father; entering a new social role is always difficult and requires preparation. AT this case that preparation is pregnancy. Future parents are gradually preparing themselves in thought and imagination for the change that is to take place in their lives; at the same time they are preparing their environment. They have to seriously change the established life. During pregnancy, the spouses begin to form attitudes towards the unborn child. Here factors such as the desire or undesirability of the child, as well as the desire of one of the parents to have a child of a certain gender, matter. All of this will have an impact on your upbringing.

The roles of parents are comprehensive and multifaceted. Parents are responsible for their child's choice life position. The birth of a child and the need to provide him with conditions for development entail a certain reorganization of home life. But in addition to caring for children, the roles of parents also extend to the formation of the child's personality, the world of his thoughts, feelings, aspirations, to the education of his own "I". The harmonious development of the child's personality is associated not only with the presence and vigorous activity in the family of each of the parents, but also by the consistency of their educational actions. Disagreements in parenting methods and interpersonal relationships do not allow the child to understand and comprehend what is good and what is bad. In addition, when the consent between the parents is violated, when the people closest to the child, the people who are his support, are in a quarrel, and besides, he hears that this is happening for reasons that concern him, then he cannot feel confident and safe. . And hence the children's anxiety, fears and even neurotic symptoms. Relationships between family members are very important for a child. And it is especially important for him to understand how adults treat him. (17, p. 351)

The nature of the emotional attitude of parents to the child can be called the parental position. This is one of the most important factors that shape the personality of a child. There are several variations of this factor, from dominance to complete indifference. And the constant imposition of contacts, and their complete absence is harmful to the child. It is very important to establish contact with the child, so that later you can talk about the bestowal on the part of the child. First of all, the child must be approached without exaggerated concentration of attention, but also without excessive emotional distance, i.e. free contact is needed, not tight or too loose and random. It's about about such an approach, which can be described as balanced, free, directed to the mind and heart of the child, focused on his real needs. This should be an approach based on a certain independence, moderately categorical and persistent, which is a support and authority for the child, and not an overbearing, commanding order or a compliant, passive request. Disturbances in contact with the child manifest themselves in several characteristic forms, for example, excessive aggressiveness or the desire to correct the child's behavior. (5, p. 56)

From the early age the correct development of the child is carried out primarily due to the care of the parents. Small child learns from his parents to think, speak, understand and control his reactions. Thanks to the personal models that his parents are for him, he learns how to relate to other family members, relatives, acquaintances: whom to love, whom to avoid, whom to more or less reckon with, whom to express his sympathy or antipathy, when to restrain his reactions. The family prepares the child for a future independent life in society, transfers to him spiritual values, moral norms, patterns of behavior, traditions, and culture of his society. The guiding, coordinated educational methods of the parents teach the child to be relaxed, at the same time he learns to control his actions and deeds in accordance with moral standards. The child develops a world of values. In this multifaceted development, parents, by their behavior and their own example, provide the child with great help. However, some parents can make it difficult, slow down, even disrupt the behavior of their children, contributing to the manifestation of pathological personality traits in him.

A child brought up in a family where parents are personal models for him receives training for subsequent social roles: women or men, wife or husband, mother or father. In addition, social pressure is quite strong. Children are usually praised for their sex-appropriate behavior and blamed for acts of the opposite sex. Proper sexual education of the child, the formation of a sense of belonging to one's gender are one of the foundations further development their personalities.

As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of incentives can accelerate the development of a person as a person, make it more successful than using punishments and prohibitions. If, nevertheless, there is a need for punishment, then, in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments should, if possible, follow immediately after the misconduct that deserves it. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which the child is punished is explained to him in an accessible way. Very harsh things can cause fear in a child or embitter him. Any physical impact forms the child's belief that he, too, will be able to act by force when something does not suit him.

