The ability to get along with other people characterizes a person from one of the best sides. I will make a reservation: not to please others, namely to get along with others. This is important in negotiations, in resolving a conflict situation, in situations of concluding a deal, in situations of communication with loved ones, in force majeure circumstances, and finally, in order to preserve one’s own nervous system…
There are specific tools for this. They will be discussed further.
Territory of consent
The territory of consent, like any other, must be protected. The security device is very short word"Yes". The interlocutors should agree with each other and you can do without or a psychoanalyst.
The initiative is taken by the one who has a good mood; who is tired of fighting; who is smarter; who is farsighted; who is smarter; who wants to talk...
He should start a conversation. The topic of conversation should not be neutral. On the contrary, the topic should concern personally each of the interlocutors. How to find such a topic? Let's ask the English: "What always unites them all?" The answer is simple: the weather today, yesterday, the day before yesterday, a year ago on the same day ... You can use a good experience.
So, the initiator of the conversation characterizes the state of the weather, his interlocutor agrees. All: two are in the territory of agreement.
The best music
Next, you need to call positive from the interlocutor. To do this, first of all, you need to address him by name (if you don’t know what to call him, find out in advance). It has been proven that the sounds of one's own name are best music for any of us.
Remember about intonation: a person first perceives the intonation of speech, and only then - its content.
Interlocutor disagrees
This is fine. This indicates that rational () wins for him.
But you are in control! And you show it. How? First, agree with the arguments of the interlocutor and even support his point of view. But immediately give arguments in defense of the opposite position. You do it right. And - remember about intonation!
Important: you need to argue the defended position, and not insist: "I think so, because this is my point of view."
The main thing is on the edge
A person remembers better what he hears either at the beginning of a conversation or at the end of it. Keep the edge effect in mind when you make your case.
You to me - I to you
Everything that is said between the interlocutors should not bear even a shadow of slyness. The ability to “stand in the shoes of another” helps to avoid slyness. This means being able to not only, but also accept his position, whatever it may be for you.
At the same time, the speech should contain “golden words”. These words are usually taught in childhood. You can only speak sincerely.
In this case, the interlocutors will offer concessions to each other. This is called so: "to solve your problems by solving the problems of another."
Conclusion
So, dear reader, you have got acquainted with some techniques that can lead to mutual understanding, and on its basis - to mutual assistance, and even to interaction.
These are simple tricks of "yes", "yes - but ...", "proper name", "golden words", "edge effect", "stand in the shoes of another" and, finally, "solve your problems by solving the problems of another."
Accept the wish to use these techniques always. This will not only allow you to get along effectively with other people, but it can also build their trust in you.
When I think about this topic, I immediately remember my attempts to negotiate with the teachers at the university about the assessment. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase, and you no longer have a single chance. After a little thought and looking for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I have identified a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.
Offer multiple options
When you insist on your point, think of another person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer a few. What for? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for yours to support you.
At the same time, don't overdo it. Offering 10 options to choose from, you will destroy yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options, and not a dozen.
An unnecessary bluff
It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky, and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are convicted, there will be no turning back.
If you believe in your rightness, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.
You cannot win alone
The outcome of the situation should be advantageous for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think about whether you would agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn't expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.
Forget about emotions
People who include emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure in advance. Although the situation can be viewed from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, then it might work.
If you yell at the interlocutor, laugh at his position or try to insult him, albeit in a veiled way, you have already lost.
Ask for a little more than you need
This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to lower the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.
I am sure that in your life there have been situations more than once when you managed to negotiate with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your ways!
When I think about this topic, I immediately remember my attempts to negotiate with the teachers at the university about the assessment. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase, and you no longer have a single chance. After a little thought and looking for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I have identified a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.
Offer multiple options
When you insist on your point, think of another person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer a few. What for? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for yours to support you.
At the same time, don't overdo it. Offering 10 options to choose from, you will destroy yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options, and not a dozen.
An unnecessary bluff
It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky, and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are convicted, there will be no turning back.
