“Let's take a look at the work that no family can do without, which is usually housework. Although housework is very necessary, useful and indispensable, many have a negative attitude towards it. Although until now, most of the family affairs are represented by housework.
And now I want you to do something similar to what you did when you read the chapter "The Rules You Live By." Everyone sits down and makes a list of the things that the family does to ensure its functioning. Appoint a secretary. Your list should include things like washing clothes, ironing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, keeping bills, paying bills, working outside the home, etc. If a family member needs special care, this should also be mentioned. This is a basic list of household chores that should be done regularly.
Now take a look at your list and see how all these types of work are done. And you will fully see the state of affairs in your family. You may not have even thought about it before.
Don't you find that not all necessary actions are performed in your family? You may find that some types of work are poorly done, or that most of the work falls on the shoulders of one person, while others do almost nothing. If this is true, then, therefore, some members of your family are offended and disappointed.
This simple exercise, if done once every three months, helps to maintain family engineering. In business, you can use special expert for performance evaluation. Your list can be a guide to improving your family's performance.
However, not all so simple. Once you have identified the needs that need to be met, you need to develop a plan and choose the person who would carry it out. This is one of the most difficult tasks.
How will you determine who will do the work and when?
Most families came to the conclusion that different methods are used at different times to resolve this issue.
One of them is the pointing method, where the parent, realizing that he has the right to use his influence as a leader, simply gives an instruction to do something: “It must be done this way and nothing else!”
Sometimes it is more advantageous to use the voting method, it is more democratic. In the end, the majority decides. There is also a method that I call adventurous, but it works the best. With this, a rather democratic method, the point of view of anyone is taken into account, everyone's opinion is discussed, correlated with reality, and then swept aside or accepted.
Sometimes the method of expediency is applied. We all know him.
All of these methods are suitable for certain situations. What is especially important is to choose the right method, the most suitable for a given situation, which, in turn, requires flexibility and freedom of action.
Each method must always be controlled. If there is no constant control, someone will definitely decide that they are not put in anything, and you yourself may not be in the best position ...
Families create unnecessary problems for themselves when they assign the same people to do the same work. John always takes out the trash. Teresa is washing the dishes. Mom is shopping. The diversity and constant change of work roles helps to optimize the functioning of the entire family life.
Another problem is that once a plan is created, it feels like it's written forever. For example, a child should be in bed by 8:30, no matter how old he is, 4 or 14. This illustrates the rules that have absolutely no time limits ...
I am sure that even well-designed plans have their time limits. Let's say they can be approved for one week, one month, one year, until 3.30 today when my mom comes or when I'm five centimeters fatter."
From the book of one of the founders of modern family therapy American Virginia Satir "How to build yourself and your family."
The first part, about cataloging the necessary homework, seems to me quite concrete and doable. But the second, about the "choice of the responsible" - is somewhat abstract. And you?
And did any of you, dear friends, do such a procedure with your household members?
Virginia Satir (June 26, 1916, Wisconsin - September 10, 1988, Palo Alto) was an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The ideas of Virginia Satir had a great influence on the development of family therapy.
At the age of five, she experienced several months of hospitalization due to a ruptured appendix, while her parents were on the verge of a divorce. Then she said that she intended to be "a judge of her parents." Perhaps it was quarrels between her parents that prompted her to become a family therapist.
In 1927 the family moved to Milwaukee. Here, Virginia graduated from high school and teacher training college, after which she worked as a school teacher for six years. At the same time, he attends social work courses in Chicago and studies psychoanalysis. In 1942 he received a master's degree in psychology. During this period, she was actively engaged in private psychotherapeutic practice.
In 1951, she worked with a twenty-eight-year-old client suffering from schizophrenia. In the process of work, I came to the conclusion that it is necessary to consult not an individual person, but a family as a whole. Subsequently, this idea became an important element of her work with the client - drawing up the so-called "family map", which marked significant events in the family over several generations.
From 1955 to 1958 she participated in the family psychology program at the Illinois Institute of Psychiatry. In 1959, she accepted an invitation to participate in the creation of the Palo Alto Psychic Research Institute, where she worked until 1966. She was appointed head of the education department, under her leadership, the first in the United States appeared educational program for family therapists.
In 1973 he became a professor at the Universities of Wisconsin and Chicago.
In 1977, she created the Avanta Network. Members of Avanta Network are primarily engaged in all kinds of support for psychotherapy models that lead to personal growth.
In May 1987 V. Satir visits the USSR.
Virginia Satir has been married twice. An unsuccessful pregnancy forever deprived her of the chances of becoming a mother. Trying to make up for the lack of children, Virginia adopted two girls.
Books (4)
You and Your Family: A Guide to Personal Growth
The book by the founder of family counseling, Virginia Satir, is devoted to the most relevant topic - the family and intra-family relationships.
