Lies are never pleasant. But it is one thing if a stranger lies to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.

How to deal with the situation and to wean your spouse to lie? And is the game worth the candle?

• First of all, you should understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons are “wagon and cart”, but having found out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lies can be part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lies are an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in kind.
• Is he lying only to you or to everyone? If only you, then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust - and? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
• Does he lie to everyone? And doesn't blush? It is almost impossible to re-educate a pathological liar. The only option is to find true reason his problems and, having a serious conversation with her husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, without the help of a specialist will not do.
• Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat - often wives themselves push their halves to lie. If a tired man, on his way home, went to a cafe with a friend and diluted dinner a little with alcohol, and his wife is already waiting for him at the front door with the traditional “Oh, well ...”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he didn’t drink anything, that he was late at the meeting, or was forced to "take a sip" because "corporate ethics require it." It also happens when the wife is too jealous. From "a step to the left - execution" every man will howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t wind yourself up over trifles once again. Worse, if he really takes a step to the left, tired of the accusations of what he has never done. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least some free space.
• He is afraid to offend you. For example, he says that this dress really suits you, although he thinks otherwise. Theatrically admires a new batch of knitted hares or smacks too enthusiastically over a bowl of soup. If this is your case, then it makes sense to rejoice - your man loves you too much to say that there is nowhere to put the hares, you still haven’t learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple of sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such "sweet" lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are quite an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
• You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he overestimates his own achievements a little). Let go of the reins. Be kind to your loved one. Learn to accept it the way fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism - do not abuse it. And even more so, you should not compare your strong soul mate with more successful men.
• Lying on trifles? Starting from the weight of a caught pike and ending with grandiose army tales? Never mind. Men tend to exaggerate their achievements a little or even invent them out of the blue. Your "weapon" this case- humor. Treat your spouse's whim with irony. It is unlikely that these fables interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his - maybe he lacks your faith in him or a sense of his worth.
• The spouse lies all the time, and the lie is reflected in the relationship. If your half comes home after midnight with lipstick on his collar, and you are convinced that “the flight has dragged on” (and with other serious symptoms) - it's time to have a serious talk. Most likely, your relationship has given a deep crack, and it's not about how to wean him to lie, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, .
• Cards on the table? If lying becomes a wedge in your relationship, then yes - you can not pretend that you do not notice his lies. Dialogue is essential, and without it the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of a pike, then interrogating with passion and demanding sincerity “otherwise a divorce” is unproductive and pointless.
• Do you want to teach? Set up a mirror experiment. Show your spouse how he looks in your eyes, answering the mirror in the same way. Lie brazenly and without a twinge of conscience - demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative "demarche" works better than requests and exhortations.

What to do in the end?

It all depends on the extent and causes of the lie. Exaggeration and fantasies are no reason even for a frown (it is unlikely that this bothered you when you went to wedding dress to the march of Mendelssohn).

But a serious lie is a reason to reconsider your relationship. Dialogue is extremely important and recommended - after all, it is quite possible that the issue of distrust, which is hidden under daily lies, is easily resolved.

It's another matter if indifference is hidden under it - here, as a rule, even a heart-to-heart conversation does not help.

Have there been similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

It is paradoxical, but it is precisely in this way that trampling on the faith of loved ones that people sin most often. Not thinking about the soul - neither about your own, nor about the soul of a loved one.

Betraying someone who is initially set to trust you and therefore does not expect a catch is much easier than someone else's. To paraphrase a classic, someone close to him is glad to be deceived. The meaner such a deception, the more difficult it is to forgive him.

For those who have been betrayed, the question may arise - is it worth it to forgive? Is it possible to risk trusting again, overcoming resentment, or is it better not to?

On the one hand, a person who lied once can easily do it again. Therefore, it is safer not to mess with him and break off all relationships.

But on the other hand, it is also impossible to put an end to a person: everyone should have a chance for forgiveness and redemption, because anyone can stumble.

Yes, a lot depends on the situation. Only in childhood for us the world is either black or white. In fact, it is full of undertones and uncertainty. You can commit an impartial act in different ways: out of stupidity, without understanding, without thinking about the consequences, under the influence of the moment, out of fear or out of resentment. Or cynically, thoughtfully, prudently. Perhaps you yourself somehow provoked a person to lie to you. Or maybe he deliberately fooled his head and used you.