If you believe in your rightness, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.
You cannot win alone
The outcome of the situation should be advantageous for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think about whether you would agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn't expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.
Forget about emotions
People who include emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure in advance. Although the situation can be viewed from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, then it might work.
If you yell at the interlocutor, laugh at his position or try to insult him, albeit in a veiled way, you have already lost.
Ask for a little more than you need
This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to lower the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.
I am sure that in your life there have been situations more than once when you managed to negotiate with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your ways!
The human ability to get along with other people characterizes him from one of the best sides. It is to get along with the rest, and not like them. This is very important in conflict situations, during negotiations, in case of conclusion of deals. Or simply for the purpose of communicating with loved ones and to preserve their nervous system. For this, there are special methods. And therefore, we will tell you how to negotiate with people.
Territory of consent
This area, like any other, must be protected. This device for protection is a small word "yes". The interlocutors need to agree among themselves, and this can be done even without a psychologist. You must be in a good mood as you must take the initiative. You should not be tired, you should be smarter, more far-sighted, more cunning and more talkative. First you need to start a conversation. And the topic of conversation should not remain neutral. On the contrary, the topic should affect each of the interlocutors. You ask how to find such a topic? The weather is perfect. You, as the initiator, characterize her condition, and your interlocutor agrees, and that's it! Both interlocutors are already in the territory of agreement.
Emotions of the interlocutor
Then it is very important to evoke positive emotions in your interlocutor. First of all, you need to address him by name, if you do not know his name, try to find out about it in advance. It has long been proven that the sound combinations of a proper name are best words for each of us. And remember about intonation. Initially, a person perceives it, and only then the content of speech.
Manifestation of disagreement
It's quite normal. This means that the rationality of your interlocutor still begins to win. But you must be in control of the situation, and therefore you demonstrate it in full height. To do this, initially agree with the arguments of your counterpart, and even unobtrusively adhere to his opinion. But immediately, give hard arguments in defense of the opposite position. Of course, do it correctly, and in no case do not forget about intonation. And it is very important - you need to argue the defended position, and not insist on it: "I think so, due to the fact that this point of view is mine."
edge rule
Remember one simple truth. A person will be able to remember well that part of the information that comes to him initially, or at the end. Always keep the edge rule in mind when you make your case. The more expressive and with more correct intonation you highlight the beginning of the conversation, and its end, the more likely your chances of success.
How to Negotiate: Reciprocity
Everything that is negotiated between opponents should not be of the nature of slyness. The ability to “be in the shoes of another” will help to avoid such a situation. This means not only understanding your own interlocutor, but also accepting his positions, whatever they may be for you. At the same time, your speech should contain “golden words”. Usually these words are taught to us in childhood. They can only be spoken sincerely. AT this case your interlocutor will be able to offer you a concession. In the common people, this can be described as: "solve your problem by solving the problem of another."
How to negotiate with a person
- Always avoid extremes. If you find yourself in a conflict situation, know that any person can behave differently. Someone can show aggression, thus defending their own opinion and convincing the opponent to agree with his words. Others, on the contrary, may agree with the opponent in order to avoid conflict. The art of compromise will help you find that very “golden mean”, in fact, in any situation.
- Take advantage of breaks. If your tension is over the top, you are nervous and absolutely not ready to discuss matters, it is better to reschedule the negotiations and take a break. Even just 10 minutes will help you relax, look at the issue from the other side, and understand how to negotiate with a person in this situation. In addition, you will have the opportunity to more clearly establish your position. You should think about what you can give up, and what moments are essential for you. If you prioritize, you will be able to concentrate and have a calm conversation.
- Be flexible. Listen carefully to the interlocutor's options and be on the alert, you may have to put forward arguments in defense of the opposite opinion. Always try to find a real option, and know that truth is born only in a dispute. If the opportunity arises to give in, but give up secondary interests, do it. A bad tactic is to stubbornly stand your ground.
Now you know how you can negotiate with a person, how to arrange a meeting, or just agree with any person about something. These tricks will not only make other people get along with you, it will help build their trust in you.
