Democratic style of family education. Styles and types of family education.

parenting style- the style of relationships with the child in the family, characterized by the degree of control, care and guardianship, the closeness of emotional contacts between parents and the child, the nature of the guidance of the child's behavior by adults, the number of prohibitions, etc.

T.L. Kuzmishina with co-authors notes that “in domestic and foreign psychology, works are widely represented that describe the variety of types family education. In such studies, typologies are based on author's criteria. In this regard, it is almost impossible to derive a single classification of styles of family education.

1. Classification of styles of family education by J. Baldwin. American psychologist James Martin Baldwin, based on the criteria: parental control, parental requirements, assessment methods, emotional support, identified two styles of parenting.

Democratic style characterized by a high level of verbal communication between children and parents, the involvement of children in the discussion family problems, taking into account their opinion, the readiness of parents to come to the rescue, if required; at the same time - faith in success independent activity the child and the limitation of one's own subjectivity in the child's vision.

Controlling style implies significant restrictions in the behavior of children, a clear and clear explanation to the child of the meaning of restrictions, the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures.

J. Baldwin studied children of both groups and children with a mixed parenting style. Children in families with a democratic style were characterized by a moderately pronounced ability for leadership, good mental development, social activity, ease of entering into contacts with peers. But they were not inherent in altruism, sensitivity and empathy. The children themselves were difficult to control. Children of parents with a controlling parenting style are more obedient, suggestible, fearful, not too persistent in achieving their own goals, non-aggressive. With a mixed style of upbringing, a child is inherent in suggestibility, obedience, emotional sensitivity, non-aggression, lack of curiosity, originality of thinking, poor imagination.

2. Classification of styles of family education G. Kraig. The author proposes a classification of parenting styles based on the ratio of two parameters: parental control and warmth.

Authoritative style involves a high level of parental control, encouraging the growing autonomy of their children, warm relationships with children. As a result, children are socially adapted, self-confident, capable of self-control, and have high self-esteem.

Authoritarian style characterized by high control: parents expect strict fulfillment of their requirements, relations with children are cold and detached. Children are closed, timid and gloomy, unpretentious and irritable. Girls are mostly passive and dependent, boys are uncontrollable and aggressive.

liberal style implies a low level of control and warm relations: parents weakly or do not regulate the child's behavior at all, although they are open to communication with children, but the dominant direction of communication is from the child to the parents. Children are prone to disobedience and aggressiveness, behave inappropriately and impulsively, are undemanding to themselves, in some cases children become active, determined and creative people.

Indifferent style- with a low level of control and cold relations: parents do not set any restrictions for children, are indifferent to children, closed to communication. If indifference is combined with hostility, the child exhibits destructive impulses and a tendency to deviant behavior.

3. Classification of styles of family education by D. Elder. Based on the level of parental control and pressure on the child, the author identifies seven styles of communication and interaction between parents and adolescent children.

Autocratic style characterized by the full power of parents over children, without the need to discuss or explain their decisions, and weak control over the behavior of children. Parents can impose their will and emphasize the incompetence of children in various aspects.

Authoritarian style leaves the parents the power and the right to make decisions, but allows the teenager the opportunity to express his opinion and point of view, but without the right to vote.

Democratic style involves joint discussion of important decisions by parents and children.

Egalitarian style characterized by absolute equality of parents and the child, assumes that parents and children are not only equally involved in decision-making, but also bear the same responsibility for them.

Permissive style occurs in parents who tend to give the child quite a lot of freedom, requiring him to be responsible for his actions.

conniving style characterized by the fact that parents early age provide the child with complete uncontrolled freedom of action and often behave inconsistently, punishing and encouraging the child sometimes for the same actions.

Ignoring style, is characterized by the lack of interest of parents in relation to the child, his affairs. The lack of parental attention looks as if adults care little about the state of mind of the child, they are indifferent to his needs and requests.

4. Classification of styles of family education L.G. Sagotovskaya. This classification is based on the criteria of emotionality and personal involvement of parents in relations with children. The author identifies 6 types of parent-child relationships:

1) an extremely biased attitude, confidence that children are the main thing in life;

2) indifferent attitude to the child, to his requests, interests;

3) selfish attitude, when parents consider the child the main labor force of the family;

4) attitude towards the child as an object of education without taking into account the characteristics of his personality;

5) attitude towards the child as a hindrance in career and personal affairs;

6) respect for the child, combined with the imposition of certain duties on him.

5. Classification of styles of abnormal family education E.G. Eidemiller. The differences between these styles are expressed in the emotional involvement of parents in the life of the child, the degree of control and care, the parents' understanding of the content of children's age and individual needs.

1. Hypoprotection- lack of guardianship and control over behavior, sometimes reaching complete neglect; more often manifested as a lack of attention and care for the physical and spiritual well-being of a teenager, deeds, interests, anxieties. Hidden hypoprotection is observed with formally present control, a real lack of warmth and care, and exclusion from the child's life.

2. Dominant overprotection- heightened attention and care for a teenager is combined with petty control, an abundance of restrictions and prohibitions, which enhances lack of independence, lack of initiative, indecision, inability to stand up for oneself.

3. Indulgent overprotection- upbringing according to the "idol of the family" type, indulgence in all the desires of the child, excessive patronage and adoration, resulting in an exorbitantly high level of aspirations of a teenager, an unbridled desire for leadership and superiority, combined with insufficient perseverance and relying on one's own resources.

4. Emotional rejection- ignoring the needs of a teenager, often cruel treatment of him. Hidden emotional rejection is manifested in the global dissatisfaction with the child, the constant feeling of parents that he is not “that”, not “such”, for example, “not courageous enough for his age, forgives everything and everyone, you can walk on him”. Sometimes it is masked by exaggerated care and attention, but it betrays itself by irritation, a lack of sincerity in communication, an unconscious desire to avoid close contacts, and, if necessary, somehow get rid of the burden.

5. Increased moral responsibility- requirements of uncompromising honesty, a sense of duty, decency that do not correspond to the age and real capabilities of the child, laying responsibility for the life and well-being of loved ones on the teenager, persistent expectations of great success in life - all this is naturally combined with ignoring the real needs of the child, his own interests.

T.L. Kuzmishina et al. emphasize the fact that some authors give the same names to the styles of family education, but decipher them differently. In this regard, it is important to note that when studying the family, the main task of psychologists and educators is to identify the specifics of the content within family relations, rather than naming the styles or types of the parent relation. This thesis is confirmed by V.S. Mukhina, "In real life still more difficult than in any classification. In a family, several styles of attitude towards a child can be represented at the same time: father, mother, grandparents can conflict with each other, defending each of their own styles and much more. In addition to the styles of relationships that are addressed directly to the child, the style of relationships between adult family members has an unconditional influence on his upbringing.

Lecture No. 15

Family psychology

A family. Family types.

Types and styles of family education.

The role of the family in the upbringing and development of the individual.

