Often, parents are faced with a problem when the baby does not want to go to bed and fall asleep alone. In this article, we will figure out when to teach children to fall asleep on their own, how to do it correctly, and why the child does not fall asleep well.

When should a baby fall asleep on its own?

A baby up to 1-1.5 years old needs to constantly be close to his mother. At this age, it is still too early to start teaching the baby to fall asleep alone in the crib. Note that a baby up to 7-8 months old with great difficulty can fall asleep on its own. If the baby is not ready to sleep alone in a crib for up to a year, do not force it.

Pediatricians call the appropriate age 2-3 years old, when the baby is already ready for independent sleep. At two or three years, the child begins to accustom to a certain order of actions before bedtime. It is important that bed training is accompanied by positive feelings. It is also important to develop a schedule. By the age of four or five, the baby should already fall asleep on its own at a certain hour.

Crib training should begin at two years old, but you can teach your baby to fall asleep without motion sickness as early as one to two months. This will prepare the baby and facilitate the process of falling asleep in a separate bed. You need to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own before the age of one.

If the baby does not sleep on his own in the crib at 1-2 years old, there is nothing to worry about. The critical age is five years. If before this age the baby has not learned to sleep peacefully alone in the crib, in the future such children will experience sleep disorders and insomnia. Thus, a baby should fall asleep on its own without motion sickness and lullabies for up to a year, and sleep in a separate bed for up to five years. And now let's find out how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own.

How to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own

Teach your baby to good sleep at night and falling asleep on your own maybe after one or two months. At first, use various methods that will help the baby fall asleep immediately without whims and crying. What can be used for this:

• Swaddling. Today, doctors are promoting free swaddling, in which the baby will be able to move his arms and legs in his sleep. But at the same time, swaddling gives the baby peace and a sense of security, which is especially important for a newborn. How to swaddle a baby, see;
• Quiet lullabies, hugs and motion sickness have a calming effect on the child;
• "White noise" often helps the baby fall asleep immediately. Use quiet calm sounds, like hissing, running water, recording a waterfall, etc .;
• Do not teach to fall asleep while walking with a stroller or when traveling by car, as children quickly get used to this method of motion sickness and will not fall asleep well at home in the future.

After three months, the child needs to be weaned from motion sickness and lullabies, at this age the baby should already begin to fall asleep on his own. And you need to teach this for up to a year.

To help your baby fall asleep immediately, use these methods:

• The child should be awake 1.5-2 hours before bedtime. Keep in mind that he should be tired, but not overtired, otherwise it will be even more difficult for the baby to fall asleep;
• Feed your baby before bed and change diapers, you can do a light relaxing baby massage. When your baby is in bed, dim the lights, turn off the TV and turn off the music (quiet lullabies or white noise can be used). The child must understand that it is time for sleep;
• Do not allow the baby to fall asleep at the breast during the day, so as not to turn it into a habit. In the future, it will be difficult for the child to fall asleep without a breast and without a pacifier.

By six months, the baby should fall asleep on its own. Do not get up to the child at the first call, wait until he calms down himself. Many parents are concerned about why the child does not fall asleep well, does not want to sleep, or wakes up immediately. There can be many reasons for this.

If the baby does not sleep well or does not want to fall asleep

The baby may be bothered by hunger, a dirty diaper, or pain. Therefore, it is important to eliminate moments before going to bed that can bring discomfort to the child. Be sure to feed the baby and change the diaper, turn off or dim the lights and music before going to bed.

In addition, overexcitation or habit to the nipple or breast can prevent the baby from falling asleep. Read about the pros and cons of using a dummy at the link. Do not use active games before bed. It is better to do a relaxing massage, take a walk or a relaxing bath before going to bed.

After four months, the causes of restless and poor sleep lie in teething. Special teethers and safe baby gels will help reduce discomfort. Sometimes the baby cries due to lack of attention. You can stand up and shake the baby for a short time. We remind you that you do not need to approach the child at the first call!

Sleep disturbance is often caused by a child's low activity during the day. Do not forget about exercises, walks, games and various exercises. In addition, for a comfortable sleep in the children's room there should be a suitable temperature, which is 18-22 degrees. Ventilate the room regularly and make sure that the air is not too dry or too humid.

10 ways to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own

• It is important to establish a unified algorithm for preparing for sleep. Every day, repeat the same procedures with the baby before going to bed. Such a schedule may include evening bathing, reading a fairy tale or lullaby, kissing goodnight. Moreover, the sequence of actions should be the same. A single algorithm will help the child understand that it's time to sleep;
• Put your baby to bed before he falls asleep in your arms or at your chest. In order for the baby to sleep peacefully alone in the crib, you need to teach him to fall asleep in it. When a child falls asleep in his crib, it contributes to a healthy and sound sleep;
• To put the child to sleep at once both during the day and at night, build a schedule so that the first half of the day is the most active and eventful, and the second half is more calm;
• Joint sleep of the baby with parents, especially with mom, calms the baby, favorably affects the development of the psyche and nervous system. However, it is important to start weaning the baby from co-sleeping in time. This should be done in 2-3 years;
• If the child wakes up, starts crying and calling for mom, do not rush to respond. Wait until he calms himself down. Children can often calm down without the help of their parents. But periodically go into the room so that the child does not feel abandoned. Gradually reduce the number of visits and time spent in the nursery;

• Use pacifiers and rattles only as a last resort. Do not let the baby play in the crib, use it only for its intended purpose (for sleeping). Toys and pacifiers only complicate the task. In the future, you will have to not only teach the baby to fall asleep on his own, but also wean him from his favorite toys and attributes;
• Always put your baby to bed at the same time. The body gets used to a certain regimen, and the baby itself will feel tired. Resist the temptation to put your baby to bed early to rest yourself. This breaks the routine, in addition, the baby will wake up too early the next morning;
• Be sure to follow the conditions for falling asleep. As already mentioned, check the diaper and feed the baby, provide a quiet environment and twilight in the room. Choose a comfortable mattress and hypoallergenic linen, check if the sheet lies flat. The baby should be comfortable in the crib;
• Many babies cannot sleep because of fear. It has been proven that at the age of two, the first nightmares can already appear. Try to find out why the baby is scared. Do not watch scary cartoons and do not read scary stories before going to bed, leave a night light on at night. If necessary, contact a child psychologist.
• Do not scold or threaten the child if he does not want to sleep and is naughty. Always speak softly and calmly! Explain why he should sleep now, why he should sleep in a separate bed. How to behave if the baby does not obey his parents and is constantly naughty, read the article “What to do if the baby is nervous and naughty”.

