Dmitry Likhachev. "Little things of behavior" Notes and observations: from notebooks of different years

Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev (1906-1999) - Soviet and Russian philologist, culturologist, art critic, academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences (AS USSR until 1991). Chairman of the Board of the Russian (Soviet until 1991) Cultural Fund (1986-1993). Author of fundamental works on the history of Russian literature (mainly Old Russian) and Russian culture. The text is given according to the publication: Likhachev D. Notes on Russian. - M .: Hummingbird, Azbuka-Atticus, 2014.

About life and death

Qur'an: "Be sure to plant a tree, even if the end of the world comes tomorrow." You must live morally as if you were to die today, and work as if you were immortal. Predictions and foresights in science and prophecy are not so far from each other: both are not the essence of statements of inevitability, but forecasts for this moment and under these conditions. Inevitability is always destructive to morality. A person is able to change the future in one way or another - at least his own. When Saint Gonzago, a Roman seminarian, was asked while he was playing ball with his peers what he would do if he were told firmly that the end of the world would now come, he said: “I would continue to play ball.” But this, of course, in case of complete inevitability. And his real answer to his conscience, when he could change something, was different - it was given by his death: he died 23 years old, caring for plague patients.

Notes and Observations
But obviously fighting happiness
Serve already begins to us.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
We are pushing the Swedes army after army;
The glory of their banners darkens,
And god fight with grace
Our every step is captured.

Happiness can only be fighting - only conquered by us. Eternal, permanent happiness does not exist. You can't be happy when there are people who are suffering. But you can be happy with something that is now mined, received. A television announcer in one of the programs stopped people on the street and asked: what, in your opinion, is happiness? In response, millions of people listened to baby talk. Something like this: “Happiness is when there is prosperity at home and the service is good” or “Happiness is when my girls grow up beautiful, healthy and marry well.” This is all philistinism. And even when big people kept repeating: “This is harmony between something and something,” they didn’t go far. You can be happy only for a short period of time by something achieved, and then new worries begin, because, I repeat, there is no happiness for anyone as long as there is unhappiness nearby.

I am eighty years old. How to treat it? Respectable age! Life would be incomplete if there were no sadness and grief in it at all. It's cruel to think so, but it's true. Is it possible to jump out of your era in your worldview? Of course not. Any attempt to return to any century or jump far ahead - into the future - is impossible. A man lives in his era, in his years, and only in his own. But this does not mean that he should blindly follow the era, the dominant worldview. A person has free will and is obliged to choose, is obliged to create something new. He is a creative being. If he ceases to be a creative being and to be aspiring to the future (his own and his country), he ceases to be a Man. In life, one must be able to soar above and within an era, choosing those air currents that go from bottom to top, or, at some moments, glide through the air without falling.

Consolation: transmigration of souls! But what consolation can there be when the soul moves alone, to a strange family, to another way of life, and from childhood does not remember anything from former life(even if she could) and only shouts: “Wah, wah !!” Spirits are summoned by table-turning. The dead, even the most famous and arch-genius, speak to the people who called them up quite at their level: nothing interesting, incredible, no brilliant advice, instructions, instructions, except for the most banal. But at the same time, should there be something left? The law of conservation of energy concerns the energy of the soul and the spirit. But this energy still has a personal form for a short time. At first (more than a year) I dreamed about Vera and consoled me, but now it doesn't. Her energy dissolved, and where Vera (daughter) was, I feel emptiness... Nine days, forty days, a year - and that's it. Can't people who lived a million years ago continue to exist beyond the grave even now? It's unimaginable. “There won’t be enough space”, without even inventing for them to move around the Universe: a method proposed by N. Fedorov. If a person does not care about anyone or anything, his life is also “spiritual”. He needs to suffer from something, to think about something. Even in love, there must be a share of dissatisfaction (“I didn’t do everything I could”).

Human life is not separate events linked in an irregular sequence, but a kind of organism, a “biographical whole”. Actions and events are only links in a chain that has its own form, its own spirituality and its own individuality. There is individuality - like a person, and there is individuality - like his life. The latter depends on the former, but both are complete wholes. And a person should know this, and not complain (“bad luck in life”). A shepherd who is 110 years old, but who never or rarely left his mountains, lived short life. "Don't you have eternity to rest..." "Et in Arkadia ego" ("And I am in Arcadia"). The meaning of this widely known, but also obscure in origin, saying was interpreted differently. In the Rococo era, it was believed that "I" (ego) is death. Death declares its presence even in happy Arcadia. In Rococo gardens, for all their “happy essence,” there were very often grave monuments or monuments dedicated to the dead - friends, relatives.

There are such monuments, for example, in Pavlovsky Park. In the Uzkom estate near Moscow, one of the paintings depicting a garden bears a sarcophagus with the same inscription. A person in the happiest moments of his life should not forget about his mortality. IN Ethnographic Museum In Budapest, I was told that on the very first day of her marriage, a woman had to make the first stitches on her shroud. This shroud was made red. In twenty-five years it was to be ready, and the woman began to embroider the blue shroud. Twenty-five years later, she was preparing herself a white shroud. " folk art not only beautiful, it is wise,” a museum employee told me.

Atanas Dalchev treated death with extraordinary wise reconciliation. Here is one observation on old age as a transition into non-existence: “After reaching a certain age, you begin to understand that life, in essence, is a continuous loss. You lose not only teeth, hair, eye shine, but also all the strength and wealth of the soul: abilities, affections, memories, feelings and even desires. One after another, the ropes that fastened the spirit to the ground fall, cut, and, almost freed, it trembles with its own lightness. And one more thing: “With the death of our loved ones, we also gradually die.” And here is a wonderful poem by Atanas Dalchev “Evening” on the same topic, translated by Maria Petrovs:

I wander alone through the streets, where the evening
over the vermilion-red tiles of the roofs
the same ruddy red burns out.
And looking at the sunset, I remember:
now it blooms over Naples,
and the windows of the upper floors shine,
flaming glare reflecting,
and the Gulf of Naples
waves lighten, touched by the wind,
and sway like grass in a meadow,
and return in a mooing herd
in the noisy port in the evening steamers.
Crowd on the embankment
bless this one
the past day, lived carefree,
but now I am no longer in that crowd.

The sunset is now burning over Paris.
The Luxembourg Gardens are locked there.
The trumpet sounds insistent and passionate,
and as if to her lingering call
dusk descends into the white alleys.
A crowd of children follows the watchman
and listens in silence, in rapture
commanding song of copper,
and everyone would like to get closer
to the magic trumpeter.

From those carved gates wide open
people come out cheerfully and noisily,
but now I am no longer in their crowd.
Why can't we both
to be here and there, always and everywhere
Is life bubbling mightily and boundlessly?
We're irresistibly dying
daily dying, disappearing
from there and from here - from everywhere,
until we finally die.

I met A. Dalchev in 1973 as an old man at the corner of Russky Boulevard and Rakovsky Street, in the noisiest part of Sofia. We were introduced by P. N. Dinekov. I don’t remember what words we exchanged, but I vividly remember only that feeling of peace and silence that, despite the noise of the Sofia evening streets, Atanas Dalchev was surrounded by ... And the next year, 1974, he sent me his book “Favorites”.

I dreamed that I was writing a story

An elderly, exhausted man stands on a dirty staircase and shouts through the window:
"Ira, Ira!
Keep my money. Just make yourself a coat. Better not fashionable to wear for a long time. Neutral! To be able to change. Sew for sure. And kindly. And keep the rest of the money. I will need them. US! Can you hear me? I will be thinking about you. They don't get old here. So they say. We will live well. I'm almost used to it. It's not so scary.
God bless you!"
Everything...
14.III.68

artist man

And there was one day.
One day.
It was raining outside.
A man from work came and said: “Wife (he always called his wife his wife), do not heat dinner. Give me some tea!
He lay down on the sofa without taking off his boots.
And died.
When the turmoil ended, the wife took a cooled glass of tea in her hand, was amazed that the glass was so cold, and then she just started crying, she understood. And from that moment her grief began to grow.

