More recently, your child was a sweet and affectionate baby, snoring in a crib, but a little time has passed, curiosity and a crisis of 3 years have come to replace it - this is how psychologists call the time when a charming boy or girl turns into a capricious vermin that does not give rest to any family member . It would seem that there are problems in education or character, but it is better to deal with the reasons more deeply.
For example, If the child is washing the spoon or spoon, take your best and take dishes with you, say that you will not be angry and you will not get enough porridge. Then, after a minute, give the child porridge if he eats again, throwing him on the ground - again we draw porridge. The child is supposed to be - if he continues to do so, there will be consequences. He learns that the fun is what happened. Because he understands that if he does not behave properly, he will get attention.
It is important that we do not "get" the child's negative behavior. You can't do it, don't accept it, stay out of here, and when you do it nicely, we don't control it. Therefore, when a child behaves well - "catch" the behavior of this kind of child. Don't highlight the child's negative behavior. With bold emotions, let's show that this is impossible to do - if you break the mirror, catch the child, but do not mock him.
Crisis symptoms in children
- The child moves away from adults. There is a confrontation with adults - the baby wants to do everything on his own, any of your help will be taken with hostility.
- You have to come to terms with the desire to defend your "I", now your child feels like an adult.
- In the speech of a baby at 3 years old, one can hear wordings of this type: “I want”, “I myself”.
- The child becomes jealous and greedy, this is aggravated when the second baby is born.
- Stubbornness is manifested in every detail - whether it is a desire to walk longer, buy a toy or not eat porridge.
- Harmfulness is another feature, if you ask a child for something, he will do the opposite, and not because he wants to, but only out of a desire to play pranks.
- Unreasonable aggression appears, sometimes it comes to swearing at adults, hysterical crying, children's screams, bites and tantrums, in such a situation it is not worth indulging whims, referring to the crisis of three years, you risk growing an uncontrollable person.
- The kid needs a lot of attention - even leaving him for a minute, you will face aggression against you - you can be accused of almost betrayal.
- During the crisis of 3 years, the child wants to be the best in everything, feeling parental support - achievements should be praised in order to evoke a sense of pride.
Another important thing is that we are no less persistent than a child. If the child wants something, you can ask him for a long time. And often after a few moments my patience is not enough, and she gives the candy. Thus, we encourage the child to ask for more.
So teach your child - if you say you won't, keep your position. The next time, the child will already know that it is better to meet the words of the mother. If we persist, there will be fewer kites in the future. If we learn this by punishment, it won't work, we will hurt the child emotionally, so it's important to exercise more patience and go positively.
Causes of the crisis in 3 years
The causes of the crisis are due to growing up little man. If earlier he felt like a defenseless being, now significant changes have taken place in the inner world: it seems as if he is already an adult, dissatisfied with life. Parents at this time behave in a strange way: they try to patronize, which causes aggression.
Often we tend to say that childhood is best time, not a worry, not a job, just a game and more. Childhood is a milestone in a person's life. Especially if we are talking about the difficulties of child development that arise during crises that begin in different periods time.
To facilitate the growth of our child, create warm family relationships, to be happy and enjoy our father, it is important to know and understand what difficulties arise at the beginning of a child's life. Before adolescence the child is going through 5 severe life stages- crises.
The acute form of the crisis is due to incorrect family education if mom and dad deprived the baby of independence, did not allow him to make decisions, constantly took care of him. Often, young parents are characterized by inconsistency in behavior: dad allows, and mom forbids toys. All this will lead to a crisis of 3 years.
How long does the crisis of three years last?
The crisis of 3 years has no clear boundaries, the uprising against the authoritarian family structure can begin at 2.5 or 3 years. The course of this time and duration are determined by upbringing, by the efforts that parents make to overcome a difficult age. It may take about a year for the baby to become a habitual child again, in most cases the situation becomes stable by 4 years.
The very first crisis in human life starts immediately after birth. Until now, he is used to living in his mother's belly, surrounded by water and darkness, and suddenly he pours into a world in which everything is new, bright, high and noisy, he will not hear the beating of his mother's heart. During this period, the mother should strive to place the little boy in her heart as soon as possible so that he can hear the familiar sound and feel calm. That's why doctors are in such a hurry to do it. They know that the same pain as mother and child.