Ferber-Esteville-Spock method of falling asleep

This is a rather rigid and controversial technique, which, however, quickly gives results. Please note that the technique can only be used for healthy children older than six months! In addition, the baby should already have a clear daily routine. It is important that the baby is alone in the room, and no one is sleeping in the neighborhood.

This technique assumes that the child is left alone in the room and enters the room after a certain time after crying. The table details the waiting intervals.

	After how many minutes to approach the baby when he cried
Day	1st time	2nd time	3rd time and beyond
The first	1 minute	3 minutes	5 minutes
Second	3 minutes	5 minutes	7 minutes
Third	5 minutes	7 minutes	9 minutes
Fourth	7 minutes	9 minutes	11 minutes
Fifth	9 minutes	11 minutes	13 minutes
Sixth	11 minutes	13 minutes	15 minutes
Seventh	13 minutes	15 minutes	17 minutes

Thus, if the baby cried on the first day of the start of training, then the mother can come in a minute. If the baby cries again, then she is already waiting for three minutes, the next time - five minutes. And so the time is scheduled for each day.

Indeed, this is a tough technique, and not all parents are ready for this method of teaching. But, as practice shows, he can really teach a child to fall asleep in one week.

The Ferber-Estiville-Spock method cannot be used if the baby is sick! In addition, if a child constantly cries for more than 10 minutes, this may indicate any health problems.

As soon as a child is born, parents have problems one after another - when to feed, how to bathe, whether to take the child in his arms if he cried. But the most main question many parents - how to put him to bed. And the life of the family in the future depends on how the parents decide the issue with the child’s sleep.

Healthy sleep a person takes one third, and sometimes even half of his life. Night rest is necessary for the normal functioning of the body, and especially for children. At this age, the child is very receptive to the world around him, he learns quickly and constantly learns something new. If the baby does not fully rest, his psyche will be overloaded and depleted.

In a dream, the body rests, all processes slow down, and there is a disconnection from external stimuli. Getting enough sleep is very important for active life and health of the body as a whole. And if newborns and older babies reflexively fall asleep when the body requires it, then children aged three years and older sometimes do not want to go to bed. To avoid such situations, the child must be accustomed to the daily routine. In addition, it is very important that parents teach him to fall asleep.

Why kids don't want to go to bed

All moms and dads want their kids to obey them the first time, especially when we are talking about time to sleep. But very often you have to show angelic patience when children do not want to sleep in their crib on their own, they wait for one of their parents to lie down with them, and begin to achieve their goal with persistent crying.

When infant cries, not wanting to sleep, it can be quite difficult to immediately understand the true reason for crying. The baby may have something to hurt, or he has not eaten and is hungry, or the reason is banal - the diapers are wet, and he just needs to be changed. But if the child is well-fed, dry, healthy and there are no reasons for pain, then there is no doubt: you have a little manipulator in front of you. With such behavior, he demands attention before going to bed, especially if he is not let off his hands all day, and then they try to leave him alone in the crib.

He still does not understand many things, but he immediately feels the warmth of his mother. When a baby fell asleep in his mother's arms during feeding, and woke up alone in the crib, he is unlikely to like it, and next time he will cry if he is put to bed alone.

It is possible that the reluctance to sleep alone is due to some unpleasant circumstances, for example, the child woke up from a feeling of hunger or cold, and the mother did not immediately hear his crying. And the waiting time seemed too long for the little one. After all, he doesn’t understand that his mother also sleeps at night and cannot approach him as quickly as during the day. In this case, the baby will be subconsciously afraid to sleep alone in the crib.

Very often they try to put the child to sleep when he is not yet tired enough. When the baby grows, he will not need to sleep for 4-5 hours during the day, otherwise he will not be able to fall asleep on time at night. Mom should not miss this moment, it is important to reduce the time of daytime sleep so that the child can get tired in the evening and fall asleep peacefully at night.

Children preschool age very often addicted to games or other interesting activities, so the mother's call to go to sleep is perceived extremely negatively. In this case, it is necessary to warn the child that he has another half an hour for his classes, after which the necessary water procedures and favorite bed.

Very often, children are afraid of silence or darkness, so they do not want to go to their room to sleep. In this case, it is enough to turn on a dim night light in the nursery and put on quiet, calm music, and the child will fall asleep peacefully.

However main reason the whims of a child is an elementary toddler. If he knows that the “no” said by the mother after five minutes of crying of the baby turns into “yes”, there will be a lot of problems with such a child. Parents should clearly know what they want from their child, and be able to achieve their own. And let the child cry once, twice, a third time, but as a result he will understand that the requirement expressed by mom or dad will have to be fulfilled.

No wonder it is said that before starting to educate a child, parents must educate themselves. Thus, we can summarize the reason for the refusal of sleep.

• The child is not able to immediately switch from games, it is difficult or not at all desirable for him to part with his favorite toys, cartoons, and so on. Psychologists advise parents not to remind that it's time to sleep every 3-5 minutes, but to say once that the child has another 10 minutes to play, and then he will need to go to bed.
• Capriciousness and spoiledness of the child, his tendency to manipulate parents.
• Psychological trauma associated with night terrors. It can be nightmares, bad dreams, a room that is too dark, wet diapers, or a cold bed.
• The child may not be physically tired during the day.

Effects of sleep problems on children

Effects of sleep problems in children different ages lead to nothing good. Children do not sleep themselves, they do not let others sleep, as a result, both of them get tired. The result is a feeling of intense fatigue.

The children's body is arranged in such a way that the feeling of severe fatigue leads to great overexcitation, therefore, paradoxically as it sounds, the child sometimes does not sleep because he is too tired. This problem occurs in both infants and children. younger age as well as in preschoolers. And the task of parents is to prevent excessive fatigue of the child.

