Lumpy semolina, frothy milk, an afternoon nap - just don't think that we decided to list our most terrible associations with kindergarten. On the contrary, today all these memories rather cause a smile and even nostalgia. What can not be said about modern children!
Alas, it seems that all the kind teachers and beloved nannies have long been retired, and the kindergarten atmosphere is not at all the same ... Otherwise, how else to explain that all the photos from modern preschool institutions are more like real tests for parents and children? Well, see for yourself!
1. Do you think this letter was accidentally dropped?
2. Yes, these signs warn of danger as soon as they can!
3. And this is not a hint at all!
4. We don't even want to imagine this picture...
5. I wonder what child will agree to enter through this gate voluntarily and without hysteria?
6. As if someone is specifically trying to make children associate kindergarten only with horrors!
7. But the atmosphere of walking areas will surely affect the fragile children's psyche ...
8. Scarecrow and High Fence - Level 80 Security!
9. But dads will definitely know where to take and where to pick up the baby!
10. It seems that even you do not have as many independent activities as the children of this older group!
11. Our parents definitely didn’t know and didn’t see this!
12. I sent my child to kindergarten and ran to the garden! Otherwise, how to fulfill the norm of delivery of vegetables?
13. Apparently, on the weekends, parents are just trying to erase the working week from memory ...
14. We can’t even imagine what you will write in such a questionnaire!
16. Who would have thought that the administrative resource would help in recruiting subscribers?
17. Where do you think these first children's complexes came from?
18. Good thing we don't see a sequel!
19. That's why children don't like fairy tales from our childhood!
20. So do they walk or are they walked?
21. It seems that their future profession is already a foregone conclusion!
22. And now no one dreams of becoming an astronaut ...
23. It seems that the children themselves are hinting at something!
24. Oh, these competitions in kindergarten! Run for a sedative...
27. Believe me, with such a teacher, the children themselves will begin to pronounce all the letters!
28. And moms kept racking their brains why dads are so eager to take their children to New Year's parties ...
29. When they rehearsed twenty times, but something still didn’t go according to plan!
30. And in our time, even lockers were kinder. I wonder how my bunny is doing?
31. We hope his family is not too religious?
32. Taking you to kindergarten in the morning, it’s not a fact that you will recognize your child in the evening!
Did you like it on the Yolka? - Mom asks little Lenochka after the holiday in kindergarten.
- But Mom! I didn't climb the tree. I was sitting under the tree. It's even more fun!
Note to husband:
"Darling, pick up the child from the kindergarten. P.S. He will recognize you himself!"
A mother comes for a child in a kindergarten. He looks, the children are sitting in the sandbox with phones, and the teacher is sleeping on the bench.
- Why are you sleeping? Your kids will run away!
- Yes, where will they go, we have Wi-Fi only within the sandbox!
Crime news:
"Vchela unknown seized a kindergarten. They are smoldering a helicopter and a million dollars in small bills."
Kindergarten teacher asks:
- Guys, can you tell me who is smarter: people or animals?
Here one girl says:
- Animals are smarter!
The teacher, a little surprised by this answer, asks:
- Why do you think so?
- Because when I talk to my dog, she always understands me, but when she talks to me, I never understand her.
Arctic. Lesson in kindergarten. The teacher asks the children a riddle: "In winter and summer in one color." One kid stands up and proudly says:
- Snow!
There is a competition for the funniest grimace in the kindergarten. Children build different faces. The teacher announces:
- Tanechka won!
- I didn't play...
Yesterday, a suspicious woman was detained on the territory of the kindergarten, who was spying on the children from around the corner. During the investigation, it was found that this is ... a teacher.
Tanya returns from kindergarten:
- I'm so tired in the garden! Hurry to retire...
The wife went on a business trip. The husband wakes up the child and takes him to the kindergarten. They came to one, and they were told:
- This is not our child!
Came to another - the same story. Here the child can not stand:
- Dad, one more kindergarten - and I'll be late for school!
The boy says to the kindergarten teacher:
How long are your nails...
- What, do you like them?
The boy replies:
- I like it very much. Probably convenient to climb trees!
The kindergarten teacher spent half an hour pulling small tights on the girl. When she straightened up with a sigh of relief, the girl said:
- These are not my tights.
