Sokolova Elena Yurievna
Psychology teacher, educational psychologist.
KOU "School No. 18", Omsk, Omsk region
Parent meeting on the topic:
"Encouragement and punishment as a method of raising a child in the family"
Target: give parents the opportunity to think about the problems of raising children, look in a new way at the use of various kinds punishments and rewards, rethink them.
What happens in the first stage has already been mentioned in the introduction and is part of our daily educational experience. But what can be done to change this? Three aspects are of fundamental importance. Changing the basic attitude towards the child, refusing punishment, opening events. According to Montessori, the process of normalization can only be initiated through a fundamental rethinking: The only thing we really need to do is change our basic attitude towards the child and love him with a love that believes in her personality and that she is good, who does not see his shortcomings. but his virtues, which do not oppress him, but encourage him and give him freedom.
Tasks:
1. Increasing the pedagogical culture of parents, replenishing their arsenal of knowledge on the issue of raising children in the family;
2. Promoting the rallying of the teaching and parent team;
3. Development of collective decisions and uniform requirements for the upbringing of children;
4. Promotion of the experience of successful family upbringing, prevention of incorrect actions towards children by parents.
This is especially true for children, which we will now refer to as behavioral or even behavioral disorders. If we accept this basic point of view, we should not be angry and angry with a behavioral child, but it is possible to pity and reassure a sick child.
Montessori believes that the stage of working with "not yet normalized" children is a transitional stage and leaves the teacher a lot of room for maneuver. Again and again she emphasizes that caregivers have a duty to meet children with love and respect, never to insult, humiliate or punish them.
Preliminary work:
1. Develop questionnaires for parents and conduct a survey a week before the meeting. (Attachment 1.)
2. Process the questionnaire data and prepare a report based on its results.
3. Conduct group educators with conversations with children “What is good and what is bad?”
4. Conduct a survey of students on the topic “Rewards and punishments in my family” for a teacher-psychologist (Appendix 2).
The lack of fines is a major problem in this transition phase. According to Montessori anthropology, punishment is a violation of human dignity. Since it is at this stage of work with “not yet normalized” children that it is important that children build trusting relationships with the family, kindergarten or school, which Montessori considers the basis for development, it is especially important at this stage to abandon sanctions.
Love and respect are accepted as the basic principle. But is it really without exhortations and punishments? Without a clear word in the right place? You must set clear limits for children - right? Montessori does not deny the need for clear limits, and she encourages us to pass: "Do not be afraid to destroy the bad, but we must be afraid to destroy the good."
5. Process the questionnaire data and prepare a report based on its results.
6. Prepare memos for parents on the topic of encouraging and punishing children. (Appendix 3).
7. Decorate the hall with quotes (Appendix 4).
The theme of our parent meeting"Encouragement and punishment as a method of raising a child in the family."
The family is the cradle of a person's spiritual birth. Variety of relationships between its members. The immediacy of the feelings that they have for each other, the abundance of various forms of manifestation of these feelings, the lively reaction to the smallest details of the child's behavior - all this creates a favorable environment for the emotional and moral formation of the personality. Scarcity, monotony, monotony of emotional experience in early childhood can determine the character of a person for his whole life.
If we completely eliminate punishment from our educational repertoire, what can we do instead of normalizing a child or group of children? Your attention is drawn to activity. Let them act and attract them with loving kindness. We cannot imagine a passive artist. Montessori is clearly compassionate with those educators who fail to revive children and helplessly pursue chaos. He is aware of how difficult the path to an indirect method of intervention is.
Therefore, the activity of teachers is especially important at this stage. A complete rejection of penalties will certainly not work from the outset, it requires endless patience and perseverance from the teacher, combined with a clear focus on the goal. Only when you consider that children can change as fundamentally as Montessori promises can the necessary pedagogical work be carried out at this stage.
Children are the first to suffer, deeply and tragically, from the lack of time in adults. A problem has arisen for children as burdens in the family, unfortunately, but these are facts, physical influences have become more widely used.