How to make sure that what you say is heard by the interlocutor? First of all, learn to catch in a variety of words, at first glance, insignificant, but this is precisely what signal words that are valuable to you. Act carefully, without excessive aggressiveness and assertiveness, try to say only what you want to say. And then in the art of negotiating you will not be equal!
The main law of life says: either you survive at the expense of others, or others - at the expense of you. If parents, friends and family help to soften the "rough edges" of life, then in business every leader is a lone iceberg in a stormy sea.
It is important for a businessman to always be ready to adequately respond to the slightest changes. Any gesture, any phrase can be misinterpreted. Alas, this is not another Parkinson's law, but a harsh reality.
There is no need to repeat once again how important it is to be able to negotiate with people. In our country, as a rule, the result of a transaction depends on personal acquaintance. However, it is not always possible to reach an agreement...
It's hard to say for sure why the stereotype has formed: if you make reasonable arguments in a conversation, then your opponent will not be able to disagree. Alas, quite often, all reasonable arguments are broken like peas against a wall, about unwillingness to hear. What to do? The way out is simple: if you are consciously not heard, it is necessary to influence the subconscious of the interlocutor.
It should be noted that the phrase "influence the subconscious" for the majority sounds somewhat unusual and smacks of something forbidden. This is not true. Whether we like it or not, in any communication there is a suggestion, sometimes mutual. Even simple, it would seem, the words “put on another dress” are already an impact on the psyche of the interlocutor. This point has long been noticed in the West, researched and developed methods of influence and counteraction. Special techniques, which, by the way, are studied not only by intelligence officers, but also by businessmen, help not only to attract the attention of the interlocutor, but to inspire him with the right decision or the right thought. Of course, no one will give an absolute guarantee of the result, but you should not refuse an additional chance when negotiating, creating your image or ordinary communication with friends.
Many people like to use words such as "honestly" in their speech, "really", "for real" . As a rule, these people are cynical, they consider a series of everyday life as self-deception and because of this life lie they doubt their ability to be truly truthful. They are always on the alert, distrustful of everything, so an attempt at deception or falsity often does not work with them. On the other hand, the love of risk is not alien to this type of people.
Expressions "fundamentally", "I would like to make a constructive comment" are used by those who are inclined to global explanations and want to make generalizing, directive sentences as the highest judge. In this case, self-affirmation "smells" of arrogant arrogance and swagger.
"essentially", "essentially" "as a matter of fact", “in itself” - all these words characterize a modest, objective, sober person. The words "actually" "as a matter of fact", which are often inserted into their speech by prudent and critical people, mean: "What is, I consider objectively correct, although there are other opinions."
For the frequent use of expressions "of course", "Of course I thought about it" hides a clear self-defence. The words "of course" and "Of course, of course" are used when they expect criticism and want to avoid it in advance. In other words, the person is hostile and ready to argue.
The conjunction "for" always hints that you don't know everything yet. However, if the phrases introduced using this union are known to both the listener and the speaker, it can be assumed that the interlocutor is ironic at you. Not wanting to directly point out what you certainly should have known and considered, but do not take into account, he reminds you of his role or puts you in your place.
People who consider themselves "mundane", feeling uncomfortable with general theoretical concepts, prefer to use the word "practically". When this word is used often and inappropriately in speech, it means: "In details, I do not understand this at all." Sometimes such people behave impulsively because of uncertainty.
“Well, of course”, “yes, perhaps”, “well, so ...”, “well ...” - all this is a humble “amen” of a person who believes that he knows exactly what needs to be done, but does not believe in practical the feasibility of this capitulates.
There are a certain number of signal words expressing uncertainty in general or self-doubt, for example: “somehow”, “something”, “partly”, "to a certain extent", "in a manner", "in some way", "so to speak", "to a certain extent". A person who often uses these words, as it were, signals that he does not understand (partially or completely) what he is talking about.
sayings "everything is going as it should go" or "There's nothing you can do about it" testify to humility, resignation and weakness. Insert words "of course", "for sure", "for sure", "as a matter of fact" can be compared with fingerprints, so high is the probability of accurately determining the type of personality from them. As a rule, they are characteristic of a person who is unsure of himself, in need of self-affirmation.