The behavior of the child largely depends on the upbringing in the family. Preschoolers, for example, often see themselves through the eyes of adults. Thus, a positive or negative attitude towards him from adults forms his self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in families where parents often scold the child or set excessive tasks for him. In addition, a child who sees that parents do not get along often blames himself for this, and as a result, self-esteem is again underestimated. Such a child feels that he does not correspond to the wishes of his parents. There is another extreme - inflated self-esteem. This usually happens in families where the child is encouraged in small ways, and the punishment system is very soft.

It goes without saying that children with inadequate self-esteem subsequently create problems for themselves and their loved ones. Therefore, from the very beginning, parents should try to form an adequate self-esteem in their child. Here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded in front of a child, gifts are rarely given for deeds, extremely harsh punishments are not used.

In addition to self-esteem, parents also set the level of the child's claims - what he claims in his activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success, and in case of failure, they can get severe mental trauma. Children with low level claims and low self-esteem do not claim much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, quickly put up with failures, but at the same time they often achieve a lot. (19, p. 79)

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1. Parenting styles

The style of education (communication) in the family is a set of private attitudes, concepts, principles, value orientations that provide conditions for the development of the child and his preparation for public life. Basically, the predominant type of parental influence on the child is considered, but it is necessary to take into account: which of the family members dominates and how it dominates, as well as the significance of the influence of any family member on the child. However, it is often possible to observe the disagreements of the spouses in relation to the same act of the child, which are formed depending on the styles of the relationship between the parents.

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family parenting styles: authoritarian, conniving, democratic, chaotic, aloof and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the psyche and personal development of the child in different ways.

2.1 Authoritarian parenting style

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child's initiative, rigidly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Parents give instructions and orders, while not paying attention to the opinion of the children and not recognizing the possibility of compromise. In such families, obedience, respect and adherence to traditions are highly valued. The rules are not discussed. It is believed that parents are always right, and disobedience is always punished, often physically. Parents limit the independence of the child, not considering it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. Parents strictly monitor the completion of homework by younger students, to the extent that they stand nearby and put pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.

Whereas mothers tend to engage in more “permissive” behavior towards older adolescents, authoritarian fathers firmly adhere to the chosen type of parental authority.

The fact that many people in Germany followed Hitler in the past is attributed to their upbringing in an authoritarian environment that demanded their unquestioning obedience. Thus, the parents, as it were, "created the conditions" for Hitler.

The influence of authoritarian parenting style on the character of the child

With such upbringing, only a mechanism of external control is formed in children, based on a sense of guilt or fear of punishment, and as soon as the threat of punishment from the outside disappears, the adolescent's behavior can become potentially antisocial. Authoritarian relationships preclude intimacy with children, so there is rarely a feeling of affection between them and their parents, which leads to suspicion, constant alertness, and even hostility towards others.

With parents, such children may seem calm and executive, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable. Children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic , unable to stand up for themselves or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them.

An authoritarian parenting style makes some children weak-willed and insecure, while in others it breeds aggressiveness. The former do not make attempts to learn how to make decisions on their own and “break” as a person. The second category of children from families with an authoritarian style of upbringing acquires a large number of negative character traits with age: inability to compromise, conflict, cruelty andaggression .
Parental dictate affects the inability of children to resolve conflicts through discussion. Most often, with age, they accept only a forceful way to solve the problem.

The influence of an authoritarian parenting style on adaptation in society
Children from families with an authoritarian parenting style have low self-esteem. They cannot be the initiators of any positive activity. In addition to this, the peculiarity of spontaneous action and imbalance makes such children, as they grow up, dangerous to society.
The only thing that can keep a person brought up in the atmosphere of a “domestic dictatorship” from committing antisocial acts is the fear of punishment, but this is typical only for kids and teenagers. With age, this fear disappears.

2.2 Permissive parenting style

Parents from an early age provide the child with complete uncontrolled freedom of action. Adults in such families are very often busy with themselves, with their own affairs. They care little about the state of mind of the child, they are indifferent to his needs and requests. And sometimes they just do not consider it necessary to pay attention to them.