Old age is sadness. It is so important in old age that others understand your old age. Dealing with old people is not easy. It is clear. But you need to communicate, and you need to make this communication easy and simple. Old age makes people grouchier, more talkative (remember the saying: “The weather is rainier by autumn, and people are more talkative by old age”). It is not easy for the young to endure the deafness of the old. Old people will not hear, they will answer inappropriately, they will ask again. It is necessary, when talking with them, to raise your voice so that the old people can hear. And by raising your voice, you involuntarily begin to get annoyed (our feelings often depend on our behavior than behavior on feelings).

An old person is often offended (increased resentment is a property of old people). In a word, not only is it difficult to be old, but it is also difficult to be with the old. And yet the young must understand that we will all be old. And we must also remember: the experience of the old oh, how it can come in handy. And experience, and knowledge, and wisdom, and humor, and stories about the past, and moralizing. Let us recall Pushkin's Arina Rodionovna. A young man may say: “But my grandmother is not Arina Rodionovna at all!” But I am convinced of the opposite: any grandmother, if her grandchildren want, can be Arina Rodionovna. Not for everyone, Arina Rodionovna would have become what Pushkin made her for himself. Arina Rodionovna had signs of old age: for example, she fell asleep while working. Remember:

And the spokes are slowing down every minute
In your wrinkled hands.

What does the word "delay" mean? She did not always hesitate, but "per minute", from time to time, that is, as it happens with old people falling asleep from time to time. And Pushkin knew how to find cute features in Arina Rodionovna's senile weaknesses: charm and poetry. Pay attention to the love and care with which Pushkin writes about the senile features of his nanny:

Longing, forebodings, worries
They squeeze your chest all the time,
That makes you wonder...

The poems were left unfinished. Arina Rodionovna became close to all of us precisely because Pushkin was next to her. If there had been no Pushkin, she would have remained in the short memory of those around her as a talkative, constantly dozing and preoccupied old woman. But Pushkin found the best features in her, transformed her. Pushkin's muse was kind. People, communicating, create each other. Some people know how to awaken their best features in those around them. Others do not know how to do this and themselves become unpleasant, tiresome, irritable, drearily boring. The old people are not only grouchy, but also kind, not only talkative, but also excellent storytellers, not only deaf, but have a good ear for old songs. In almost every person different features are combined. Of course, some features predominate, others are hidden, crushed. We must be able to awaken them in people best qualities and ignore minor flaws. Hurry up to establish good relations with people. Almost always good relations are established from the first words. Then it's harder. Old trees are the subject of increased care and reverence in the Baltic States, the Caucasus, the Balkans...

In Montenegro, two-thousand-year-old olive trees are amazing in beauty (near the city of Budva). In Bulgaria, images of “an old tree” growing near a place are circulating ... I forgot which one. The year of his “birth” is 16... I also forgot, I clearly remember the 17th century. And here in the village of Kolomenskoye, trees (oaks) are 500 years old and do not enjoy due respect and attention. They are dying. Maybe this phenomenon is generally typical for us Russians, when old people are not given a seat in transport? What a contrast with the Caucasus! In 1987, we traveled along the Volga on a motor ship, on which there were many Georgian passengers with children. A Georgian boy of 13 years old, whom everyone on the ship considered a big naughty one, was one of the first to get off at each pier and helped me, my wife and other elderly people get off at the gangway! One Canadian told me that they have old trees, old ones, they get medals, and these medals are attached to them. There are champion trees: the oldest in their area, the tallest, the thickest in the trunk. In Estonia, in Latvia, all old trees are registered.

In pagan times in Russia there was a worship of old trees and there were sacred groves. Near Novgorod, there is still a “sacred grove” in the tract Peryn (from “Perun” - his idol stood here). But no one cares about the safety of the grove, and the self-renewal of the pines has stopped. They set up some kind of rest house, or maybe a tourist center (I don’t remember), and the roots of the pines are trampled down, the earth around the pines is compacted, and this does not bother anyone. Why do old people in some areas live up to 100 years or more? In the Caucasus, in Abkhazia, in Bulgaria! They are looking for answers either in the mountain air, or in the usual way of life, or in Bulgarian curdled milk, etc., etc. But the matter, it seems to me, is simpler: old people live longer where they are respected, where they feel better, where, how they seem to benefit more from their advice.

You can't fix humanity, but it's easy to fix yourself. Feeding a child, escorting an old man across the street, giving up his seat on a tram, doing a good job, being polite and courteous, etc., etc. - all this is easy for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That's why you need to start with yourself.

Throughout his life, the Soviet scientist Dmitry Sergeevich wrote more than 1000 articles, left about 500 scientific and 600 journalistic works. Including over 40 history books ancient Russian literature and Russian culture.

But one of the most interesting and valuable books of Likhachev is the testament book: "Letters about the good and the beautiful."

These "letters" (46 letters) are addressed to young people who have yet to learn life and follow its difficult paths. Today it is the most authoritative collection of wisdom. This book has been translated into different countries are translated into many languages.

Protect youth until old age!

1. Big in small.

The saying “the end justifies the means” is pernicious and immoral.Dostoevsky showed this well in Crime and Punishment.

The main thing actor of this work - Rodion Raskolnikov thought that by killing the disgusting old usurer, he would get money, with which he could then achieve great goals and benefit humanity, but suffers an internal collapse.

The goal is distant and unrealizable, but the crime is real; it is terrible and cannot be justified by anything. It is impossible to strive for a high goal with low means. We must be equally honest in both big and small things.

2. Cherish youth.

True friends are acquired at a young age. I remember that my mother's real friends were only her friends from the gymnasium. My father's friends were his fellow students at the institute.And no matter how much I have observed, openness to friendship gradually decreases with age.

Unrequited joy is not joy. Happiness spoils a person if he experiences it alone. When the time of misfortune comes, the time of loss, again, one cannot be alone. Woe to a man if he is alone.

Therefore, take care of youth until old age.Appreciate all the good things that you acquired in your youth, do not squander the wealth of youth. Nothing acquired in youth goes unnoticed.

Habits developed in youth last a lifetime. Work habits, too.

Get used to work - and work will always bring joy. And how important it is for human happiness! There is nothing more unhappy than a lazy person who always avoids labor and effort...

Both in youth and in old age. Good habits of youth will make life easier, bad habits will complicate it and make it more difficult.

And further. There is a Russian proverb: "Take care of honor from a young age." All the deeds committed in youth remain in the memory. The good ones will please, the bad ones will not let you sleep!

What is the biggest purpose of life? I think: to increase the good in those around us.

And good is, first of all, the happiness of all people ...

Much, as I have already said, begins with trifles, is born in childhood and in loved ones. A child loves his mother and his father, brothers and sisters, his family, his home.

Gradually expanding, his affections extend to the school, village, city, all of his country. And this is already a very big and deep feeling, although one cannot stop there and one must love a person in a person.

You have to be a patriot, not a nationalist. You don't have to hate every other family because you love your own. There is no need to hate other nations because you are a patriot. There is a profound difference between patriotism and nationalism. In the first - love for one's country, in the second - hatred for all others.

The great goal of kindness begins with a small one - with the desire for good for your loved ones, but, expanding, it captures more and more wide circle questions.It's like circles on the water. But the circles on the water, expanding, are becoming weaker.

Love and friendship, growing and spreading to many things, gain new strength, become higher and higher, and the person, their center, is wiser.

Love should not be unaccountable, it should be smart. This means that it must be combined with the ability to notice shortcomings, to deal with shortcomings - both in a loved one and in those around you. It must be combined with wisdom, with the ability to separate the necessary from the empty and false. She shouldn't be blind.

Blind delight (you can’t even call it love) can lead to terrible consequences. A mother who admires everything and encourages her child in everything can bring up a moral monster. Blind admiration for Germany ("Germany is above all" - the words of a chauvinistic German song) led to Nazism, blind admiration for Italy - to fascism.

"Inhale - exhale, exhale!" To inhale deeply, you need to exhale well. First of all, learn to exhale, to get rid of the “exhaust air”.

Life is first and foremost breathing. "Soul", "spirit"! And he died - first of all - "stopped breathing." That's what the ancients thought. "Spirit out!" It means "died".

"Stuffy" happens in the house, "stuffy" and in the moral life.Exhale well all petty worries, all the fuss of everyday life, get rid of, shake off everything that hampers the movement of thought, that crushes the soul, does not allow a person to accept life, its values, its beauty. A person should always think about what is most important for himself and for others, throwing off all empty worries.

