- The sun has set!
- For what?

“Mom, is it true that I’m scary?”
- Nothing now, but when she was born, the doctor said: “It will stir, shoot ...”

A female doctor with a cold throat quietly says to the patient who has entered:
- Undress...
- And you? the patient asks quietly.

- Here I can drink a liter of vodka, and not in one eye!
“What the hell is drinking then?”

My cat was a bailiff in a past life.
- Describes the property?
- Not only. Today in the hallway he also imposed an arrest ...

Boy to girl:
- Do you have a car?
- There is.
- Will you give it to me in the evening?
- Ladies. Why did you ask about the car?

“Yesterday I had a fight with my girlfriend.
- Again?
- In the evening I wanted to write a text message “quiet smack”.
- So what?
- I was in a hurry, I did not type the last 2 letters.

Father and son conversation:
- Son, do not get carried away in the capital with girls.
- Well, what are you, dad, how can you!
- How can you - I told you yesterday, but still do not get carried away.

- Will you go alone? It's so dark outside!
- Nothing. I'll try not to scare anyone.

A small, frightened girl comes home and says to her mother:
Mom, they wanted to kill me!
- Where did you get it?!
- I was sitting, playing in the sandbox, then two men came, took out glasses and a bottle, and said: “Fuck it for a little!”

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman?
– Undoubtedly, but you should always have condoms with you.

In the bus:
- Grandma, are you leaving?
- Not
“Then switch to the other neck!”

- The analysis showed that you have protein in your urine.
- Damn it. So, is my egg leaking?

Mom was away for two weeks. Upon her return, she asks her son:
- Dad was sad when I was not at home?
“Not at first, but the last two days he has been getting sadder and sadder.

Call to sobering-up station:
- Did they bring Ivanov to you today?
- Not.
- And they won't! I'm thumping at home today!

- Dad! What is a dialogue?
“This is a conversation between two people.
Is that when your mom talks to you?
No, it's a monologue.

In the courtroom. Referee:
“Man, why did you rape a little girl?”
Why was she throwing sand at me?

– How would you say “blink” in Ukrainian?
– Batch at intervals.

The son addresses the oligarch father:
- Dad, I'll go for a walk, give me money.
- Well, take it on the shelf.
- Can you jump?
- Take a couple of centimeters.

- Girl, you must have strong healthy teeth.
– How did you guess?
- Can you eat such an ass with bad teeth?

“I measured everything my ass could fit into!”
- So how is it?
- The shoes are great!

- Mom, everyone says that I'm a fool!
- Who's talking, baby?
- Flies.

“What are you asking so plaintively of the waiter?”
- Complaint book!

- Doctor, can you advise how to avoid pregnancy during sex without a condom?
- You know, many do not remember what was said from the words, let me show you better.

Dialogues from KVN in the Archive section "Rest"