The atmosphere of the family is determined by its strength, its moral ideals, distant and close goals, emotional warehouse. And the more positive emotions a child receives in the family, the better. The family, with all its inherent worries, troubles, sorrows and even misfortunes, should bring joy to a person.
Since the caregiver cannot devote himself individually to each "still disordered" child, group activities are especially important at this stage. Montessori materials may include "exercises Everyday life', such as 'shoe shine', 'table cover', 'pouring water', 'line walking'. These exercises can be carried out in kindergarten without much effort, they offer individual sessions for individual children or groups of children.
The fact that bone work is really worth it becomes clear when we get the impression of working with normalized children, for example, in a Montessori kindergarten or a Montessori school. The concentrated calmness described as the "Montessori phenomenon" that children are apparently capable of is hard to describe, you have to experience it. It gives the impression that this is a very different kind of child than the one we are usually used to: children sit either alone, or in pairs, or in small groups on a carpet or at a table in a group room or in a hallway in each of the different tasks deepens.
Children by nature are extremely thirsty for experiences. The home should be interesting, the family should give good food to the imagination and feelings. Children are like sponges, soaking up everything that happens around them. They do not know how to cunning and adapt.
With the help of parents, children should have an idea of what a family should be like, its way of life, and the relationship between family members. Often the family in which a person grew up becomes a model of his future family.
The nurse can only be detected on a second look. She is associated with one child or as an observer, seems to be passively on the side if the child does not ask for help. A child who has finished his work, returns unsolicited materials to his place, discusses other work with another child, collects necessary material and start a new job together. Another child asks a surprised visitor if he has an appetite for a small snack, which is then served with great self-confidence.
You feel transported to another world, and yet these are normal kids in a normal kindergarten. Girls and boys are focused on this issue and they love to play and learn, what "work" as Montessori would say, as well as teachers is quite obvious. Even praise can be bypassed. Montessori: A child does not need praise. Praise betrays charm. Here Montessori is referring to the child immersed in his work, which worries the teacher or educator, no matter how kind and gracious she is.
Dear parents, there is no doubt that you love your children and wish them well. But being a parent is a joyful, but also stressful job. And while doing this work, you often come to a dead end, having doubts, trying to find the most suitable system of education for you and your children.
Today we will try to answer some questions: should children be punished? When and how to do it? Is it possible to spoil a child with praise? What can you praise a child for?
Sometimes it is even the mere presence of a person who is disturbing the child, and sometimes he expresses this very clearly. But who would like to say as an adult that his presence, his interest in the activities of the child, his praise is undesirable, but the child! Constant praise, according to Montessori, depends on the teacher in the child, where he really strives for the independence that we should allow him.
Punishment, Montessori considers it redundant at this stage, even more than in the previous one, because the child who has learned to respect and improve things in his environment will already be affected by the failed action. With the correction of mistakes, as well as rewards and penalties, she also considers Montessori unnecessary, especially since didactic material, which she developed, contains an immanent error control. Thus, the child remembers himself if the task does not “arise” and must be solved in different ways.
Very often, a child becomes nervous, aggressive and unbalanced if parents ineptly and rudely use methods of punishment and encouragement towards him.
promotion- This is a manifestation of a positive assessment of the behavior of the child.
“I am very pleased with your success,” the mother says to her daughter. “I like your willpower,” the father remarks in a conversation with his son. All of these value judgments are designed to support the positive behavior of the child.
Hasler and Raapke, in their thesis on Montessori teaching, made a very succinct statement: Never tell a child that something is wrong or bad happened, but this is a serious problem for educators, but if you are wrong, how should it be right, why should teachers to put before itself the external sight? Don't we expect our adults to not notice our mistakes unsolicited because we realized long ago that something went wrong?
Montessori teaches us to accept the vision of a child. It requires the willingness and courage to observe ourselves in our pedagogical activities, to question them, and to rethink pedagogical basic assumptions. When we do this, we can make some pretty startling discoveries, even and especially about children who are considered behavioral.
Such assessments cause a feeling of satisfaction in children, and for those who do not deserve encouragement, there is a desire to experience a similar feeling next time.