Growling internally, the teacher pulled her tights back for ten minutes. When she finished, the girl said:
- These are my brother's tights, my mother mixed them up and put them on me.
The wiring in the kindergarten burned out. The manager invited two electricians. The next day, all the children in the garden began to speak swear words.
They called two electricians and began to ask if they had taught the children to swear. The electricians pleaded not guilty. Then they were asked to tell in detail what happened the day before in the garden. Here one of them says:
- My partner started soldering the wires. When the pliers fell on my leg, I did not utter a word... When the hammer fell on my head, I said nothing... But when the molten tin flowed down my collar, then I said: "Konstantin. Here you are wrong."
Mom, today the doctor checked us in the kindergarten.
What did he check?
- He checked whether we were breathing or not.
List of used literature:
1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Cool"
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers"
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna
Hello dear readers of the blog, lovers of anecdotes!
I recently saw this on the street. The boy cried, resisted and categorically did not want to go to kindergarten. And then the kind mother affectionately told the baby that if he did not calm down, he would simply tear off his head.
The boy didn't calm down...
Read a selection of thematic jokes about kindergarten students, their parents and educators - “To the kindergarten without a head”!
Fifth-grader Valera had to interrupt his studies at school, because his turn came to kindergarten.
In kindergarten, children are taught to count up to six. Everyone counted to six, and Vovochka said: - And I can count further. - Well done, Vovochka, let's listen to you. - Seven, eight, nine, ten, jack, queen, king, ace...
Children, and what is the most important rule for a pedestrian at a traffic light? - Stay away from puddles!
Children in kindergarten are asked where they came from. - The stork brought me. - And they bought me in the store. - And they downloaded me from the Internet. We don't have a rich family. Dad does everything...
Well, children, what sounds did we hear on the farm? - Mu Mu! - Quack quack! - Be-e-e-e-e! - Get off the tractor!
Children, what's wrong with you? Why don't you play and sit so gloomy? - We play! - In whom? - In adults...
In kindergarten, a glamorous teacher explains to the girls who are interested in her make-up: - Perfume must be used very carefully ... Vovochka stood nearby, listened to everything, and then said: - Yeah, dad says the same thing to mom when she cooks soup.
Children ask the teacher: - What is Paradise? The teacher replies: - Well, that's where the apples, pears, grapes are... - Aha! Got it! It's compote!
The teacher reads a fairy tale: - The father had three sons: the eldest was a smart kid, the middle son - this way and that, the youngest was a fool at all ... - Did their father get sick, or what? the children ask. - Why do you think so? - And what did he get worse and worse every time?
The tale was so terrible that on the second page the teacher took the group for a smoke break.
And why do you have gray-haired children in your group? - And I tell them the truth instead of fairy tales.
A village boy runs to his mother: - Mom, mom, and we have naked people behind the barn! - Yes, these are probably wild people who came out of the forest ... - I don’t know, mom, my aunt may be wild, but our dad is definitely not wild.
In kindergarten: - And now Dima will tell you the story "The Incident in the Forest", which he invented himself. - I didn't think of anything! They really were naked.
Five-year-old Misha drew dad, and mom immediately filed for divorce, saying that her son opened her eyes to this monster.
A little boy watches a performance by a fashionable pop singer on TV and says thoughtfully: “And when we yell like that in the kindergarten, the teacher scolds us ...”
After the magic phrase "Time to sleep!" children are attacked by dryness, hunger and constipation.
Son, where did you get this machine from? - We changed in the kindergarten with Lyosha Sidorov. - Alyosha gave you a typewriter. What are you to him? - On the neck ...
There is a father with a little son. Son: - Dad, dad, let's buy sluts ... - Buy, sonny, buy. Only this is called lavash. - Dad, look, boobs are on the Christmas tree. - Where?! Crap! And why am I paying a speech therapist!
At the New Year's party. Santa Claus says to the boy: - Well, boy, ask whatever you want. - Tablet. - A poem from you. Our Tanya is crying loudly, she dropped it into the river ... what? - Ball. - That's right, boy, here's a ball for you, and you say - a tablet.
After the children's matinee, one mother went to pick up her child from the crowd of children, and since she was not tall, some man took her away.
In kindergarten, two dads pick up their children. One says to the other: - How grimy children are! - That's for sure. I had to launder three yesterday until I found my own!