They say that having sex is the same as running a hundred meters!
Not. I will never run a hundred meters in 5-6 seconds ...
Did you know that statistically women live longer?
Of course! They still clean up, wash dishes ...
Hello! Where are you?
In jail!
Why?
And the parents left. Asked to sit with my brother...
And let's shoot a blockbuster!
And I didn’t wear ...
Went yesterday for an IQ test...
And what did they say?
Noise found...
Girl! How much do you charge per night?
$2
Why so little?
I snore...
Do you know how I met my wife? I stand somehow on the seashore and I see a girl drowning ...
And you saved her?
No. I was busy. As I said, I met my future wife...
And my son entered the institute!
Well done! And in what?
Sklifosovsky. They called me and said that my son was admitted to them ...
Quasimodo! Where do you get this from?
From the camel...
Honey, could you strip naked?
Not a question. And at whose gate?
Daughter, if you are going to a disco, then iron your skirt...
But not necessarily. They'll be patted there...
And we recently married a sucker ...
You probably meant to say divorced?
Waiter! Is there vodka?
Yes. Stamps Jeanne D "arc.
Good?
Singed...
Why were you late for class?
And my hamster had a heart attack. Wanted to watch...
And who is Mikhalkov?
And this is the one whose dad wrote the soundtrack for the Russian Federation...
How to find a common language?
Kiss...
I spend so much time at the mirror, but they all do not pass ...
I'm afraid that "Lomo psoriasis" has nothing to do with it. It's your chest...
Rose! Why are you so small?
So I'm Luxembourg...
Who won first place in the drinking competition?
Russians?
No. Finns. And who is second?
Russians?
No. French people. And the third?
Russians?
Calm down... the Russians were on the jury!
Do you know why policemen do not get AIDS?
So what?
And no one likes them....
Do you know how American mothers call their children home?
Yankees! Go home...
While taking off from the airfield Minsk-2, the plane of the President of Belarus crashed!
Whether the president was there is unknown, but the whole country hopes for the best ...
Latvia wants to join NATO!
And hit Belarus... with nuclear missiles!
Zhirinovsky was going to wash his feet in the Indian Ocean, and his hands in the Atlantic...
It is interesting, if you estimate on the map what it will wash in the Persian Gulf... As the classic wrote, there are two troubles in Russia - roads and fools...
And in Belarus there are three - roads, fools and Russia ...
What is the main political paradox in Belarus?
There are choices, but there is no choice!
Where are the sexiest men?
In Greece! There, fig leaves reach a length of 20-25 cm ...
What if I'm a girl?
Don't get upset! It's not for life...
He was awarded an Oscar for supporting role...
And what does the first one not break through?
What is the difference between anxiety and panic?
Approximately 28 days...
Are you an ear-nose-throat doctor?
No, “lip-hand-heel”!
Why are there so many beautiful girls?
And in the rest of the year, you evaluate them with your brains ...
In our country, there are 1.5 cars per inhabitant, including children and the elderly...
Yeah, and judging by the number of accidents, they are driving these cars ...
What is the speed limit in the city of Minsk?
60 km.
And in Riga?
50 km.
Well, after that, prove that Latvians are not brakes ...
This year Belarus is waiting for an unprecedented harvest!
How is it?
Yes, it was not there last year and will not be this year.
Do you know what Archimedes found when returning from a business trip in his wife's bedroom? Pythagorean pants!..
Do you know what a man feels when his wife cheats?
– ?
Rogasm!
Did you know that the Jews used to live in the desert?
Why do you think so?
Yes? Where is the water?
Where did the name Frankfurt am Main come from?
Once upon a time there was a simple German guy Frank, and once a simple German girl Maina came to visit him...
Ah, now I understand where the name Komsomolsk-on-Amur came from!
The nightingale in the bushes sings about love...
Why about love?
And what he sees, he sings about ...
And I'm a maniac wizard!
How is it?
And after all there is a rainbow in the sky!
Yesterday I took my mother-in-law to the shooting gallery ...
And how?
Nimble...
My girlfriend has such fluffy eyelashes!
That's good!
Yes. But not all over the body...
Do you know how to play music?
And how to play them if they are all crossed out?
I’m thinking about what to name my son ... I’ve already gone through all the names ...
Don't get upset! There are more numbers...
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Santa Claus?
Santa will bring gifts in the morning, and Santa Claus will deliver ...
My girlfriend told me so - try not to get married now!
What about you?
Tried. And then he didn't get married.
Yesterday I watched amoebas for three hours and realized how a person differs from an animal ...
And what?
And no animal can watch amoebas for three hours!
I'm pregnant!
What do I have to do with it?
Yes? And who shook pollen from flowers at me?
I come somehow to my wife, and she is in a peignoir!
So what?
Like what! I came to work...
Do you remember how old Hotabych had it? Fuck-tibeduh!
Moreover, the tibedukh is optional ...
Yesterday I told a joke to the cops from the mounted police...
So what? Got it?
Neighing!
Don't treat women like dolls!
Why? Some dolls are treated like women...
Is this phone sex?
Yes!...
I want dirty, dirty sex!
No question! I haven't brushed my teeth in two weeks...
Hello! Can Monika?
She's at the machine...
Let it come off and fit!
I ate turtle soup yesterday!
So how?
Yes, it’s more convenient from a plate ...
There is moss on my head...
You probably sleep with your head to the north...
I picked mushrooms yesterday, treated my mother-in-law ...
What if poisonous ones would be caught among them?
What does suddenly mean? From the conversation of snipers:
And I love brunettes more ...
Why?
You can see them better in the snow... Aladdin took the lamp and began to rub it, and from there the voice was so languid:
Lower, lower, rub your nose... Two electricians were detained yesterday. Sitting on a pole, they offered passers-by to hold on to a hanging wire...
Why?
They were doing a talk show... A telegram from Monica Lewinsky to the center:
Task completed zpt. Colonel Isaev point. You don't know how presidents carry the flu?
Oh! Presidents best flu carriers! I was in a porn movie the other day!
In leading role?
No, there's a girl in the lead, and I'm in the crowd... Listen, do you know where the humpbacked horse's grave is?
Why would you?
Yes, I want to see if the grave fixed it! Can you Zheglov deal with women?
Have you ever seen a woman on my desk Sharapov?
No, you turn them over all the time! What is plumbing?
This is where it drips...
Is it like in your barn?
Remember! What's dripping in my barn is BUSINESS!
How are riot police and shamans similar?
Both of them love to beat the tambourine...
Shall we call the girls?
Aren't you ashamed? And also married!!! We won't call, but we'll call...
That's it... nothing works out with girls, I'm leaving for a monastery...
Do you think it will work with the monks?...
And I forgot the iron turned on at home ...
Do you think there will be a fire?...
Damn it! Everything will be smoothed out!!!
Girl, please give me your cell number...
So it just got stolen from me!
Yes, I know that they stole... Give me the number...
You are like a bear with your humor...
What's scary?...
No. Just TAKEN already!!!
What do you think?
Show? :) Why did you become a fascist?
Yes, I didn’t go to the medical school, but I still don’t like people ... Why did athletes perform naked in ancient times?
And this is to make the doping immediately visible... Aramis! I challenge you to a duel! You smell like Costantia!
Calm down D "artagnan, now every third one is thumping ...
And what will happen if all vodka disappears in Russia?
Remember! In nature, nothing disappears without a trace. If it disappears somewhere, it will appear somewhere. That's where Russia will be!
Do you know that a man's brain is bigger?
More than what?
Then a woman brought a dog for mating ...
Tell her I'll contact her myself...
I slept in a concrete mixer yesterday...
And how?
Concrete gets in the way... I made this money with blood and sweat...
Yeah. Was a sweaty donor... Through what lies the way to a woman's heart?
I don't know exactly what it's called, but it's about 20 cm shorter... Your friend is completely crazy...
Why?
So he rode a snowman all evening yesterday ...
So what? They all ride...
So he rolled her in a taxi!