This is the main psychological and pedagogical meaning of the influence of encouragement on the personality of the child, on the formation of his character. It is important to “evoke” a sense of satisfaction so that everything related to the use of the norms and rules of highly moral behavior is accompanied by positive experiences.
Wouldn't she be a doctor as a doctor? Or is the eventual capture of the life-saving pill only an obstacle to understanding children's behavioral problems as a help? If, according to Montessori, we can understand conspicuous behavior as "helping the child," we are more likely to "take steps towards disarmament." The indirect method of intervention is very effective. "What a miracle that evil disappears as soon as there is no reason for resistance, if we offer the child the proper means of development and give him complete freedom in its application."
There are many ways to express your positive appreciation to your child. This is an affectionate look, and an encouraging, slight nod of the head, and an approving gesture, and a kind word, and praise, and a gift ...
Encouraging a child for something good, exemplary behavior strengthens his faith in his own strength, causes a desire to continue to behave better, to show himself on the good side.
Ammann, Wiebeck: Pedagogy of an Extraordinary Woman: Maria Montessori. Experiences, analyzes and impulses on topics related to women. Maria Montessori: Entrepreneur and CEO Montessori groups. Ammann, Wiebeck: Maria Montessori Pedagogy - Mentorship for Educators? Hans-Dietrich Raapke: 35 years of research, teaching, further education. Boehm, Winfried: Maria Montessori - Texts and Current Debate.
Pedagogy of pediatricians. In: University of Oldenburg, Center for Educational Professional Practice. Published State Institute school pedagogy and educational research in Munich. Montessori, Maria: The Strength of the Weak, edited and initiated by Paul Oswald and Günter Schulz-Benesch.
It is especially important to encourage the child for the ability to find and do things that are necessary and useful for the family. For example, a child, without waiting for the instructions of the parents, on his own initiative provided assistance to the family. These facts of the positive behavior of the child should be approved using the following statements - “You have become quite an adult, or what a fine fellow you are, I was so happy when I came home from work and saw .... etc."
Montessori, Maria: The Discovery of the Child. Montessori, Mary creative child. Montessori, Maria: child's school. Raapke, H.-D.: Montessori Today. Modern pedagogy for the family, kindergarten and schools. Praise and reward are used in education to positively improve desired behavior. This means that parents or teachers want to perform this behavior more often.
Thus, the child is given an incentive, an incentive to do his work in accordance with the fact that parents like it. The idea behind this method is nothing short of novel, and works not only in humans, but also in animals. Since the turn of the century, behavioral researchers, psychologists, and educators have devoted themselves to this aspect of education through numerous attempts. Today, however, praise and reward as a means of education is also heavily criticized because the child has not been properly educated, but simply "conditioned".
Not always and not everything needs to be encouraged. What has entered into life and everyday life, has become a habit, has become a tradition, does not require encouragement. It is necessary to encourage only for real, and not for imaginary merits. Encouragement should be applied taking into account the individual characteristics of the child.
The variety of forms and methods of encouragement allows parents not to repeat themselves in their choice. This is very important, since the adaptive mechanisms of getting used to frequently repeated educational techniques and methods reduce the effectiveness of their influence on the development of the child's personality. However, don't get too carried away with rewards. With frequent repetition, they cease to serve as an incentive for discipline. Children get used to them and stop appreciating rewards.
In principle, two types of praise and reward can be distinguished.
This means that he does not question his actions, but automatically acts in a way that is thus an advantage without being discerning. The child's behavior has a pleasurable consequence, such as a reward in the form of sweets. The child's behavior does not entail any unpleasant consequences that might otherwise occur, for example, if the child is spared from unpleasant work. The following example shows why children can be praised and rewarded.
Let me give you, dear parents, a few useful tips, how encourage child in the family
Encourage the child with a smile, a word, a gentle touch of the hand when he diligently washes the dishes, prepares homework, plays with joy with his younger sister;
Give your child gifts, but at the same time teach him how to accept them, to be grateful for any signs of attention shown to him;
If the child is encouraged by money, you should know how he will dispose of them, discuss this with him;
Reward is more effective than punishment. Causing positive emotions, it contributes to the formation of positive personality traits, such as: dignity, benevolence, sensitivity, discipline, responsibility, etc.;
However, don't get too carried away with rewards. Excessive flattery, praise give rise to complacency, vanity, selfishness. With frequent unreasonable rewards, children get used to them and do not appreciate them.
