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Neuro-linguistic programming ( NLP), in exactly the same way as a huge number of other areas, began its path to development by looking for opportunities to find out how successful individuals achieve this success. NLP its main task was to identify the structure of success, the visual structure of mastery. NLP has every reason to believe that if there is at least one person who knows how to do something certain, then another person is able to learn it. It is this structure of experience that we strive to highlight NLP so that a person has the opportunity to teach the desired skill to himself and others. This is the main task NLP. And NLP strives to ensure that the training was truly masterful, so that even experts could not detect the difference between what was done by a newly trained student and a professional master.
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Absolutely all the leading NLP courses of our center have a higher education (and often more than one), colossal experience in both individual counseling and group classes, plus each one has significant experience in practical business and leadership. The applied orientation of the NLP programs and the Ericksonian hypnosis program of our center distinguishes it from the services that others can offer. NLP centers. The programs involve the analysis of specific real problems proposed by course participants, and the solution of these problems using techniques NLP and Ericksonian hypnosis. Tasks can relate to any area of life - personal growth, business tasks, self-development.
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phrase "neuro-linguistic programming" (sometimes used without a hyphen, which is not a mistake), or abbreviated NLP derived from the English "Neuro-linguistic programming" and is a set of techniques, models, and operational principles that can be applied as a personality development approach that uses the modeling of effective mental and behavioral strategies.
We offer you a wide range of books, articles and real stories about tricks neuro-linguistic programming and how to use it in everyday life.
As for Erickson's hypnosis, it is based on the use of the natural, inherent in all people, without exception, the ability to plunge into an involuntary trance. This state has a beneficial effect on a person, because it is the trance that allows the human unconscious to actively get involved in the work and help its owner achieve his goals. Right hemispheric resources are most clearly revealed in a trance, intuition, the ability to be creative and solve various life problems and business tasks are activated.
AT modern world Ericksonian hypnosis is popular in many areas of human activity at once. After all, Ericksonian hypnosis is a universal tool that everyone can use because of their needs. The most popular way to use Ericksonian hypnosis is self-hypnosis - in other words, restoring mental and physical strength, getting rid of pain and unpleasant experiences, bringing oneself into a good mood, etc. The most talented hypnotists with experience manage to master various hypnotic phenomena, such as, for example , change in the course of time, the discovery of previously unknown reserves of the body. One way or another, Ericksonian hypnosis allows a person to learn how to use those hidden abilities that previously existed only in his imagination.
A person who masterfully owns any skill (speaking in front of an audience, driving a car, building a personal life, writing articles or stories, making money, treating people, drawing pictures, composing music, or something else) can teach this to other people. After all, if someone once did something, then the other person can not only repeat, but also perform it as masterly as the master himself.
For those who are interested in the most detailed information about NLP techniques and methods, we recommend the NLP Articles section of our website. We draw your attention to the fact that articles only allow you to get acquainted with some theoretical information, but are by no means capable of instilling any stable skills. You will not become a good judoka without a real trainer and you will not be able to confidently snowboard just by reading a book with instructions for this sport, only the practical classes of our NLP center will allow you to learn real NLP skills and do it in an interesting, effective and easy way.
Satyr V.
How to build yourself and your family
Reviewer and author of afterword
Doctor of Psychology
A. S. Spivakovskaya
Translators: £ V. Novikova, M. A. Makarushkina
Satyr V.
From 21 How to build yourself and your family: Per. from English: improve. ed - M: Pedagogy-Press, 1992. - 192 p: ill.
The author of the book is the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems family life
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is far from full circle questions raised by the author. The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor.
For a wide range readers „ 4312000000-063,
005(01)-92
- 83-91
BBC 88.5
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
© 1988 by Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
© Translation, afterword, artwork,
publishing house "Pedagogy-Press", 1992
Preface 2
Chapter 1. What does your family look like? four
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 How We Speak and How We Listen 16
Chapter 5 Communication Patterns 27
Chapter 6 Communication Games 33
Chapter 7
Chapter 8 Systems: Open or Closed? 44
Chapter 9
Chapter 10 Special Families 54
Chapter 11 Your Family Map 62
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14. Elements of a Family Life Project 83
Chapter 15 Everyday life families 94
Chapter 16 family ties 103
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
The world starts at home. (Afterword to the Russian edition) 124
Doctor of Psychology
BUT. FROM. Spivakovskaya
Translators: £ AT. Novikov, M. BUT. Makarushkina
Satyr AT.
From 21 How to build yourself and your family: Per. from English: improve. ed - M: Pedagogy-Press, 1992. - 192 p: ill.
The author of the book is the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems of family life
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is not a complete range of issues raised by the author. The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor.