The family is waiting for an addition. Liza (5 years old) asks her mother:
- And why is your stomach getting bigger and bigger?
- Ate a watermelon, swallowed a seed, now a new watermelon is growing in my stomach! Mom answers.
Lisa narrows her eyes and puts her hands on her hips:
“Are you pregnant, my dear?”

My son is 2 years 6 months old. I took him to the children's hospital for vaccinations.
We sit in the vaccination room, waiting for my aunt to load the syringe. Suddenly, he
turns to me and says:
"I'll wait for you in the car, okay?"

In summer, the son (4 years old) sits and takes a blade of grass in his mouth as if
smokes. He speaks:
- Mom, look, I smoke.
“Kolya, you can’t smoke!”
- Mom, I'm weed.

We're back from the fireworks show. Cub (3 years 6 months) all 50
minutes of the performance sat as if spellbound. It broke in the car.
He hugs me from the back seat by the neck:
"Mom, I'm so happy!" Thank you for giving birth to me.

Kirill (2 years 1 month) on the street saw someone coming out of the entrance
man and without unnecessary greetings, addresses:
- Did you go for a walk?
The man was taken aback:
- Yeah.
- Did you wear a hat?
- Yes.
And put on mittens. Cold. Very cold.

In the garden, the teacher says:
- What to do? We have two Kolyas.
Mine says:
- Call me, Nikolai the first ...

My five-year-old son is standing in the bathroom, looking at his "household" and
profoundly says:
- I understood - here it is, the end of the spine ...

Anton (6.5 years old) asks:
- Mom, I forgot, cows, sheep, chickens, geese - as in one word
called? Cattle or bastards?

Daughter:
- Dad, when the renovation is over, how old will I be?

My younger sister once decided to call her father at work herself:
— Hello! Is this dad's job? Call dad!

The other day I found my “diary of a young Natasha-mother”.
“My son is 15 months old (now 5.5 years old). Can't drive in public
transport, because I'm dying of laughter. Let's go, sit down, son
chooses a nearby young man, smiles sweetly and says:
- Dad!
Many "dads" got off at the nearest bus stop..."

Walked with my son (2 years old) in the park and saw the twins. seeing them and
staring at him for a long time, he says:
- Where's mine?

Mother:
- Yes, Veronica, we probably spoiled you ... You'll have to
punish!
- How is it - you spoiled me, and punish me?

The daughter of relatives has long been begging for a brother or sister.
Mom explains to her:
“Well, understand, dear, dad is on a flight, he won’t arrive soon, and without dad we can’t have a baby.
But the girl was quickly found:
- On the contrary, let's start it now, and dad will come, and we will tell him: "Surprise!"

