According to scientists, history is made by individuals. But in this post, you will learn that some stupid object, like a piece of wood, can play a greater role in history than any president.
Historians, so that their science does not look like a series of blind cases, have introduced a tricky term - “bifurcation point”. This means that the entire history of mankind goes along the path of development according to logic, and everything in it seems to be predetermined. But at some point, the story suddenly begins to make a feint with its ears, turning in a completely different direction. And in which direction it will turn, it is impossible to predict. A kind of historical crossroads is being formed, being at which humanity can go along one of the several paths offered to it. And only blind chance predetermines the choice. This random choice is called the “bifurcation point”. And, standing at this point, fatal role not only people can play, but also inanimate objects.

1. Open window

Microbiologists are distinguished by their cleanliness, because they have to work in conditions of complete sterility. But English scientist Alexander Fleming was an exception to the rule. Since there was not enough money for a cleaning lady or a laboratory assistant all the time, there was an eternal mess in his working room, where dirty flasks were adjacent to papers and everything was in complete disarray. In order not to suffocate in such an environment, the professor often opened the windows wide open. In the 1920s, a spore of the penicillium fungus entered the room through this open window and landed neatly in a dish with staphylococci bred by the scientist. When Fleming suddenly remembered his experience with staphylococci and decided to throw them away, he was stopped by interesting picture. He expected to see a cloudy slurry teeming with bacteria in the dishes, but he saw a clear solution with a film of mold floating on top. Staphylococcus was destroyed. A few years later, penicillin was created.

Someday, scientists would still have discovered penicillin, but it would have happened much later. And because of the open window during the war, the Allied hospitals had a drug that restores the most seriously wounded to life. These developments were transferred to the USSR. If not for the open window, the number of deaths in this war would have been much higher, which would have affected the outcome of the war.

2. Sliver from a spear

When Henry II became king of France in the middle of the 16th century, he found himself in an uncomfortable position. From him, as the ruler of a Catholic country, they expected the oppression of the French Huguenots. But the king himself was not an ardent Catholic, he treated Catholicism with hostility. Therefore, he chose the following tactics of behavior: he persecuted Protestants in his own country, but was friends with their brethren from other countries. Over the years, he leaned more and more towards Protestantism. A little more, and France would have become a Protestant country, but pure chance prevented this. During a jousting duel, a sliver broke off from the opponent's spear and hit the ruler right in the eye. By what coincidence did the sliver fall into a narrow gap in the visor on the royal helmet? No one could help the king, and he died. The government of the country passed into the hands of his wife, Catherine de Medici, a devout Catholic.

If not for this chip, France would have become Protestant, which would have made adjustments to the map of Europe. In the religious wars of those times, France would have supported the Protestants of other countries and such states as Spain, Portugal and Italy would not have been on the world map: the powers that defeated them would have pulled these territories to pieces.

3. Dirty flag

There is a page in the history of England called the War of the Scarlet and the White Rose. The York dynasty and the Lancaster dynasty fought fiercely among themselves. It happened during the decisive battle. The York army was led by Edward IV, the Lancaster army was led by the Earl of Warwick.

When their troops began to converge, the forces were approximately equal, but the Earl of Warwick received a message that the army of the Earl of Oxford had advanced to their aid. The allies had already almost reached the goal, but because of the fog, the Earl of Warwick was not sure that help was approaching them, and not the enemy. To clarify this issue, he sent intelligence to meet them, which was supposed to recognize the emblems on the flags. The Yorks fought under the emblem of the sun, and the Earl of Oxford under the sign of the six-pointed star. But during the campaign, the banners became dusty, and the scouts saw only a circle with rays. They decided that this was the York army, and Warwick gave the order to attack the enemy. While they figured out that they were their own, most of the troops had already been destroyed. Arriving at the battlefield, Edward easily dealt with the remnants of the enemy army.

Since, by law, the English crown was supposed to belong to the Lancasters, if they won, no one would be able to challenge this. And so the victorious Yorks were overthrown by the Tudors, who called them usurpers, put their king Henry VII on the throne. If the banners of the Earl of Oxford were not so dusty, Henry VIII would never have come to power, and therefore his daughter Elizabeth the Great.