Similarly to encouragement, there are many ways for adults to demonstrate their negative attitude towards the actions of their son or daughter: a cold look, frowning eyebrows, a warning gesture, an angry word, etc. “I didn’t expect you,” the mother says sadly, and for the child this is already punishment. For from the lips of the dearest person a negative assessment of his behavior sounded.
Tim doesn't like to draw. He prefers to walk through the apartment or attend to his cars. However, Tim's parents are very important that his creativity is also encouraged. In addition, they fear that their son may have trouble writing later if he never picks up a pen in his hand.
So they buy him expensive pens and encourage him to draw a picture with them for his grandmother, who has a birthday soon. Tim doesn't really like it, but his parents talk about him until he finally succumbs to the handles. The result was not particularly successful, and Tim himself does not really believe in his work. His parents, however, praise him for his performance, and Tim is satisfied.
But we must remember that the more parents use such authoritarian methods of influence as orders, scolding, nagging, grumbling, shouting, scolding, the less it has an impact on the behavior of their children. If, in addition, adults are angry, annoyed, hostile, or even hysterical, then a positive result should not be expected.
Of course, one should not get carried away with punishments. But at the same time, one cannot be condescending, conciliatory about serious shortcomings in the behavior of a child and allow impunity. A.S. Makarenko correctly pointed out: “A reasonable system of penalties is not only legal, but also necessary. It helps to form a strong human character, instills a sense of responsibility, trains the will, human dignity. The ability to resist temptations and overcome them.
We must strive to ensure that punishment does not humiliate the personality of the child, does not offend his human dignity. Punishment will not achieve its purpose if it is imposed in a state of irritation. Conscious discipline cannot be established by harsh shouting. The censure must be made briefly, clearly, firmly and demandingly, but without passion and irritation.
Punishment should not be too frequent. If they are abused, children get used to them and stop responding to them. But at the same time, one cannot be condescending towards serious shortcomings in the behavior of a child and allow impunity.
Children who are easily excited, children with certain health problems require a special approach. The processes of excitation in them prevail over the processes of inhibition. Therefore, often in relations with other children, and sometimes with adults, they show harshness, rudeness, swagger. Prohibitions and remarks from adults, especially if made in a harsh form, do not always have a positive effect on such children. Here it is useful to make demands in the form of a request, advice.
It is very difficult to determine the necessary punishment and its measure. It must match the offense. The child is very sensitive to the justice of the punishment. If parents are confident in the expediency of punishment, then you still need to be flexible and diplomatic. Please remember the following:
You may be wrong;
Have the courage to apologize to the child if he was punished undeservedly;
Always control the behavior of the child, try to prevent his possible negative actions.
But of course there are some tips on how to make the punishment effective if comply with the following conditions:
Punishment is effective when it is clear to the child, and he considers it fair. After punishment, they do not remember him, and normal relations with the child are maintained;
If the child is guilty, he can be punished only once. Even if several acts are committed at once, the punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once;
Using punishment, you can not insult the child. We punish not out of personal hostility, but out of pedagogical necessity;
Do not punish if there is no full confidence in the justice and usefulness of punishment;
Don't let punishment become a weapon of revenge. Cultivate the belief that the child is being punished for his own good;
Punishment should not harm the health of the child - neither physical nor moral. If the child is sick, refrain from punishment;
Whatever the punishment, the child should not be afraid of it. He must know that in certain cases it is inevitable. He should not be afraid of punishment, not anger, but your grief.
Allan Fromm formulated some of the dangers lurking in punishment:
1. By spanking a child, you teach him to be afraid of you;
2. The behavior of the child will be based on an unpredictable basis, and not on understanding and accepting the laws of morality;
3. By showing your children the worst traits of your character, you show them a bad example;
4. Corporal punishment requires less intelligence and ability from parents than any other educational measures.
When punishing children, we must remember that:
With any punishment, the child must be sure that he is still loved, and even being punished, he is not left without parental love;
The punishment must be proportionate to the offense;
The child must be informed about what offenses will be punished and in what form, so that the child does not have confusion due to the inconsistent behavior of adults;
In any punishment of children, they should not be deprived of the satisfaction of their biological and physiological needs. .