The only difference is that mother knows what awaits her and why, and this little helpless creature cannot yet understand the cause of this pain. The next crisis begins when the child reaches about a year. This is often referred to in the literature as the crisis of the first year, but in fact this crisis is associated with the ability of a new child to move freely in environment. When the child is already walking, he feels more independent, begins to understand that he and his mother are a separate organism.
The crisis of 3 years is a conditional concept, since a child can “reign” even up to 4 years of age How can you help your child get through this time?
- To avoid a crisis of three years, do not use an authoritarian one, excessive guardianship will lead to the fact that in the end you will raise a room child, this will create a lot of problems in later life. Overprotection never did any good.
- Parents should adhere to one upbringing system, this should be agreed in advance by discussing the details and finding out controversial points, resolve issues with grandparents - they often pamper their grandchildren without listening to you.
- Behave calmly, not succumbing to the provocations of the little tyrant, he must understand that tantrums and tears will not unbalance you, exclude manipulations, show that it will not be possible to achieve the fulfillment of desire with screams.
- Do not argue with the child, trying to impose your point of view on him, at the age of 3 the baby can already make decisions on his own, if earlier you fenced him off from many things, now it's time to explore the world without prohibitions - let him feel independent.
- You should not command the baby either, this will increase the nervous tension, and the attitude will deteriorate, it is better to show restraint, let the child think that he makes the decision on his own.
- You should not force him to take food, if there are signs of a crisis of three years, let the child choose the duration of the meal himself, ate - he can go, perhaps he is simply not hungry, and you impose your position, normally the baby himself knows how much food he needs.
- A three-year-old child needs independence: if he wants, he can sweep the floor, wash the dishes, water the flowers, or even take part in the laundry - small household chores will form a love of hard work, even if it doesn’t work out very well, praise him.
During a crisis, independence is very important for a child - it is worth allowing the baby to join adult activities, letting him make an independent choice - Psychologist's instructions will help to cope with difficulties, if you want to avoid conflicts, behave accordingly: ask the child's permission in everything that concerns his person, goes for a walk - find out what clothes he will wear, cook dinner - ask what he wants.
- Be reasonable - give in to the little things, for example, if today the baby wants to eat a second course before soup, nothing bad will happen, there is nothing wrong with wanting to take these toys into the yard either.
- Make compromises - let the baby choose the best solution for him, parents do not need to set ultimatums.
- Learn psychological features your child, the children's body is individual, pay attention to the weaknesses of the child, build upbringing not on punishment, but on positive encouragement.
- If the child can’t cope, you don’t need to do everything for him, it’s better to just offer to help. If you encounter aggression, do not insist, let the baby do everything as it comes out, you can redo it without him.
- The manifestation of warmth and affection is the right way to overcome crisis phenomena, you need to take care of the baby, hug and praise him more often, this will form self-confidence in the growing prankster, and will make him feel loved in the family. Especially children who are forced to share love with their brothers and sisters need such gestures.
- If you can’t cope with the situation on your own, and the tense situation in the family increases, it is better to turn to the help of a professional child psychologist.
Do not be afraid to contact a psychologist with your child - a specialist will simply help you calmly survive the period of crisis and tell parents what to do in specific situations - Constant swearing will lead to the fact that the child will be disappointed in you, psychology helps parents: you should not break loose over trifles, a broken cup will not become a tragedy, and soiled pants can always be washed, while negative behavior will lead to a guilt complex in a growing personality, and this threatens already more serious consequences in adult life.
- Game techniques will help turn routine activities into fun and carefree time spent together, it will be easier to eliminate the crisis of three years - you will understand how good this upbringing technique is. Your favorite toys will come to your aid: the doll wants to eat only with the baby, the bear does not go to bed alone.
- A difficult age lasts a long time due to the fact that you choose the wrong tactics of behavior: you should not compare the successes of your child with other children - a feeling of inferiority may form, the child will begin to treat other children negatively. It is better to compare successes with his own example.