For a wide range of readers „ 4312000000-063,
005(01)-92
- 83-91
BBC 88.5
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
© 1988 by Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
© Translation, afterword, artwork,
publishing house "Pedagogy-Press", 1992
Satyr V. 1
How to build yourself and your family 1
Preface 2
Chapter 1. What does your family look like? four
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 How We Speak and How We Listen 13
Chapter 5 Communication Patterns 21
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8 Systems: Open or Closed? 35
Chapter 9
Chapter 10 Special Families 43
Chapter 11 Your Family Map 49
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14. Elements of a Family Life Project 65
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
The world starts at home. (Afterword to the Russian edition) 97
Foreword
I was five years old when I decided that I would definitely become a children's detective. Then I vaguely imagined what this work would be like, but I distinctly felt that there was something in the family that was hard to see right away without delving deeply into the world of human relations, a world full of mysterious mysteries, often hidden from view.Now, after so many years, having worked with thousands of families, I am convinced that most of these mysteries have not been solved. The work taught me a lot, opened up new opportunities and prospects for further discoveries. Now it is quite clear to me that the family is a microcosm of the whole world. To understand him, it is enough to know the family. Manifestations of power, intimacy, independence, trust, communication skills that exist in it are the key to unraveling many phenomena of life. If we want to change the world, we need to change the family.
Family life is like an iceberg. Most people see only a small surface of it and delude themselves into thinking they see it in its entirety. Some guess that the iceberg is somewhat larger, but do not know what exactly its invisible part is. Not knowing all the intricacies of family life, you can direct it in a dangerous course.
Like the movements of an experienced sailor, who must take into account the shape and size of the hidden part of the iceberg in order for the ship to safely pass on the intended course, the life of the family depends on how much it understands, realizes and takes into account the feelings, needs, intentions, motives and thoughts of each of its members. , and they are often hidden precisely in the underwater part, obscured from us by everyday events, familiar words, actions and deeds.
I sincerely believe that today, when humanity is penetrating into the microcosm of the atom and into the gigantic expanses of intergalactic astronomy, it is possible to make significant progress in understanding an equally important question: what happens when one person communicates and interacts with another? I believe that in a thousand years historians will define our time as the beginning new era when each person becomes truly humane.
I thought for a long time about what humanity is, what kind of person can be called a humanist. A humanist is, in my opinion, one who understands, appreciates and develops his body, his body, himself, considers himself beautiful and the right people; one who is realistic and honest with himself and others; able to take a conscious and deliberate risk; strives for excellence and competence in the field in which he is engaged, looking for new ways in life and changing the situation, if necessary; he is not afraid of change; ready to give up the habitual, if it is expedient and prevents him and other people from correcting mistakes, if this is harmful.
“Let's take a look at the work that no family can do without, which is usually housework. Although housework is very necessary, useful and indispensable, many have a negative attitude towards it. Although until now, most of the family affairs are represented by housework.
And now I want you to do something similar to what you did when you read the chapter "The Rules You Live By." Everyone sits down and makes a list of the things that the family does to ensure its functioning. Appoint a secretary. Your list should include things like washing clothes, ironing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, keeping bills, paying bills, working outside the home, etc. If a family member needs special care, this should also be mentioned. This is a basic list of household chores that should be done regularly.
Now take a look at your list and see how all these types of work are done. And you will fully see the state of affairs in your family. You may not have even thought about it before.
Don't you find that not all necessary actions are performed in your family? You may find that some types of work are poorly done, or that most of the work falls on the shoulders of one person, while others do almost nothing. If this is true, then, therefore, some members of your family are offended and disappointed.
This simple exercise, if done once every three months, helps to maintain family engineering. In business, you can use special expert for performance evaluation. Your list can be a guide to improving your family's performance.
However, not all so simple. Once you have identified the needs that need to be met, you need to develop a plan and choose the person who would carry it out. This is one of the most difficult tasks.
How will you determine who will do the work and when?
Most families came to the conclusion that different methods are used at different times to resolve this issue.
One of them is the pointing method, where the parent, realizing that he has the right to use his influence as a leader, simply gives an instruction to do something: “It must be done this way and nothing else!”
Sometimes it is more advantageous to use the voting method, it is more democratic. In the end, the majority decides. There is also a method that I call adventurous, but it works the best. With this, a rather democratic method, the point of view of anyone is taken into account, everyone's opinion is discussed, correlated with reality, and then swept aside or accepted.
Sometimes the method of expediency is used. We all know him.
All of these methods are suitable for certain situations. What is especially important is to choose the right method, the most suitable for a given situation, which, in turn, requires flexibility and freedom of action.