1. Family. Family types

The first requirements for the personality of a person and his behavior, as a result of family education, we find already in the biblical commandments: do not steal, be respectful to elders.

A family - a special intimate group, a social association, a community whose members are connected by marriage or family ties, a community of life that reproduces the population and the continuity of family generations, socializes children and supports the existence of family members who bear mutual moral responsibility.

The basis of family education was the authority of parents, their deeds and actions, family traditions. It is the parents, the first educators, who have the strongest influence on children.

Depending on the number of children in a family, there are:

large families,

small children,

one-child,

Childless.

In composition:

One generation (spouses),

Two-generation (parents + children),

Intergenerational (parents + children + parents of parents).

In recent years, incomplete families have become quite common.

It is noted that family circumstances in which children grew up leave an imprint on their entire lives and even predetermine fate.

The success of education largely depends on the unity and consistency of the educational influence of the family and educational institutions.

An effective stimulating factor in the development of students is the creation of a working atmosphere in the family. Children should make a contribution to the well-being of the family.

Parents should take into account the age and individual characteristics of children, treat them (despite their age) with respect.

Forming the right relationship between children, children and adults is an important task for parents.

2. Types and styles of family education

There are so many families, so many features of upbringing, and, nevertheless, typical models of relations between adults and children in families can be distinguished. The analysis is based on the modification of relations as one of the fundamental characteristics of interpersonal relations. Relationships are determined by the degree of tension and the consequences of the negative impact on the upbringing of children.

Families that respect children. Children in such families are loved. Parents know what they are interested in, what worries them. They respect their opinions, experiences, try to tactfully help. Develop children's interests. These are the most prosperous for raising a family. Children in them grow up happy, enterprising, independent, friendly. Parents and children experience a steady need for mutual communication. Their relationship is characterized by the general moral atmosphere of the family - decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships.

Responsive families. Relations between adults and children are normal, but there is a certain distance that parents and children try not to violate. Children know their place in the family, obey their parents. Parents decide what their children need. Children grow up obedient, polite, friendly, but not proactive enough. Often they do not have their own opinion, they are dependent on others. Parents delve into the concerns and interests of children, and children share their problems with them. Externally, the relationship is prosperous, but some deep, intimate ties can be broken.

materially oriented families. The main attention is paid to material well-being. Children in such families from an early age are taught to look at life pragmatically, to see their own benefit in everything. They are forced to study well, but for the sole purpose of entering a university. The spiritual world of parents and children is impoverished. The interests of children are not taken into account, only “profitable” initiative is encouraged. Children grow up early, although this cannot be called socialization in the full sense of the word. Relationships with parents, devoid of a spiritual basis, can develop unpredictably. Parents try to understand the interests and concerns of children. Children understand this. But most of the time they don't. The bottom line is that the high intentions of parents in this case are often shattered by a low pedagogical culture of implementation. Dreaming and hoping to warn children from dangers, to make them happy, to ensure the future, parents actually doom their pets to unlawful restrictions and even suffering.

hostile families. Children in such families feel bad: disrespect for them, distrust, surveillance, corporal punishment. Children grow up secretive, unfriendly, treat their parents badly, do not get along with each other and with their peers, do not like school, and may leave the family. Here is the relationship mechanism. The behavior, life aspirations of children cause conflicts in the family, and at the same time, the parents are right (rather right). Such situations are usually associated with the age characteristics of children, when they still cannot appreciate the experience of their parents, their efforts for the good of the family. Fair grief of parents causes one-sided hobbies of children to the detriment of studies, basic activities, and in some cases - with immoral acts.

It is important that parents in such situations strive to understand the motives of their children's behavior, show sufficient respect for their arguments and arguments. After all, children, being wrong, are sincerely convinced that they are right, that their parents do not want or are not able to understand them. With all the rightness of parents, it is useful for them to know that there are psychological barriers to communication: insufficient knowledge of each other by those communicating, unacceptable communication skills, mutual perception, difference in characters, conflicting desires, negative emotions.

antisocial families. These are rather not families, but temporary shelters for children who were not expected here, they are not loved, they are not accepted. Parents, as a rule, lead an immoral lifestyle: conflict, threaten each other and children, drink, steal, fight. The influence of such families is extremely negative, in 30% of cases it leads to antisocial acts. Children from such families are usually taken under the care of the state.

AT contemporary practice family education quite definitely stand out three styles (kinds) of relationships: authoritarian, democratic and permissive attitude of parents towards their children.

Authoritarian style parents in relations with children is characterized by strictness, exactingness, peremptory attitude.

Threats, goading, coercion are the main means of the authoritarian style. In children, it causes a feeling of fear, insecurity. Psychologists say that this leads to internal resistance, which manifests itself outwardly in rudeness, deceit, hypocrisy. Parental demands cause either protest and aggressiveness, or ordinary apathy and passivity.

liberal style implies forgiveness, tolerance in relations with children.

The source of the liberal style is excessive parental love. Children grow up undisciplined, irresponsible. Permissive type of attitude A.S. Makarenko calls "the authority of love." Its essence lies in indulging the child, in pursuit of childish affection through the manifestation of excessive affection, permissiveness. In their desire to win over a child, parents do not notice that they are raising an egoist, a hypocritical, prudent person who knows how to “play along” with people. This, one might say, is a socially dangerous way of dealing with children.

Democratic style characterized by flexibility.

Parents, at democratic style communication, motivating their actions and requirements, listen to the opinion of children, respect their position, develop independence of judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better, grow up reasonably obedient, enterprising, with a developed sense of their own dignity. They see parents as a model of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they are.

The content of education in the family is determined by the general goal of a democratic society. The family is obliged to form a physically and mentally healthy, moral, intellectually developed personality, ready for the upcoming labor, social and family life. The constituent components of the content of family education are famous destinations- physical, moral, intellectual, aesthetic, labor education. They are supplemented by patriotic, economic, environmental, political, sexual education of the younger generations.

The physical education of children and youth comes to the fore today. No one doubts anymore that the priority of health cannot be replaced by any other. Physical education in the family is based on healthy way life and includes the correct organization of the daily routine, sports, hardening of the body, etc.

Intellectual education presupposes the interested participation of parents in enriching children with knowledge, shaping the need for their acquisition and constant updating. The development of cognitive interests, abilities, inclinations and inclinations is placed at the center of parental care.

Moral education in the family is the core of relationships that shape personality. Here, the upbringing of enduring moral values - love and respect, kindness and decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, duty - comes to the fore. Other moral qualities are also formed in the family: reasonable needs, discipline, responsibility, independence, thrift.

Aesthetic education in the family is designed to develop the talents and gifts of children, or at least give them an idea of \u200b\u200bthe beauty in the life around them. This is especially important now, when the former aesthetic guidelines are being questioned, a lot of false values have appeared that confuse both children and parents, destroying their inner world, the harmony laid down by nature.