4. Tread strap

In the memoirs of Napoleon interesting story about how chance saved his life. The bullet was heading straight for the head of the French commander in chief, when it seemed to him that the strap on his over the knee boots was unfastened. Bonaparte began to bend down to pull him up, and the bullet pierced only the hat, but struck down the soldier standing behind. If not for the jackboot strap, Napoleon would probably have died, Europe would not have been cut, which means that many countries would not exist on the modern political map.

5. Piano key

On a fateful day for Lermontov in Pyatigorsk, General Verzilin had a ball. Prince Trubetskoy played the piano, and the officers entertained the ladies with conversation. When Martynov appeared in the hall in a Circassian coat thrown over his shoulders, Lermontov pointed out to the ladies on him, quietly said that a small mountaineer had come with a large dagger, nodding at the saber of the newcomer, which was really large for his height. As luck would have it, it was at this moment that Trubetskoy's piano key sank, and the music stopped. It so happened that the words sounded in complete silence. The offended Martynov demanded an apology, Lermontov did not apologize, because he was offended by the tone. The result was a fatal duel in which Lermontov was killed.

The poet died at the age of 27, when his talent was just gaining momentum. If not for the stuck key, he would have created many more beautiful works that changed the minds of Russians.

So. You don't know anything about stupid users. At my work, the phrase “download the Internet to me on a USB flash drive” is just ordinary.

Meet - this is my clinic, 250 staff people. Kazakh village. We introduce information technologies into our medicine. 95% of the contingent are women from 40 to 55. The most juice =)

Our state decides to make the work of doctors easier and creates a new online program that should replace all paperwork and translate all reports into machine work.

The program is quite simple, it just opens in the browser. Everything is intuitive and very user friendly. But in our clinic no one can understand her. My task is to explain the work with the new program to all the staff. Gathered a seminar, told everyone, showed a presentation on the projector. I ask questions to the public - everything is clear to everyone. After the seminar, after a while, representatives of the staff came to me ONE at a time for a month and asked the same question, which later I had nightmares about (literally):

“Show me how to enter the program, I didn’t understand.”

In the first week, more or less adequate people came one at a time, who could hold a mouse in their hand and turn on the “processor”. Everything was easy and simple with them. "Press this button, press that button." After a while, they begin to understand.

In the second week we went, as I call them "zombari", these are women of advanced years, they kept a mouse a couple of times in their lives. I had to work with them for a very long time. Explain the purpose of each button, stop for tea, speak in a simplified language. With them, as with children - everything is affectionate and in game form. They called me a lot after hours, even at night. In my dreams that week I dreamed of their voices. They called me by my first name, asked me to explain how to open google. "I open it, but it doesn't open." “And give me a login / password, I enter it there, but I don’t open anything.”

With them, I went through three stages: curiosity (I wonder why are you so dumb?), Anger (what the hell are you so dumb?!) and finally humility (I'm dumb).
The third week began, like all major battles, on a sunny Monday. A smiling grandmother came. She asked me to explain the program, gave me a USB flash drive, and asked me to download the Internet there. Everything is standard. As it seemed to me...

In fact, it was a terrible monster. I named it "vegetable".

It's only been a week for her. The mouse does not know how to hold, does not even understand how the movements of her hands on the mouse and the movements of the cursor on the monitor are connected. Her most lethal phrase was after she, having taken out a notebook, wrote down after me all the word in a word, said:

“Yeah, yeah, that’s understandable. And how did you say - open a browser?

Then I realized that I had a clinical case in front of me.

You know, there are grandmothers who do not understand, but try. They are easy to explain. There are those who do not understand and do not want to try. They need an incentive (positive in the form of praise or negative in the form of being fired if you don't understand). And there is she - she does not understand anything and does not understand that she does not understand anything. At night I dreamed only of her. I studied all her phrases, all the chuckles.

"Why don't you just show me how to do it, I understand everything - this is a cursor." “Where to write the address? I got some kind of Yandex? "I forgot how it is."