After all, a tired and overexcited baby really wants to sleep, but cannot fall asleep, so he begins to act up, and becomes overly excitable. This is how an insecure and too timid teenager begins to form in the future, for whom it will be difficult to find a common language with peers, school performance will suffer. This list goes on and on.

It is during nighttime sleep that the pituitary gland intensively produces sleep hormones, so those children who do not fall asleep well may grow slowly.

After six months, the baby is able to sleep alone in his bed without light all night, he does not need anyone's presence, the usual duration of sleep is about eleven hours. And if by the age of five the child has not yet learned to calmly go to bed and fall asleep on his own without whims and lengthy persuasion, then in the future he has a risk of suffering from insomnia.

Why is it important to teach your child to fall asleep on their own?

A child is taught certain skills almost from birth, and the older he gets, the more responsibilities he has, good habits and skills. He learns all this in his family, so mom and dad are gradually preparing him for adulthood, and the ability to fall asleep on your own in your bed is one of the main skills that a child of younger years of life should form.

Unfortunately, the problem of putting the child to sleep exists in many families, and how quickly the child learns to do it on his own depends on the patience and perseverance of the parents. The child should know that mom and dad have a lot of things that no one will do for them, so the baby must learn to do a lot on their own - eat, go to the toilet, wash, brush their teeth and fall asleep on their own.

A child who cannot fall asleep on his own faces the problem of daytime sleep in an institution. But it is in the children's team, when all the surrounding peers themselves eat, undress and dress, go to bed during the day, the child becomes independent faster than at home, surrounded by mothers and grandmothers. And the life of his parents depends on how quickly the child learns to fall asleep on his own, because instead of doing household chores, relaxing or doing what you love, mom has to sit by the baby for hours, trying to put him to sleep.

Why does a child have to fall asleep on his own? Yes, why should he learn to eat, observe personal hygiene on his own - in order to grow up as an adult and be able to serve himself, without relying on older family members.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own

The easiest way is to teach a newborn to fall asleep alone. Most often, the first six months of a baby’s life, the mother has not yet recovered completely after childbirth, she quickly gets tired, there are a lot of household chores, and there are still things to care for the baby. Therefore, when the baby is on, it is much easier to put him next to him during feeding, and when he falls asleep, then mom can also sleep nearby.

But this is wrong. It is much better to invite a grandmother to live with a young family, who will partially unload a young mother from household chores so that she can teach her baby from the first days to the correct daily routine, to sleep alone in her room without parents at her side. It is with this that the future unwillingness of the child to sleep on his own begins.

And if the mother has helpers in the house, then the baby will not get used to the fact that during his sleep someone constantly lies nearby. During daytime sleep, you can leave the TV or music center turned on quietly, do not close the window with curtains - let it be light and not quiet during the day. But at night, there should already be the main attributes of this time of day - darkness and silence. So the child still unconsciously learns to distinguish between day and night.

The sooner parents begin to take care of accustoming their child to sleep on their own, the faster and easier it will be.

While the child still understands practically nothing, he is indifferent to how, where and with whom to sleep, and after the first year of life he will perceive his daily or night sleep unaccompanied as a matter of course. If parents begin to accustom a child to sleep without a mother up to three years old, then you need to be persistent and patient so that the whims and crying of the child cannot distract from the intended goal.

And already the preschooler needs to explain that he is already big, so he will sleep alone, like dad (or like a beloved fairy tale hero baby). Moreover, the child perceives the command tone negatively, you need to be able to explain to such a child why he should sleep alone.

Falling asleep rituals

In order not to excite children strongly at bedtime, it is necessary to properly organize the transition of the baby from daytime activity to night sleep.

1. Two hours before bedtime, you should not start noisy games, you should not watch scary or overly exciting television programs at night.
2. It is better to go for an hour with the child to take a walk in the fresh air, then take water procedures.
3. Eating “for the coming sleep” is also not worth it, because the digestion process negatively affects the baby’s efforts to fall asleep. Yes, and the stomach needs rest at night, just like all the other organs of the baby.
4. Having put the child in bed, you can talk with him about something calm, read at night interesting book, you can give your favorite toy to bed, which will sleep next to its owner all night, so that both of them will not be scared.

All such rituals serve only one thing - so that the baby does not get excited before going to bed, but rather gradually calms down, and when his head touches the pillow, his eyes are almost closed.

Instead of a conclusion

The ability of a child to fall asleep on his own is a merit of parents. And it depends on their ability to raise their baby whether the child can go to sleep on his own. It's not as easy as it seems, but you don't have to give up either. If parents are in solidarity in their demands, jointly put forward demands for their child, then everything in the family will turn out fine.

Is it possible from the first days of a baby's life to learn to understand his "language" and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple and reliable solutions for common infant problems such as "unreasonable" crying or not wanting to sleep at night?

Tracey Hogg, specialist in newborn care, talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped so many families, including stellar ones, to cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenthood and raise happy and healthy babies. All of Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on a respectful attitude towards newborn children, albeit small, but personalities.

Why this book is worth reading

• Tracey Hogg is one of the most famous authors of parent-child literature, she is recognized on a par with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
• a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
• the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and father how to raise a happy child in love, respect and care;
• parents around the world call Tracy the modern Mary Poppins for her actionable advice;
• modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.

Who is the author
Tracey Hogg is rightfully considered the modern Mary Poppins; all over the world, young mothers use her technique to fall asleep babies on their own.
The author was a nurse, and in order to help babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she devoted herself to caring for newborns and women in childbirth and helping new parents.

Below we publish a chapter in which the author shares secrets on a topic that does not leave any parent indifferent: how to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own in his crib and sleep peacefully all night.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep peacefully through the night?

My newborn baby was about two weeks old when I was suddenly deafened by the realization: I will never be able to rest again. Well, never is perhaps too strong a word. There was hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head for cutting off - as long as he is a baby, this does not shine for me.
Sandy Shelton. Good night sleep and other lies

Sweet dreams, my dear!