Labor education of children in the family lays the foundation for their future righteous life. For a person who is not accustomed to work, there is only one way - the search for an “easy” life. It usually ends badly. If parents want to see their child along this path, they can afford the luxury of moving away from labor education.

For parents, family education is a process of conscious formation of the physical and spiritual qualities of their children. Every father and every mother should understand well what they want to bring up in a child. This determines the conscious nature of family education and the requirement for a reasonable, balanced approach to solving educational problems.

4. The role of the family in the upbringing and development of the individual

The ways (methods) by which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out do not differ from the general methods of education, but have their own specifics:

The influence on the child is individual, based on specific actions and adapted to the personality;

The choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents: understanding the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of relationships in the family, etc.

Therefore, the methods of family education bear a bright imprint of the personality of their parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. For example, persuasion for some parents is a soft suggestion, for others it is a threat, a cry. When a family has close, warm, friendly relations with children, the main method is encouragement. In cold, aloof relationships, strictness and punishment naturally prevail. The methods are very dependent on the educational priorities set by the parents: some want to cultivate obedience - therefore, the methods are aimed at ensuring that the child fulfills the requirements of adults without fail; others consider it more important to teach independent thinking, taking initiative and usually find appropriate methods for this.

All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice), personal example, encouragement (praise, gifts, an interesting prospect for children), punishment (deprivation of pleasure, rejection of friendship, corporal punishment). In some families, on the advice of teachers, educational situations are created and used.

There are various means of solving educational problems in the family. Among them are the word, folklore, parental authority, work, teaching, nature, home life, national customs, traditions, public opinion, the spiritual and moral climate of the family, the press, radio, television, daily routine, literature, museums and exhibitions, games and toys, demonstrations, physical education, sports, holidays, symbols, attributes, relics, etc.

The choice and application of parenting methods is based on a number of general conditions:

Parents' knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what relationships develop with classmates and teachers, with adults and with younger ones, what is most valued in people, etc. d.

The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relations in the family, the desire to educate by personal example also affect the choice of methods. This group of parents usually chooses visual methods, relatively more often uses teaching.

If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail. Intensive communication while working together, watching TV, hiking, walking gives good results: children are more frank, and this helps parents understand them better. There is no joint activity - there is no reason or opportunity for communication

The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, and forms of education.

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Parenting styles

The style of education (communication) in the family is a set of private attitudes, concepts, principles, value orientations that provide conditions for the development of the child and his preparation for public life. Basically, the predominant type of parental influence on the child is considered, but it is necessary to take into account: which of the family members dominates and how it dominates, as well as the significance of the influence of any family member on the child. However, it is often possible to observe the disagreements of the spouses in relation to the same act of the child, which are formed depending on the styles of the relationship between the parents.

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family parenting styles: authoritarian, conniving, democratic, chaotic, aloof and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the psyche and personal development of the child in different ways.

2.1 Authoritarian parenting style

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child's initiative, rigidly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Parents give instructions and orders, while not paying attention to the opinion of the children and not recognizing the possibility of compromise. In such families, obedience, respect and adherence to traditions are highly valued. The rules are not discussed. It is believed that parents are always right, and disobedience is always punished, often physically. Parents limit the independence of the child, not considering it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. Parents strictly enforce homework younger schoolchildren, to the point that they stand nearby and put pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.

Whereas mothers tend to engage in more “permissive” behavior towards older adolescents, authoritarian fathers firmly adhere to the chosen type of parental authority.

The fact that many people in Germany followed Hitler in the past is attributed to their upbringing in an authoritarian environment that demanded their unquestioning obedience. Thus, the parents, as it were, "created the conditions" for Hitler.

The influence of authoritarian parenting style on the character of the child

With such upbringing, only a mechanism of external control is formed in children, based on a sense of guilt or fear of punishment, and as soon as the threat of punishment from the outside disappears, the adolescent's behavior can become potentially antisocial. Authoritarian relationships preclude intimacy with children, so there is rarely a feeling of affection between them and their parents, which leads to suspicion, constant alertness, and even hostility towards others.

With parents, such children may seem calm and executive, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable. Children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic , unable to stand up for themselves or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them.

An authoritarian parenting style makes some children weak-willed and insecure, while in others it breeds aggressiveness. The former do not make attempts to learn how to make decisions on their own and “break” as a person. The second category of children from families with an authoritarian style of upbringing acquires a large number of negative character traits with age: inability to compromise, conflict, cruelty andaggression .
Parental dictate affects the inability of children to resolve conflicts through discussion. Most often, with age, they accept only a forceful way to solve the problem.

The influence of an authoritarian parenting style on adaptation in society
Children from families with an authoritarian parenting style have low self-esteem. They cannot be the initiators of any positive activity. In addition to this, the peculiarity of spontaneous action and imbalance makes such children, as they grow up, dangerous to society.
The only thing that can keep a person brought up in the atmosphere of a “domestic dictatorship” from committing antisocial acts is the fear of punishment, but this is typical only for kids and teenagers. With age, this fear disappears.

2.2 Permissive parenting style

Parents from an early age provide the child with complete uncontrolled freedom of action. Adults in such families are very often busy with themselves, with their own affairs. They care little about the state of mind of the child, they are indifferent to his needs and requests. And sometimes they just do not consider it necessary to pay attention to them.

Inconsistently and ineptly parents use the method of punishment and encouragement. They can punish the child and immediately encourage him. The main method of education in such a family is the carrot and the stick. Parents build their relationship with the child in such a way that they involuntarily cultivate in the child the search for the most beneficial forms of interaction with others, stimulating the manifestation in children of such qualities as servility, flattery, fawning .

With a conniving style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Must!”, “Impossible”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a conniving style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.

Such parents are caring, attentive, have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover Creative skills, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is “wrong.” It is difficult for parents to set boundaries for the permissible, acceptable behavior of their children. They often encourage too relaxed and inappropriate behavior of their child.

Educators working with such students should be aware that they have little interest in the learning process. But they are always ready to demand the best mark from teachers at any cost. Such students do not respond well to criticism in their address, while they always have someone to blame. They do not know how to make selfless friends, it is difficult for them to get used to the children's team, because they want to be in sight all the time, and if this does not happen, they are ready to blame everyone but not themselves for their problems. Often the parents of such children say that they do not like the child in the class, they do not allow him to express himself, nothing interesting happens in the class. In fact, the child himself ignores and rejects the proposals of the teacher and the class, sharply criticizes everything that is done in the team, without offering anything in return.

The impact of permissive parenting style on the character of the child

Younger schoolchildren from such families do not like either mental or physical labor. During the lesson, they get tired very quickly and try to evade work under any pretext. Often such students treat the teacher's assignments and various duties in bad faith. They can show self-confidence bordering on rudeness.

It is paradoxical that children from such families become the most unhappy. They are more prone to such psychological problems as depression and various kinds of phobias, among them there is a high propensity to commit violence. They are also easily involved in all sorts of anti-social activities. Research has shown that there is a link between permissive parenting and juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and early sexual activity.
Since children have not been taught to control themselves and watch their behavior, such children are less likely to develop a sense of self-esteem. Their lack of discipline makes them want to establish some sort of supervision themselves, so they "work hard to control their parents and try to get them to control themselves."