It was as if we were preparing an astronaut for a spacewalk. The tasks were the most difficult - open a browser, enter the address of the side in the address bar, enter the system by entering a login / password, enter the patient into the system, confirm the provision of the service. "Cosmonaut" constantly forgot the location of the keys on the keyboard, random flashbacks erased memory areas in the brain responsible for controlling the mouse. We memorized login/password for hours. It took up to two hours to log in. The algorithm worked out over the years in her brain did not want to fall under the onslaught of new terms. Turn on the processor, look at the screen, hold the mouse right hand, turn the mouse wheel - where does the mouse wheel come from.

I wanted to leave by slamming the door. Sometimes I covered my eyes with my hand, wiping away the tears. The facepalms made my face swollen, but I did not give up. Should have taught the woman new program no matter what. Long and stubbornly, staying at work until late, listening to flat jokes from colleagues like “look, your beloved has come to you again”, writing down every movement on a piece of paper and following the rule written on a piece of paper (I seemed to write code to her, I coded my grandmother!) - Grandma learned the program. From and to. 5 long working days I killed on it. And he did teach! So when someone complains that they have stupid users, asks to fix their processor or says that they have lost the Internet from their desktop, I just laugh at all this. I laugh so nervously.

PS: Coming to work on Monday and not finding "my" grandmother on the spot, I even somehow felt sad. But then one of my “colleagues” came up and asked me to teach her how to send a fax, otherwise it comes back to her (girl, 22 years old). Then I realized that stupid users will never die out.

PPS: a month later, that grandmother was given a personal PC operator. All my labors were in vain.

One of my friends emigrated to Finland. There was an international team at work and communication took place on English language. His wife began to think that the allowance is good, but the salary is better and, for a start, she decided to send their 3-year-old daughter to kindergarten.
The girl barely spoke. So separate the most necessary words. And after 3 months in kindergarten she spoke fluently enough. But not in Russian, but in Finnish.
It was a tragedy. Neither the acquaintance nor his wife knew Finnish at all. And the daughter understood that they were speaking to her in Russian, but she answered in Finnish anyway.
Zhenya had to urgently go to Finnish language courses and devote all her time to this lesson. Six months later, she already knew the language very well and this helped her find a job. And my daughter eventually began to speak Russian at home, but only after a couple of years.

Some time ago, I studied at a transport university on a tyzhprogrammist specialty. We passed an exam, according to which, in addition to the subject itself, it was necessary to pass labs and settlement and graphic work. The peculiarity of the delivery of this subject is the purchase of a book, the author of which was the teacher, in the place indicated by the teacher, as well as a written answer to the ticket written off from this book, but in a beautiful and legible handwriting. But enough demagogy.
Exam morning. The audience. The last examinee enters, who was last on this pair six months ago. Further, the teacher - P, the examinee - A (by the letter of the name).
P: Wow, A came. But you have nothing to do here, you didn’t even pass the labs.
A takes out a pile of lab and dumps P on the table.
P: let's say, but you do not have a settlement and graphic work.
A takes out book P and puts it on top of the labs.
P: ok, but you are a maximum C grade.
And he takes out the second book and puts it in a pile.
P: I see, but you have at least a semester of visits, it's only "good".
And he gets the third book.
P: Well, that's a solid five.
From the audience, the voice of a girl who also skipped a semester: Is it possible to do that?

My sister Lena and her husband Lesha have two children, and Vanya, Lesha's brother, has a similar situation with his wife. They live in the same city, communicate moderately - mainly on business and on holidays, well, you have to understand, family people, and it’s easier to love relatives at some distance.
Once, on her birthday, which falls on January 2, Lena received as a gift from Vanya and his wife money in the amount of 5,000 eternally wooden ones. A very broad gesture for our harsh latitudes. Lesha, for whom to lose face in front of his younger brother is worse than nuclear war, decided that in February they would also give Vanya 5,000 for his birthday. The amount was presented, but the relatives did not calm down, and in March, Lena and Lesha’s daughter from beloved uncle and aunt 5000...
It is not difficult to guess what this led to. 8 times a year, these wonderful cells of society give each other a treasured banknote with a monument to Muravyov-Amursky. The circle is closed.

Twenty years ago, I dreamed that there would be TVs that did not have to wait when turned on until the kinescope warmed up. And now we have LCD TVs. But now we are waiting for the TV itself to boot!