It is necessary to take into account the reaction of the offender. It is clear that you will not climb into the soul of another, your own darkness. But still, try to understand: does he hurt himself, is he embarrassed, confused, lost, blames himself and tries to fix everything? Or does he not see anything special in what is happening, and even more so does not repent?

There is one more important point which must be taken into account when making a decision. Are you capable of forgiving, that is the question. It's much more difficult than it seems. Not everyone is able sincerely not to remember insults, to continue to see the good in a person and believe him.

Ask yourself: can I forget what happened? Of course, this episode can be completely erased from memory only if there is a history of sclerosis or amnesia. It's not about that. And about whether you can not remember, not to return to this every day in conversations, not to hint, not to tease, not to reproach. Do not scroll through what happened in your own memory, finding there all new reasons for resentment. Do not accumulate disappointment in your soul, so that at the slightest reason to summarize: “Well, here it is! I knew it!" Will you be able to say to yourself: “What was, is gone, we must live on!”

After all, the pain is sometimes so strong that it is impossible to “get sick”. The wound does not crust or scar. Then no matter what the offender does, no matter how hard he tries to make amends for his guilt, he does not succeed.

You can lose confidence in five minutes. But to conquer ... Doubt in a loved one is such a heavy thing that under this incredible weight the longest-term relationships can collapse and crumble. The fear that a loved one, without flinching, will betray again, again lie to your face, is able to knock out support from under your feet.

For those who begin to suspect loved one in deception, a kind of concrete mixer turns on in his head. Thoughts go and go in a circle - and with each new turn, new details are added to them. As a thinking being, you begin to scrupulously analyze past events. A nasty little fly grows to the size of a huge elephant, and there is no way to reverse the process.

Doubts hidden at the bottom of the soul can make themselves felt literally at any moment, starting to gnaw at you for the most insignificant reason.

As a result, in every word, meaningless act, innocent incident, there is a secret, hidden meaning. Trifles are given a different, formidable meaning, reservations grow to the size of insults, and a silent mobile phone turns into indisputable proof of treason.

Distrust kills, while the thought that there is still no absolute certainty in deceit causes additional torment.

This means that there is a possibility that, by slandering an honest person, you trample on sincere feelings and disposition towards you ...

Only those who have gone through this at least once understand the price of peace of mind and peace of mind.

As a result, the situation can be resolved by hundreds of the most different ways: you can get tired of suspicions, they can be confirmed, at best - dispelled. One thing is for sure: just as you can’t be a little pregnant, you can’t trust half. Either there is trust or there is not.

If it is still not there, then does it make sense to continue the relationship? Probably, it would be more correct to try not to see, not to hear, not to contact. Perhaps someday, after thinking about it properly, you will be able to calm down and “thaw out”. Time, they say, heals everything.

Most importantly, do not allow one act to become the measure by which you later life start measuring relationships with people. Do not start a crusade against all of humanity if one person has once failed to live up to your expectations.

One of the most common beliefs related to human behavior and deception detection is that we can accurately identify a liar simply by observing him, his behavior, gestures and eyes. Those. identify deception by the eyes, words, gestures of the interlocutor. How to understand that you are being deceived? In fact, numerous studies on deception show that detecting deception is much more difficult.

How to understand that you are being deceived? Identify deception in the eyes

We mistakenly believe that we need to evaluate the amount of eye contact during a conversation. Apparently, we rely on the old adage that an honest person always looks directly into the eyes of the interlocutor.

However, studies show that when talking with other people, we do not strive to maintain constant eye contact. Therefore, attempts to determine deception by the eyes are not always successful: you can suspect an honest person of deceit.

If, for example, the topic under discussion is unpleasant for us, if we feel the condescension of the interlocutor or we ourselves despise him, then, most likely, we will try not to look him in the eye.

Scientists who have studied eye contact have found that the amount of contact depends largely on cultural or ethnic background and also depend on whether the person is an introvert or an extrovert by nature. Relying on the eyes to detect deception is a very unreliable method.

How to identify deception in the eyes. Eye type

How to understand that you are being deceived? When communicating with a friend or relative, pay attention to the look of his eyes. By appearance, I mean how the eyes look - that is, their shape or configuration and the condition of those parts of the face that are directly adjacent to the eyes.

If you notice that the interlocutor's eyebrows are raised high, and his eyes are wide open, then he is experiencing a state of shock or surprise. At the same time, some people exhibit an interesting behavior called "san-paku", that is, they show three whites of their eyes.