In the first days of life, the main occupation of the newborn is sleep. Some sleep in the first week up to 23 hours a day! Of course, every living being needs sleep, but for a newborn it is everything. While the baby sleeps, his brain is working tirelessly to create convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If the child had a good night's sleep, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after a good rest. He eats heartily, plays enthusiastically, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.

The body of a child who does not sleep well cannot function normally because his nervous system is depleted.

He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take the breast or bottle. He doesn't have the strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overwork exacerbates the sleep problem. The point is that bad sleep habits create a vicious circle. Some babies are so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally turn off. It hurts to watch how the baby literally stuns herself with her own crying, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so overexcited and upset. But the worst thing is that even this hard-won dream turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives "on the nerves."

So, everything seems to be obvious. But you should know how many people do not understand this simple thing: to develop a healthy sleep habit, an infant needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are typical because many parents are unaware: they, and not their children, should decide when the baby goes to bed and how to fall asleep.

In this chapter I will tell you what I myself think about this, and many of my thoughts will certainly come into conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I'll teach you how to notice a baby's fatigue before it becomes overtired, and I'll tell you what to do if you miss a valuable time window when the baby is easy to put to bed. You'll learn how to help your baby fall asleep and how to eliminate sleep-related problems before they become a persistent problem.

Down with delusion: light sleep

Now the minds of parents are owned by two radically different "schools" from one another.
The first includes adherents of co-sleeping, whatever it is called, whether it is "sleeping in the parent's bed" or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a California pediatrician, promotes the idea that babies should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask to have their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that a child a positive attitude towards sleep and putting to bed should be developed (here I am “for” with both hands) and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry it in my arms, nurse and stroke it until the baby falls asleep (which I categorically object to). Sears, the method's most influential promoter, perplexed in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How can a mother be tempted to put her child in a box of bars and leave him in a dark room all alone?"

Proponents of parent-infant co-sleeping often cite traditions from other cultures, such as Bali, where newborns are not let go until they are three months old. (But we don't live in Bali!) Members of the La Leche League believe that if the baby is having a hard day, the mother should stay in bed with him, providing him with the extra contact and care he needs. All this serves to “strengthen the attachment” and create a “sense of security,” so supporters of this view believe it is quite possible for mom and dad to sacrifice their time, personal life and their own need for sleep. And to make it easier for them to do this, Pat Yerian, an advocate for co-sleeping, whose opinion is given in the book “ women's art breastfeeding” (The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding), urges disgruntled parents to change their view of the situation: “If you can take a step towards greater tolerance [in relation to the fact that your child will wake you up], you will gain the ability to enjoy these quiet moments of the night communicating with a newborn who needs your hands and affection, or a little older baby who just needs to be with someone nearby.

At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often referred to as "Ferber" after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for the Study of Children's Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad habits associated with sleep are acquired, which means that they can be weaned (with which I completely agree). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put the baby to bed when he is still awake and teach him to fall asleep on his own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, actually turning to the parents with an appeal: “Come, take me away from here!” - Ferber advises to leave crying unattended for longer and longer periods of time: the first night for five minutes, the second for 10, then 15, etc. (and here Dr. Ferber and I part ways). Dr. Ferber’s explanation is given in Child magazine: “If a kid wants to play with a dangerous object, we say “no” and set boundaries that can cause him to protest .... The same thing happens when we explain to him that there are rules at night. Sleeping well at night is in his own interest.”

Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If any of these two methods suits you and your child, fits your lifestyle, do not hesitate, continue in the same spirit. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already experienced both of these approaches. Events usually unfold in the following way. One parent initially favors the idea of ​​co-sleeping with their child and convinces their partner or partner that this is the best thing to do. In the end, there really is something romantic in this - a kind of return "to the origins." And night feedings are no longer a problem. The enthusiastic couple decide not to buy a crib at all. But a few months pass - sometimes quite a lot - and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid of “sleeping” the child, then they themselves may lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops a painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in a dream.

The baby may wake up frequently—every two hours—and demand attention. And if it is enough for some kids to stroke or hug them tightly so that they fall asleep again, then others think it's time to play. As a result, parents are forced to roam around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other they doze in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in one of them who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs the “Ferber” method.

The couple decides it's time for the baby to get her own bed and buy a crib. From the point of view of the baby, this is a revolution, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to bed with them for several months, rocked me, roamed, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything is alien and frightening! I don’t compare myself to a prisoner and I’m not afraid of the dark, because my infantile mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where did everyone go? Where are the native warm bodies that have always been there?” And I cry - otherwise I can not ask: "Where are you?" And they finally show up. They stroke me, ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me how to fall asleep on my own. I'm still a baby!"

In my opinion, radical methods are not suitable for all children. Obviously, they did not suit the children whose parents turn to me for help. Personally, I prefer to stick to what I consider the golden mean from the very beginning. I call my method "smart approach to sleep."

What is a smart approach to sleep?

This is the middle way, refusing any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes some of both of these principles, but not all, because, in my opinion, the idea of ​​"let him cry and sleep" is not compatible with respectful attitude to the child, and joint sleep makes parents sacrifice their own interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby must be taught to fall asleep on his own - he must feel comfortable and safe in his own bed. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after stress. You can not start solving the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need proper rest, time that they can devote to themselves and each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they still have to give the baby some time, effort and attention. These goals are by no means mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a reasonable approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the problems that lie ahead of you. Throughout the text of the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element, so that it would be easier for you to master the first "C" of my wonderful PASS (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Maternity.ru).

Three phases of sleep

Falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The whole cycle lasts about 20 minutes.

Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, "I'm tired." But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigues. Before he yawns a third time, put him to bed. If this is not done, he will not proceed to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.

Phase 2: "off". The beginning of this phase is marked by the characteristic look of the child, frozen, directed to no one knows where - I call it "a look into the far distance." The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, in fact he does not look anywhere - his consciousness hovers somewhere between reality and sleep.

Phase 3: "sleep". Now the child resembles a person who dozed off on the train: the eyes close, the head falls on the chest or to the side. It seems that he has already fallen asleep, but it was not there: the eyes suddenly open wide, the head jerks back to its previous position, so that the whole body trembles. Then the eyelids close again, and everything repeats again and again from three to five times, after which he finally sinks into sleep.