As a child, I ate very badly, straight with scandals. Once, my mother threatened that until I had eaten the soup, I would not leave the table. After 2 hours, nothing happened and the plate was on my head, soup down, of course) Grandfather was more delicate, beautifully wrote the menu and invited me to the “restaurant”, where he was both a waiter and a cook. I sat down at the table in the living room, making an order. He went to the kitchen to cook. Then he served me a dish and I ate! In order not to offend the chef :) And they paid with candy wrappers)

I read about divorces and immediately remembered! I was then about 20 years old. A very young and naive young man. Worked in an office and went out for lunch, across the street.
A guy of my age comes up to me and very convincingly tells me that he does not have enough money for a bus ticket. He said that his phone and wallet were stolen from him and now he cannot leave for his city.
I got very into it. I didn't have an ounce of doubt about what he was saying.
I sincerely wanted to help him.
- When did you get robbed?
- Yes, that's just, literally 5 minutes ago!
My eyes lit up with compassion.
- Now I'll help you!
He was standing very close, and somehow, in a fit of mutual assistance, I took him by the shoulder. With the second hand on the phone I dial 112 to call the outfit. I knew that villains could be caught in hot pursuit.
The guy's reaction shocked me! Seeing what I was doing, he hissed "ss

Possible profanity. To see the word, disable the censor at the bottom of the page and refresh the page.

Through his teeth, he hit me on the arm with which I held him in a friendly manner and ran away.
When I told my colleagues about this case, they laughed wildly and tried to convince me that this was a scam. I did not believe... And only years later, after reading similar stories, I realized my naivety.

Psychology teacher:
- Think of an adjective that describes you and starts with the same letter as your name. Let's start with you, Kostya.
- Creative.
- Good. Why creative?
- I could not think of another word for the letter "k".

I somehow got a job in a small office with big ambitions. One of those, you know, sharashkas, where there are about five bosses for one working person.

In this office, all the bosses were like a selection - plump, short and very vile in their inexplicable arrogance.
The cup of my patience was gradually overflowing, I was already thinking about leaving, when the head of the commercial department invited me to his office (N-head, I-I):
N: Well, how are things in the department?
Me: so-and-so is done, so-and-so is planned.
N: How are you?
Me: I don't quite get it...
N: What are you talking about? What are you discussing?
Me: I don't understand at all.
N: listen to me (the boss leans towards me conspiratorially): from this day on, you tell me about everything that you have discussed in the department. Who said what, who thinks what, etc. Do you understand?
Me: Well, now I understand, why not understand. Can I go?
N: with God.
I leave the office and write a statement on my own. Then I call the former personnel officer who accepted me here, but quit a couple of days before this story of mine. We became friends, so I decided to tell her.
And the ex-personnel officer declares - oooooh, so I also left because of him, this N. persistently offered me to provide him with services of a sexual nature.
I don't even know which of the two of us was more unlucky.

Who was the dumbest person you've ever met, and what story best illustrated that?

“One day when I was in college, my friend and I were invited to a party. I didn't drive then, so this friend gave me a ride. The trip to the party went well, but on the way back we were stopped by the police. While we were parking, I told a friend that I would pretend to be asleep (since I am a passenger). I close my eyes, I hear the cop get out of the car, walk in our direction, stop at the window, but say nothing. I can see the light from his flashlight through my eyelids, but I can't hear him or my friend say anything. After a while, which seemed like an eternity, I decided to open my eyes and see what was happening. Then I saw that my friend who was driving the car was also pretending to be asleep.

“My classmate was at a party and asked the owner if he could borrow her tattoo kit. She refused him. He left, but returned an hour later wearing a hockey mask and began demanding that he be given a tattoo kit. He was arrested the next day. Such stupidity is unimaginable."

“The girl I worked with until she got fired. Once she came to work with a broken arm and said that her boyfriend pushed her during an argument and she fell. We were all very worried about her, but a week later she came to work with a story about how she stabbed her boyfriend in the palm with a knife during another quarrel to avenge his broken arm.