I bought myself a silver set (bracelets and a ring) on ​​the ancient Egyptian theme. Daughter (4 years old) examines carefully, then asks:
- Mom, this is Ancient Egypt?
- Yes daughter.
Husband asks:
— Daughter, how do you know that this is Ancient Egypt? Could this be Ancient China?
- Dad, this is your watch - Ancient China, and my mother has Ancient Egypt.

Away. Adults are shy. The hostess says:
- Why don't you eat at all? Help yourself, isn't it tasty?
A child (4.5 years old) comes out and loudly gives out:
“You’re not at home here, eat what you get!”
I brought the phrase from kindergarten ...

I scolded my son (5 years old) for something. He sat down on the floor, took out paper, pencils, and "pouting" to me:
"Then I'll draw you fat!"

My husband and I got married when our youngest third son was 3 years old. Well, before everything somehow did not reach the hands. We once had everything.
A couple of weeks before the event itself, the middle son (9 years old) asks:
- Mom, why are you all fussing with Anya (his godmother), running somewhere all day long, what kind of carnival dress did you drag?
Anya laughs:
- Tolik, it's your mother who has gone crazy, she's getting married.
Tolik dumbfounded like this:
“Does dad know?”

A friend tried to teach her son to sleep in the nursery. He fell asleep with his parents, she took him to the nursery. After 15 minutes, he returns and again to his parents in bed. His mother took him back to the nursery. He returned again. She carries him to the “place” for the third time, and he, through a dream:
“Well, how long are we going to run like this?”

I took my youngest daughter to work with me. She walked around there, wandered, and went into the director's office. I sit and hear them talking about something, and the little one proudly says:
“And my mom can still grunt!”

My daughter asks me:
Mom, what time was I born?
I told her:
— At twelve o'clock.
And she scared me:
“Oh, I must have woken you up?”

Grandmother is watching a fashion show on TV with enthusiasm. Anton (4 years):
- Grandma, what is evening dress?
Grandmother, not looking up from the screen:
— Well, Antoshka, imagine that a girl puts on her most elegant dress, a boy puts on his most beautiful suit...
Anton impatiently interrupts:
“And they go pooping together?”

At the dacha of our grandmother - the simplest toilet of the "hole in the floor" type.
When Anya had to use it, she asked to be held by the hand. All the while she kept repeating:
“Just hold me tight. Do you remember that I'm your favorite girl in the world?

I watch the news, my son runs in and shouts:
— Oh, Medvedev!
I ask:
— Do you know who Medvedev is?
Yes, Putin.

The wife went to the hospital for preservation. I stayed at home, son Svyatoslav (4 years old) and son Egor (2 years old). I only know how to cook pasta. So, I cooked pasta for them, slightly salted. The first one came running, Svyato tried it. Without saying anything, he leaves the table. He goes to the nursery. At the door she meets Yegor, who is going to eat, takes him by the hand, takes him to the nursery and says:
Yegor, don't eat. You are my only brother...

I had to invite my mother.

We went to the store and left the car under a tree. While walking, a flock of birds flew in and pretty shitted on the roof and hood. I had to drive the car to the sink and wash to a state of cleanliness. After washing, my son looked at the car and issued:
- Well, the birds will look at the car and say: “Poop, poop and all in vain!”

The son at the zoo asks his father:
- Dad, if a tiger breaks out of the cage and eats you, then which bus should I take home?

Leo is 6 years old. We go with him to the neurologist. Lyovka is naughty - the doctors are tired of him. I tell him:
This doctor will not do anything to you, he will only talk.
— Is that all?
- Well, maybe it will knock with a hammer, but it doesn’t hurt.
We've arrived, let's go. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax?!

We hope that we have cheered you up, smile more often!

Short funny dialogues come by themselves and spontaneously. Something fell like snow on the head. Something was born from overheard conversations.

Another sees a picture, I sometimes hear conversations and write down what remains in my memory. It happens that a question arises and you “surely know” there is a cheerful answer to it. So you start sorting through everything,

what gets in your head.

About short funny dialogues, one cannot say that this is an anecdote. There is no author's text. Rather, they are funny skits-reprises, capriciously dreaming of becoming aphorisms. Don't memorize them. Just read.

Welcome to the Find Yourself Blog!

Today I finally offer for reading the first selection of short funny dialogues. What do they have in common?
Each of them walks away from Stereotypes Boulevard. Who is on the street Vnestandartov, who is in the nooks and crannies of Irony.