The influence of a permissive parenting style on adaptation in society
Unmet psychological needs lead children to become “vulnerable and unable to face daily challenges, which prevents the child from fully participating in society”. And this, in turn, hinders their social development, the formation of a sense of dignity and positive self-esteem. Without high goals and hopes, children usually have difficulty controlling their impulses, they show immaturity and are unwilling to take responsibility.”
As they grow older, such teenagers are in conflict with those who do not indulge them, are not able to take into account the interests of other people, establish strong emotional ties, and are not ready for restrictions and responsibility. On the other hand, perceiving the lack of guidance from parents as a manifestation of indifference and emotional rejection, children feel fear and insecurity.

2.3 Democratic parenting style

Democratic parenting style is characterized by warm relations between parents and children, moderate disciplinary demands and hopes for the future of children, as well as frequent communication. Democratic parents are caring and considerate, they create a loving atmosphere in the home and provide emotional support for their children. Unlike the parents of the permissive style, they are firm, consistent in their demands and fair. Parents encourage personal responsibility and independence of their children in accordance with their age capabilities.
Parents create discipline using rational and problem-oriented strategies in order to ensure the independence of children and, if necessary, obey the rules of a certain group. They require children to obey certain established standards of behavior and control their implementation. “Family rules are more democratic than dictatorial.” Parents use reason, discussion, and persuasion to reach understanding with their children, not force. They equally listen to their children and express their demands to them.
Children have an alternative, they are encouraged to offer their own solutions and take responsibility for their actions. As a result, such children believe in themselves and in the ability to fulfill their obligations. When parents value and respect the opinions of their children, it benefits both parties.
Democratic parents set acceptable boundaries and standards of behavior for their children. They let them know that they will always help when needed. If their demands are not met, then they treat this with understanding and are more likely to forgive their children than to punish them. In general, this style of parenting is characterized by mutual understanding between parents and children and mutual cooperation.

Adolescents are included in the discussion of family problems, participate in decision-making, listen and discuss the opinions and advice of their parents. Parents demand meaningful behavior from their children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, parents show firmness, take care of justice and consistent observance of discipline, which forms the correct, responsible social behavior.
Moreover, unlike other children, they are better adapted to life.

With a democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help him, take into account his needs and requirements. They express their love, goodwill to the child, play with him on topics that are interesting to him. Parents allow children to take part in the discussion of family problems and take their opinion into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, require meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in observing discipline.

Also, the democratic style of education is characterized by the presence of mutual understanding between parents and children, the manifestation of warm feelings between them, frequent communication and moderate discipline. Parents are attentive to their child, emotionally support him, create an atmosphere of love and care in the family.

In accordance with age, parents encourage independence and personal responsibility of children. Parents set the rules and standards, the boundaries of acceptable behavior and demand their implementation from the child.

Mutual understanding between parents and children is achieved through persuasion, discussion, compromise, arguments. Parents always listen to their child, give the child the opportunity to take responsibility for the committed actions and actions.

In families with a democratic parenting style, parents encourage childrenindependence and personal responsibility. The child grows up in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and emotional support. Children know that they believe in them. Thus, they try to justify the trust of their parents and achieve better results.

The influence of the democratic style of education on the character of the child
According to research, children of democratic parents rank first in terms of self-esteem, ability to adapt to leadership and interest in the faith in God professed by their parents. They respect authority, are responsible and control their desires. These children are more confident and responsible, so they are much less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, as is the possibility of being involved in criminal activities. They also have fewer phobias, depression and aggressiveness.

Research also shows that such children are less susceptible to negative peer influences and are more successful in building their relationships with them. Since a democratic parenting style strikes a balance between control and independence, it results in competent, responsible, independent and self-confident children. These children are much more likely to develop high self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-esteem, are less aggressive, and generally do better in life.

The key features of their character are self-confidence, responsibility, and the ability to discuss complex issues.

The influence of the democratic style of education on adaptation in society
Children from families with a democratic style of upbringing, as a rule, study well, are able to build relationships with peers, and are not subject to negative influence from others. They are non-aggressive, aware of their goals and objectively assess the possibilities, so they can achieve great success in life.

The democratic style of parenting, according to many psychologists, is the most effective style of family education.

2.4 Custodial parenting style (hyper-custodial)

The desire to constantly be near the child, to solve all the problems that arise for him. Parents vigilantly monitor the behavior of the child, limit his independent behavior, worry that something might happen to him.
The underlying desire of the mother to “bind” the child to herself, not to let go of herself, is often motivated by feelings of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the mother's anxiety and, above all, her fear of loneliness, or more generally - the fear of lack of recognition, deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially elderly mothers tend to be more protective.
Another common motive for overprotection is the existence of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being among parents.
It seems to them that something can definitely happen to children, that they need to be taken care of in everything, protected from dangers, most of which turn out to be the fruit of the suspicious imagination of their parents.
Hyper-custody, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with a child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, first of all, of the parent himself, and not of the child.
Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parental attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated as a small one.
Overprotection is manifested not only in protecting the child from everything that, in the opinion of adults, can harm health; but also in ignoring the baby's own desires, in an effort to do everything for or instead of him - to dress, feed, wash, and in fact - to live instead of him. Strict adherence to the regime, the fear of deviating from the rule - all these are manifestations of excessive fears of parents, which often turn into neuroticism for both children and adults themselves.
Adults are always in a hurry. Mom has no time to wait for the baby to put on pantyhose or button up buttons, she is annoyed that he sits at the table for a long time and spreads porridge on a plate, pours himself with milk, does not know how to properly wash himself and wipe his hands. And not paying attention to how the child, albeit still awkwardly, but stubbornly tries to put the button in the loop, persistently tries to cope with the naughty soap, removes his hands: "Let me do it myself, as it should." The desire to do everything for the child is also manifested in the way adults play with him. The kid is trying to assemble the pyramid, but he cannot put the ring on the rod, he wants to open the box, but the lid "does not obey" him, he tries to start the machine with the key, but the key "does not want" to turn in the hole. The child is angry, runs to his mother. And a caring mother, instead of praising him for his efforts, supporting and patiently helping him to cope with difficulties together, collects, opens, turns.
In essence, behind the desire to do everything for the child lies a distrust of his abilities. Adults postpone the education of independence for the future, when the baby grows up: "You will do it yourself when you grow up." And when he grows up, it suddenly turns out that he does not know how and does not want to do anything on his own. How do children of the same age differ in this respect in a nursery or kindergarten! Some open their lockers themselves, diligently and deftly pull on their jackets and boots, joyfully run for a walk, others sit indifferently on a banquette and wait for the teacher to put them on. Passivity, constant expectation that adults will feed, wash, clean, offer interesting activity- this is a consequence of the overprotective style of upbringing, which forms in the child a general attitude to life not only in the family, but also in a wider social context.