The main method of education is persuasion. And for this, talk to your child, communicate with him, look for examples of positive confirmation of your thoughts, be tactful, convincing him. Only then will your thoughts become his thoughts, your aspirations will become his aspirations.
Parents, remember!
Punish the child only when it is impossible to do without punishment, when it is clearly expedient.
Control the behavior of the child, try to prevent possible negative actions.
It is important to emphasize that the act is punished, not the person.
After punishment, the misconduct must be "consigned to oblivion."
Punishment should in some cases be canceled if the child promises to correct his behavior in the future, not to repeat his mistakes.
Love your children!!!
It is believed that daily hugs are necessary:
- 5 hugs - for survival;
-10 - for psychological support;
-15 - for the normal growth and development of the child.
In the book "Naughty Child", the American psychologist D. Dobson formulates six basic principles
,
Based on which, parents must decide for themselves the question of punishing the child.
Set boundaries first, then enforce them.
You have to decide for yourself what you want and what you don't want. The child, in turn, must also know what is acceptable in his behavior and what is not allowed. Only under this condition will punishment be perceived by him as an act of justice. In other words, if you haven't set the rules, don't demand them.
Respond to challenging behavior confidently and decisively.
If the child shows obvious defiance, if he goes into open conflict, you must decisively and confidently "take the fight." The helplessness of an adult deprives him of authority in the eyes of children.
Distinguish self-will from childish irresponsibility.
This means that a child cannot be punished for an unintentional act. If he forgot to comply with your request or simply did not understand your request, do not punish him. You can not make the same demands on children's memory and intelligence as on adults. Childish irresponsibility is not at all the same as malicious disobedience, it requires a more patient attitude.
When the conflict is over, comfort and explain.
The child is almost always difficult to tolerate punishment. He feels at the same time his guilt, confusion, abandonment. After the term of punishment has expired, make peace with the baby. Hug him, stroke him, tell him how much you love him and how unpleasant it is for you to punish him. Explain to him again why he is being punished and how he should act next time.
Don't ask for the impossible.
Parents must be sure that the child can actually do what is required of him. You can’t punish him for wetting the bed or breaking the clock that you yourself let him play. Punishment in this case can become a source of unresolved internal conflict in the child.
Be guided by love. Mistakes, mistakes and conflicts are inevitable in any educational process. The measure of a healthy relationship with children is love, warmth, sincere care. Only they can justify the need for rigor and discipline.
As you can see, the described principles narrow the scope of punishment, laying in its basis the love and responsibility of parents for the future of children.
The most precious thing for us is our children! And our task is to be patient with them. It is necessary to read interesting books to them, to play with them. After all, the game is the leading activity of the child. In the game he learns the world, nature, learns to communicate with us, develops his speech, memory ...
Additional Tips to Consider If You Want Your Instructions to Work :
Treat your child as a smart and loved person, even when you are raising him. If you express confidence in his ability to behave well, the child will believe in himself;
When punishing a child, do not forget to repeat to him that you still love him;
Assurances of love are meaningless if they are not backed up by actions - such as attention, hugs, praise for the child or keeping him from dangerous acts;
Do not discuss new parenting plans with friends, spouse, or relatives in front of the child. Talk about these plans face to face;
Do not tell your child that his misdeeds will hurt you. You can say that you are offended or that you are disappointed;
If one of the parents is stricter than the other, do not threaten: "Wait, I'll tell dad (or mom)!". Instead of thinking about his behavior, your child will wish that dad or mom suddenly disappeared;
Read moral books to your children.