Inconsistently and ineptly parents use the method of punishment and encouragement. They can punish the child and immediately encourage him. The main method of education in such a family is the carrot and the stick. Parents build their relationship with the child in such a way that they involuntarily cultivate in the child the search for the most beneficial forms of interaction with others, stimulating the manifestation in children of such qualities as servility, flattery, fawning .

With a conniving style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Must!”, “Impossible”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a conniving style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.

Such parents are caring, attentive, have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover creative abilities, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is “wrong.” It is difficult for parents to set boundaries for the permissible, acceptable behavior of their children. They often encourage too relaxed and inappropriate behavior of their child.

Educators working with such students should be aware that they have little interest in the learning process. But they are always ready to demand the best mark from teachers at any cost. Such students do not respond well to criticism in their address, while they always have someone to blame. They do not know how to make selfless friends, it is difficult for them to get used to the children's team, because they want to be in sight all the time, and if this does not happen, they are ready to blame everyone but not themselves for their problems. Often the parents of such children say that they do not like the child in the class, they do not allow him to express himself, nothing interesting happens in the class. In fact, the child himself ignores and rejects the proposals of the teacher and the class, sharply criticizes everything that is done in the team, without offering anything in return.

The impact of permissive parenting style on the character of the child

Younger schoolchildren from such families do not like either mental or physical labor. During the lesson, they get tired very quickly and try to evade work under any pretext. Often such students treat the teacher's assignments and various duties in bad faith. They can show self-confidence bordering on rudeness.

It is paradoxical that children from such families become the most unhappy. They are more prone to such psychological problems as depression and various kinds of phobias, among them there is a high propensity to commit violence. They are also easily involved in all sorts of anti-social activities. Research has shown that there is an association between permissive parenting and juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and early sexual activity.
Since children have not been taught to control themselves and watch their behavior, such children are less likely to develop a sense of self-esteem. Their lack of discipline makes them want to establish some kind of supervision themselves, so they “put great efforts into controlling their parents and trying to get them to control themselves.”

The influence of a permissive parenting style on adaptation in society
Unmet psychological needs lead children to become “vulnerable and unable to face daily challenges, which prevents the child from fully participating in society”. And this, in turn, hinders their social development, the formation of self-esteem and positive self-esteem. Without high goals and hopes, children usually have difficulty controlling their impulses, they show immaturity and are unwilling to take responsibility.”
As they grow older, such teenagers are in conflict with those who do not indulge them, are not able to take into account the interests of other people, establish strong emotional ties, and are not ready for restrictions and responsibility. On the other hand, perceiving the lack of guidance from parents as a manifestation of indifference and emotional rejection, children feel fear and insecurity.

2.3 Democratic parenting style

Democratic parenting style is characterized by warm relations between parents and children, moderate disciplinary demands and hopes for the future of children, as well as frequent communication. Democratic parents are caring and considerate, they create a loving atmosphere in the home and provide emotional support for their children. Unlike the parents of the permissive style, they are firm, consistent in their demands and fair. Parents encourage personal responsibility and independence of their children in accordance with their age capabilities.
Parents create discipline using rational and problem-oriented strategies in order to ensure the independence of children and, if necessary, obey the rules of a certain group. They require children to obey certain established standards of behavior and control their implementation. “Family rules are more democratic than dictatorial.” Parents use reason, discussion, and persuasion, rather than force, to reach understanding with their children. They equally listen to their children and express their demands to them.
Children have an alternative, they are encouraged to offer their own solutions and take responsibility for their actions. As a result, such children believe in themselves and in the ability to fulfill their obligations. When parents value and respect the opinions of their children, it benefits both parties.
Democratic parents set acceptable boundaries and standards of behavior for their children. They let them know that they will always help when needed. If their demands are not met, then they treat this with understanding and are more likely to forgive their children than to punish them. In general, this style of parenting is characterized by mutual understanding between parents and children and mutual cooperation.