Hyper-custody can turn into another extreme. Trying to escape from the control of adults, the child can become aggressive, naughty, self-willed. Many parents' complaints about the negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy of babies, which are most pronounced towards the end of an early age, during the crisis of 3 years, are due to a misunderstanding by adults of the child's desire to grow up. At older ages, these qualities can become fixed, become stable personality traits. The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age.
In most cases, parents dominate their "children" throughout their lives, which contributes to the development of infantilism (preservation in adults of mental traits characteristic of childhood). Manifested in the immaturity of judgments, emotional instability, instability of views. It is under the influence of this style that "mama's sons" grow up.

With an overprotective parenting style, parents deprive the child of independence in the physical, mental, as well as social development. They are constantly next to him, solve his problems for him, live instead of him. They overly care and take care of him, fearing and worrying about his health. Even when the child becomes an adult, parents continue to take care of him excessively, constantly worrying about him, for his health and well-being.

Hyper-custody suppresses the initiative, will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, deprives him of independence, brings up humility, lack of will, helplessness. With an overprotective parenting style, parents unconsciously inhibit the formation of various skills and abilities in the child, the development of perseverance in achieving the goal, diligence.

The influence of overprotective parenting style on the character of the child

Despite external care, the patronizing style of upbringing leads, on the one hand, to an excessive exaggeration of one's own importance in the child, and on the other hand, to the formation of anxiety, helplessness, and a delay in social maturity.
The child grows up helpless, infantile, insecure, neurotic, anxious, whining. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization.

Some children in adolescence will strive to escape from the excessive control and guardianship of their parents, showing aggression, becoming naughty and self-willed.

Constant control and restrictions can, with age, form a child's secrecy, the ability to cunning. In adolescence, a child may begin to consciously use lies as a means of self-defense against the endless introduction of adults into their lives, which will eventually lead to alienation from their parents, which is especially dangerous at this age.

A child accustomed to overprotection can become obedient, comfortable for parents. However, external obedience often conceals self-doubt, in one's own abilities, and fear of making a mistake. Hyper-custody suppresses the will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, brings up humility, lack of will and helplessness, inhibits the development of perseverance in achieving goals, diligence, and the timely formation of various skills and abilities. A survey was conducted among teenagers: do they help at home with the housework. Most students in grades 4-6 answered in the negative. At the same time, the children expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that their parents did not allow them to do many household chores, believing that they could not cope with them. Among students in grades 7-8, there were the same number of children who did not participate in family life, but the number of those dissatisfied with such care was several times less. This survey showed how children's desire to be active, to take on various responsibilities, gradually fades, if adults prevent this. Subsequent reproaches against children that they are "lazy", "unconscious", "selfish" turn out to be belated and largely unfair. After all, we ourselves, wishing children well, protecting them from difficulties, bring up these qualities in them from an early age.

The influence of the overprotective parenting style on adaptation in society
The consequence of overprotection may be the formation of dependence on someone else, including the negative influence of other people.

This gives rise to dependence, insolvency, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, conflicting trends in the formation of personality, lack of timely developed communication skills.

2.5 Alienated parenting style

With the alienated style of family education, the relationship implies a deep indifference of the parents to the personality of the child. Parents "do not notice" the child, are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. Actively avoiding contact with him, keep him at a distance. Children are left to themselves.

In such a family, parents either "do not see" their child, or actively avoid communication with him and prefer to keep him at a distance (psychological distance). The disinterest of parents in the development and inner life of the child makes him lonely, unhappy. Subsequently, he develops an alienated attitude towards people or aggressiveness. At school, a child from such a family is insecure, neurotic, he experiences difficulties in relationships with peers.

In the family, no one is interested in the development or spiritual world of the child, he is kept at a distance, preferring not to communicate at all. AT younger age he suffers terribly because of this attitude.

Alienated parenting is more common in dysfunctional families where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs.

How will a child grow up with an alienated style of family education

Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes the child lonely and deeply unhappy, insecure. He loses the desire to communicate, aggressiveness towards people can form.

In the future, such a man can grow up as a wonderful loving parent who will try to give his children everything he was deprived of in childhood, and an uncontrollable, aggressive type who dreams of taking revenge on the whole world for his own grievances.

Teenagers often get in trouble with the law.

2.6 Chaotic Parenting Style (Inconsistent Leadership)
This is the absence of a unified approach to education, when there are no clearly expressed, definite, specific requirements for the child, or there are contradictions, disagreements in the choice of educational means between parents, or between parents and grandparents.
Parents, especially the mother, lack the self-control and self-control to carry out consistent educational tactics in the family. There are sharp emotional swings in relations with children - from punishment, tears, swearing to touchingly affectionate manifestations, which leads to the loss of parental influence on children. Over time, the child becomes uncontrollable, neglecting the opinion of elders, parents.
With this style of education, one of the important basic needs of the individual is frustrated - the need for stability and order in the world around him, the presence of clear guidelines in behavior and assessments.
Frustration is a mental state caused by objectively insurmountable (or subjectively perceived as such) obstacles that arise on the way to achieving a goal. It manifests itself in the form of a range of emotions: anger, irritation, anxiety, feelings of guilt, etc.
The unpredictability of parental reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability and provokes increased anxiety, insecurity, impulsivity, and in difficult situations even aggressiveness and uncontrollability, social maladjustment.
With such upbringing, self-control and a sense of responsibility are not formed, immaturity of judgments, low self-esteem are noted.

A chaotic style arises on the basis of disagreements between parents in the choice of means and methods of education. Conflicts in the family are becoming more frequent, parents are constantly sorting out the relationship between themselves and often in the presence of the child, which leads to neurotic reactions in the child.

The influence of a chaotic parenting style on a child's character
Under the influence of a chaotic parenting style, the child will neglect the opinions of the parents. As you get older, you may become uncontrollable.
Regular changecourse "upbringing can provoke increased insecurity in children, impulsiveness, low self-esteem and a lack of a sense of responsibility.

The influence of a chaotic parenting style on adaptation in society
Children from families with a chaotic parenting style are recognizable by their lack of self-control, anxiety, and impulsivity. Under the influence of their parents, they easily change their minds and can commit contradictory actions.
Characteristic is the inability to complete what has been started. Most often, this is not due to a lack of skills at all, but to an emotional state.

Neurosis, psychoneurosis, neurotic disorder (novolat. neurosis from other Greek νεῦρον - “nerve”) - in the clinic: a collective name for a group of functional psychogenic reversible disorders that tend to have a protracted course. The clinical picture of such disorders is characterized by asthenic, obsessive and/or hysterical manifestations, as well as a temporary decrease in mental and physical performance.

Toadying is when you have to do something, for the sake of something or someone, in order to get a benefit for it.

With a democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help them, take into account their needs and requirements. They express their love, goodwill to the child, play with him on topics that are interesting to him. Parents allow children to take part in the discussion of family problems and take their opinion into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, require meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in observing discipline.