We must be open to people, tolerant of people, to look for the best in them first of all. The ability to seek and find the best, simply “good”, “veiled beauty” enriches a person spiritually.

To notice beauty in nature, in a village, city, street, not to mention in a person, through all the barriers of trifles, means to expand the sphere of life, the sphere of that living space in which a person lives.

The greatest value in the world is life: someone else's, one's own, the life of the animal world and plants, the life of culture, life throughout its entire length - both in the past, and in the present, and in the future ...

And life is infinitely deep. We always come across something that we have not noticed before, which strikes us with its beauty, unexpected wisdom, originality.

5. A vital goal.

By what a person lives for, one can judge his self-esteem - low or high.

If a person sets himself the task of acquiring all elementary material goods, he evaluates himself at the level of these material goods: as the owner of a car of the latest brand, as the owner of a luxurious dacha, as part of his furniture set ...

If a person lives to bring good to people, to ease their suffering in case of illness, to give people joy, then he evaluates himself at the level of his humanity. He sets himself a goal worthy of a man.

Only a vital goal allows a person to live his life with dignity and get real joy. Yes, joy! Think: if a person sets himself the task of increasing goodness in life, bringing happiness to people, what failures can befall him?

If you are a doctor, then maybe you have given the patient the wrong diagnosis? This happens with the best doctors. But in total, you still helped more than you didn’t help. No one is immune from mistakes. But the most important mistake, the fatal mistake, is the wrong choice of the main task in life.

Not promoted - disappointment. I did not have time to buy a stamp for my collection - disappointment. Someone has better furniture or a better car than you - again disappointment, and what else!

Setting a career or acquisition as a goal, a person experiences in total much more sorrows than joys, and risks losing everything.

And what can a person lose who rejoiced in each of his good deed? The only important thing is that the good that a person does should be his inner need, come from a smart heart, and not just from the head, would not be only a “principle”.

Therefore, the main life task must necessarily be a task wider than just a personal one, it should not be closed only on one's own successes and failures. She must dictate kindness to people, love for the family, for your city, for your people, country, for the whole universe.

Does this mean that a person should live like an ascetic, not take care of himself, not acquire anything and not rejoice at a simple promotion?

By no means!

A person who does not think about himself at all is an abnormal phenomenon and personally unpleasant for me: there is some kind of breakdown in this, some kind of ostentatious exaggeration in himself of his kindness, disinterestedness, significance, there is some kind of peculiar contempt for other people , the desire to stand out.

Therefore, I am talking only about the main task of life.

And this main life task does not need to be emphasized in the eyes of other people.

And you need to dress well (this is respect for others), but not necessarily “better than others”.

And you need to make a library for yourself, but not necessarily larger than that of a neighbor.

And it’s good to buy a car for yourself and your family – it’s convenient.

Just do not turn the secondary into the primary, and do not let the main goal of life exhaust you where it is not necessary. When you need it is another matter.

6. What unites people?

Floors of care. Caring strengthens relationships between people. Strengthens the family, strengthens friendship, strengthens the inhabitants of one city, one country.

Follow a person's life.

A man is born, and the first concern for him is his mother; gradually (after a few days) the father’s care for him comes into direct contact with the child (before the birth of the child, there was already care for him, but to a certain extent it was “abstract” - the parents prepared for the appearance of the child, dreamed about him).

Berries and mushrooms are also loved by girls. And after all, they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. They bring it home, prepare it for the winter.

Care is expanding and becoming more altruistic. Children pay for taking care of themselves by taking care of their old parents, when they can no longer repay the care of their children.

And this concern for the elderly, and then for the memory of deceased parents, as it were, merges with concern for the historical memory of the family and the motherland as a whole.

If care is directed only at oneself, then an egoist grows up.

Caring unites people, strengthens the memory of the past and is directed entirely towards the future.

This is not a feeling itself - it is a concrete manifestation of a feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. The person must be caring.

An uncaring or carefree person is most likely a person who is unkind and does not love anyone.

The feeling of compassion (or something close to it) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, individual landscapes, for respect for memory.

In compassion there is a consciousness of one's unity with other people, with a nation, people, country, universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its full revival and development.

Surprisingly correct thought: "A small step for man, a big step for mankind".

Thousands of examples can be cited: it costs nothing to be kind to one person, but it is incredibly difficult for humanity to become kind.

Kindness cannot be stupid. A good deed is never stupid, because it is disinterested and does not pursue the goal of profit and "smart result".

It is possible to call a good deed "stupid" only when it clearly could not achieve the goal or was "false good", erroneously good, that is, not good.

I repeat, a truly good deed cannot be stupid, it is beyond evaluation from the point of view of the mind or not the mind. The good and the good.

7. About Education

You can get a good upbringing not only in your family or at school, but also ... from yourself. You just need to know what real education is.

I am convinced, for example, that real good breeding manifests itself primarily at home, in one's family, in relations with one's relatives.

If a man on the street lets an unfamiliar woman in front of him (even on a bus!) And even opens the door for her, and at home does not help his tired wife wash the dishes, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he is polite with acquaintances, and gets irritated with his family on every occasion, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he does not take into account the character, psychology, habits and desires of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person. If, already in adulthood, he takes the help of his parents for granted and does not notice that they themselves already need help, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he turns on the radio and TV loudly or just talks loudly when someone is preparing homework or reading (even if it be his small children), he is an ill-mannered person and will never make his children well-mannered.

If he likes to make fun (joking) with his wife or children, not sparing their vanity, especially in front of strangers, then here he (excuse me!) is simply stupid.

An educated person is one who wants and knows how to reckon with others, this is one to whom his own courtesy is not only familiar and easy, but also pleasant. This is the one who is equally polite with both older and younger years and position.

The reader has probably noticed that I am addressing mainly the man, the head of the family. This is because a woman really needs to give way... not just at the door.

That is why nature has taken care that women in general (I am not talking about exceptions) are endowed with great feeling tact and more natural politeness than men ...

There are many books on "good manners".

These books explain how to behave in society, at a party and at home, in the theater, at work, with older and younger people, how to speak without offending the ear, and dress without offending the sight of others.

But people, unfortunately, draw little from these books. This happens, I think, because good manners books rarely explain what good manners are for. It seems: to have good manners is false, boring, unnecessary. A person with good manners can indeed cover up bad deeds.

Yes, good manners can be very external, but in general, good manners are created by the experience of many generations and mark the centuries-old desire of people to be better, live more comfortably and more beautifully.

A well-mannered person in all respects does not behave “loudly”, saves the time of others (“Accuracy is the courtesy of kings,” says the saying), strictly fulfills the promises made to others, does not put on airs, does not “turn up his nose” and is always the same - at home, at school, at the institute, at work, in the store and on the bus.

What's the matter? What is the basis of the guide to acquiring good manners?

At the basis of all good manners is care, concern that a person does not interfere with a person, so that everyone would feel good together.

We must be able not to interfere with each other.So no need to make noise. You can't close your ears from noise - it is hardly possible in all cases. For example, at the table while eating.

Therefore, you don’t have to slurp, you don’t need to loudly put your fork on a plate, noisily draw soup into yourself, speak loudly at dinner or talk with your mouth full so that the neighbors do not have fears.

And do not put your elbows on the table - again, so as not to disturb your neighbor. It is necessary to be neatly dressed because this shows respect for others - for guests, for hosts or just for passers-by: you should not be disgusting to look at.

No need to tire your neighbors with incessant jokes, witticisms and anecdotes, especially those that have already been told by someone to your listeners. This puts the audience in an awkward position.

Try not only to entertain others yourself, but also let others tell you something.

Manners, clothes, gait, all behavior should be restrained and ... beautiful. For any beauty does not tire. She is "social". And in the so-called good manners there is always a deep meaning. Do not think that good manners are only manners, that is, something superficial.

Your behavior reveals your essence. It is necessary to educate in oneself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, careful attitude to the world: to society, to nature, to animals and birds, to plants, to the beauty of the area, to the past of the places where you live, etc.