After a few more weeks, she told everyone that she was secretly trying to get pregnant because if she got pregnant, her boyfriend would have to find a job and help her pay the rent. He got pregnant and her boyfriend immediately left her.

“I worked with a man named Roy. Roy had a number of theories about how to live properly: Royconomics.

One day he approached me and my colleagues. “Guys, do you want to know how to get a bunch of cool stuff?” - he asked. “You go to the store and buy everything in installments. New furniture, new appliances, TVs, stereos, everything you need. Then you do not pay anything and do not come to court for a hearing on your case. They will end up taking your salary, but it will be less than the amount you agreed to pay in the first place!”

Then, about a week later, “You guys want to know how to buy your own house? You issue the maximum possible number of credit cards, receive the maximum possible amount of cash from them and use it for a down payment. Then you don’t pay anything and don’t come to court for a hearing on your case…”

“I almost started dating a girl who seriously thought that the Sun and the Moon were the same”

“My friend’s sister got pregnant at 20. She once said something like “it’s a pity that my vagina will be ruined.” I jokingly said: “Maybe the child will come out through the ass?” She said, “What do you mean? Can they come out of there too?” I thought she was joking too, so I said, “Yeah, it’s 50/50.” She decided that I was serious, and asked the doctor if he knew whether her child would come out through the vagina or the ass.

"A guy at my school was sure that Danes got a sore throat after a day of speaking their language/accent (every day)"

“In my young and crazy years, I worked with a young girl who was without a doubt the dumbest person I have ever met in my life.

Some of her best moments:

She won an auction that sold a copy of The Beach Boy's "Pet Sounds" first pressing, and then complained about it because she "didn't want to hear someone moo."

One day when she almost pissed me off and I convinced her to wait to open a can of Coca-Cola because it said someone "wins a prize every five minutes." She was very upset because she did not win anything, even though she waited exactly five minutes. I, in turn, enjoyed the silence for the rest of the day.

The best/worst case was when she interacted with an African-American manager (she is white). They discussed their similar unusual names, then found out they were both from South Carolina. She thought for a few minutes and then joyfully declared, “Well, my family owned yours!” She was very proud of herself for being able to identify this historical connection. The manager didn't say anything and just left"

“A work colleague was against windmills. When I asked why, she replied, “They build too many and we could use up all the wind on the planet.”

I was speechless. I've never been speechless before."

"My brother. Hand on heart, he is the most stupid person I know.

He broke his arms five times - three times the right and two times the left. Here's how it happened:

7 years. Danced on the table, fell.
15 years. Smoking weed with a friend, the cops came. he tried to run away, jumped over the fence, his shorts caught on him, he fell out of his shorts right on his arm.
17 years. Running in front of my friends truck that was traveling at about 50 km/h
19 years. He tried to hide from someone, jumped over the sofa and somehow managed to break his arm.
I do not remember the fifth time, but I do remember that there were five of them.
He was arrested for possession of a weapon for which he did not have a permit. It was his friend's gun. He aimed it at the cop.

He was expelled from school. Twice.

He was expelled from a private school for writing "raped a pregnant bitch - called it a gangbang" on an exam sheet. Note: These are lyrics from a song, he didn't actually rape a pregnant woman.

He had two lines in the mandatory production. He managed to mess up.

When he was in prison, he got a tattoo of a marijuana leaf on his face.

The first time we met after he was released, he said, “Mom thinks that I will remove this tattoo, but I will improve it. I'll paint some Chinese characters under it." (We are all white)

He dropped out of school before he could finish tenth grade. Not because he had to, he just didn't like school and wanted to use drugs instead of her. He got a 3 in history and a 6 in math, I don't remember the rest of his grades.

When he was 15 and my uncle was 30, I had to prove to him for half an hour that his age would not always be half the age of his uncle.

He truly, truly believed that the Ebola outbreak a few years ago was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse.”

“At the veterinary clinic where we took our dog for several years, there was one stupid receptionist who argued with my father about the pronunciation of his own name. He went there to pick up the medicines prescribed for our dog Daisy, and the lady began to ask him typical questions from the series “dog's name, owner's name”.

“Well, it says Michelle, and you don't look like Michelle at all,” she said. The father asked how the owner's name was written on the monitor, and it turned out that the name was "Michael" (Michael). That was my father's name.