Each method must always be controlled. If there is no constant control, someone will definitely decide that they are not put in anything, and you yourself may not be in the best position ...
Families create unnecessary problems for themselves when they assign the same people to do the same work. John always takes out the trash. Teresa is washing the dishes. Mom is shopping. The diversity and constant change of work roles helps to optimize the functioning of the entire family life.
Another problem is that once a plan is created, it feels like it's written forever. For example, a child should be in bed by 8:30, no matter how old he is, 4 or 14. This illustrates the rules that have absolutely no time limits ...
I am sure that even well-designed plans have their time limits. Let's say they can be approved for one week, one month, one year, until 3.30 today when my mom comes or when I'm five centimeters fatter."
From the book of one of the founders of modern family therapy American Virginia Satir "How to build yourself and your family."
The first part, about cataloging the necessary homework, seems to me quite concrete and doable. But the second, about the "choice of the responsible" - is somewhat abstract. And you?
And did any of you, dear friends, do such a procedure with your household members?
Doctor of Psychology
BUT. FROM. Spivakovskaya
Translators: £ AT. Novikov, M. BUT. Makarushkina
SatyrAT.
From 21 How to build yourself and your family: Per. from English: improve. ed - M: Pedagogy-Press, 1992. - 192 p: ill.
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
The author of the book is the progressive American psychologist V. Satir, the founder of family counseling, the successor of the humanistic direction in psychology, invites the reader to talk about the problems of family life
How to teach to love and be loved, how to look at yourself through the eyes of your children, how to make family relationships humane - this is not a complete range of issues raised by the author. The book is written with sincere love for a person, faith in his creative abilities, with subtle and kind humor.
For a wide range of readers „ 4312000000-063,
005(01)-92
- 83-91
BBC 88.5
ISBN 5-7155-0284-5(CCCP) ISBN 5-7155-0031-5(USA)
© 1988 by Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
© Translation, afterword, artwork,
publishing house "Pedagogy-Press", 1992
Satyr V. 1
How to build yourself and your family 1
Preface 2
Chapter 1. What does your family look like? four
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4 How We Speak and How We Listen 13
Chapter 5 Communication Patterns 21
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8 Systems: Open or Closed? 35
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11 Your Family Map 49
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14. Elements of a Family Life Project 65
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
The world starts at home. (Afterword to the Russian edition) 96
Foreword
I was five years old when I decided that I would definitely become a children's detective. Then I vaguely imagined what this work would be like, but I distinctly felt that there is something in the family that is difficult to see right away without delving deeply into the world of human relations, a world full of mysterious mysteries, often hidden from the eyes.
Now, after so many years, having worked with thousands of families, I am convinced that most of these mysteries have not been solved. The work taught me a lot, opened up new opportunities and prospects for further discoveries. Now it is quite clear to me that the family is a microcosm of the whole world. To understand it, it is enough to know the family. Manifestations of power, intimacy, independence, trust, communication skills that exist in it are the key to unraveling many phenomena of life. If we want to change the world, we need to change the family.
Family life is like an iceberg. Most people see only a small surface of it and delude themselves into thinking they see it in its entirety. Some guess that the iceberg is somewhat larger, but do not know what exactly its invisible part is. Not knowing all the intricacies of family life, you can direct it in a dangerous course.
Like the movements of an experienced sailor, who must take into account the shape and size of the hidden part of the iceberg in order for the ship to safely pass on the intended course, the life of the family depends on how much it understands, realizes and takes into account the feelings, needs, intentions, motives and thoughts of each of its members. , and they are often hidden precisely in the underwater part, obscured from us by everyday events, familiar words, actions and deeds.
I sincerely believe that today, when humanity is penetrating into the microcosm of the atom and into the gigantic expanses of intergalactic astronomy, it is possible to make significant progress in understanding an equally important question: what happens when one person communicates and interacts with another? I believe that in a thousand years, historians will define our time as the beginning of a new era, when every person becomes truly humane.
I thought for a long time about what humanity is, what kind of person can be called a humanist. A humanist is, in my opinion, one who understands, appreciates and develops his body, his body, himself, considers himself beautiful and necessary to people; one who is realistic and honest with himself and others; able to take a conscious and deliberate risk; strives for excellence and competence in the field in which he is engaged, looking for new ways in life and changing the situation, if necessary; he is not afraid of change; ready to give up the habitual, if it is expedient and prevents him and other people from correcting mistakes, if this is harmful.
As a result, a person becomes truly physically healthy, his life is filled with love, kindness, becomes natural, creative, permeated with deep feelings, personal responsibility. He stands firmly on the ground, is able to deeply love, fight difficulties and overcome them. He is equally capable of being gentle and tough, thoughtfully and consciously approaches his actions and, as a result, achieves his intended goals.