Some tips on how to listen to your child:
Do not immediately conclude that the offense was causeless. Ask your child why he behaved this way. It may turn out that he had a good reason for such actions. Tell us how you could have dealt with such a situation differently;
Let the child speak. Don't interrupt him;
While the child is talking, look into his eyes so that he understands that you are listening carefully to him;
Pay attention to what gestures the child accompanies his speech. Gestures will help you understand if the story is difficult for him, and also indicate the need to ask clarifying questions;
Ask your child: "How do you think you will feel if Pasha hits you?" Such questions teach the child to understand other people's emotions;
After listening to the child, offer other solutions. Guide the child, tell him possible exits, and do not name ready-made answers.
There lived a family. She was not easy. There were over 100 people in this family. And she occupied the whole village. So they lived with the whole family and the whole village. The family was special - peace and harmony reigned in that family. No quarrels, no swearing, no, God forbid, fights and strife.
The rumor about this family reached the ruler of the country. And he decided to check if people are telling the truth. He arrived in the village, and his soul rejoiced: all around was cleanliness, beauty, prosperity and peace. Good for children, calm for old people. The lord was surprised. I decided to find out how the villagers achieved such a harmony, so I came to the head of the family: tell me, they say, how you achieve such harmony and peace in your family. He took a sheet of paper and began to write something.
Then he handed the sheet to Vladyka. He took the paper and began to sort out the old man's scribbles. Dismantled with difficulty and was surprised. Three words were written on paper: LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE. And at the end of the sheet: Hundred times LOVE, Hundred times FORGIVENESS, Hundred times PATIENCE. Vladyka read it, scratched, as usual, behind his ear and asked:
And finally, a quote from Dorothy Lowe Nolte from The Revolution in Learning.
Children learn from what they see around them:
If a child lives in an atmosphere of criticism, he learns to blame.
If a child lives in an atmosphere of hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives in an atmosphere of fear, he learns to be afraid.
If a child is surrounded by pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child is surrounded by ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child is surrounded by jealousy, he learns to envy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child feels encouraged, he learns to be self-confident.
If a child lives in an atmosphere of tolerance, he learns to be tolerant.
If a child is praised, he learns to be grateful.
If a child lives in an atmosphere of love, he learns to love.
If a child feels the approval of others, he learns to love himself.
If everyone around the child shares with each other, he learns generosity.
If a child lives among honest and just people, he will understand what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with a sense of security, he learns to believe in himself and in those around him.
Attachment 1
Questionnaire for parents
Dear parents! In your opinion, is it appropriate to use punishment in raising your child? Yes, No (underline).
If a "Yes", then please answer the following questions:
1. Punishment occurs because ___
2. I have to punish my child when ___
3. What punishments did your parents use on you as a child? (Underline whatever applicable). Slap, belt, slap, punched, cornered, not spoken, deprived of pleasure, other ___
4. What punishments do you consider possible to apply in relation to the child? ___
5. What kind of punishment do you actually use in relation to the child?
6. Can you hit your child in a public place? ___
8. For what, in what situation can you hit your child? ___
9. What annoys you about your child? ___
10. What annoys you about yourself? ___
11. Which parent completed the questionnaire? Mom, Dad, Grandma. (Emphasize)
Annex 2
Questionnaire for students
"Encouragement and punishment of the child in the family"
1. How do you understand what punishment is?_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. How do you understand what a reward is?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
3. How would you like (la) to be encouraged?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
4. Do you think a person should be punished? "Yes or no" (Underline whatever applicable).
5. If yes, why and how?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________
Annex 3
Memo to parents
Praise your child more often than judge. Give encouragement, don't point at failures. Inspire hope, rather than stressing that it is impossible to change the situation.
In order for a child to believe in his success, adults must first believe in it.
It is easier to punish, it is more difficult to educate.
Do not create dangerous precedents yourself and sharply limit the range of prohibitions. If you allowed your child something yesterday, allow it today. Be consistent.
The prohibitions of all adults in the family should be the same.
The militancy of a child can be extinguished by his calmness.
Do not infringe on the dignity and pride of the child.
Try to understand the child and evaluate the bad deed from his position.
If there is any doubt whether to punish or not - do not punish!
Remember that childish disobedience always has psychological motives:
Deliberate disobedience means that the child wants to be the center of attention;
Leprosy indicates that the child craves emotional experiences;
Stubbornness is evidence of a desire to be independent;
Aggression - the child is looking for a way of self-defense;
Fuss, running around - the child gives an outlet for energy.