We must not remember hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need for a respectful attitude towards others. published If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Caring is what unites people, strengthens the memory of the past, and is directed entirely towards the future. This is not a feeling itself - it is a concrete manifestation of a feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. The person must be caring. An uncaring or carefree person is most likely a person who is unkind and does not love anyone.

The Apostle Paul says: “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, into a hedgehog to tempt you ...” This suggests that one should not blindly imitate what “this age” inspires, but have other much more active relationships - on the basis of transforming oneself by "renewal of the mind", that is, on the basis of a sound distinction between what is good and what is bad in this "age".

There is the music of the time and there is the noise of the time. The noise often drowns out the music. For the noise can be immensely great, and the music sounds in the norms set for it by the composer. Evil knows this and therefore is always very noisy.

Evil has a tendency to pack. The evil ones gather in a crowd, they are unanimous in their attack, but, having won, they begin to gnaw at each other. Parties are the same flocks.

Idleness does not at all consist in the fact that a person sits idle, “folding his arms” in the literal sense. No, the idler is always busy: he talks on the phone (sometimes for hours), goes to visit, sits at the TV and watches everything, sleeps for a long time, thinks up different things for himself. In general, a slacker is always very busy ...

The physiologist Ukhtomsky has the “law of a well-deserved interlocutor”, which should be taken into account in everyday life.

Floors of care. Caring strengthens relationships between people. Strengthens the family, strengthens friendship, strengthens fellow villagers, residents of one city, one country.

Follow a person's life.

A person is born, and the mother’s first concern for him, gradually (after a few days) comes into direct contact with the child, the father’s care for him (before the birth of the child, care for him already existed, but was to a certain extent “abstract” - to the appearance of the child parents prepared, dreamed about it).

The feeling of caring for another appears very early, especially in girls. The girl does not speak yet, but is already trying to take care of the doll, nursing her. Boys, very young, like to pick mushrooms, fish. Berries and mushrooms are also loved by girls. And after all, they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. They bring it home, prepare it for the winter.

Gradually, children become objects of ever higher care and they themselves begin to show real and wide care - not only about the family, but also about the school where they were placed. parental care, about your village, city and country ...

Care is expanding and becoming more altruistic. Children pay for taking care of themselves by taking care of their elderly parents - when they can no longer repay the care of children. And this concern for the elderly, and then for the memory of deceased parents, as it were, merges with concern for the historical memory of the family and the motherland as a whole. If care is directed only at oneself, then this is an egoist.

Somewhere in Belinsky's letters, I remember, there is this idea: scoundrels always gain the upper hand over decent people because they treat decent people like scoundrels, and decent people treat scoundrels like decent people.

A stupid person does not like a smart person, an uneducated educated person, an ill-mannered educated person, and so on. And all this hiding behind some phrase: “I am a simple person ...”, “I do not like philosophizing”, “I have lived my life without it”, “all this is from the evil one”, etc. And in the soul there is hatred, envy, a feeling of inferiority.

Mickiewicz said somewhere: "The devil is a coward, he is afraid of loneliness and always hides in the crowd." And again: "The devil is looking for darkness, and we must hide from him in the light."

Always remember that there is something that you have not grown up to yet. Be brave in trying to embrace a foreign culture. To be brave towards a complex and incomprehensible culture, in relation to what is higher than you on an intellectual level.

Vladimir Nabokov said of himself shortly before his death: "I think like a genius, I write like an average writer, but I talk like a child." But first and foremost, the reflection of thought carries with it any bad letter and any childishly helpless speech.

Surprisingly correct thought: "A small step for a man is a big step for mankind." Thousands of examples can be cited: it costs nothing to be kind to one person, but it is incredibly difficult for humanity to become kind. You can't fix humanity, but it's easy to fix yourself. Feed a child, take an old man across the street, give way to a tram, do a good job, be polite and courteous…etc. etc. - all this is simple for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That's why you need to start with yourself.

Avvakum about himself: "There are no good deeds, but God glorified."

Kindness cannot be stupid. A good deed is never stupid, because it is disinterested and does not pursue the goal of profit and "smart result". It is possible to call a good deed "stupid" only when it clearly could not achieve the goal or was "false good", erroneously good, that is, not good. I repeat, a truly good deed cannot be stupid, it is beyond evaluation from the point of view of the mind or not the mind. The good and the good.

“Jesus, seeing Nathanael coming towards him, speaks of him: here is a truly Israelite in whom there is no deceit” fn (Gospel of John, 1, 47.).

What does this text mean? First of all, about what "cunning" in question? Deceit is a lie. The father of lies is the devil, "the evil one". Wed in prayer: “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

Slyness is all kinds of pretense, insincerity, temptation by something that a person does not need.

Does what Jesus said mean that the national property of the Israelites is the absence of guile in them? No, what has been said means that the true nature of a person of any nationality is exposed when the husk of lies, deceit, pretense falls off; when a person is quite sincere, simple.

"Week of open good deeds". This is a topic for reflection and for a short essay. The action takes place at an unknown time. Maybe in the year 2000. The word "kind" is despised, and they say "kind" when they want to offend. There should be only "intransigence". And suddenly a decree: it is possible and even necessary to do good deeds - to do it individually! It is even recommended to do charity work. You can give and ask for alms. It is possible and even recommended to give and receive in debt. You can come to hospitals to help the sick, wash the floors. It is possible, it is possible, it is possible... And now people discover the happiness of kindness for themselves. For many, acquisitiveness, the passion for profit, for collecting trifles, dissolves like a fog. People smile at each other after doing a good deed. Someone is moving an elderly person across the street. Not “someone”, but everyone gives up their seats in the metro to the elderly.

Happy faces. Saleswomen are happy to sell, they are happy to carefully wrap purchases.

And they are already asking to extend the week of open good deeds. They write letters about it to the top.

The revolution of good is zealously picked up by children. They are the most and the first to be infected with good. Kindness becomes their favorite game. Learn to do good from village old women. They look for the poor, the sick, the elderly, orphans who need help, they find the unfortunate. Organize groups of “pathfinders of goodness”.

There is reconciliation with the world. That's why there are unhappy people: to give happiness to others. The unfortunate become the happy concerns of others, for the unfortunate in one may be happy in another.

Stravinsky spoke about Vl. Vas. Stasov that he did not speak badly even about the weather.

Among the many trifles of narcissism in V.V. Rozanov also has beautiful, well-expressed thoughts; here is one: “To move well with a reserve of great silence in the soul; for example, travel. Then everything seems bright, meaningful, everything fits into a good result. But “sit still” is good only with a reserve of great movement in the soul. Kant sat all his life: but he had so much movement in his soul that worlds moved from his “sitting” (Rozanov V.V. Solitary. St. Petersburg, 1912, p. 153.).

In order to get "silence" on a journey, it is good to take notes or take pictures: this, as it were, separates a person from himself.

During my anniversary, an incredibly lot of good things were written about me, but all the time I have the feeling that I am not reading about myself, but about someone else, and only my wife and daughter know me. Therefore, this other is standing nearby, but he is not me. I am more happy for this other. But what if I created this other, then it's good. But only "good" - no more. Glory is disgusting. By the way, Boris Pasternak was really deprived of it (in kind, and not only in his poem “Being famous is ugly ...”).

The most admirable property of man is love. In this connection people are most fully expressed. And the connectedness of people (families, villages, countries, the entire globe) is the foundation on which humanity stands.

There are many well-worn words and expressions for this connection. Everyone now feels the need for this connection. It is necessary for this connectedness either to find new words and expressions, or to use frequently used ones not in a hackneyed context, to feel their significance. I will not list these expressions that we constantly hear and use ourselves.

The worst (not “most”, but one of the most) human property is not to take care of a wife, not to remember parents, not to take care of children (for real), not to visit the graves of loved ones, to leave helpless old people, to demand only for themselves. All this from a certain moment begins to take possession of a person in a herd, together, in the aggregate. And therefore, by one of these signs, you can determine the presence of all the others. These people are unreliable in every way.

Walter Scott's novel "Old Mortality" (in Russian translations it is called "Puritans") tells about an old man who cleaned old gravestones with inscriptions on them from moss and lichens.

The famous Soviet oncologist Nikolai Nikolaevich Petrov (I remember him) was resourceful and witty. Alive, small. He always operated lightly. The dressing gown was put on directly on the linen. Once a no less famous French oncologist arrived: a perfumed, pomaded dandy. They took me to the operating room. Petrov comes out in his underpants, goes up to the Frenchman and pretends to blow off a speck of dust from him.