Why do I need it? Suddenly, who wants to insert a couple of lines into a story or script. Then .

Of course, “funny and funny” are purely individual concepts. Here, the first drawing with quotes has already been published on your page in VKontakte. , - neither oblikli, nor barked.

As the saying goes,

stop talking nonsense!

“Take it, take it. I will draw myself…”

Short funny dialogues to take away.

I’ll just color in a little headlines for the New Year.

Lifestyle.

- Hi. How are you?
- All by myself.

Is it a joke?

“The last joke was clearly not on your level.
“It's not a joke, it's life. In addition, I try to lower myself to the level of listeners.
“Is this up to me?!”
- No, I said, "go down", not "fall".

Argument.

- I do not drink!
“How, even for my birthday!?”
- With such grief. especially.

Casting.

Do you play any musical instruments?
- And how! ..
- And which ones do you win more often?

Sentence.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my proposal.
“Well, even if you are not afraid of such a volume of your own stupidity ...

Comparison standard.

- I have a tongue with you, I look, it is getting longer and longer.
— Where there?! What kind of standard do you take? So, it means that your convolutions have dried up.

The basis of respect.

What can you respect him for? you really don't know yet...
- Yes, I know.
“Then it won’t matter at all.”

Request.

- Will you do it for me, not for service, but for friendship?
- BUT the old way, "stupidly" for money already in any way? ..

Reproach.

“Oh, Vasin, your soul does not hurt for work.
- But the wallet from such work never recovers.

In the chief's office.

- It’s better for me to tell me honestly how late you were for work yesterday?
- Who's late? I wasn't there at all yesterday!

Review.

“They are great professionals and great guys.
- Of course. Especially for those who have not encountered them.

Gratitude.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- Well, do it finally, so that it becomes "for what."

Review.

“What, you don’t want to say anything good about him?”
- Really want to. But I can not.

About the main thing.

- The main thing in our business is to gather our thoughts and ...
- Exactly. And the main difficulty is to be in one place and at one time with at least one thought.

Hat with…

“Look, what a hat the authorities gave me for the holiday!”
- Didn't you leave a head there, I suppose?
Yes, where does it get it from?

Congratulations from above.

- Happy New Year with a new happiness!
- It was better to hold on to the old ...

And immediately "about the old and the new." A frame from an old movie for a New Year's table joke. And just funny dialogue. Remind yourself of the movie.

The first joke for the upcoming New Year 2019.

December 25, 2018. 3 am. In the "Society for the Protection of Animals" the phone rings hysterically. The attendant puts the phone down on the table and introduces himself drowsily:

Society, etc. …

- Ah ... ah ... tell me, is this the Society for the Protection of Animals?

- I said yes. And now you explain to me, from whom you, a pig, are required to be protected from such an early age ?!.

And I want to finish with my favorite "dialogue". And if I want to, I do it.

Shame on you?..

“We are not ashamed at all.

Here, short funny dialogues on the pages of my blog are forced to give way to the next holiday. You can subscribe and say thank you below.

Stanislav Stepanov

At the post office, pensioners constantly carried away the public pen, even tied to the counter with a thread - they signed the translations and, out of forgetfulness, put it in their bag. The thread broke. Once the cashier's husband brought a particularly thin and durable rubber from a military factory - to ...

Bought a voice recorder. buddy on New Year give. Tiny, digital. And in the morning I was dressing, so he fell out of my trousers. And on the rug ... fucked. And I, apparently, accidentally under the bed - time! Tapcom. And he turns on the sound ...

I stopped a white Opel here. Well, with a rod, you know, such a stick for Management. The driver gets out - he does not knit the bast, he has a fume, his eyes are red. “That’s it, I say, I’ve left! Come on right, go on foot." - "It's not fair, let me blow into the tube, let's see ..." - "What ...

I have worked in the circus for 50 years, but I will not work with you, Mr. Director! Write off such a horse! Everything! Enough! Here is my statement!.. Wait! Come in, Vera!.. Look at her teeth! Youth! Vera, stop laughing, it's not funny, they want to write you off!.. Nothing...

They meet in the hallway of apartment 1. 1 Hello, hello, come in, come in, bro ... Well, let's kiss. How many years, how many winters!.. And where is the wife? He promised to bring! Married for 12 years, and you never introduced her to me!! Maybe you're single? 2 Meet...

(The dog is an absolute indifference. Smart and lazy. The commands of the border guard do not immediately, reluctantly. He thinks out loud. The border guard does not hear him. But the dog hears and understands everything. They go out together. The border guard is ahead). -So… How are you? (sternly) Sit! (The dog slowly, lordly, sits in ...