"Memo to Parents from a Child"
Do not spoil me, you spoil me with this, I know very well that it is not necessary for me to provide everything that I request. I'm just testing you.
Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer this approach. This allows me to define my place.
Do not rely on force in dealing with me. This will teach me that it is necessary to reckon only with force.
Don't make promises you can't keep; is to weaken my faith in you.
Don't make me feel younger than I really am. I will recoup you for this by becoming a "crybaby" and a "whiner."
Don't do for me what I can do for myself. I can continue to use you as a servant.
Don't pick on me and don't grumble. If you do this, I will defend myself by pretending to be deaf.
Don't forget that I love to experiment. In this way, I will know the world, so please put up with it.
Don't pay too much attention to my little ailments. I can learn to enjoy feeling bad if it gets me that much attention.
Don't let my fears and fears cause you much anxiety. Otherwise, I will be even more afraid. Show me what courage is.
Do not forget that I cannot develop without attention and encouragement.
And besides, I love you so much, please answer me the same.
Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor mental. Moreover, punishment should be useful. To punish is rather to deprive a child of good things than to do bad things to him.
If there is any doubt whether to punish or not, do not punish, even if you have already realized to yourself that you are usually too soft, gullible and indecisive. No prophylaxis, no punishments "just in case".
One at a time, one. Even if an infinite number of offenses are committed at once, the punishment is only one, for everything at once, and not one by one for each act. "Salad" of punishments is not a dish for a child's soul.
Statute of limitations: it is better not to punish than to punish belatedly, for example, for offenses discovered after a week, a month, or even a year, this is fraught with the risk of delay mental development.
Punished - forgiven. The incident is over. The page is turned over, as if nothing had happened. Not a word about old sins. Don't hesitate to start over!
No humiliation. Whatever happens, whatever the child's fault, punishment should not be perceived by the child as a triumph of our strength over his weakness, as a humiliation of his self-esteem. If the child believes that he was treated unfairly, the punishment affects him only with a minus sign, it hurts his sense of self-worth!
The child should not be afraid of punishment. He should not be afraid of punishment, not of our wrath, but of our chagrin.
The roles of "punisher" and "pardoner" should not be rigidly assigned to family members, as this can lead to the fact that the "merciful" begins to assert himself at the expense of the "punisher", which brings confusion to the child's perception of the family hierarchy.
Punishment is not at the expense of deprivation of love. Whatever happens, do not deprive the child of the necessary care and praise. Punishment should not sow doubt about parental love, but, on the contrary, strengthen the child's feelings, his love for his parents and the feeling of how much he is loved.
Memo for parents and teachers
"Verbal ways to encourage and support a child"
Fabulous! Correctly! Good! Unusually! Wonderful! Absolutely! Excellent!
Wonderful! Perfect! Wonderful!
You do it very well. You make it beautiful! You do it much better today. Good job! A little more time and you'll get it. Every day you get better. I knew (a) that you could do it. Your work has brought me much joy.
It's the best! Even better! It's better than ever. Keep it up! You can do it! You are braver, smarter, stronger!
Congratulations! Congratulations! I am very proud of you. This is already a success! This is your victory. Heartily happy for you.
You are a true master. I believe in you, you will always succeed no worse than now. Well remembered! You are now on the right track!
Well done! Good girl! You are a fast learner. This is what you need! You're right!
Thank you very much! You are a good one! You are a miracle!