In Aswan in February 1990, at the Conference of Heads of State of the founders of the Library of Alexandria, the head of the Egyptian government, Mubarak, decided to show his significance and made him wait a long time. The presiding President of France, Mitterrand, came out brilliantly. He delved into reading the papers and when Mubarak finally entered, Mitterrand did not notice his appearance and only after a while, tearing his head away from the papers, opened the meeting, forcing Mubarak to wait in his turn. The most brilliant speech on the significance of libraries in general and the future of the Library of Alexandria was undeniably delivered at this conference by Mitterrand. Mubarak spoke platitudes. I decided to make a very short speech, because our state did not provide funds for the library and my speech could not be long and pretentious.

If a heavyweight sets a new world record in weightlifting, do I envy him? How about gymnastics? And if in jumping from a tower into the water?

Start listing everything that you know and that you can envy: you will notice that the closer to your work, specialty, life, the stronger the proximity of envy. It's like in a game - cold, warm, even warmer, hot, burned! On the last one, you found a thing hidden by other players while blindfolded. It's the same with envy. The closer the achievement of the other is to your specialty, to your interests, the more the burning danger of envy increases. A terrible feeling, from which the one who envies suffers first of all.

Now you will understand how to get rid of the extremely painful feeling of envy: develop your own individual inclinations, your own uniqueness in the surrounding humanity, be yourself - and you will never be envious. Envy develops primarily where you are a stranger to yourself, where you do not distinguish yourself from others.

"No one is a hero in the eyes of his lackey" (Jean-Jacques Rousseau. New Eloise, letter X, part IV).

"Bekhterevsky complex" - joy in the misfortune of others.

Pasternak said the same thing that I say. I read his words only on May 1, 1988: “There is nothing more beneficial to health than straightforwardness, frankness, sincerity and a clear conscience. If I were a doctor, I would write a work about the terrible danger to the physical health of hypocrisy, which has become a habit. This is worse than alcoholism” fn (In the book: Gladkov A. Late evenings. Memories, articles, notes.).

E.B. Pasternak, who cites this entry in his manuscript, adds: “Cf. words of Dudorov in the epilogue of Doctor Zhivago” (RKP., p. 30).

B. Zaitsev. Way (About Pasternak): “Petrarch wrote from Avignon to Rome to friends. Letters were sent by "opportunity", with merchants who traveled to Italy. Sometimes merchants were robbed near Florence by robbers. They were especially pleased if Petrarch's letters were in the booty - they could be sold at a high price. But some letters reached Rome. Then the recipient arranged a dinner, treated his friends, and for dessert, as the highest dish, a letter from Petrarch aloud.

Digest of articles, dedicated to creativity B.L. Pasternak Munich, 1962, p. 17.

Boris Zaitsev also read aloud Pasternak's letters to his friends.

A person develops from the very first day of his birth. He is looking to the future. He learns, learns to set new tasks for himself, without even realizing it. And how quickly he masters his position in life. He already knows how to hold a spoon and pronounce the first words.

Then he studies as a boy and a young man.

And the time has come to apply your knowledge, to achieve what you aspired to. Maturity. You have to live in real...

But the acceleration persists, and now, instead of teaching, the time comes for many to master the position in life. The movement goes by inertia. A person is constantly striving towards the future, and the future is no longer in real knowledge, not in mastering the skill, but in arranging oneself in an advantageous position. The content, the original content, is lost. The present time does not come, there is still an empty aspiration to the future. This is careerism. Inner restlessness that makes a person unhappy personally and unbearable for others.

S. Lets ("Unbrushed Thoughts") states: "Everyone brings his own acoustics to the theater." This idea can be extended: everyone comes into the world with his own perception of it; this perception a person retains, develops or destroys throughout his life.

If one of the disputants gets excited, then it is beneficial for his opponent to be cold, emphatically cold. The hot one exposes the side to the enemy.

Ivan Nikiforovich Zavoloko had three letters as a motto: R S T. If these letters are read by their Slavic names, it will be: “rci the word is firm.” Do not change the word, speak it firmly.

A typical (as I think) conversation between a Bulgarian waitress and a customer. P.N. Berkov (sometimes irritable) says to the waitress who served him soup: "I always thought that soup can only be eaten with a spoon." The smart waitress replies, "I'm convinced of the same thing, which is why the spoon is to the right of the plate." P.N. himself told me about this. Berkov (well done - he managed to appreciate the answer).

Prejudices should not interfere with beliefs.

Morality is characterized by a high degree of compassion. In compassion there is a consciousness of one's unity with humanity and the world (not only with people, nations, but also with animals, plants, nature, etc.). The feeling of compassion (or something close to it) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, individual landscapes, for respect for memory. In compassion there is a consciousness of one's unity with other people, with a nation, people, country, universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its full revival and development.

“Man is a wolf to man,” people of bad inclinations like to repeat. But few have heard another maxim: "Man is sacred to man." Seneca (I think) argued that "human society is like a vault, where various stones, holding on to each other, provide the strength of the whole." This is surprisingly true. Just one example: we walk down the street and trust, intuitively trust thousands of drivers, their experience and elementary moral principles. We do not only trust their diplomas, street traffic rules and police service, but we trust them as people with a sense of responsibility ...

A wonderful thought by S. Letz (“Uncombed Thoughts”): “The weakest link in the chain is the strongest: it breaks the bonds” (the entire chain - no matter how strong it may be).

A man becomes a man, being among his own kind.

I also remember the saying: "Prudence is the best part of valor."

Moral concepts that we really lack in people's assessments: decency and honor. Very rarely, praising a person, they say: "he is a decent person." And even more rarely: "he did as honor prompted him."

In the meantime, consider how many applications of both concepts: decency in family life, the decency of a critic, the decency of a journalist, the decency of love. The honor of a doctor, the honor of a worker, the honor of an engineer, the honor of a school, the honor of a factory, the honor of a Komsomol organizer, the honor of a citizen, the honor of a husband or wife. The word given by a person - whoever he may be, must be kept, otherwise his honor will be tarnished. How to be a "slave of honor" - this is the highest freedom and independence!

If Pushkin had not challenged to a duel, had not defended the honor of his wife (although he did not succeed in this against our contemporary “gossips”), he would never have defended the honor of his poetry either. A poet cannot be with a tarnished honor, for the poet's personality is part of his poetry.

And one more forgotten moral concept - "courtesy" in behavior. It is most natural and easiest to maintain independence by observing courtesy. One should be courteous not only to ladies and with ladies, but with everyone and always.

Honour. In the sphere of morality, this concept is extremely important, but honor is a two-faced Janus. On the one hand, there is external honor. A man defends his honor. He does not tolerate insults or what he considers insulting. He does it mainly for the people around him. Such, to a large extent, was the honor of a nobleman, the honor of an officer. And it was this honor that went to the bottom with the revolution and dragged along another honor - an honor of paramount importance - internal, honor before oneself, independent of its external assessment, but still of great importance for society, for its moral atmosphere, for moral relationships. between people and social organizations government agencies, trade enterprises, factories and factories, military, educational communities, etc.). How is this “internal” honor externally expressed: a person keeps his word and as an official (employee, statesman, representative of the institution), and as a simple person; a person behaves decently, does not violate ethical norms, respects dignity - does not grovel before the authorities, before any "good giver", does not adapt to someone else's opinion for the benefit, does not stubbornly prove his case, does not settle personal scores, does not "pay off" from " the right people"at the expense of the state (with various indulgences, "devices", etc.), generally knows how to distinguish the personal from the state, the subjective from the objective in the assessment of others.

Honor is a dignity above all, the dignity of a positively living person. This dignity, in turn, is external and internal. External dignity is importance, pomposity, solidity. Internal is dignity in essence, when a person does not sink to pettiness in behavior, in conversations, and even in thoughts. With a developed sense of honor and dignity in society, there can be no protectionism, nepotism, deceit of people and institutions, what is called “additives” and artificial underestimation of plans or pursuit at all costs for bonuses, thanks, and promotions.