Affirmative words: "for sure", "confidently" - a vivid example of uncertainty. He who would like to calm his own and other people's doubts betrays his own hesitation by evaluating for sure: "tomorrow I'll win for sure", “And I approached him so confidently…”.
“Very simple” is a typical phrase of people who feel insecure and do not clearly understand what they are talking about. Self-doubt, overlaid with authoritarian intolerance and stubborn self-affirmation, comes through from the absolutized manner of speech using the words: "in no case", "under no circumstances", "out of the question".
So, having determined what type of person your interlocutor belongs to, let's move on to practical methods changing his mind. There are two ways to influence the consciousness, or rather the subconscious. The first and easiest: put a gun to the interlocutor's temple. Despite the fact that the second method is much more difficult, we recommend using it. These are several rules of communication, each of which can be suitable in a given situation.
Avoid Generalizations
There are a number of generalization words that are simply permeated with categoricalness and peremptoryness. Using words such as "everyone", "everyone", "no one", "none" and others, you can be calm: you did everything to push the interlocutor away. For example, if you tell your partner: "You let me down every time", - you set him against yourself and at the same time show that you really have nothing to say. Try to avoid these words, and do not create unnecessary difficulties for yourself.
Subtext pressure
The technique consists in linking (double, triple, etc.) several facts. At the same time, there may not be a logical connection between them. Phrases "the more we talk, the more you agree" or “the longer you contradict me, the more you agree in your soul” act on the subconscious of your interlocutor, inspiring him to agree. It would seem that there is no connection between the first and second parts of the sentence - however, the brain remembers the second part. Carefully weaving in such phrases during negotiations, you thereby inspire the interlocutor with the idea that he will agree anyway.
There is never enough well-deserved praise
A rather banal trick that, with skillful use, always works. Tell the interlocutor something pleasant, while remaining sincere. Say for example: "You clever man and you can agree with me or "You are the best car dealer, so understand me" You won't lose anything, but you can gain a lot. The only remark - be as sincere as possible. If falseness is felt, then the effect can be diametrically opposite.
Learn to agree with you
This technique is not new, beaten and ... still effective. Start a dispute (negotiations, conversation) with obvious truths, ask the interlocutor unambiguous questions that he can answer in the affirmative. In this case, he tunes in to consent, and it will be more difficult for him to say “no”. However, do not forget that not every interlocutor will agree to spend time discussing obvious truths with you.
Veiled thoughts
The human brain is a mystery, and no one can still say why certain processes occur. Typical example, the illusory "not" method. From the whole phrase "You can agree with me or disagree" the “not” part is the most unmemorable. In form, you offer a choice, but in essence, you impose an unambiguous thought.
Multiple negation
This technique is derived from the previous one. By stringing turns with a particle of “not”, you put the necessary information into the mind of the interlocutor. "You can't help but sign this treaty", “You won’t earn if you don’t deliver the goods on time” are typical examples of double negation.
Significant understatement
The idea of such suggestion is simple. When you need to do something, you list all options (situations, dates, etc.) except for one. For example, if you tell your secretary that she can do this work on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, be sure that the work will be done on Wednesday. Important point is that the enumeration is closed, that is, there is only one alternative (two floors out of three, six days out of seven, three friends out of four).
Strength in simplicity
In the most seemingly banal, non-specific phrase, you need to insert the idea you need. For example, “it takes time to agree with all the clauses of the contract”, "any person needs time to think and agree"- you essentially didn’t say anything, but be sure that the word “agree” was clearly imprinted in the subconscious of the interlocutor.
Situations are different, so you need to be able to quickly change the methods of influence. Having developed a certain habit, you will be able to “pick up the key” to your opponent, thereby contributing to the solution of tasks. But remember, it is possible that your interlocutor read this magazine ...