Teenagers are included in the discussion family problems, participate in decision-making, listen and discuss the opinion and advice of parents. Parents demand meaningful behavior from their children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, parents show firmness, take care of justice and consistent observance of discipline, which forms the correct, responsible social behavior.
Moreover, unlike other children, they are better adapted to life.

With a democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help him, take into account his needs and requirements. They express their love, goodwill to the child, play with him on topics that are interesting to him. Parents allow children to take part in the discussion of family problems and take their opinion into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, require meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in observing discipline.

The child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-management, increases self-confidence, his strengths. Children in such families listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “necessary”, know how to discipline themselves and build relationships with classmates.

Also, the democratic style of education is characterized by the presence of mutual understanding between parents and children, the manifestation of warm feelings between them, frequent communication and moderate discipline. Parents are attentive to their child, emotionally support him, create an atmosphere of love and care in the family.

In accordance with age, parents encourage independence and personal responsibility of children. Parents set the rules and standards, the boundaries of acceptable behavior and demand their implementation from the child.

Mutual understanding between parents and children is achieved through persuasion, discussion, compromise, arguments. Parents always listen to their child, give the child the opportunity to take responsibility for the committed actions and actions.

In families with a democratic parenting style, parents encourage childrenindependence and personal responsibility. The child grows up in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and emotional support. Children know that they believe in them. Thus, they try to justify the trust of their parents and achieve better results.

The influence of the democratic style of education on the character of the child
According to research, children of democratic parents rank first in terms of self-esteem, ability to adapt to leadership and interest in the faith in God professed by parents. They respect authority, are responsible and control their desires. These children are more confident and responsible, so they are much less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, as is the possibility of being involved in criminal activities. They also have fewer phobias, depression and aggressiveness.

Research also shows that such children are less susceptible to negative peer influences and are more successful in building their relationships with them. Since a democratic parenting style strikes a balance between control and independence, it results in competent, responsible, independent and self-confident children. These children are much more likely to develop high self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-esteem, are less aggressive, and generally do better in life.

The key features of their character are self-confidence, responsibility, and the ability to discuss complex issues.

The influence of the democratic style of education on adaptation in society
Children from families with a democratic style of upbringing, as a rule, study well, are able to build relationships with peers, and are not subject to negative influence from others. They are non-aggressive, aware of their goals and objectively assess the possibilities, so they can achieve great success in life.

The democratic style of parenting, according to many psychologists, is the most effective style of family education.

2.4 Custodial parenting style (hyper-custodial)

The desire to constantly be near the child, to solve all the problems that arise for him. Parents vigilantly monitor the behavior of the child, limit his independent behavior, worry that something might happen to him.
The underlying desire of the mother to "bind" the child to herself, not to let go of herself, is often motivated by feelings of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the mother's anxiety and, above all, her fear of loneliness, or more generally - the fear of lack of recognition, deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially elderly mothers tend to be more protective.
Another common motive for overprotection is the existence of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being among parents.
It seems to them that something can definitely happen to children, that they need to be taken care of in everything, protected from dangers, most of which turn out to be the fruit of the suspicious imagination of their parents.
Hyper-custody, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with the child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, first of all, of the parent himself, and not of the child.
Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parental attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated as a small one.
Overprotection is manifested not only in protecting the child from everything that, in the opinion of adults, can harm health; but also in ignoring the baby's own desires, in an effort to do everything for or instead of him - to dress, feed, wash, and in fact - to live instead of him. Strict adherence to the regime, the fear of deviating from the rule - all these are manifestations of excessive fears of parents, which often turn into neuroticism for both children and adults themselves.
Adults are always in a hurry. Mom has no time to wait for the baby to put on pantyhose or button up buttons, she is annoyed that he sits at the table for a long time and spreads porridge on a plate, pours himself with milk, does not know how to properly wash himself and wipe his hands. And not paying attention to how the child, albeit still awkwardly, but stubbornly tries to put the button in the loop, persistently tries to cope with the naughty soap, removes his hands: "Let me do it myself, as it should." The desire to do everything for the child is also manifested in the way adults play with him. The kid is trying to assemble the pyramid, but he cannot put the ring on the rod, he wants to open the box, but the lid "does not obey" him, he tries to start the machine with the key, but the key "does not want" to turn in the hole. The child is angry, runs to his mother. And a caring mother, instead of praising him for his efforts, supporting and patiently helping him to cope with difficulties together, collects, opens, turns.
In essence, behind the desire to do everything for the child lies a distrust of his abilities. Adults postpone the education of independence for the future, when the baby grows up: "You will do it yourself when you grow up." And when he grows up, it suddenly turns out that he does not know how and does not want to do anything on his own. How do children of the same age differ in this respect in a nursery or kindergarten! Some open their lockers themselves, diligently and deftly pull on their jackets and boots, joyfully run for a walk, others sit indifferently on a bench and wait for the teacher to put them on. Passivity, constant expectation that adults will feed, wash, clean, offer interesting activity- this is a consequence of the overprotective style of upbringing, which forms in the child a general attitude to life not only in the family, but also in a wider social context.