Appendix 4
| “... Any punishment, an unconditional demand that goes against the needs and desires of the child himself, coercion that we apply to children, using our right to be strong and adult. All these measures of upbringing can be applied in extreme cases, very carefully, taking into account all the life circumstances and individual characteristics of the child. Otherwise, the listed measures of influence do not bring benefits in raising children, but harm ... " (L.I. Bozhovich) |
| “Whoever cannot take it with affection, he will not take it with severity” (A.P. Chekhov) |
| “Beatings and abuse are like opium: sensitivity to them quickly becomes dull, and doses have to be doubled” (G. Beecher Stowe) |
| “Just as a medicine does not reach its goal if the dose is too large, so is censure and criticism when they pass the measure of justice” (A. Schopenhauer) |
| « The best way to raise good children is to make them happy.” (O. Wilde) |
| “Recovering from children for offenses that they did not commit, or at least severely punishing them for petty offenses, means losing all their trust and respect.” (J. La Bruyère) |
| “You can almost always achieve more with caress than with brute force” (Aesop) |
| “The more freedom a child has, the less need for punishment. The more rewards, the less punishment." (J. Korchak); |
| “Every child has the right to attention, affection, encouragement” (E.A. Arkin) |
| "Children punish with shame, not with a whip" (Proverb) |
| "Children hate teachers who never get approval or recognition for what is well done... It kills the pursuit of excellence." (K. D. Ushinsky) |
List of used literature
Alekseeva E. E. About punishments and rewards for children preschool age/Preschool Pedagogy. - 2006.
Burmistrova E. Education of adolescents in a large family / M-2010.
Del O. Praise for Praise? / M -2006.
Gippenreiter Yu.B. How to communicate with a child?
Gippenreiter Yu.B. “We continue to communicate with the child like this?”
Gordin L. Yu. Encouragement and punishment in the upbringing of children. - M: 1971.
Dementieva L. Are you against it? / M - 2008.
Dyachenko O. M. What is good and what is bad / O. M. Dyachenko,.
Lavrentieva T.V. // Psychological features development of preschoolers / M - 2009.
How to raise a child without physical punishment / Protect me! - 99". - M -1999.
Help for parents in raising children / General ed. and foreword. V. Ya. Pilipovsky. - M - 1992.
Shishova T. Do not throw words into the wind ... or How to bring up responsibility / M - 2006.
Adults often do not know what incentives can be applied when raising children. Many children are so fed up with toys, sweets, spectacles that - deprive him of something - he will not even notice. Lost a cartoon? Didn't take it to the park? Didn't buy ice cream? So what, nothing has changed. However, positive incentives can significantly influence children's behavior. Learn how to choose the right incentives that will take into account the individual characteristics of the child.
Choosing incentives for the child
Nervous children need to be praised as often as possible
Problems of the child's psyche inevitably lead to behavioral problems. The child does not fit well into the children's team, it is difficult for him to obey the rules, he refuses to common games, closes, or, on the contrary, does not give anyone peace, interrupts and bullies everyone. Such children are in dire need of encouragement for doing the right thing, they need to be encouraged and helped. And yet, with them you need to be super patient and consistent.
What encouragement methods to apply to a nervous child: promise him something really attractive, while clearly defining the task: “Play with the guys at recess”, “Don't interrupt the teacher”, “Write two lines”, etc. And do not forget to “reward” when he completes the task assigned to him.
There are self-willed and demonstrative children, there is a different approach to them
They strive to be leaders, to be noticed, and they have much more needs than others. If you deprive a demonstrative child of candy, he will not notice it, but if you deprive him of your attention, he will be uncomfortable. So it is best to reinforce his positive behavior with joint communication: games, walks, verbal caresses.
Even a spoiled child who does not appreciate and does not value gifts too much, does not feel a sense of gratitude, can be approached
To do this, try to determine what is most valuable and attractive to him? If it's not easy to understand, play simple game"Tickets of Joy" To do this, cut small rectangles out of paper, draw smiling faces on one side. On the other side, draw or write together what made him the most happy that day (a walk, a new toy, games with a friend, etc.). After some time, sorting through these tickets, you will understand what is most attractive to your child and, based on this, choose your ways of encouraging.
Some of the readers, after reading the article, will say: “They didn’t overwhelm us with gifts, but we still obeyed our parents!” And now, in some families, children do not expect rewards either for cleaned toys, or for washed hands, or, even more so, for drinking milk. In such families, there are also incentives, but an unspoiled child needs much less to feel happy.
Properly chosen incentives for good behavior in a child largely removes the sharp corners of education. It is best not to get carried away by various newfangled systems and bring up children in reasonable severity, without depriving them of either parental attention or love.