The child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-management, increases self-confidence, his strengths. Children in such families listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “necessary”, know how to discipline themselves and build relationships with classmates. Children grow up active, inquisitive, independent, full-fledged individuals with a developed sense of dignity and responsibility for people close to him.

TYPES OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and the result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-intervention” and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mainly adults) of the initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance is broken, many people are broken along with it. valuable qualities personalities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's abilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in solving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child with their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. question about active formation personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the needs of the child and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in transitional age. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, that begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat involves violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family common goals and tasks of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.
Great importance in the formation of self-esteem has the style of family education, values accepted in the family.
3 styles of parenting:
- democratic
- authoritarian
- conniving
With a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. “Consent” style.
With an authoritarian style, parents impose their opinion on the child. "Suppression" style.

In the permissive style, the child is left to himself.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his self-image seems distorted.

STYLES OF FAMILY EDUCATION FROM THE POSITION OF THE PSYCHOLOGY OF INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES

The style of family education is the most characteristic ways of treating the child of parents using certain funds and methods pedagogical impact, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction.

There are several styles of parenting:

Permissive (as a result of it, a conformal personality type),

Competitive (as a result of such upbringing, a dominant personality type is formed),

Reasonable (sensitive personality type),

Warning (infantile type),

Controlling (alarming type),

Sympathetic (introverted type),

Harmonious (harmonious type).

Parenting styles are based on the following reasons:

1) deviations in the characterological properties of the parents themselves,

2) the desire of parents to solve personal problems at the expense of children.

Under the characterological properties is understood the totality of moral qualities that determine the conscious attitude of a person to environment. The pronounced severity of character properties indicates a socio-psychological type.

Today we will consider the most common types of family education (according to the results of the diagnostics of pupils of the CDTOR according to the author's method of Doctor of Pedagogical Sciences, Professor V.M. Miniyarov, carried out this spring):

• reasonable style,

• controlling style,

• dominant style.

II. ROLE PLAYING

Leading. Now we will play a few scenes in which you may recognize yourself or someone you know.

(Choose participants, distribute cards with tasks.)

1st scene: reasonable style

Child (active, wants to know a lot, has many interests, conscientious about learning). Mom, the head of the art circle came to our school today. I want to go to him! It's so interesting there!

Mother (with warmth, care and respect for his activity). Well, if you are interested, then, of course, go. You love to draw!

Father (on an equal footing, reasoning and giving food for thought). Okay, you can walk, but think carefully: it takes up a lot of free time, and you have the end of the term soon, tests. Can you get everywhere?

In science, this style of family education is called "reasonable"; as a result of such upbringing, a sensitive socio-psychological type of personality is formed.

Signs of sensitivity:

the child is truthful, honest, prone to mental work, simple-hearted, independent, irreconcilable to injustice, immoral acts, philanthropic, altruist, dreamer, active, follows the rules of the game and moral norms, self-esteem is normal, self-critical, devoted to the interests of the team and always protects his comrades, no sense of superiority over others, helps comrades, persistent in achieving goals, initiative, direct and sincere in conversation, quiet, calm, attentive.

1. Treat with attention and deep respect for what the child is passionate about, play along with him.

2. Complicate the child's play activity, alternate Mind games with moving ones. Get out of the game gradually.

3. One should not be afraid of the child's dispersal and enthusiasm for many activities. It must be remembered that the child will reveal his abilities when a specific professional activity. 4. Be very careful with the child. In conflict situations, make a fair decision with a measure of punishment corresponding to the degree of misconduct. Inadequate pedagogical measures can lead to stuttering, strabismus, nocturnal enuresis, etc.

5. Teach him to defend his interests, protect him from attacks by other people, from intra-family conflicts.

6. Maintain good relations between parents and the child in joint recreation and joint work.

7. With the advent of the second child, it is necessary to switch attention to the youngest carefully.

8. Encourage and inspire confidence in his abilities.

9. It should be remembered that the attitude of parents to the people around them is the only model that forms the attitude of the child to his parents.

10. Do not allow the child to communicate with antisocial elements, be selective in contacts with other people.

11. Don't rush natural development intellectual abilities, since his psyche is vulnerable, early systematic training should not be carried out.

12. You should not take your child to the theater early.

13. You can not punish publicly, you should limit yourself to mild remarks.

2nd scene: controlling style

Teenage child (with apprehension and fear). Tomorrow is Masha's birthday. Can I go to the party?

Father (strictly). I called your class teacher today. She said that you wrote the dictation badly! What kind of parties are you?! You will sit and study until you memorize all the rules! Completely out of hand!

Mother (trying to soften the situation, but still sternly). Father is right. You make us blush in front of the teachers! You will not be accepted into the institute with such grades! Here you will work as a janitor!

Child (pleasantly and uncertainly). But Masha is my best friend!

Mother (doing a favor). Okay. But to be at home exactly at nine! Otherwise, you won't go anywhere else!

• How do you feel about the behavior of family members?

• What feelings and impressions arise?

This style of family education in psychology is called "controlling". As a result of this parenting style, an anxious personality type is formed.

The symptom complex of an anxious personality type consists of the following qualities:

irascibility, suspicion and caution in relationships with people, impatience, conscientiousness, low self-esteem, the desire to help comrades, protect them and their loved ones, focus on personal protection, demanding of others, self-doubt, negative attitude towards criticism, lack of initiative, tension anxiety, low self-control, poor understanding of social norms, frustration, timidity, shyness.

The following conditions contribute to the emergence of this type of personality:

1. The child is brought up in orphanage or guardians in case of harsh treatment.

2. Parents control the activities of their child from the words of others, punishing him according to the first slander.

3. A child under 5 years old without parents ends up in a hospital and undergoes treatment associated with fear and pain, as well as harsh treatment from children of different ages.

4. Parents have an increased moral responsibility for raising their child and treat him cruelly.

1. Regulate sleep, nutrition, outdoor activities, muscle energy expenditure, and rest.

2. It is expedient to organize physical education (outdoor games, excursions, sports).

3. Organize the reception of water procedures.

4. When organizing work, measure the real strength of the child, knowledge and skills. Do not demand more from him than he can.

5. Organize creative activity(assembly different kind designers, sawing, burning, other types of handicrafts).

6. Refuse the command-and-control tone and move on to the request; abolish constant monitoring and monitoring of every action of the child.

7. Remove all forms of punishment, move to a reasonable style of family education.

8. Completely abandon physical punishment.

9. Learn to calmly and evenly respond to the actions and actions of the child.

10. You should not start learning early, you need to carefully approach the development of the child's intellectual sphere.

Scene 3: Competitive parenting style

Child. At our school there is a competition for the best poster by the eighth of March.

Mother (excitedly). Dear, you draw so wonderfully! You definitely need to participate! Dad and I will help you. You will have the best poster in school!