Hyper-custody can turn into another extreme. Trying to escape from the control of adults, the child can become aggressive, naughty, self-willed. Many parents' complaints about the negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy of babies, which are most pronounced towards the end of an early age, during the crisis of 3 years, are due to a misunderstanding by adults of the child's desire to grow up. At older ages, these qualities can become fixed, become stable personality traits. The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age.
In most cases, parents dominate their "children" throughout their lives, which contributes to the development of infantilism (preservation in adults of mental traits characteristic of childhood). Manifested in the immaturity of judgments, emotional instability, instability of views. It is under the influence of this style that "mama's sons" grow up.

With an overprotective parenting style, parents deprive the child of independence in the physical, mental, as well as social development. They are constantly next to him, solve his problems for him, live instead of him. They overly care and take care of him, fearing and worrying about his health. Even when the child becomes an adult, parents continue to take care of him excessively, constantly worrying about him, for his health and well-being.

Hyper-custody suppresses the initiative, will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, deprives him of independence, brings up humility, lack of will, helplessness. With an overprotective parenting style, parents unconsciously inhibit the formation of various skills and abilities in the child, the development of perseverance in achieving the goal, hard work.

The influence of overprotective parenting style on the character of the child

Despite external care, the patronizing style of upbringing leads, on the one hand, to an excessive exaggeration of the child's own importance, and on the other hand, to the formation of anxiety, helplessness, and a delay in social maturity.
The child grows up helpless, infantile, insecure, neurotic, anxious, whiny. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization.

Some children in adolescence will seek to escape from excessive control and guardianship of their parents, showing aggression, becoming naughty and self-willed.

Constant control and restrictions can, with age, form a child's secrecy, the ability to cunning. In adolescence, a child may begin to consciously use lies as a means of self-defense against the endless introduction of adults into their lives, which will eventually lead to alienation from their parents, which is especially dangerous at this age.

A child accustomed to overprotection can become obedient, comfortable for parents. However, external obedience often conceals self-doubt, in one's own abilities, and fear of making a mistake. Hyper-custody suppresses the will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, brings up humility, lack of will and helplessness, inhibits the development of perseverance in achieving the goal, diligence, and the timely formation of various skills and abilities. A survey was conducted among teenagers: do they help at home with the housework. Most students in grades 4-6 answered in the negative. At the same time, the children expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that their parents did not allow them to do many household chores, believing that they could not cope with them. Among students in grades 7-8, there were the same number of children who did not participate in family life, but the number of those dissatisfied with such care was several times less. This survey showed how children's desire to be active, to take on various responsibilities, gradually fades, if adults prevent this. Subsequent reproaches against children that they are "lazy", "unconscious", "selfish" turn out to be belated and largely unfair. After all, we ourselves, wishing children well, protecting them from difficulties, bring up these qualities in them from an early age.