How to spot cheating in the eyes. Look into the eyes of your spouse or friend. Please note that in each eye two white areas are usually visible - near the nose and in the opposite corner of the eye. When some people experience a state of fright, surprise, shock or intense fear, there are three such white areas, and sometimes even four.

The third area is located above or below the iris. When there are four such areas, they appear both above and below the iris. At the same time, you will surely notice that the person raises his eyebrows very high. This condition indicates that your interlocutor is experiencing severe stress.

On the other hand, you may notice that the eyes and areas of the face adjacent to them have noticeably softened. In this case, the eyes become wider and rounder. The muscles relax, which leads to softening of the cheeks and the entire face as a whole. Eyebrows can also be raised a little higher than usual. So you can determine the deception in the eyes.

This expression often appears when a person is experiencing a certain amount of emotional pain or depression. It can be seen when a person needs to win in negotiations and he is trying to change the attitude of the interlocutor to himself or to his actions and plans. Such a facial expression should speak of openness and sincerity, but in fact it only speaks of evasiveness.

How to identify deception by speech

How to identify deception by speech clarity

speech dysfunction. To understand that you are being deceived, keep in mind that deceivers show significantly more speech dysfunction than those who tell the truth. Like all those signals and symptoms that we have already talked about, not all types of speech dysfunction are indicative of deception. Sometimes mistakes are the result of mental stress experienced by the speaker.

However, the presence of symptoms of speech dysfunction may indicate that a person views the current moment as convenient for deception. So while not all of the symptoms we talked about mean the person is lying, they should still alert you.

Having noticed them, in order to determine deception by speech, you need to listen to the interlocutor especially carefully. Having determined the indicator of the clarity of the interlocutor's speech, you must take into account all the other verbal and non-verbal signals that he sends at the same time. Remember that you must identify behavioral clusters, not individual signals.

How to understand that you are being deceived in a conversation

You can learn to direct the conversation in any direction you want. I'll give you an example. Let's say you're visiting a friend and she's showing you a newfangled dining table she's just bought.

You want to know if he is expensive, but it is directly inconvenient to ask about it. If you tell a friend that this is the most luxurious and expensive looking table you've ever seen, what do you think she'll say? It is likely that she will say that she laid out a tidy sum for him.

If you say: “Yes, it looks very expensive. How could you pay so much money for a dinner table? ”The girlfriend will probably begin to talk about how excellent it is, what great materials it is made of, etc.

Therefore, if beauty is noted, the interlocutor will talk about cost; if we talk about the price, it will tell about the quality. In other words, by asking the right questions, you direct the conversation in the right direction and get the information you need.

Moreover, if desired, to determine the deceit in the conversation, you can control the way the reaction. Have you ever noticed that if you smile at a random person, he will smile back. If you smile and nod, he will do the same. You say hello and he will probably greet you too.

Therefore, the way of communication is chosen by the one who reacts to the situation first.

The same applies to the pace of the conversation. Try this experiment. Ask someone a question that does not allow for a one-word answer; try to speak slowly and clearly. You will see, when answering, the interlocutor will not be in a hurry. And then ask a question at a fast pace, and the answer will probably be the same.

How to identify deceit in a conversation. If you want to learn how to recognize deception, learn how to direct the conversation in a specific direction that you need. This is easily achieved with just a few well-chosen words. After the interlocutor makes a statement, use one of the words and phrases below to direct the conversation in the direction you need to receive this or that information. They can be used in any conversation.

© Tsapleva Lera
© Photo: depositphotos.com

Unfortunately, lying to some extent has become the norm. They deceive each other without exception. Only some people do this extremely rarely and in special circumstances (as they say, for good), while others practice deception daily and hourly. Gradually, this behavior becomes a habit and becomes a way of life. At the same time, it does not matter whether it is a big lie or a small one, the main thing is that lies are constantly being told. And this is very sad. A fox-man cannot be completely happy a priori.

"Do not lie to me!" - so say to each other those who have forgotten how to trust and build strong sincere relationships. In fact, such a manifestation as a lie is always mutual. If you are deceiving a person, get ready for the fact that your relationship with him will completely deteriorate, and he will also begin to hide an important component of his life from you. Why a person lies, what are the causes, consequences of this phenomenon, and the article will tell.