- The character of the child will be hopelessly spoiled if you constantly insult him: a bungler is far from the best definition of his skills, even if the baby cannot do anything himself. Praise the drive, offer a little help to make it even better.
Yesterday the child was obedient, but today he is capricious and irritable. Doctors call this not the most pleasant period for parents a crisis three years. It is at this age that the baby is already aware of himself as an independent person and begins to test the patience of his parents, finding out for himself the limits of permissibility. The most frequent phrase of the child becomes “I don’t want to!”.
It is important to give the child the freedom to act, encourage and support himself. It was at this time that the first rules should appear in the family. Both, father and mother, must agree on what the child can do at home, where he can go, what to take, which drawer to open. If there are other family members in the family - brothers, sisters, grandchildren - it is important that they adhere to the same rules.
It will be difficult for a child to understand why his dad did not allow the kitchen cabinet to open and remove all the pots, but his mother did. The third crisis, on which most information can be found, and which is the most discussed parent of the third year crisis. This crisis has become so popular because parents do not have information about the crisis of the first year, they are not sufficiently prepared for what is expected in the future, and they have to "re-educate" their child for almost three years. The child is fully aware of the word "AS", knows its meaning and begins to want to do the same.
Here, parents often begin to behave incorrectly, scold and punish the child for any reason. Doing this is not worth it. Of course, sometimes you need to punish, but only if the baby has done something unacceptable. Try to be patient and explain to him what is possible and what is not and why. If you constantly scold and punish, then as a result the child will become even more naughty and stubborn.
If the house has so far been agreed on the basic rules, the child will recognize them, and it will be easier for you. If you are in a hurry in the morning, wake up the child early and let yourself get dressed, take off your clothes, take away dirty clothes, take care of toys, feed your pet, and so on.
Just give him an idea of entertainment as his own choice, so you can get it in the future when you want the child to help at home, but if he is not able to help, there will be additional difficulties. The crisis of the life of the fourth child begins after about 5-6 years of the child's life. One of the main symptoms of this crisis is that the child is no longer working on past parenting practices, leading to more conflict and emotional distress.
How does the crisis manifest itself? (Video)
The crisis of three years is usually manifested by the disobedience of the child: he allows himself various dirty tricks, does not obey his elders, does not fulfill requests and throws tantrums for any reason and without it. This behavior is typical of both girls and boys.
When a crisis approaches, parents should start preparing in advance. Prepare yourself for the fact that the child will be stubborn and self-willed. You must understand that this is absolutely normal, since your offspring does not have to be perfect, it grows and develops and this is the next stage of growing up.
This crisis begins with changes in the structure of the brain. The child's opinion changes, he manages to control his emotions more, his inner world becomes much more complex, creative. Thus, the child's moodiness, which increases over time, is simply the inability to control their emotions, the child still lacks experience as an appropriate manifestation of fatigue or expressing dissatisfaction with actions that they do not want. The best way to overcome this period - to provide motivation for work, the more baby motivated at this age, the more he wants in the future.
AT crisis age the baby wants to be independent and understands that sometimes he does not want to do what is asked. He wants to decide for himself and do things his own way. For him, this is a new experience.
Often during this period, new lines of behavior and the so-called signs of a three-year crisis appear.:
Another important stage in a child's life is school. And new stage- a new cause of the crisis. This crisis often starts from adults - parents, grandparents, teachers, expecting a sudden change in the child. He will become more independent, responsible, he will study well, find friends and so on. Thus, the child is faced with the demands of others. The student feels insecure because the whole agenda has changed and the new requirements for relatives have changed.
AT this moment the moral position of the child is formed. Trying to find justice and goodness everywhere, so often refuses to make friends with those who do not share, and parents often find themselves in difficult situation. On the this moment you need to think a lot about what your child can and cannot say. If your dad and mom tell you that grandma can't crush the kids and calls the neighbors out loud and that keeps her awake in the morning, don't be surprised that they rebuke you because the kid told them your opinion.