The influence of the overprotective parenting style on adaptation in society
The consequence of overprotection may be the formation of dependence on someone else, including the negative influence of other people.

This gives rise to dependence, insolvency, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, conflicting trends in the formation of personality, lack of timely developed communication skills.

2.5 Alienated parenting style

With the alienated style of family education, the relationship implies a deep indifference of the parents to the personality of the child. Parents "do not notice" the child, are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. Actively avoiding contact with him, keep him at a distance. Children are left to themselves.

In such a family, parents either "do not see" their child, or actively avoid communication with him and prefer to keep him at a distance (psychological distance). The disinterest of parents in the development and inner life of the child makes him lonely, unhappy. Subsequently, he develops an alienated attitude towards people or aggressiveness. At school, a child from such a family is insecure, neurotic, he experiences difficulties in relationships with peers.

In the family, no one is interested in the development or spiritual world of the child, he is kept at a distance, preferring not to communicate at all. AT younger age he suffers terribly because of this attitude.

Alienated parenting is more common in dysfunctional families where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs.

How will a child grow up with an alienated style of family education

Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes the child lonely and deeply unhappy, insecure. He loses the desire to communicate, aggressiveness towards people can form.

In the future, from such a little man he can grow up as a beautiful loving parent, who will try to give his children everything he was deprived of in childhood, and an uncontrollable, aggressive type who dreams of taking revenge on the whole world for his own grievances.

Teenagers often get in trouble with the law.

2.6 Chaotic Parenting Style (Inconsistent Leadership)
This is the absence of a unified approach to education, when there are no clearly expressed, definite, specific requirements for the child, or there are contradictions, disagreements in the choice of educational means between parents, or between parents and grandparents.
Parents, especially the mother, lack the self-control and self-control to carry out consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional swings in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touchingly affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. Over time, the child becomes uncontrollable, neglecting the opinion of elders, parents.
With this style of upbringing, one of the important basic needs of the individual is frustrated - the need for stability and order in the world around him, the presence of clear guidelines in behavior and assessments.
Frustration is a mental state caused by objectively insurmountable (or subjectively perceived as such) obstacles that arise on the way to achieving a goal. It manifests itself in the form of a range of emotions: anger, irritation, anxiety, feelings of guilt, etc.
The unpredictability of parental reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability and provokes increased anxiety, insecurity, impulsivity, and in difficult situations even aggressiveness and uncontrollability, social maladjustment.
With such upbringing, self-control and a sense of responsibility are not formed, immaturity of judgments, low self-esteem are noted.

A chaotic style arises on the basis of disagreements between parents in the choice of means and methods of education. Conflicts in the family are becoming more frequent, parents are constantly sorting out the relationship between themselves and often in the presence of the child, which leads to neurotic reactions in the child.

The influence of a chaotic parenting style on a child's character
Under the influence of a chaotic parenting style, the child will neglect the opinions of the parents. As you get older, you may become uncontrollable.
Regular changecourse "upbringing can provoke increased insecurity in children, impulsiveness, low self-esteem and a lack of a sense of responsibility.

The influence of a chaotic parenting style on adaptation in society
Children from families with a chaotic parenting style are recognizable by their lack of self-control, anxiety, and impulsivity. Under the influence of their parents, they easily change their minds and can commit contradictory actions.
Characteristic is the inability to complete what has been started. Most often, this is not due to a lack of skills at all, but to an emotional state.

Neurosis, psychoneurosis, neurotic disorder (novolat. neurosis from other Greek νεῦρον - “nerve”) - in the clinic: a collective name for a group of functional psychogenic reversible disorders that tend to have a protracted course. The clinical picture of such disorders is characterized by asthenic, obsessive and/or hysterical manifestations, as well as a temporary decrease in mental and physical performance.

Toadying is when you have to do something, for the sake of something or someone, in order to get a benefit for it.