Defense reaction

Sometimes a person is forced to report false information about himself. And she does this by no means in order to offend another, but simply cannot express her individuality in a certain environment. This happens because the so-called defense reaction is triggered. That is, in the course of a conversation, a person’s internal mechanisms turn on, and he begins to tell a lie. Why do people lie in this case? The answer is simple: in order not to seem stupid, make a positive impression. Sometimes a person feels so tense among peers, colleagues and even relatives that he has to invent various stories in order to skillfully hide the truth about himself. He just thinks she's unattractive.

What can lead to such behavior? To aggravate the situation, to the fact that a person will soon not be able to do without the help of a lie. Deception will become essential tool communication. Is it necessary to say that every lie undermines human relations robs them of their confidence?

Lack of self-esteem

She always accompanies any liar. Why a person lies is not difficult to understand. He lacks the courage to express himself as vividly and directly in communication as his heart desires. If a person constantly lies, then he should understand the reasons for what is happening, talk frankly with himself. As a rule, behind the deliberate concealment of individual circumstances of life lies the intention to find happiness, to become a whole person. Only here the path of achievement is chosen fundamentally wrong. You can't find friends as a cold and selfish person who thinks only of himself.

Insecure people often provoke others into a quarrel, publicly notice their weaknesses and shortcomings. In fact, in this way they emphasize their own weakness and sign their inability to find inner harmony in the soul. If such behavior is assigned to a person, then she runs the risk of being completely alone for a long time. Big lies lead to inevitable isolation. Who likes to associate with someone who constantly humiliates others, ridicules and gossips?

Desire to appear stronger

Sometimes people lie to avoid forming a false impression of themselves. They just don't want to be seen as weak and weak-willed. Therefore, in any difficult situation they care, rather, not about its resolution, but about the fact that no one thinks badly of them. The desire to impress is dictated by an inner fear of shame, and therefore they begin to defiantly spread lies around them. Deception becomes their way of interacting with others. If a person constantly communicates like this, then soon he himself will not be able to distinguish truth from fiction, he will get confused in his own fictional stories. You can’t demand from a person: “Don’t lie to me!” This is the choice of everyone.

Fear of Judgment

When a friend or relative deceives you, not in all cases you will be able to notice this and take the necessary measures to neutralize this phenomenon. The first question that arises is: "Why does a person lie?" He must be very afraid that, having told the truth, he will show himself not from the best side, will demonstrate weakness and insecurity. For many so-called strong people, this is like death. Fear of condemnation sits deep in their subconscious and often guides all conscious actions. Such a person is unlikely to allow himself something superfluous, even if she really wants to.

If a person becomes accustomed to deceit in society in order to make a proper impression, then gradually his action becomes automatic. And now a person lies simply because it is more convenient than telling the truth. Tell me, why work hard, explain something to the interlocutor, when you can use the usual form of communication and demonstrate your imaginary solvency?

Ignorance of your individuality

Each of us is certainly unique and unique. Everyone has individual abilities, talents, goals in life. Only those who do not know their true essence are forced to rush through life in search of solace and tranquility. Therefore, one has to resort to lies in order to prevent the realization of one's own worthlessness.

This person does not try to look for his individual path, but prefers to adapt to the opinions of others. It is not possible to achieve much with such an approach. Yes, work colleagues, friends, acquaintances may be satisfied, but their own dreams and aspirations will be lost forever.

Distrust of others

Perhaps this is the most serious reason why a person lies. When a person cannot openly express his thoughts because he is afraid of being misunderstood, ridiculed, then a very serious problem arises. A person begins to hide his best aspirations and goals, does not realize his brightest dreams in life. Sincerity becomes impossible. So a situation arises when a person is simply forced to use deception in communication, even if it is disgusting to him. Of course, such an interaction can by no means be called truthful.

If a person gets used to constantly putting on a mask, then over time he begins to dissemble in front of himself. How does this happen? Self-deception is most often expressed in justifying one's own mistakes.

How do you know if a person is lying?

There are several characteristic signs that allow you to determine that the interlocutor is telling a lie. First, he diligently hides his eyes from you. In a conversation, an unpleasant moment arises when it seems as if he does not hear you or does not understand. Secondly, a person begins to fiddle with some detail of clothing in order to hide excitement. He can straighten his hair endlessly or glance at his watch, as if he is late for something. Thirdly, a liar always gives himself away by touching his own nose during a conversation. Why is he doing this? This is where the unconscious comes into play.

Thus, a lie leads to a breakdown in all existing relationships, does not allow a person to live happily.