Go where you want to go. If the idea of ​​co-sleeping appeals to you, explore it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember: everything you do is teaching your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to your chest or rocking him for 40 minutes, you are actually telling him: “So you should fall asleep.” When deciding to go this way, you must be prepared to follow it for a long time.

Independence does not mean neglect. When I say to the mother or father of a newborn baby, “We have to help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But, Tracy, she's only a few hours old!" “When do you think we should start?” I ask.

No one, even scientists, can answer this question, because we do not know when exactly the baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. "So start right now!" I urge. But teaching independence doesn't mean stopping crying alone. This means meeting the needs of the baby, including picking her up when she cries - because by doing this she is trying to tell you something. But once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.

Watch without interfering. You may remember that I already gave this recommendation when talking about games with a baby. It is also true for sleep. Every time a baby falls asleep, it goes through a sequence of certain phases (see "The Three Phases of Falling Asleep"). Parents should know this sequence well so as not to violate it. We should not interfere with the natural processes of the child's life, but observe them, giving the crumbs the opportunity to fall asleep on their own.

Don't make your child dependent on crutches."Crutch" I call any object or any action, having lost which the child experiences stress. It is not necessary to hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own, if you suggest to him that daddy's hands, half an hour of motion sickness or mommy's nipple in her mouth is always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I approve of the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a crying baby. Putting a pacifier or breast on a baby to shut his mouth is simply impolite. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the crumbs in our arms, cradle and rock, in order for her to fall asleep, we actually form her addiction to the “crutch”, depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without outside help.

By the way, a "crutch" is not at all the same as a transitional object - say, a plush toy or a blanket - which the child chooses himself and to which he becomes attached. Most infants under seven or eight months of age are not capable of this - the "attachments" of very young children are for the most part formed by parents. Of course, if your baby is comforted by a favorite toy hanging in her crib, let her have it. But I am against any things that you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm down.

Develop rituals for daytime and nighttime sleep. Putting the baby to bed during the day and in the evening should always be a routine. I never tire of emphasizing: babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what's next. Studies have shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.

Learn about your baby's sleep habits. All “recipes” for how to put a baby to sleep have a common drawback: there are no universal remedies. One suits one, another another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of advice. general, including introducing them to the phases of falling asleep common to all, but I always advise you to carefully look at your child, the one and only.

The best thing is to keep a sleep log of your baby. In the morning, write down when he woke up, and add entries for each daytime sleep. Note when he was put to bed in the evening and what time he woke up at night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child’s sleep is “arranged”, even if it seems that there is no system in this.

For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's daytime naps were completely erratic: "He never goes to sleep at the same time, Tracey." But after four days of keeping a journal of observations, she noticed that although the time changes slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 am, sleeps another 40 minutes between 12:30 and 2:00 pm, and by five in the evening always turns out to be very cranky and irritated and passes out for about 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, last but not least, understand the behavior and mood of her baby. Given Dylan's natural biorhythms, she streamlined him everyday life giving him the opportunity to fully rest. When he began to act up, she better understood what was the matter and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.

The Magic Road to Happiness

Remember Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to walk down the yellow brick road to find someone to help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. In fact, I help parents go the same way. Whether or not your child gets healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the process of learning is initiated and carried out by the parents. Exactly! Babies need to be taught how to fall asleep properly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.

Create conditions for sleep. Since babies are in dire need of predictability, and repetition is the mother of learning, the same thing should be done and said before every nap and night. Then on your children's level understanding, the baby will figure out: “It’s clear, then I’m going to sleep now.” Do the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: "Well, my joy, it's time to bye-bye." When moving your baby into her room, stay calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time for a diaper change so she's not in the way. Draw the curtains. At the same time, I say: “Goodbye, sunshine, see you when I sleep,” or, if it happens in the evening and it’s dark outside: “Good night, month.” I find it wrong to put the baby to sleep in the living room or in the kitchen. It's disrespectful to say the least. Would you yourself like your bed to be in the middle of the trading floor and people loitering around? Of course not! This is what the child does not want.

Catch signals. Just like adults, babies yawn when they get tired. Yawning is a natural response:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen entering the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system is slightly reduced. Yawning allows you to "swallow" more oxygen (try to mimic a yawn and you will feel that the breath becomes deeper). I urge parents to respond as much as possible to the first yawn of the baby - well, at least the third. If you overlook the signs of drowsiness (see "Signs That It's Time for Baby to Sleep"), then certain types of children, such as mimosas, will quickly turn into tantrums.

Advice. To create the right mood for the child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of the rest. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or a struggle to him. If you say “time to sleep” or “you are tired, you need to rest” in such a tone as they say “get out of sight, ugly boy!”, then the child will grow up in the belief that to daytime sleep they sentence, as if to exile in Siberia, juvenile delinquents in order to deprive them of all pleasures.

The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movements. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before bed to take their minds off the day's worries. Babies need to relax too. Before going to bed, nightly bathing, and from the age of three months and massage will help the baby get ready for bed. Even before a day's rest, I always put on a soothing lullaby. For about five minutes, I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the purpose of all this is not to put the child to sleep, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop pumping the baby as soon as I see a “look into the far distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or I notice that her eyelids are drooping, telling me that she is moving on to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it’s never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud at about six months old, when the child can already sit and listen intently.)

Advice. Do not invite guests at the time when you put the child to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they have come to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look and smile! So what, mommy and daddy think I'll fall asleep and miss it all? Well, I do not!"

First in bed, then in the land of dreams. Many people believe that the child can be put to bed only when he falls asleep. This is mistake. Put the baby to bed at the beginning of the third phase - no better way help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how the baby feels, falling asleep in your arms or in a swinging device, and waking up for some reason in the crib. Imagine that I wait until you are asleep and drag your bed out of the bedroom into the garden. You wake up and you can’t understand anything: “Where am I? How did I get here? Only, unlike you, a baby cannot conclude: “Oh, it’s clear that someone dragged me here while I was sleeping.” The child will be disoriented, even scared. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.