He said, "It says Michael, that's my name." She started arguing with him! He had to get his driver's license to convince her. Although she ended up giving him the dog medication, she was convinced that for the 50+ years of his life, my father had spelled his name wrong.

The real point is that my father told us this story, and we didn’t really remember it, but after about three months, my mother took the dog for a checkup. The lady was still convinced that the dog's owner's name was Michelle and that my mother "must be in a lesbian relationship." My mother calmly corrected her that the name was actually pronounced Michael, but the receptionist insisted that it was pronounced Michel. Mom was amazed by this and said something like, “That's the name from the Bible. It was pronounced Michael and has been pronounced that way for thousands of years." For the rest of the visit, the receptionist sat silently, uttering only the minimum number of words required for her position.

“My ex. We played rock, paper, scissors - to determine who goes to change the diaper - up to two wins. First round. I show scissors, he shows a stone. “I won,” he exclaimed. Second round. I show paper, he is stone. “I won,” he exclaimed. “Ummm, paper beats stone,” I say. His answer? "Nope, stone conquers all." I spent five minutes trying to understand his statement. I ask: “But what then is the essence of the whole game?”

He replies with complete sincerity, “Fun!”

“Just last week, I was fired from my job for the fact that every time a client came, he began to repeat everything they said. Not only that, he diligently tried to copy their accents no matter what.

Our store got a lot of complaints about this guy, and he got a lot of warnings. He was fired last week for serving an Asian in front of ALL of our managers and saying:

“HELLO, WAMA NUZEN WAKES A PACKAGE?”

He was called to the office, where, apparently, he still did not understand what he had done wrong and why he was being fired. Definitely a jerk"

“My mom's cousin robbed stores with his friends - he was the driver in every operation. It had several unpaid fines on it. When he was driving his freaky friends home, he speeded past a cop, who naturally pulled him over. He decided to justify his bad driving by driving away from the scene of the robbery. He was arrested. After he was arrested for similar stupid crimes.

And he also believes in it. that there is a worldwide cabal of Jews whose sole purpose is to annoy him. Recently, his rights were declared invalid. Naturally, the Jews were to blame for this, and not him, because he decided to drive drunk past the police station. When he was denied a gun license, it was the tricks of the Jews. I have no idea why he thinks the world cabal of Jews should focus on some idiot from Saskatchewan.”

“I once called an Uber, and the first thing the driver who arrived asked me:“ Do you need to go to X? I said, "Nope." He replied, "Fine, because I won't take you to X." "Okay," I said.

During the trip, I was tormented by the question of what would happen if I said yes, I want to go to X. I asked: “So, what would you do if I said that I want to go to X?” He said, "Listen, man. I'm not taking you to fucking X, okay? I already told you."

I was a little dumbfounded, but I asked again: “No, no, I don’t want to go there. You already know where I need to go - this is marked on the map in the application. I'm just wondering what would happen if I wanted to go to X. Would you cancel the trip?”

In a small provincial town there lived a cheerful baker. Or maybe just an idiot. One day he put a light bulb in a bread pan. An ordinary light bulb at 220 volts watts for sixty. Apparently for fun. Here, he thought, apparently, how he who bought this loaf would laugh when he starts cutting bread. Leaving home, out of habit, he took a loaf of bread with him (they, among bakers, have such a tradition - to take freshly baked bread home with them; well, from confectioners, apparently, take a cake, and from butchers - tenderloin - who is lucky with work ). What was his surprise when at home he found this same Ilyich light bulb in his loaf ...
Either the theory of improbability worked this way, or the Creator up there also decided to have some fun ...