Honor obliges a person to think about the honor of that public institution which he represents. There is the honor of a worker, the honor of an engineer, the honor of a doctor, but also the honor of a student of a certain school, the honor of a regiment, the honor of a factory, the honor of an institution.

The honor of the worker: to work without marriage, strive to create good things. As in the old days: the honor of a typesetter, the honor of a caster (do not stop the open-hearth furnace even during strikes).

The honor of an administrator: to keep his word, to fulfill his promises, to listen to people's opinions, not to be afraid to change his mind if the facts require it, not to adhere to the "frontal psyche" and not be proud of the fact that "I never change my opinion." Be able to admit your mistake in time and correct the mistake made.

The honor of a citizen: not to take revenge for personal reasons, not to provide services at the expense of the state, to avoid protectionism, if it is not “business”, but personal, to support capable people only for business reasons, do not write or read anonymous letters.

The honor of a scientist: not to create theories that are not fully confirmed by facts, not to occupy positions for which there is a lack of competence, not to be “personal” in one’s attitude to scientific conclusions and works, not to appropriate other people’s ideas, always accurately and completely refer to predecessors, not to sign works that do not belong to you, not to join groups and small groups, not to intrigue, to be able and willing to distinguish what is scientifically worthwhile from what is scientific, etc.

It is necessary to create a complete code of scientific morality. Post it. Find ways to identify its violations.

In the old days, there was a merchant's word and merchant's honor. The largest transactions between the merchants of the old warehouse were also made in this way: they went to the church and sealed the deal with a prayer service. In St. Petersburg, between the Duma and the Gostiny, opposite the Ruska portico, there was a semi-underground chapel where merchants served prayers.

Merchant honor!

And in the City of London, major deals were concluded with a handshake (the British rarely resort to handshakes).

And if merchants and businessmen had a sense of honor, then why not develop it in our society?

And another consideration: diplomats of the whole world should have a sense of honor. How often now the word, the promise given by diplomats, is at odds with the deed! And this is all over the world. I have just read in the newspapers: the reduction of armaments in one sphere of armaments is accepted in order to be compensated in another. Cunning! They cheat like petty swindlers, like businessmen who are far from Russian merchants of the 19th century.

Lack of morality wreaks havoc social life. Without morality, economic laws no longer operate in a society and no diplomatic agreements are possible.

It is said that at the Battle of Fontenoy (1745), the French commandant of the fortress came out to meet the British, took off his hat and shouted: “Gentlemen of the English, shoot first!”

And our barbarity has reached the point where we start a war even without declaring war.

Trivia of Behavior // Notes and Observations: From notebooks different years. - L .: Owls. Writer. Leningrad. Department, 1989. - S. 316 - 347.

Floors of care. Caring strengthens relationships between people. Strengthens the family, strengthens friendship, strengthens fellow villagers, residents of one city, one country.

Follow a person's life.

A man is born, and the first concern for him is his mother; gradually (after a few days) the father’s care for him comes into direct contact with the child (before the birth of the child, there was already care for him, but to a certain extent it was “abstract” - the parents prepared for the appearance of the child, dreamed about him).

The feeling of caring for another appears very early, especially in girls. The girl does not speak yet, but she is already trying to take care of the doll, nursing her. Boys, very young, like to pick mushrooms, fish. Berries and mushrooms are also loved by girls. And after all, they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. They bring it home, prepare it for the winter.

Gradually, children become objects of ever higher care and they themselves begin to show real and wide care - not only about the family, but also about the school, where parental care has placed them, about their village, city and country ...

Care is expanding and becoming more and more altruistic. Children pay for taking care of themselves by taking care of their old parents, when they can no longer repay the care of their children. And this concern for the elderly, and then for the memory of deceased parents, seems to merge with the historical memory of the family and the motherland as a whole.

If care is directed only at oneself, then an egoist grows up.

Caring unites people, strengthens the memory of the past and is directed entirely towards the future. This is not a feeling itself - it is a concrete manifestation of a feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. The person must be caring. An uncaring or carefree person is most likely a person who is unkind and does not love anyone.

Morality is characterized by a feeling of compassion in the highest degree. In compassion there is a consciousness of one's unity with humanity and the world (not only with people, nations, but also with animals, plants, nature, etc.). The feeling of compassion (or something close to it) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, individual landscapes, for respect for memory. In compassion there is a consciousness of one's unity with other people, with a nation, a people, a country, the Universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its full revival and development.

Surprisingly correct thought: "A small step for man, a big step for humanity." Thousands of examples can be cited: it costs nothing to be kind to one person, but it is incredibly difficult for humanity to become kind. You can't fix humanity, but it's easy to fix yourself. Feed a child, lead an old man across the street, give way to a tram, do a good job, be polite and courteous...etc. etc. - all this is simple for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That's why you need to start with yourself.

LETTER EIGHT
BE FUNNY BUT NOT BE FUNNY

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but the opposite is also true, that the content depends on the form. The well-known American psychologist of the beginning of this century, D. James, wrote: “We cry because we are sad, but we are also sad because we are crying.” Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, about what should become our habit and what should also become our inner content.

It was once considered indecent to show with all your appearance that a misfortune happened to you, that you were in grief. A person should not impose his depressed state on others. It was necessary to maintain dignity even in grief, to be equal with everyone, not to plunge into oneself and remain as friendly and even cheerful as possible. The ability to maintain dignity, not to impose on others with one's grief, not to spoil the mood of others, to be always friendly and cheerful is a great and real art that helps to live in society and society itself.

But how fun should you be? Noisy and obsessive fun is tiring for others. The young man who is always “pouring” witticisms ceases to be perceived as worthy of behaving. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and it means ultimately the loss of humor.

Don't be funny.

Not being funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of intelligence.

You can be funny in everything, even in the manner of dressing. If a man carefully matches a tie to a shirt, a shirt to a suit, he is ridiculous. Excessive concern for one's appearance is immediately visible. Care must be taken to dress decently, but this care in men should not go beyond certain limits. A man who cares too much about his appearance is unpleasant. A woman is another matter. For men, there should be only a hint of fashion in their clothes. A perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and a fresh but not very bright tie are enough. The suit can be old, it doesn't have to be just unkempt.

In a conversation with others, know how to listen, know how to be silent, know how to joke, but rarely and in time. Take care of yourself as much as possible less space. Therefore, at dinner, do not put your hands on the table, embarrassing your neighbor, but also do not try too hard to be "the soul of society." Observe the measure in everything, do not be intrusive even with your friendly feelings.

Do not suffer from your shortcomings, if you have them. If you stutter, don't think it's too bad. Stutterers can be excellent speakers, considering every word they say. The best lecturer of Moscow University, famous for its eloquent professors, historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A slight strabismus can give significance to the face, lameness - to movements. But if you are shy, don't be afraid. Don't be ashamed of your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. It only becomes funny if you try too hard to overcome it and feel embarrassed about it. Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Don't suffer from them. There is nothing worse when an “inferiority complex” develops in a person, and with it anger, hostility towards other people, envy. A person loses what is best in him - kindness.

Not best music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no “better music” in a person than modesty and the ability to remain silent, not to come forward in the first place. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in the behavior of a person than solemnity or noisiness; there is nothing more ridiculous in a man than excessive concern for his costume and hairstyle, calculated movements and a “fountain of witticisms” and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never loosen up, always be equal with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips about what seems to be secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: Don't be afraid of your physical imperfections. Treat them with dignity and you will be elegant.

I have a friend who is a little chubby. Honestly, I never get tired of admiring her elegance on those rare occasions when I meet her in museums on opening days (everyone meets there - that's why they are cultural holidays).

And one more thing, and perhaps the most important: be truthful. He who seeks to deceive others is first of all deceived himself. He naively thinks that they believed him, and those around him were actually just polite. But the lie always betrays itself, the lie is always “felt”, and you not only become disgusting, worse - you are ridiculous.

Don't be funny! Truthfulness is beautiful, even if you admit that you have deceived before on any occasion, and explain why you did it. This will fix the situation. You will be respected and you will show your intelligence.

Simplicity and "silence" in a person, truthfulness, lack of pretensions in clothes and behavior - this is the most attractive "form" in a person, which also becomes his most elegant "content".

LETTER NINE
WHEN SHOULD YOU BE REVIEWED?