Putting the child to bed, I always say the same words: “Now I will put it to you, and you will sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards.” And I keep a close eye on the baby. Before lying down, she may become restless, especially when she shudders all over, which is characteristic of the third phase of falling asleep. There is no need to immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm themselves down and fall asleep. But, if the baby is crying, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember: as soon as she stops fiddling and whining, you need to immediately stop stroking her. If you do this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate strokes and pats with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.

Advice. I usually recommend laying the baby on his back. But you can also arrange it on its side, propping it up with two towels rolled into rollers or special wedge-shaped pillows that are sold in most pharmacies. If the child sleeps on its side, make sure that the side changes.

If the road to dreamland is bumpy, give your child a pacifier. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - the period when we form a daily routine. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn that the dummy should not be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a "crutch". With a reasonable approach of parents to this issue, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The baby has already spent as much energy on sucking as it takes to relieve tension, and safely leaves for the realm of sleep. At this point, some well-intentioned adults come up and say, "Oh, poor thing, you've lost your papilla!" — and shove it back. Do not do that! If the baby needs a pacifier so that the sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will begin to whimper and make gurgling sounds.

So, every time the PASS mode brings you to the first "C", follow the above rules - for most babies, this is enough for them to have positive associations with sleep. Let the baby be led into the land of dreams by the same familiar steps, because for him, predictability means safety. You will be surprised how quickly your baby will learn the skills necessary for a reasonably organized sleep. She will even wait for bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more cheerful. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if a baby
overworked, if she is teething or has a fever (see section on Normal Sleep Problems). But these days are the exception to the rule.

Remember, in order to fall asleep for real, the child needs 20 minutes, and in no case try to speed things up. You will only break natural process falling asleep, and the baby gets nervous. For example, if a loud noise, a dog barking, or a slamming door—or whatever—disturbs her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but rather wake up, and everything will have to start all over again. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep and suddenly a phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or agitated, it can be difficult for him to doze off again. Babies are people too! They're just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts all over again, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall into a deep sleep.

If you missed the "window"

If the baby is still very young and you have not had time to thoroughly study his crying and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to respond to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an "angel" or "textbook", it's okay - these kids need a little attention and affection to quickly bounce back. But with other types of babies, especially mimosas, it's helpful to have a little trick or two in the stash in case you miss phase one because the baby is about to overwork. Yes, and sudden noise or other interference at any time can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby is very worried, he will need your help.

First of all, I will tell you what you should not do in any case: do not rock. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he's already overexcited. He cries because he has had enough stimuli and crying helps to distract from sounds and from light. You don't need to whip up the activity of his nervous system any more. Moreover, it is with this that the formation of bad habits usually begins. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock to sleep to help them fall asleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to get him to fall asleep without these "crutches". Of course, the child protests, as if to say, “No, dear ones, we don't do that. You always rock me."

If you do not want to fall into this vicious cycle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.

Swaddling. After long months in the fetal position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overworked infant must be given a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that someone else is plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions additionally load the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques to help a newborn calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but modern scientific research confirms its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold a square swaddle diagonally. Lay the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one arm of the child on his chest at an angle of 45? and tightly wrap the body with the appropriate corner of the diaper. Repeat on the other side. I recommend swaddling during the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes the first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him such an opportunity. Bend his arms at the elbows and leave the palms unwrapped, closer to his face.

Soothing touch. Let the baby know that you are there and always ready to help him. Rhythmically pat him on the back, imitating heart beats. You can also repeat "shh... shh... shh..." - this will remind the baby of the sounds that he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear, "It's okay" or "You'll just sleep." For some time after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while holding him in your arms - clap, whisper. The transition from your hands to your own bed will become less abrupt.

Eliminate visual stimuli. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overworked baby, especially for a mimosa. So we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some babies this is not enough. If your child is already lying down, place your hand over their eyes—do not place them over their eyes—to shield them from visual stimuli. If you are still holding it, stand motionless in semi-darkness, and with a very overexcited child, in a completely dark room.

Don't go after the child. It is very difficult for parents to cope with an overworked baby. Endless patience and determination are needed, especially if bad sleep behavior has already become a habit. The child whimpers, the parents continue to stroke him, the crying becomes louder. Overwhelmed with stimuli, the infant cries in increasing amounts until it reaches a deafening cry - very clear: "I have no more strength!" Then he takes a breath, and everything starts anew. Usually, the increase in crying occurs three times, until, finally, the child calms down. But already on the second run, many parents lose their nerves, and in desperation they return to the usual “medicine”, whether it is motion sickness, breast offering or a terrible shaking chair.

This is where the problem lies. As long as you keep interfering, the baby needs your help to get to sleep. It doesn’t take a lot of time for a baby to form a dependence on a “crutch” - just a few times is enough, because he still has a very short memory. Wrong start - and every day when you repeat your mistake, the unwanted behavior of the baby will be reinforced. I am often asked for help when the weight of a child reaches 6-7 kg and it becomes burdensome to shake him in your arms. The most serious problems arise when the child is one and a half to two months old. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what's going on and take responsibility for the child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will come: be determined and persistently instill in the baby new, correct behavioral skills. (For more on forming bad habits, see Chapter 9.)

Peaceful sleep until morning

A chapter on baby sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.

Let me first remind you that your baby's "day" is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to "sleep until morning without waking up." This is your desire (and need). Sleeping through the night is not an innate property, but an acquired skill. You must teach her to do this and give her an idea of ​​the difference between day and night. To this end, I give parents the following reminder tips.

Be guided by the principle "how much has gone, so much has arrived." For example, if in the morning he was very capricious, and instead of the next feeding, he fills up an extra half an hour, you leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived on a tight schedule, you would wake him up). But don't forget common sense. Do not let your baby sleep more than one feeding cycle during the day, i.e. more than three hours, otherwise he will not sleep at night. I guarantee that no baby who sleeps six hours during the day without a break will sleep more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day and night. The only way to “call him to order” is to wake him up, and his nighttime sleep will arrive exactly as many hours as the daytime has gone.