It was when there was nothing in the country ... So, at a time when there were only three brands of cognac - Armenian, Georgian and "Napoleon" for 50 rubles (but yesterday) this story happened. “Pay attention to what kind of bouquet” - his friends always told him the same thing, husband and wife, young, but professionals in their field, - he is the manager. base of food products, and she is a food merchandiser, treating him to Armenian brandy, and they always added that Armenian brandy is better than Georgian. He was (and remained) a joker, and decided to play them (or test them - he no longer remembers), and poured Georgian into a bottle from under the Armenian, and vice versa. Already at the sight of the label “Georgian cognac”, they grimaced, and after the first glass, like well-mannered people, they noticed, among other things, that “Armenian” is still better. Apologizing that the wrong bottle had accidentally landed on the table, he brought to light Georgian cognac in Armenian packaging. The guests praised the cognac all evening, and he was once again convinced that the packaging is more important than the contents. He could not resist, and told about the substitution. Soon their "friendship" fell apart. They could not forgive him for their professional fiasco ...
The moral is simple: do not show off if your professionalism is an empty word ... Or just be friends ... without showing off ...

A young woman from Rublyovka says little son:
- If you behave well, I will show you the subway too ...

In an Estonian hotel. A call to my single room from the reception with a strong Estonian accent:
- Hello. Excuse me, please, a man calls us at the reception and claims that his wife is in your room ... I'm very uncomfortable, but he insists very much ...
Since there is no other person's wife in my room (and my own wife settled on the floor below in a triple room with our grandson and our daughter), I honestly answer that there are no women in my room ...
- Thank you, excuse me, please...
I go down to my daughter and wife, tell a story, they joke for a long time, and for a long time I jokingly excuse myself to my wife that there really was no one in my room ... They laughed for the whole day ... They laughed even more on the other when they translated this story from Estonian into Russian . It turned out that my daughter's husband could not get through to her on a cell phone and called the hotel reception to give her the phone number of her hotel number. They began to search through the list, reached my last name (and she has the same last name - she didn’t change her last name when she got married), and, without further ado, called my number ... Apparently, they didn’t come to look for a last name ending in “a” in the head from an excess of knowledge, so they decided to try the male voice that answered them for presence ...
And they say that the Balts do not have a sense of humor ...

He: - Tell me, do bodies unite so that souls multiply, or do souls have fun watching the reproduction of bodies?
She: - Well, two bodies cannot suddenly connect for no reason at all! Is there something that precedes this?
He: - Unfortunately, they can ... when it is preceded by $ 30 ... $ 100 ...

At the institute, he and the Englishwoman did not understand each other - the pronunciation was different - she had Oxford, he had Cambridge. It helped that she went on maternity leave, and he had an excellent relationship with the new Englishwoman as with a woman, and he realized this belatedly only seven years after graduation: once in the classroom she sat down with him to listen to how the translation sounds, and he , not knowing the subject, for some reason said: “When you sit next to me, everything flies out of my head.” “Okay,” he says, “I’ll change seats.” She moved to the table - and he - without a dictionary and correctly. “Hmm,” she said. And at the state exam she put a steady “choir.” instead of a wobbly “satisfactory.” Apparently, women, both in theory and in practice, should always lie or just in case, which can be very useful.

Stalin was afraid that he would be poisoned, and he treated himself - he sent a guard to any pharmacy on the edge of Moscow, and swallowed pills from an ordinary pharmacy, and not from a trusted Kremlin one. It was good for Stalin. Pharmacies sold medicines. Now you buy ordinary aspirin in any pharmacy, and you think: “I wouldn’t get poisoned ...”

I came to the clinic after an acute respiratory disease to close the sick leave. In order not to pick up some more serious infection in this hotbed of infections, the flu, for example, put on a medical mask, I sit, waiting for an appointment. The girl next to me, looking at me suspiciously for a long time, after a while, apparently remembering the horror stories about swine flu, with horror in her eyes, asks:
- Do you have the flu?
Stupid, you should be afraid not of those who are wearing a mask in the clinic, but of those who are without it ... They certainly don’t care about their own or other people’s health ... But I felt myself in full f # ne ...

Here it is, happiness ... Early morning, somewhere around seven. Everyone rushes to work. A couple, embracing (both under 65 years old), staggering, walks along the sidewalk, loudly singing “If only I had mountains of gold…” They have already managed to take the drug of happiness in the morning… they don’t observe the regime, time, or age…

A young dad scolds his three-year-old daughter for painting the walls with a felt-tip pen, and in his hearts says:
- Well, what did you do? Do you have brains?
She thought for a minute:
- No ... I only have teeth ...

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