A man picks up a child from kindergarten. Dress him up. The teacher runs up to him and says: - This is not your child! - Enough already! Not only do all the neighbors tell me about it, but you are also here!
Autumn. It's cold outside. The boy is brought home from kindergarten. Grandfather asks: - Do you already heat in the kindergarten? - No, grandfather, they are still putting it in a corner.
Mommy, I don't want to go to kindergarten! It's bad there! - Well, quit, daughter, they will do without a teacher ...
Childhood- this is when you watch "Tom and Jerry" and rejoice for the mouse.
Maturity- this is when you realize that Jerry is a goat, a sadist and a bastard, and you really feel sorry for the cat.
Cycle of desires: in kindergarten I want to go to school... At school I want to go to university... At university I want to work... At work I want to go to kindergarten... And forever!
P.S. The kindergarten teacher Alena Nikolaevna, after the third glass, began to indulge and did not want to go to bed.
About kindergarten. Laugh heartily!
Girl says:
- Mom, the doctor checked us today in kindergarten.
Mom asks:
And what did he check?
The girl replies:
- He checked whether we were breathing or not ...
***
Children sit in kindergarten and boast:
- And I have my mother's eyes and grandma's ears!
- And I have daddy's hair and grandfather's nose!
- And I have my mother's teeth and my father's posture!
- And I have ... Big brother's tights!
***
The boy says to the kindergarten teacher:
How long are your nails...
The teacher asks him:
- What, do you like them?
The boy replies:
- I like it very much. It is very convenient to climb trees with them ...
***
Kindergarten teacher for half an hour pulled the pants on a little girl. When she straightened up with a sigh of relief, the girl said:
- These are not my leggings.
Growling inwardly, the governess pulled the pants back for fifteen minutes. When she finished, the girl said:
- These are my brother's leggings, my mother sometimes puts them on me.
***
Forum post:
- Last week for the first time took her to kindergarten. Please advise if it's worth it?
***
In kindergarten, the cook asked the kids what kind of scrambled eggs they wanted for lunch.
- Me ... with open eyes! one said.
- And to me - with narrowed eyes! - the lively girl supported him.
- And to me ... and to me - completely sleepy! - there was a third.
***
In kindergarten:
- Children, aunt leaves. What needs to be said?
- God bless!!!
***
Kindergarten teacher asks:
- Children, name your pet four-legged friend. Who can? Here you are, Sasha, tell me!
- Bed!
***
A father comes to kindergarten for his son. He is asked:
- Which is yours?
- What's the difference? Anyway, back tomorrow.
***
Wife to husband:
Do you see this person in the photo?
- Yes.
- At six in the evening you will pick him up from kindergarten!
***
A little boy watches a performance by a fashionable crooner on TV and says so thoughtfully:
“And we are in the kindergarten when we yell like that, they scold us ...”
***
Kindergarten announcement:
“Dear parents! Please do not believe everything that your child tells about kindergarten! In turn, we promise you not to believe everything he says about you.”
***
Most unlucky in life are children whose mother works as a cook in a kindergarten. And in the garden they feed terribly and eat the same at home.
***
- Whom did you bring from kindergarten? This is not our child!
- Don't worry, dear. Tomorrow we still have to take him back.
***
A little boy comes from kindergarten all scratched up.
Dad asks:
- What's the matter?
- Yes, they danced round the Christmas tree.
- So what?
- The Christmas tree is big, but there are few children!
***
Why so sad?
- I almost ripped off the child's matinee (((
- ?
- The day before, the teacher called, ordered all parents to wear masks ...
- And what? They are in every pharmacy.
- They were all so smart! I'm alone like a fool in a crocodile mask! 
***
A new kindergarten teacher arrives
The kids are small, about 3 years old, sitting, quieted down, looking at the new aunt carefully.
- Hello children. My name is Zhanna Gennadievna.
Silence. The kids are digesting a complicated name and patronymic, only you can hear the rustle of eyelashes ... And then quietly, someone's timid voice:
- Greedy?
***
Kindergarten
- But, I remember, we also had one guy in kindergarten. Beat everyone. Except me. I was strong, always fought back. That's why I was kicked out of kindergarten.
- Like this?
- Well, they said that the watchman grandfather should not fight with small children ...