"Fill tank full." It sounds rude, but in order for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have a full stomach. Therefore, from the age of six weeks, I recommend the following two doses: paired feedings - every two hours in anticipation of a night's sleep - and "sleepy" feedings just before you yourself go to bed. For example, you give your baby a breast (or a bottle) at 18:00 and at 20:00 and arrange a "sleepy" feeding at 22:30 or at 23:00. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you carefully take the baby in your arms, lightly touch her lower lip with a nipple or nipple, and let her saturate, and your job is to try not to wake her up. When she finishes sucking, go without spitting up. During "sleepy" feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Keep silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is wet or soiled. With these two tricks, most kids can skip nighttime feedings, as long as they've consumed enough calories for five to six hours.

Advice."Sleepy" feeding of an artificial person can be entrusted to dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like such an assignment.

Use a blank. If the pacifier doesn't turn into a crutch, it's a great help to help you skip nighttime feedings. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more who consumes at least 700-850 g of formula milk or has six to eight breastfeeding during the day (four to five in the daytime and two to three paired at bedtime), does not need another feeding in the middle of the night so as not to starve to death. If he wakes up anyway, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where a dummy comes in handy if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of nighttime feeding. If he wakes up crying, requires a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes, having sucked out some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.

On the first night, he will most likely suck her for those 20 minutes until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, it will cost 10 minutes, and on the third, he will not wake up at all at the usual time of night feeding, but only tinker in his sleep. If he does wake up, give him a pacifier. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is quite suitable. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.

That was the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy wakes up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me to visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, from one description of her, I realized that she was right). Besides, she wanted Cody to unlearn waking up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night I took Cody out of the crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked for 10 minutes, as he used to suck on a bottle. The next night I left him in his crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he sucked for only three minutes. On the third night, as expected, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15 but didn't wake up. That's all! From that moment he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.

Don't run up to the child. The sleep of an infant is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often convince parents to get rid of the damned "baby monitors" that amplify any sigh or squeak of the baby to their ears. These gizmos turn parents into freaky alarmists! I never tire of repeating: you need to understand the difference between a response and a rescue operation. If the parents are responsive to the child's needs, the child will grow up confident and not afraid to explore the world. But if his parents continuously "rescue" him, then he is imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to explore the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.

Publication date 23.09.2014
Article author: Tracey Hogg

No one is more able to rejoice at the onset of the evening than the parents of small children. After all, as they say in one joke - sleeping children are not only cute, but finally! But it is in the evening that every parent faces the most difficult task - to put the child to bed. And before the "finally" comes, you have to do a thousand rituals. Bring water to the child, close the curtains, turn on the night light, take him to the potty, open the curtains, bring water again, and so on ad infinitum. It is no wonder that after such manipulations, poor mothers and fathers grab their heads with the question of how to teach the baby to fall asleep on their own. This is not easy to do, but if you have patience, everything is possible.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own?

Watching how reluctantly babies go to sleep, an adult is unlikely to understand real reasons refusal to sleep. And they are more than serious in the understanding of children. Children perceive sleep not as a long-awaited rest, but, above all, as parting with loved ones and inaction. How is it to close your eyes, let all the interesting things go and do nothing for a while? In the small head of a child, such things seem frightening. So bedding turns into a real show with special effects.

However, despite the fact that this problem affects hardly every family, it can be solved quite simply. The main thing is to be patient and learn to control yourself. But first things first.

The first problem that new mothers face is that the baby falls asleep only with the breast. And then a counter question arises - why on early stage development of the baby and the formation of his psyche to wean him from what he so lacks? Of course, you can try to put the baby to bed after feeding and enjoy his screams in the middle of the night when he found that his mother was not around. Remember that it is only uncomfortable for you when the child is sleeping next to you and feels your warmth. And for your crumbs - this is the guarantor of harmonious development. By weaning the baby from yourself, you risk getting an aggressive and neurotic personality. Therefore, to think about how to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own, it is best to think about when he is 7-8 months old.

The second and most global problem of many mothers is the time when the child falls asleep only in her arms. This stage is experienced by almost all families. But you can get over it pretty quickly. How exactly - we will tell a little later.

The third problem is the constant traditional scandals that roll up 2-3 summer child who falls asleep only with his mother or does not want to go to bed until all the inhabitants of the house fall asleep.

All three problems can be solved using the same method. His name is the Estville method.

How to teach a child to fall asleep in a crib?

The unique technique, created several decades ago, has been tested by many parents. But before you decide on it, make sure that while accustoming the baby to sleep there are no compassionate grandmothers or other reasons that can disrupt this idea.

So what does your child do when you want to put him to bed? Of course, he seeks your attention in every way. He pretends to be seriously ill, screams, swears, and can even make himself vomit. Don't be nervous. Even if irritation reigns inside you, do not show it and remain outwardly calm. Change your baby and put him back in the crib. Some parents leave their babies to cry and do not approach them anymore - they will allegedly get tired and fall asleep themselves. Under no circumstances should this be done! You need to get back to your baby! But not in order to calm him down, make him not cry or pick him up again and lull him to insanity. You came for only one reason - to show the child that you have not abandoned him and still love him. How often should you visit the nursery? The answer to this question lies in the Estville method, designed for a week, where each exit to the baby is scheduled by the minute:

1 day. When putting the baby to sleep, leave the room and return for the first time in a minute, the second and third times after 3 minutes, and then come back every 5 minutes until the child falls asleep.

2 day- come back after 3 minutes (1 time), 5 minutes (2 times), 7 minutes all other times.

3 day– 5 minutes (1 time), 7 minutes (2 times), 9 minutes all other times.

Day 4– 7 minutes (1 time), 9 minutes (2 times), 11 minutes all other times.

Day 5– 9 minutes (1 time), 11 minutes (2 times), 13 minutes all other times.

Day 6– 11 minutes (1 time), 13 minutes (2 times), 15 minutes all other times.

Day 7– 13 minutes (1 time), 15 minutes (2 times), 17 minutes all other times.

Use this scheme at any time of the day.