I received a letter from my son, I don’t know what to think! He's in my army! First he writes that I should follow Yulia, his fiancee ... Why should I follow? Yulka has charisma - horror! And so economic. The pig is holding. I already her ...

A traffic cop stopped me and my mother-in-law ... Drunk. And he suddenly says about my mother-in-law: “And who is this fat one ?!” And my mother-in-law is very big, and that day her bag was stolen ... and at the hairdresser's she cut her hair too short ... and they sold it in the market ...

Yurok! Vovchik! Everything! Sleep, no fairy tales! Grandpa is very tired and his leg hurts. One? Only one! Good or terrible? Scary to you? Describe again. Are you good? About Kolobok? In general, I tell one - terribly kind. Once upon a time there was a kind, kind grandfather ... and grandmother! Old…

Hello! I said, I won’t go anywhere and I won’t rewrite anything! I got sick ... "Eat a pill"! You didn't even ask what got me sick!.. I tell you: What's your business?! And generally speaking! The author does not have to be present at the rehearsal! …Editing? Okay, so be it…

Serenya came to me on the night of December 31st to December 1st, when everyone had already gone to bed. Great! - He speaks. - Happy New Year! Ugh! Your elevator, however, is impotent! .. And you can’t tell by your face that you received our telegram! Well,…

Lisa lived in the forest. Beautiful, foxes from the surrounding forests drove crazy. They really wanted to live with her, live, make good, but hunters got into the woods. Shooting through the forest, traps along the paths, dogs bresh, and in the evenings bonfires, bottles fly into the bushes, ...

Hello, Mom! Our electricity was turned off, it's already two in the morning, and Kolya isn't there yet!… Mom, what does Fidel Castro have to do with it?.. Phenazepam? Goodnight, mother! … Hello, Rit! It's me again. Kolka did not come to spend the night! He is not with you? I don't think...

My second wife was such an artist! Genius! Here she is, let's say ... ... No, I'm not the third, I'm the fourth with him ... The third one was imprisoned, by the way, with the complete confiscation of property ... So this artist, who was the second one I had, is a talent! .. ... The third- then with full...

Serve for the sake of Christ for bread ... No, not like that. ... Good people! .. No. ... Passer-by, don't let a well-deserved worker of the social services die of hunger! .. No, don't talk about merits. And no ideology. And then there was an uncle with a sign yesterday: “Serve an active builder for lunch ...

Yes, I'm a music teacher, now what!? Yes, I am fluent in four languages, I know how to dress, how to talk, how to use cutlery, and what?! Yes, there is no money, but I am sweet, I cook well, I will love one man to the deep ...

Neighbor Volodya arranged electrical protection on his new Toyota - he bought an expensive one, from theft. Yes, what the people have neither composed nor invented - it's useless! Still getting stolen. Volodya has windows to the courtyard, and the car is on the avenue! I tell him: in the yard...

Grandpa, are you tired? - Tired, Mashenka. -Do you want to sleep? -Highly. -Then tell me a horror story and go to sleep! - Scarecrow? I don't know horror stories. - Well, it must be scary! Here, repeat after me: Once upon a dark, dark night in a cemetery... - Well, one night at a cemetery... -... And so...

As far as I remember, I was forgotten everywhere. Dad handed flowers to mom in the maternity hospital, kissed her, put her in a taxi, and left. And I'm lying on a bench, pissing into a blanket and thinking: I'll grow up - I'll be an astronaut. Grandfather, when I was born, in general, I thought that the puppy's parents ...

I tell her: “From the monkeys!” She told me: "From the angels"! I told her: "From the monkeys !!" She: "From the angels!!" - “Yes, you are on yourself, I say, look! Could angels have done this?! Read Darwin! I bought her a microscope: “Look! Where are the angels? - “Oh-oh! .. Microbe! .. ...

My grandmother is superstitious. He’s going to a neighbor for salt - let me, he says, I’ll sit on the path. I met a man with empty buckets - cursed! The cuckoo once told her 84, now she is 92, so now she goes to the forest if she goes, then with a calculator. ...

Hello! Rita, are you? …Where am I calling from? I'm calling from heaven! I'm flying to long jump! Five thousand meters! ... So I'm a master of sports! …What a bobsleigh!? …Am I a womanizer?!! Yes, you yourself are a womanizer!!! …Fool! Hello, Svetul? Hello! Guess where I'm calling from? .. Well, think, think, under ...