You should be offended only when they want to offend you. If they don’t want to, and the reason for resentment is an accident, then why be offended?

Without getting angry, clear up the misunderstanding - and that's it.

Well, what if they want to offend? Before responding to an insult with an insult, it is worth considering: should one stoop to an insult? After all, resentment usually lies somewhere low and you should bend down to it in order to pick it up.

If you still decide to be offended, then first perform some mathematical action - subtraction, division, and so on. Let's say you've been insulted for something you're only partly to blame for. Subtract from your feelings of resentment what does not apply to you. Suppose that you were offended by noble motives - divide your feelings into noble motives that caused an insulting remark, etc. Having performed some necessary mathematical operation in your mind, you can respond to an insult with great dignity, which will be the nobler, the less importance you attach to the insult. To certain limits, of course.

In general, excessive touchiness is a sign of a lack of intelligence or some kind of complexes. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: to be offended only when they want to offend you, they intentionally offend you. There is no need to be offended by simple inattention, forgetfulness (sometimes characteristic of a given person due to age, due to some psychological shortcomings). On the contrary, show special attention to such a “forgetful” person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they “offend” you, but what if you yourself can offend another? In relation to touchy people, one must be especially careful. Resentment is a very painful character trait.

Quoted from:
D.S. Likhachev. Good Letters. St. Petersburg: "Russian-Baltic Information Center BLITs", 1999.

Current page: 2 (total book has 10 pages) [available reading excerpt: 3 pages]

Letter eight
Be funny but not funny

It is said that the content determines the form. This is true, but the opposite is also true, that the content depends on the form. The well-known American psychologist of the beginning of this century, D. James, wrote: “We cry because we are sad, but we are also sad because we cry.” Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, about what should become our habit and what should also become our inner content.

It was once considered indecent to show with all your appearance that a misfortune happened to you, that you were in grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state on others. It was necessary to maintain dignity even in grief, to be equal with everyone, not to plunge into oneself and remain as friendly and even cheerful as possible. The ability to maintain dignity, not to impose one's grief on others, not to spoil the mood of others, to always be even in dealing with people, to be always friendly and cheerful - this is a great and real art that helps to live in society and society itself.

But how fun should you be? Noisy and obsessive fun is tiring for others. A young man who is always spouting witticisms ceases to be perceived as worthy of behaving. He becomes a joke. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and it means ultimately the loss of humor.

Don't be funny.

Not being funny is not only the ability to behave, but also a sign of intelligence.

You can be funny in everything, even in the manner of dressing. If a man carefully matches a tie to a shirt, a shirt to a suit, he is ridiculous. Excessive concern for one's appearance is immediately visible. Care must be taken to dress decently, but this care in men should not go beyond certain limits. A man who cares too much about his appearance is unpleasant. A woman is another matter. Men should only have a hint of fashion in their clothes. A perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and a fresh but not very bright tie are enough. The suit can be old, it doesn't have to be just unkempt.

In a conversation with others, know how to listen, know how to be silent, know how to joke, but rarely and in time. Take up as little space as possible. Therefore, at dinner, do not put your elbows on the table, embarrassing your neighbor, but also do not try too hard to be the "soul of society." Observe the measure in everything, do not be intrusive even with your friendly feelings.

Do not suffer from your shortcomings, if you have them. If you stutter, don't think it's too bad. Stutterers are excellent speakers, considering every word they say. The best lecturer of Moscow University, famous for its eloquent professors, historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A slight strabismus can give significance to the face, lameness - to movements. But if you are shy, don't be afraid of it either. Don't be ashamed of your shyness: shyness is very sweet and not at all funny. It only becomes funny if you try too hard to overcome it and feel embarrassed about it. Be simple and indulgent to your shortcomings. Don't suffer from them. There is nothing worse when an “inferiority complex” develops in a person, and with it anger, hostility towards other people, envy. A person loses what is best in him - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no better “music in a person” than modesty and the ability to remain silent, not to come forward in the first place. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in the appearance and behavior of a person than dignity or noisy; there is nothing more ridiculous in a man than excessive concern for his suit and hair, calculated movements and a “fountain of witticisms” and jokes, especially if they are repeated.

In behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest, quiet.

Never loosen up, always be equal with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips about what seems to be secondary - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical shortcomings. Treat them with dignity and you will be elegant.

I have a friend who is a little chubby. Honestly, I do not get tired of admiring her grace on those rare occasions when I meet her in museums on opening days (everyone meets there - that's why they are cultural holidays).

Don't be ridiculous! Truthfulness is beautiful, even if you admit that you have deceived before on any occasion, and explain why you did it. This will fix the situation. You will be respected and you will show your intelligence.

Simplicity and "silence" in a person, truthfulness, lack of pretensions in clothing and behavior - this is the most attractive "form" in a person, which also becomes his most elegant "content".

Letter nine
When should you be offended?

You should be offended only when they want to offend you. If they don’t want to, and the reason for resentment is an accident, then why be offended?

Without getting angry, clear up the misunderstanding - and that's it.

Well, if they want to offend? Before responding to an insult with an insult, it is worth considering: should one stoop to an insult? After all, resentment usually lies somewhere low and you should bend down to it in order to pick it up.

If you still decide to be offended, then first perform some mathematical action - subtraction, division, etc. Let's say you were insulted for something in which you are only partially to blame. Subtract from your feelings of resentment everything that does not apply to you. Suppose that you were offended from noble motives - divide your feelings into noble motives that caused an insulting remark, etc. Having performed some necessary mathematical operation in your mind, you can respond to an insult with great dignity, which will be the nobler than less value you give offense. To certain limits, of course.

In general, excessive touchiness is a sign of a lack of intelligence or some kind of complex. Be smart.

There is good English rule: be offended only when you want offend intentionally offend. There is no need to be offended by simple inattention, forgetfulness (sometimes characteristic of a given person due to age, due to some psychological shortcomings). On the contrary, show special attention to such a “forgetful” person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they “offend” you, but what if you yourself can offend another? In relation to touchy people, one must be especially careful. Resentment is a very painful character trait.

Letter ten
Honor true and false

I don't like definitions and am often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.

There is one essential difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and by conscience they are cleansed to one degree or another. Conscience "gnaws". Conscience is not false. It is muffled or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But notions of honor are quite false, and these misconceptions cause enormous harm to society. I mean what is called the "honor of the uniform." We have lost such a phenomenon, unusual for our society, as the concept of noble honor, but the "honor of the uniform" remains a heavy burden. It was as if a man had died, and only the uniform remained, from which the orders were removed. And within which a conscientious heart no longer beats.

The “honor of the uniform” forces the leaders to defend false or vicious projects, to insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful construction projects, to fight with the societies protecting monuments (“our construction is more important”), etc. There are many examples of such upholding of the “honor of the uniform”.

True honor is always in accordance with conscience. False honor is a mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of the human (or rather, “bureaucratic”) soul.

Letter Eleven
About careerism

A person develops from the first day of his birth. He is looking to the future. He learns, learns to set new tasks for himself, without even realizing it. And how quickly he masters his position in life. He already knows how to hold a spoon and pronounce the first words.

Then he also studies as a boy and a young man.

And the time has come to apply your knowledge, to achieve what you aspired to. Maturity. You have to live in real...

Letter 12
The person must be intelligent

A person must be intelligent! And if his profession does not require intelligence? And if he could not get an education: so there were circumstances? And if Environment does not allow? And if intelligence makes him a "black sheep" among his colleagues, friends, relatives, will it simply interfere with his rapprochement with other people?

No, no and NO! Intelligence is needed under all circumstances. It is necessary both for others and for the person himself.

This is very, very important, and above all, in order to live happily and for a long time - yes, for a long time! For intelligence is equal to moral health, and health is needed to live long - not only physically, but also mentally. One old book It says, "Honor your father and your mother, and you will live long on earth." This applies both to the whole people and to the individual. This is wise.

But first of all, let's define what intelligence is, and then why it is connected with the commandment of longevity.

Many people think: an intelligent person is one who read a lot, received a good education (and even predominantly humanitarian), traveled a lot, knows several languages.

And meanwhile, you can have all this and be unintelligent, and you can not possess any of this to a large extent, but still be an internally intelligent person.