When does the baby begin to fall asleep on its own using this method? As a rule, most parents trying this scheme managed to accustom the child to the crib in 4-5 days. The most difficult thing in this method is not to break loose and run to crying baby. You need to have a little patience and realize that all your actions are only for the good. When returning to the child, do not turn on the light, do not take him in your arms and do not try to hug him. Let him hear only your voice. Tell him that you are not leaving him, that you are going to bed too and that all babies should fall asleep on their own. Be sure to say how much you love your child. If you manage to gather your will into a fist and strictly follow the method, then in a few days the results will exceed your expectations. And then the problem of how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own will never touch you again.

Being in the arms of Morpheus for a baby is sometimes very simple. Especially if he falls asleep next to his mother. But it is worth shifting it to the crib, as the baby immediately wakes up. We offer you 5 rules that will help your child fall asleep on their own.

Alone in bed

The baby of the first months of life is still very attached to his mother, especially if he is on. He needs to touch his mother, her breasts, to smell her even at night.

When a child gets older, attachment manifests itself on an emotional level. The baby is bored and sad without a mother, he may feel lonely. Especially if he sees that mom is not sleeping yet, but is busy with some of her own affairs.

Children grow up, and they have fears. And also jealousy, resentment, fear, pain, a feeling of loneliness - a whole heap of various emotions overwhelms the child, forcing him to demand his mother.

If this happens from time to time - it's not scary. Overwhelmed by the impressions of the day or something alarmed, the baby has every right to sometimes fall asleep with difficulty and wish to be lulled by his parents. But if such a situation is repeated from day to day, from evening to evening, then, most likely, the parents themselves missed something. We went on about the child and his whims.

According to Dr. Komarovsky, the solution to this problem is only pedagogical. And the basis of pedagogy is that not a crumb, who is not even a year old, brings up mom and dad, but, on the contrary, parents raise a child. Only they decide how the baby goes to bed.

Fall asleep on your own from birth: is it possible?

It is better to accustom the child to the regimen from birth. Whole life experience the baby still fits in a few weeks, and it is in your power to accustom the baby to a certain order. For example, teach your baby to fall asleep in the crib after feeding. If something bothers the baby, eliminate the cause of discomfort and put the baby back in the crib. It’s more convenient, of course, to sleep with your baby: you don’t have to get up to feed, and it’s useful to stimulate lactation ... But you need to understand that it should not become a system, like endless motion sickness.

If the child does not sleep

What to do if you realized it late, and the baby got into the habit of falling asleep only in the presence of his mother? Urgently take the reins in your hands and set your own rules for going to bed.

Rule 1. We comply with the regime

It is never too late to start following the regime and sticking to a strict schedule. Even if the baby is a few months old and you feed him on demand, he should have gradations of periods of sleep and wakefulness. And your behavior should match them. During wakefulness, you show attention to the baby. When the time for sleep comes, there is a regime of silence and darkness.

In children older than six months, some semblance of a feeding regime already appears, and in babies older than a year, usually 4-5 meals a day, which allows you to build other processes: a walk, communication and sleep.

Why is mode so important? If the child gets used to going to bed at about the same time, then, tired during the day, he will quickly fall asleep. And the question of night vigils will disappear by itself.

Rule 2. Create rituals

Even for very young children, bedtime rituals are important. Therefore, before going to bed at night, do the same manipulations: bathed - fed - kissed - put to bed to sleep. The repetition of the same processes is the key to the calmness of the baby at a tender age. Peace of mind is the key to good sleep.

An older child already consciously relates to rituals, and therefore they can be complicated. For example, before going to bed, sing a song or tell a story, give a massage, or allow the child to put a bear to sleep. Whatever you choose, the baby must know for sure: after certain actions, he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

Rule 3

The laying process should take place in the most calm and relaxed atmosphere. Now is not the time for negative emotions, leave any reproaches and disputes (whether with a child or with a husband) in the morning. In order for the baby to be calm before going to bed, the mother must also be relaxed.

Having laid the baby, do not rush to run away from him. Follow the established rituals, slowly, without casting a glance at the clock every minute. Your nervousness will be passed on to the child, and he will unconsciously delay the time to fall asleep, if only his mother would stay with him longer.

Can be set for yourself a certain period which you need to put your baby to bed. For example, half an hour - this time is enough to tell a story, hug and wish Good night. But these minutes should be completely given only to the baby: nothing should distract you from the child.

Rule 4

Sometimes adults unwittingly themselves cause problems falling asleep in a child.

“If you don’t obey, a lamb will come for you!” - the grandmother scares the grandson. “And who is there rustling behind the curtain?” - Papa jokes unsuccessfully.

And now the baby, as soon as the light is turned off, finds himself alone with the hypothetical "villains". Such jokes can, so never scare your baby with dark rooms and unknown little animals.

Some children fall asleep only in complete darkness and silence. It is important for others to hear the usual home sounds: the sound of water, the clinking of plates, the quiet voice of dad and mom. Many babies love to fall asleep by the light of a night light. There are no rules in this matter. Let it be the way it is convenient for your child.

Rule 5

patience in this case is not that the poor mother sits at the crib for half the night and waits, . No, the task of the mother is to wish the baby good night and leave the room.

If the child is crying, be sure to go to him, make sure that everything is in order with him. Perhaps he needs to change his diaper, or the baby wants to drink, or he just needs to make sure that mom is around. Having done the necessary manipulations, again wish the baby good night and leave the room.

This rule, according to psychologists, is the most difficult to implement. It is at this stage that many parents give up and stay watch by the cribs or take the crying baby into their bed. But this is where parents need to be persistent and consistent.

Children, even the smallest ones, perfectly feel their mother's mood. If she doubts that she is right and is ready to give up, then the child will only “add the sound” of crying, having achieved her goal in the end. In the same way, he will very quickly feel that his mother is resolute and calm, and, therefore, it is useless to cry. Someone will need a couple of days for the child to get used to falling asleep on their own, someone a couple of weeks, but if the mother does not rush between different decisions, if she is caring, attentive and patient, then sooner or later the baby will get used to the rules.

Exception to the rule

If the baby is sick, if he is teething, he is upset about something (for example, his mother left and his grandmother puts him down), the sixth rule of going to bed appears - do not leave the baby alone. He's already ill, don't add to his stress.

Just do not forget, when the situation stabilizes, return to everyday rules. Good luck!