In my work with families, I have found that all the successes and failures in raising a new person are associated with four basic psychological phenomena.
Firstly, these are the feelings and thoughts of a person in relation to himself, I call them self-esteem.
Secondly, these are the ways in which people transmit various information to each other, share experiences and thoughts, I call these methods of communication.
Thirdly, these are the rules that people adhere to and follow in their lives. They make up a kind of totality, which I call the family system.
Fourthly, these are the methods by which the family carries out its relations with other social institutions, I call them social relations.
It doesn’t matter what exactly prompted the family to turn to a specialist for psychological help: the wife’s infidelity or the husband’s depression, the deviant, illegal behavior of the son or the daughter’s neurosis - the important thing is that the process of influence in all cases can be identical. To reduce or eliminate family pain, it is necessary to find the key to understanding each of the four phenomena listed above.
With all the variety of problems, a family in pain is always characterized by: low self-esteem, undirected, confused, unclear, largely unrealistic and dishonest communications; rigid, inert, stereotyped, inhumane, unhelpful and unduly life-limiting rules of conduct; social ties, either providing peace in the family, or filled with fear and threat.
I am happy to meet problem-free and mature families; some of them became so after a certain psychological work, which made it possible to reveal their inherent potential. Mature families are characterized by the following qualities: high self-esteem; immediate, direct, clear and honest communications; the rules in these families are mobile, humane, oriented towards acceptance, and family members are capable of change; social ties are open and full of positive attitudes and hopes.
Such changes in the family occur as a result of painstaking work and mutual interest of all its members.
No matter where the surgeon learns his skill, in any case he is able to operate on every person, since the anatomical structure is basically the same. Working with families, problematic and prosperous on most of the continents of the Earth, I came to the conclusion that in all families: everyone evaluates themselves in one way or another - positively or negatively, the main question is how exactly?
A person communicates, establishes connections with others, the main question is how he does it and what results he achieves in the end.
He follows certain rules in his life, it is important to understand what these rules are and how successfully a person uses them.
All of the above can be found in any family where there are parents who raise children until they become adults, in single-parent families where one parent raises children after the death of the other, divorce or imprisonment, in families with foster children or children from previous marriages in which the parents or one of them is not the birth father or mother of the child. The same is observed in the lives of children brought up in state institutions. Nowadays children grow up in different family structures.
Of course, each of the listed types of families has its own specific features, and we will dwell on them later. However, the same psychological components are basic for family life: self-esteem, communications, rules and social ties.
Relations in the family are those threads, bonds, connections that unite people into a single whole. We will analyze their various components, and I hope this will help you better understand the structure of your family, find ways to renew relationships with loved ones. This will give you the opportunity to experience the joy of working together, of communicating in your “family team”.
As you read this book, you will sometimes be asked to do some exercises that will give you the knowledge of how you should act in a given situation when communicating with other people. I ask you to try to complete all the suggested exercises, even if they seem primitive and stupid to you. Doing them will help you ensure that the situation in your family becomes less anxious and more psychologically mature. The more family members who participate in this work, the greater your success will be. You know perfectly well that it is difficult to learn to swim standing on the shore, you can learn to swim only on the water.
If you are not sure that your family members will agree to work with you, I can advise you to feel in your heart what exactly you would like to ask them, and express your request very simply and very directly. If you are truly determined to work together and believe that it will bring results, then the request will sound very attractive, and your loved ones will want to help you. Ask them: “Would you like to participate with me in an experiment that might be interesting and useful for us?” - such a question will set them up for a positive decision as much as possible.
Remember that threats, demands, orders always lead to the opposite of what we want.
I watched a lot of tragedies that happened in different families. Each of them deeply touched me, penetrated into the soul. With the help of this book, I want to ease the pain of those families that I will never be able to meet. Moreover, I hope to prevent the difficulties that may await our children in the future. Of course, one cannot completely exclude pain from human life. There are two types of it: one - associated with the awareness of the problem; the second, which we experience when we are suppressed or blamed. And if the first pain cannot be avoided, then the second one in our life may not be. We can direct our efforts towards fixing what is changeable and finding the best ways to coexist with what cannot be changed.
Lord, give me the patience to accept what I cannot change,
Give me the strength to change what I can change And give me the wisdom to learn to tell the one from the other.
Reynold Neighborough
You better not say it. While reading this book, maybe you will experience both pains, remember something unpleasant, sad or difficult. New knowledge about yourself and how to take responsibility on your shoulders will surely bring difficult and difficult experiences.
However, if, when you close the book, you discover new possibilities and strengths in yourself and see new paths that your family can take, I believe that the task will be completed.