Education should not be confused with intelligence. Education lives on the old content, intelligence lives on the creation of the new and the awareness of the old as new.

More than that... Deprive a truly intelligent person of all his knowledge, education, deprive him of his very memory. Let him forget everything in the world, he will not know the classics of literature, he will not remember greatest works art, will forget the most important historical events, but if with all this he retains a susceptibility to intellectual values, a love of acquiring knowledge, an interest in history, an aesthetic sense, he will be able to distinguish a real work of art from a crude "thing" made only to surprise if he will be able to admire the beauty of nature, understand the character and individuality of another person, enter into his position, and having understood another person, help him, will not show rudeness, indifference, gloating, envy, but will appreciate the other if he shows respect for the culture of the past, skills an educated person, responsibility in solving moral issues, the richness and accuracy of his language - spoken and written - this is what an intelligent person will be.

Intelligence is not only in knowledge, but in the ability to understand another. It manifests itself in a thousand and thousand little things: in the ability to argue respectfully, to behave modestly at the table, in the ability to imperceptibly (precisely imperceptibly) help another, to protect nature, not to litter around oneself - not to litter with cigarette butts or swearing, bad ideas (this is also garbage, and what else!)

I knew peasants in the Russian North who were truly intelligent. They kept amazing cleanliness in their homes, knew how to appreciate good songs, knew how to tell "bystanders" (that is, what happened to them or others), lived an orderly life, were hospitable and friendly, treated with understanding both other people's grief and someone else's joy.

Intelligence is the ability to understand, to perceive, it is a tolerant attitude towards the world and towards people.

Intelligence must be developed in oneself, trained - mental strength is trained, as physical ones are also trained. And training is possible and necessary in any conditions.

That physical strength training contributes to longevity is understandable. Much less people understand that for longevity, the training of spiritual and spiritual forces is also necessary.

The fact is that a vicious and evil reaction to the environment, rudeness and misunderstanding of others is a sign of mental and spiritual weakness, human inability to live ... Pushing in a crowded bus - a weak and nervous person, exhausted, reacting incorrectly to everything. Quarrels with neighbors - also a person who does not know how to live, deaf mentally. Aesthetically unreceptive is also an unhappy person. He who does not know how to understand another person, attributing only evil intentions to him, always taking offense at others - this is also a person who impoverishes his life and interferes with the lives of others. Mental weakness leads to physical weakness. I am not a doctor, but I am convinced of this. Years of experience convinced me of this.

Friendliness and kindness make a person not only physically healthy, but also beautiful. Yes, it's beautiful.

The face of a person, distorted by anger, becomes ugly, and the movements of an evil person are devoid of grace - not deliberate grace, but natural, which is much more expensive.

The social duty of a person is to be intelligent. This is a duty to yourself as well. This is the key to his personal happiness and the “aura of goodwill” around him and towards him (that is, addressed to him).

Everything I talk about with young readers in this book is a call to intelligence, to physical and moral health, to the beauty of health. Let us be long-lived, as people and as a people! And the veneration of father and mother should be understood broadly - as the veneration of all our best in the past, in the past, which is the father and mother of our modernity, the great modernity, to belong to which is great happiness.

Letter thirteen
About upbringing

You can get a good upbringing not only in your family or at school, but also ... from yourself.

You just need to know what real education is.

I am convinced, for example, that real good breeding manifests itself primarily at home, in one's family, in relations with one's relatives.

If he is polite with acquaintances, and gets irritated with his family on every occasion, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he does not take into account the character, psychology, habits and desires of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person.

If, already in adulthood, he takes the help of his parents for granted and does not notice that they themselves already need help, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he likes to make fun (joking) with his wife or children, not sparing their vanity, especially in front of strangers, then here he (excuse me!) is simply stupid.

A well-mannered person does not behave “loudly” in all respects, saves the time of others (“Accuracy is the courtesy of kings,” says the saying), strictly fulfills the promises made to others, does not put on airs, does not turn up his nose, and is always the same - at home, in school, college, work, shop and bus.

The reader has probably noticed that I am addressing mainly the man, the head of the family. This is because a woman really needs to give way... not just at the door.

But a smart woman will easily understand what exactly needs to be done, so that, always and with gratitude, accepting from a man the right given to her by nature, to force the man to give way to her as little as possible. And it's much more difficult! That is why nature has taken care that women in general (I'm not talking about exceptions) are endowed with a greater sense of tact and more natural politeness than men ...

There are many books on "good manners". These books explain how to behave in society, at a party and at home, in the theater, at work, with older and younger people, how to speak without offending the ear, and dress without offending the sight of others. But people, unfortunately, draw little from these books. This happens, I think, because good manners books rarely explain what good manners are for. It seems: to have good manners is false, boring, unnecessary. A person with good manners can indeed cover up bad deeds.

What's the matter? What is the basis of the guide to acquiring good manners? Is it a simple collection of rules, “recipes” for behavior, instructions that are difficult to remember all?

At the heart of all good manners is care - care that a person does not interfere with a person, so that everyone feels good together.

We must be able not to interfere with each other. So no need to make noise. You can't close your ears from noise - it is hardly possible in all cases. For example, at the table while eating. Therefore, you don’t have to slurp, you don’t need to loudly put your fork on a plate, noisily draw soup into yourself, speak loudly at dinner or talk with your mouth full so that the neighbors do not have fears. And do not put your elbows on the table - again, so as not to disturb your neighbor. It is necessary to be neatly dressed because this shows respect for others - for guests, for hosts or just for passers-by: you should not be disgusting to look at. No need to tire your neighbors with incessant jokes, witticisms and anecdotes, especially those that have already been told by someone to your listeners. This puts the audience in an awkward position. Try not only to entertain others yourself, but also let others tell you something. Manners, clothes, gait, all behavior should be restrained and ... beautiful. For any beauty does not tire. She is "social". And in the so-called good manners there is always a deep meaning. Do not think that good manners are only manners, that is, something superficial. Your behavior reveals your essence. It is necessary to educate in oneself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a careful attitude to the world: to society, to nature, to animals and birds, to plants, to the beauty of the area, to the past of the places where you live, etc. d.

We must not remember hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need for a respectful attitude towards others. And if you have this and a little more resourcefulness, then manners will come to you, or, rather, memory will come to the rules of good behavior, the desire and ability to apply them.

Letter fourteen
About bad and good influences

In the life of every person there is a curious age-related phenomenon: third-party influences. These third-party influences are usually extremely strong when a boy or girl begins to become adults - at a turning point. Then the force of these influences passes. But young men and women must remember about influences, their "pathology", and sometimes even normality.

Maybe there is no particular pathology here: just a growing person, a boy or a girl, wants to quickly become an adult, independent. But, becoming independent, they seek to free themselves first of all from the influence of their family. Ideas about their “childishness” are associated with their family. The family itself is partly to blame for this, which does not notice that their “child”, if not, then wants to be an adult. But the habit of obeying has not yet passed, and now he obeys the one who recognized him as an adult - sometimes a person who himself has not yet become an adult and is truly independent.

Influences are both good and bad. Remember this. But bad influences are to be feared. Because a person with a will does not give in to bad influence, he chooses his own path. The weak-willed man succumbs bad influences. Be afraid of unconscious influences, especially if you still do not know how to accurately, clearly distinguish good from bad, if you like the praises and approvals of your comrades, whatever these praises and approvals may be: if only they praised.

Women's Portal Flero

Protect youth until old age!

LETTER EIGHT BE FUNNY BUT NOT BE FUNNY

LETTER NINE WHEN SHOULD YOU BE REVIEWED?

Letter eight Be funny but not funny

Letter nine When should you be offended?

Letter ten Honor true and false

Letter Eleven About careerism

Letter 12 The person must be intelligent

Letter thirteen About upbringing

Letter fourteen About bad and good influences

RELATED ARTICLES

LETTER EIGHT
BE FUNNY BUT NOT BE FUNNY

LETTER NINE
WHEN SHOULD YOU BE REVIEWED?

Letter eight
Be funny but not funny

Letter nine
When should you be offended?

Letter ten
Honor true and false

Letter Eleven
About careerism

Letter 12
The person must be intelligent

Letter thirteen
About upbringing

Letter fourteen
About bad and good influences