- Negativism: The child contradicts the parents and acts in his own way. He may really want to go for a walk, but will refuse the offer just because it comes from an adult. Thus, the child is trying to protect his "I", and you should not consider this as pampering.
- Stubbornness: The child will stand his ground to the last. Even if he no longer wants what he demanded. Nothing and no one can convince the baby, even if you persuade him and offer something more interesting in return. So the child wants to understand that his opinion is considered.
- Devaluation: The child begins to feel differently about everything that he liked so far: stops playing with his favorite toys, treats previously loved adults well, and begins to consider his parents evil. He is no longer interested in games and activities, so beloved before. Often the child begins to swear and call names.
- The desire for independence: The child tries not to resort to someone else's help, does everything himself. Of course, it is good that he strives for this, but sometimes children take on what they cannot do due to their age. Here it is more likely to call such behavior self-willedness.
- Despotism: the child's attempts to command everything, including adults. He begins to indicate who should do what, what he will wear for a walk and demands the submission of others.
Are there any positives?
It is not necessary to perceive crisis as continuous difficulty. This also has positive sides. It is only necessary to see them and help the child in difficult moments for him. The main plus is that the baby learns to be independent, to protect himself and his rights. He tries to fight back against the outside world.
At this point, you need to not only think about what you are telling children about others, but also what you are doing yourself. Your actions and words do not contradict moral standards. If children see their parents tell them, "Don't talk while eating," but they always say that themselves? And if the mother said: “I have a room or a computer”, and the child continues to play because the mother does not take action, right? The child now needs power, he is looking for a person to equalize.
Steiner drew attention to the fact that when looking at a small child, parents and caregivers sometimes naturally have deep existential questions. How should we behave so that the child can fulfill his free nature as much as possible? What is the fate prepared for him, regardless of his freedom, and why are we the ones who are called to care for and educate him? Every child is an individual, he is free. However, patterns of development exist and are regulated. Steiner said that the true art of education requires knowledge of the parts of human existence and the patterns of their development.
In no case should you try to break the child, to impose your will on him. This can forever kill in him the desire to achieve something and make him weak and weak-willed.
If parents with early years suppress the child, demand that he always yield and obey, then the baby does not survive this crisis. As a result, in the future, he will not be able to withstand all the difficulties. outside world and will be just defenseless. Later, parents will have to teach him to stand up for himself and express his desires and opinions, so as not to suffer from other people's pressure, command and arrogance.
It is necessary to know which part of a person and in which direction it is advisable to act at a certain age. Steiner suggests that there is an archetypal process of human development that includes the physical, psychological, and spiritual development of the individual. This is a unique theory of personality development, which says that a person develops throughout his life, from birth to death. This development is largely determined by the person himself, but it is also influenced by certain patterns or archetypes of human development.
If the child constantly obeys everything, then such behavior will be transferred to the kindergarten and to. He will always yield in everything and fulfill someone else's will. This humility will accompany him into adulthood. The child must learn to insist on his own, and not just give in, otherwise it will be very difficult for him to achieve something.
There is another reason why the crisis of three years may not come. This reason is the baby's mother herself, who gives him all her attention, tries to constantly educate him. So the child begins to empathize with the mother early. He will always try to do everything right, just so as not to offend her. The kid will fulfill all the requests and instructions of adults so that parents can see how obedient he is and not get upset.
Steiner says that every seven years a person goes through a metamorphosis, a transformation that changes what he needs and his abilities. In childhood, the archetype of development is more pronounced than in adult life. How younger child, the less its development is determined by individuality, the greater the pattern of development. The Waldorf Educational Program reflects and supports this archetypal development by providing timely challenges, challenges and support to children. If children are allowed to adapt to this rhythm of development, they have more opportunities for harmonious development.
It is very important for parents to learn how to direct the child's energy "in a peaceful direction", give him feasible tasks and, of course, often praise him for his success.
What to do if the crisis has dragged on, and the child's disobedience has become permanent? There is only one way out - to recognize the child's own "I" and learn to live with him in peace and harmony. It is important to teach your stubborn baby to compromise, to be able to negotiate.