Father (enthusiastically). Of course, we all nose in the morning! And in general, you need to go to university and develop your talent!

(A week later.)

A child comes home from school and informs his parents that his classmate won the competition.

Father (indignantly and somewhat aggressively). How?! Who could do it better than you?! Yes, this Misha can’t draw at all! Of course, his mother is a teacher, he was sued!

Mother (disappointed). Nothing son. You are still the best!

• How do you feel about the behavior of family members?

• What feelings and impressions arise?

This type of upbringing is called "adversarial". As a result, a dominant personality type is formed.

Signs of dominance:

this is usually a clean, tidy child; looks straight, confident and calm; cautious, restrained in actions, words; loves to shine wants to excel, to be the first; failures bring him much grief; tries not to yield to the opponent in anything; praise and distinction give him the greatest pleasure; does not tolerate censure and criticism, reacts negatively to them; vindictive and malevolent; his ideal is strength, power, power; he is interested in what brings success; surrounds himself with people of an infantile or obviously hypocritical type; argues with other people's words, sayings of authorities; proud, with high self-esteem; self-confident, selfish; arrogant, arrogant, swaggering; active; doesn't follow the rules ethical standards, can break them; exaggerates own abilities; indifferent to the interests of the team, focused on personal protection.

1. Stop admiring your child and praising his virtues. He already has high self-esteem.

2. If a child achieves superiority in something, one should not react violently, but calmly analyze at what cost success has been achieved, pay attention to the morality of the means and methods for achieving the goal.

3. Pay special attention depressive state when a child does not succeed in something, help the child identify new goals that are adequate to his abilities.

4. Be guided by a judicious style of family education and not seek to break character.

5. Direct the activity of the child to socially useful activities, and not forbid him to dominate, since his biological potential is very powerful.

6. With a strong excitement of the child, you should not notice him, but not leave him unattended. When punished at such moments, he may experience dumbness, tics, paralysis, etc.

7. Give him only those tasks that he can actually complete, as he constantly overestimates his capabilities.

8. Eliminate all forms of competition between the child and others, consider conflicts in detail.

9. Carefully, correctly handle the child, without underestimating his capabilities, as this can cause a neurotic reaction.

10. Exclude threats of punishment and reprisals against offenders or people who tell the truth about you and your children from speech.

11. To stop the child's attempts to violate moral norms while striving to achieve the goal by any means.

12. Together with the child, reflect on all the problems, while giving him the right to make mistakes.

TYPES OF FAMILY EDUCATION

The type of family education, as an integrative characteristic of parental value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, the level of parental competence, is a significant factor in the formation of the self-concept in childhood, determines the cognitive development of the child, his position in relation to the world. The classification of types of family education should be based on such parameters as the emotional acceptance of the child by parents, interest in the child and care for him, exactingness towards the child, democracy or authoritarianism in family relations.

The following parameters of types of family education have been identified:

- the intensity of the emotional contact of parents in relation to children (acceptance-non-acceptance), control parameter (permissive, allowing, situational, restrictive);

- consistency - inconsistency in the implementation of the style of education;

- affective stability - instability in relations with the child,

- anxiety (non-anxiety) as a personality trait of parents, manifested in communication.

Depending on the different combination of the above parameters, six types of family education have been identified: rejection, indifference, overprotection, exactingness, stability, love. At the same time, only the last two types of family education provide opportunities for the optimal development of a harmonious personality.

Inadequate types of family relationships are characterized by a number of distinctive features:

Low level cohesion of parents and the presence of disagreements in the family on the upbringing of the child and a high degree of inconsistency, inconsistency in relations with children.

Pronounced guardianship and restriction in various spheres of children's life - at school, at home, in relationships with peers.

Increased stimulation of children's abilities, accompanied by an overestimation of the level of requirements for the child, frequent use of condemnations, reprimands and threats.

The following 10 types of family education have been identified: hypoprotection, dominant hyperprotection, condoning hyperprotection, condoning hypoprotection, education in the cult of the disease, emotional rejection, cruel attitude, increased moral responsibility, contradictory education and education outside the family.

Hypoprotection is characterized by a lack of guardianship and control, true interest and attention to the affairs of the child, and in its extreme form - neglect.

Hidden hypoprotection is also distinguished, when control over the life and behavior of the child is formal. Hidden hypoprotection is often combined with hidden emotional rejection.

Indulgent hypoprotection is characterized by a combination of a lack of parental supervision with an uncritical attitude towards violations in the child's behavior.

Hyperprotection negatively affects the development of independence, initiative and the formation of a sense of duty and responsibility of the child.

Dominant hyperprotection is manifested in excessive guardianship, petty control, a system of continuous prohibitions and the impossibility for the child to ever make his own decisions. Excessive control betrays the desire of parents to protect children, to monitor their attempts to do something in their own way, to limit activity and independence, to prescribe a course of action, to scold for the slightest mistakes, to resort to sanctions. Such intensity of educational activities is perceived by the child as psychological pressure. An increased level of care is often associated with the unfulfilled need of parents for affection and love. Parental motives for hyperprotection: anxiety due to the family situation and character traits, psychogenic-determined fear of unhappiness with a child, fear of loneliness, need for recognition, dominance in communication, lack of sociability, neurotic manifestations. See literary illustration: Pavel Sanaev "Bury me behind the plinth"

Indulgent hyperprotection is an upbringing of the type "the child is the idol of the family." characteristic features are excessive patronage, the desire to free the child from the slightest difficulties, to satisfy all his needs. This leads to an increase in egocentric tendencies in the development of the personality, makes it difficult to form a collectivist orientation, assimilate moral norms, and hinders the formation of purposefulness and arbitrariness.

Education in the cult of the disease is specific to a family where the child has suffered for a long time or is suffering from somatic chronic diseases or physical defects. A child's illness is the semantic center of family life, its worries and troubles. This type of upbringing contributes to the development of egocentrism, an overestimated level of claims.

Emotional rejection is especially hard on the development of a child's personality. The picture is exacerbated when other children in the family are taken in by their parents (the so-called Cinderella position). Latent emotional rejection consists in the fact that parents refuse to admit to themselves the actual emotional rejection of the child. Often hidden emotional rejection by the mechanism of hypercompensation is combined with emphasized care and exaggerated attention of parents to the child, which, however, are of a formal nature.

Abusive attitude is usually combined with emotional rejection. A cruel attitude can manifest itself in an open form (severe reprisals for minor misconduct or disobedience), or in a hidden form, as spiritual indifference, callousness and evil in relation to the child. All this in most cases has as its consequence the formation of the aggressiveness of the child, a violation of the personality.

Increased moral responsibility as a style of parenting is characterized by an increase in the level of parental expectations regarding the future, success, abilities and talents of the child. This may be the imposition on the child of overwhelming and age-inappropriate responsibilities of one of the adult family members (for example, taking care of younger children) or the expectation from the child that he realizes their unfulfilled desires and aspirations. The predominance of the rational aspect in education is excessive moralizing and exactingness, a formality in the approach to the child, which largely leads to asexual upbringing and emotional flattening of the child, his inability to fit into an emotionally colored, ambivalent situation.