What happens in the family when the solemn marriage is far behind, and weekdays come, when every day face to face (or back to back) husband and wife, parents and children. It's boring? hard? no way? Is it possible to change something and how to do it - all this is fascinating with subtle and kind humor, and most importantly, with faith in the desire and ability of a person for personal growth is written in this book.
How to build yourself and your family
The author of the book, the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems of family life.
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is far from full circle questions raised by the author.
The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor. For a wide range readers.
Doctor of Psychology
AND. With. Spivakovskaya
Translators: £ AT. Novikov, M. AND. Makarushkina
Satyr AT.
From 21 How to build yourself and your family: Per. from English: improve. ed - M: Pedagogy-Press, 1992. - 192 p: ill.
The author of the book is the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems of family life
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is not a complete range of issues raised by the author. The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor.
For a wide range of readers „ 4312000000-063,
005(01)-92
- 83-91
BBC 88.5
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
© 1988 by Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
© Translation, afterword, artwork,
publishing house "Pedagogy-Press", 1992
Satyr V. 1
How to build yourself and your family 1
Preface 2
Chapter 1. What does your family look like? 4
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 How We Speak and How We Listen 13
Chapter 5 Communication Patterns 21
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8 Systems: Open or Closed? 35
Chapter 9
Chapter 10 Special Families 43
Chapter 11 Your Family Map 49
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14. Elements of a Family Life Project 65
Chapter 15
Chapter 16 family ties 81
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
The world starts at home. (Afterword to the Russian edition) 97
Foreword
I was five years old when I decided that I would definitely become a children's detective. Then I vaguely imagined what this work would be like, but I distinctly felt that there was something in the family that was hard to see right away without delving deeply into the world of human relations, a world full of mysterious mysteries, often hidden from view.Now, after so many years, having worked with thousands of families, I am convinced that most of these mysteries have not been solved. The work taught me a lot, opened up new opportunities and prospects for further discoveries. Now it is quite clear to me that the family is a microcosm of the whole world. To understand him, it is enough to know the family. Manifestations of power, intimacy, independence, trust, communication skills that exist in it are the key to unraveling many phenomena of life. If we want to change the world, we need to change the family.
Family life is like an iceberg. Most people see only a small surface of it and delude themselves into thinking they see it in its entirety. Some guess that the iceberg is somewhat larger, but do not know what exactly its invisible part is. Not knowing all the intricacies of family life, you can direct it in a dangerous course.
Like the movements of an experienced sailor, who must take into account the shape and size of the hidden part of the iceberg in order for the ship to safely pass on the intended course, the life of the family depends on how much it understands, realizes and takes into account the feelings, needs, intentions, motives and thoughts of each of its members. , and they are often hidden precisely in the underwater part, obscured from us by everyday events, familiar words, actions and deeds.
I sincerely believe that today, when humanity is penetrating into the microcosm of the atom and into the gigantic expanses of intergalactic astronomy, it is possible to make significant progress in understanding an equally important question: what happens when one person communicates and interacts with another? I believe that in a thousand years historians will define our time as the beginning new era when each person becomes truly humane.
I thought for a long time about what humanity is, what kind of person can be called a humanist. A humanist is, in my opinion, one who understands, appreciates and develops his body, his body, himself, considers himself beautiful and the right people; one who is realistic and honest with himself and others; able to take a conscious and deliberate risk; strives for excellence and competence in the field in which he is engaged, looking for new ways in life and changing the situation, if necessary; he is not afraid of change; ready to give up the habitual, if it is expedient and prevents him and other people from correcting mistakes, if this is harmful.
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Doctor of Psychology
AND. With. Spivakovskaya
Translators: ? AT. Novikov, M. AND. Makarushkina
Satyr V.
From 21 How to build yourself and your family: Per. from English: improve. ed - M: Pedagogy-Press, 1992. - 192 p: ill.
The author of the book is the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems of family life
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is not a complete range of issues raised by the author. The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor.
For a wide range of readers „ 4312000000-063,
005(01)-92
- 83-91
BBC 88.5
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
© 1988 by Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
© Translation, afterword, artwork,
publishing house "Pedagogy-Press", 1992
Foreword
I was five years old when I decided that I would definitely become a children's detective. Then I vaguely imagined what this work would be like, but I distinctly felt that there is something in the family that is difficult to see right away without delving deeply into the world of human relations, a world full of mysterious mysteries, often hidden from the eyes.
Now, after so many years, having worked with thousands of families, I am convinced that most of these mysteries have not been solved. The work taught me a lot, opened up new opportunities and prospects for further discoveries. Now it is quite clear to me that the family is a microcosm of the whole world. To understand him, it is enough to know the family. Manifestations of power, intimacy, independence, trust, communication skills that exist in it are the key to unraveling many phenomena of life. If we want to change the world, we need to change the family.