In Waldorf pedagogy, three main stages of child development are recognized: from 0 to 7 years, from 7 to 14 years. And from 14 to 21 years old. As far as learning conditions are concerned, they include preschool education from 3 to 7 years old, junior classes 7 to 14 years old and high school high school from 14 to 19 years old. Each of these stages has specific and significant features of physical, psychological and spiritual development.
Child preschool age unconsciously believes that the world is good and full of meaning. All experiences of the child are formed, they affect the processes of growth and maturation, movement and coordination, language development and sensory integration. The task of the adult educator is to ensure that the child's learning environment is meaningfully shaped and that the sensory experiences the child encounters meet their developmental needs. In this episode, from birth to 7 years, Small child learns mainly by ridicule and play.
Hysterics! What to do?
Very often, three-year-olds, insisting on their own, begin to throw tantrums. How should parents act if the child constantly rolls scenes and generally behaves defiantly? The main thing is to wean him from thinking that shouting can achieve the desired result. You can’t let a child do whatever he wants and indulge him, just to stop crying. Having remembered and learned your reaction, he will resort to the method of tears and screams more and more often.
Participation in the character of a child of this age is more important than thinking, and therefore it should not be stimulated unilaterally with the help of the intellect, but it should be harmoniously extended to all actions of a part of the personality. little man- mind, will and feelings.
The essence of the curriculum is to create a creative and intelligent environment for children and a meaningful way of life in which everyone is given their own time, place and purpose, and which responds to the child's inherent ability to imitate. From 7 to 14, the child becomes extremely sensitive to beauty. The Bund and its emotional world are spreading. Picturesque stories, rhythms, art and music all influence the child's senses and are the most appropriate form of learning at this stage. It makes sense for a child that he can identify with his feelings.
But trying to change the behavior of the crumbs is also not worth it. It won't lead to anything good in the end. If the child cries and demands one thing, then try to switch his attention to something else, start interesting game or read his favorite book. True, if the baby is already hysterical, this will not help - then you have to wait until he calms down. Just tell the child that you will only talk to him after the squeals stop and stop paying attention to him. The main thing for a parent is to remain calm, although this will be very difficult.
Very often, recognizing the “adulthood” of the child helps to cope with tantrums. If he knows that his parents consider him equal, the need to prove something with the help of a cry will disappear by itself.
When the child calms down, explain to him that you can’t achieve everything by shouting, that you love him, but you can’t do this to you, which is insulting and unpleasant for you. Often children throw tantrums on the street or in stores - for example, about the fact that they didn’t buy a toy or that they wanted so much. Take him to where fewer people, and have a conversation. Offer him a choice of several options for spending time together.
How should parents behave?
Parents, first of all, need to be patient. Of course, it is not always possible to keep a stone face when your nerves are at the limit, but it is simply necessary to try. To make it easier to endure this difficult period, you can heed the advice of child psychologists:
- You should not patronize the child too much, take care of him excessively, and also communicate with him in an authoritarian mode.
- It is necessary to adhere to one tactic in education. That is, parents can punish, and praise, and give gifts, but only together, and not in such a way that mom punished and dad regretted.
- Support the independence and cognitive interest of the child, unless, of course, it goes beyond the permissible.
- Try to communicate with the child while playing, do not point him or command him.
- Always explain to your child calmly and in a language he understands how to behave and how not to behave. And don't forget to state why. Education should take place on a positive wave, and not in punishments and prohibitions.
- Always offer the baby to find a compromise in. It is very important to leave him the right to choose.
- Teach your child to communicate with peers and adults. He must understand that it is impossible to swear, call names and fight with anyone.
The child needs help too (Video)
During such a period, it is difficult not only for parents, but also for the child. He simply does not understand what is happening to him, cannot control himself and really needs your support. Praise and encourage him often good deeds and behavior. Tell other family members what a great kid today, he went to bed, ate all the porridge - then the child will form a positive image of himself.
It is important to respond correctly to whims and tantrums. Remain calm and try to understand the baby. This is a difficult and important period in the life of a child, he tests himself, strengthens his willpower and the importance of himself in this. big world. You just need to be patient and get through this time period.