Contradictory upbringing is a combination of different styles in one family, often incompatible and inadequate, which manifests itself in open conflicts, competition and confrontation of family members. The result of such upbringing can be high anxiety, insecurity, low unstable self-esteem of the child. The inconsistency of education contributes to the development of internal conflict in the child. No less difficult for the child are manifestations of inconsistency in relations with the child, associated with a lack of understanding by parents of their own parental position and unreasonable changes in prohibitive and permissive approaches to education. Often the inconsistency in raising a child is due to the fact that parents love a certain model of an ideal child, and a real one only when he lives up to expectations.

Parenting outside the family is an extreme type of parenting. This refers to education in a children's institution, which combines the features of the types of education described above.

The following 6 types have the most important practical significance in organizing work with parents: indulgent hyperprotection, emotional rejection, dominant hyperprotection, increased moral responsibility, neglect, and abuse.

The success of corrective work is largely determined by the characteristics of the parental position. There are three criteria for evaluating parental positions - adequacy, dynamism and predictability. Adequacy characterizes the orientation of parents in the individual psychological characteristics of the child, his age characteristics, as well as the degree of awareness of these characteristics. Dynamism is determined by the degree of mobility of parental positions, the variability of the forms and methods of communication and interaction with the child (the perception of the child as a person, the degree of flexibility in communicating with the child in various situations, the variability of the forms and methods of influencing the child depending on age). Predictability reflects the ability of parents to foresee the prospects for the development of the child and to restructure interaction with the child.

Authors: compilers: V. Potapova, S. K. Nartova-Bochaver

Parenting styles and their impact on child development

Raising children is the most important task modern family. The development of the personality of the child as a whole will depend on which style of family education prevails in the family.

Family parenting style the way the parents relate to the child, their use of certain techniques and methods of influencing the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction with the child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child's personality, to problems in his behavior.

Characteristics of family parenting styles

Authoritarian parenting style

With an authoritarian parenting style, parents suppress the child's initiative, rigidly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them.

Parents strictly monitor the completion of homework by younger students, to the extent that they stand nearby and put pressure on the child in an attempt to get him to act independently. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.

With parents, such children may seem calm and executive, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable.

The impact of authoritarian parenting style on adolescent behavior

As the child grows older, he becomes more and more intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. In adolescence, frequent conflicts can lead to a deplorable outcome. It is with the authoritarian style of family education that adolescents will generate conflicts, treating others with hostility. Parents always make decisions for the child themselves, thereby suppressing the initiative of the child, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.

Active and strong teenagers will start to rebel, resist, becoming more aggressive, they can run away from home. Shy and insecure teenagers with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything, not making attempts to solve their own problems on their own, and will always rely on their parents in everything.

Liberal - permissive style of family education (hypo-guardianship)

With a liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Must!”, “Impossible”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.

Liberal parents are caring, considerate, and have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover creative abilities, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is “wrong.” Liberal parents find it difficult to set boundaries for the permissible, acceptable behavior of their children. They often encourage their child’s overly relaxed and inappropriate behavior.

How will a child grow up with a condoning style of family education

As a result, the child grows up to be selfish, conflicted, constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and strong emotional ties with people. At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to yield, obey elders, follow laws and rules.

A child raised in an environment of permissiveness is more prone to psychological problems, phobias, and depression. Such a child is not taught to control himself and his behavior will have little chance of developing self-esteem. In the future, a child raised by liberal parents will be unable to face the challenges of life and will have difficulty with social interaction. Which in turn will lead to the lack of formation of adequate self-esteem and self-esteem. He will conflict with anyone who does not indulge his desires.

We have described the main styles of family education, but the practice at the Center for Psychological Assistance to the Family allows us to identify a number of types of inadequate mother-to-child attitudes.

Ustimenko V.N. The conniving style of family education - families at risk.

Styles of family education and their characteristics according to the type of "maternal" attitude towards the child:

A mother's attitude towards her teenage son as a "surrogate" husband

The mother demands constant attention and care from the teenager. The mother constantly interferes in her son's personal life, limits contacts with peers and peers, strives to be aware of his personal and intimate life. You can often hear dissatisfaction from the mother about the fact that the son seeks to move away from her, avoids communication. In a less crude form, the adolescent is given the role of "head of the family".

Overprotection and symbiosis

The mother has a strong desire to keep, bind the child to herself, limit his independence because of the fear of a possible misfortune with the child in the future. In psychology, such an attitude is called the "smart Elsa" complex. The mother underestimates the real possibilities and abilities of the child, which leads to limitation and maximum control, the desire to do everything for the child in order to protect him from imaginary misfortunes in the future.

Educational control through love deprivation

A similar style of upbringing is characterized in demonstrating to a child or teenager the attitude “That he does not need this, his mother does not like him this way” with any undesirable behavior, disobedience, insufficient, according to parents, school performance, skills and achievements.

As a rule, parents do not directly express their dissatisfaction, do not speak out, do not try to explain to the child why he did something wrong. Parents simply stop talking to the child, ignore it, talk about it in the third person.

In hyperthymic adolescents, such an attitude of parents towards him gives rise to an impotent feeling of anger and rage, outbursts of aggression. A teenager with such behavior wants to prove his existence, to infiltrate through the family "We". The parent, because of a sense of fear of aggression, goes to the world, or through retaliatory aggression (slapping, beatings) tries to overcome the wall of alienation created by him.

Hyperthymia- this is a persistent high spirits, cheerfulness, accompanied by personal and professional activity, increased socialization.

In sensitive children or adolescents, such an attitude of parents forms a deep sense of loneliness, their own uselessness. In order to return the love of parents, the child is forced to limit his own individuality, to sacrifice self-esteem, losing his own "I". Thus, parents achieve obedience by devaluing the personality of the child.

Educational control, by evoking feelings of guilt

A child who violates the ban is labeled by parents as "ungrateful", "giving so much grief to his beloved mother", "betraying parental love", etc. In the future, a teenager, under constant fear of being guilty before the troubles of his parents, is forced to fetter his own independence and initiative.

Parenting Styles - Books

1. Azarov Yu.P. The art of educating. M., 1985.

2. Dobrynina O. A. The problem of the formation of a favorable socio-psychological climate of the family (on the example of metallurgical workers): Diss. … cand. psychol. Sciences. Novokuznetsk, 1992.

3. Druzhinin VN Psychology of the family. - M., 1996. - 158 p.

4. Kulikova T. A. Family pedagogy and home education: Textbook for students. Wednesdays, and higher. ped. textbook establishments. - M: Publishing Center "Academy", 2007

5. Schneider L. B. Family psychology: tutorial for universities / L. B. Schneider. - Ed. 3rd. Moscow: Academic Prospekt; Yekaterinburg: Business book, 2007.

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