The reptile is a shameful, impenetrable block. I'm talking about a wife who constantly lies. Little things and more. I sometimes get the impression that this is a disease.

Good people, I've already lost my mind.

I tell her in a stone mug: it’s time to get out of the apartment, wipe off the dust and sweep the floor.

The creature answers me: so I put things in order yesterday.

It's moments like these that make me cringe.

A stream of lies flows from painted lips.

I bought a loaf of sausage in the store.

I ask Dunya: did you like the taste?

The wife calmly lies: take this next time.

And stop eating it.

Choking on a kilogram loaf, I try to figure it out again: why don’t you eat sausage?

I made myself 2 sandwiches in the morning.

Lying again, you sick bastard.

I feel it smells of rot from my mouth.

I ask the question: Dun, did you brush your teeth?

The answer is yes.

I'm shaking again.

My wife lies all the time, but I can't figure out for what purpose.

I told my story to a close friend.

Without thinking twice, he told me that this was not a lie, but a disease.

And it is impossible to cure it.

Or maybe she, on someone's orders, wants to exterminate me?

Both of us are registered in the apartment.

We don't have children.

With her constant lies, my wife shortens my life, I plan to drive me to the grave ahead of schedule.

I look forward to reader feedback.

I edited the real story from the life of my husband - Edwin Vostryakovsky.

Author : Site administrator | Published: 12/14/2016 | |

So nature decreed that a woman is more cunning than a man. When a man lies, he often gives himself away: he is nervous, blinks, follows every word. A woman lies always more confidently. Why is the woman lying? Women know how to lie when you need to please and impress. They lie so as not to offend a friend or support a friend. They lie to hide their envy.

Men lie constantly and often - this is undeniable. do women lie? To be honest, women often lie. Even to themselves. A woman deceives more often and more sophisticated, more talented. Even if she is caught in a lie, she often manages to get out of an unpleasant situation. Why do women lie? There are several reasons. Sometimes it is easier to promise a husband, a loved one to fulfill his request, which no one ever thought to fulfill. It is easier to promise than to listen to long moralizing and reproaches. This is only done for your own peace of mind. Unfortunately, this suggests that very often women turn out to be weaker, more vulnerable and do not know how to defend their interests, without a scandal and a showdown. Lying to spare the feelings of loved ones. If a woman knows that her husband is very jealous, then why should he add salt to the wound or add fuel to the fire, saying that a colleague drove home. So that there is no conflict and family quarrel, it is much calmer and easier to say that a friend gave a ride. Of course, it is bad that the husband is not confident in himself or he has reason to doubt his wife. When a family does not trust each other, nothing good can happen. After all, a lie can one day be revealed and then it will be very difficult to prove that nothing really happened. Women lie for their own benefit. Sometimes you really want to hide a small part of your salary and spend it only on yourself. And do not hear the reproaches of her husband about this. Of course, we need to keep the family budget together and discuss spending, but sometimes there are small, feminine desires ... Women lie to seem better, more beautiful, smarter, more successful.

Of course, she understands that they love not for some specific virtues, that they need to raise their self-esteem, treat themselves with respect and love. Then you don’t have to prove to loved ones that she is the best. But, sometimes you want to embellish ... Women lie out of politeness. Everyone knows that sometimes there are such situations in life that it is simply impossible to tell the truth. They lie to hide their deceit. After all, one lie always pulls a new one. All women lie consciously, unconsciously, without a second thought or well planned and deliberate. They reduce their age, weight, come up with a more attractive social status for themselves, ascribe to themselves the number of novels and admirers ... No matter how women justify their tendency to lie, a lie always remains a lie! And all the secret sooner or later becomes clear. A liar must have a very good memory. It is very difficult to keep in mind everything that you lied about yesterday, a month ago... Even because of the most harmless lies, you can get into a delicate, unpleasant situation. And then to prove, to justify ...

Experts say that women who lie often have a creative mindset. Lying is also an element of creativity. And not everyone can lie with talent.

They lie, no matter how sad everyone is - both men and women. Only women lie much more inventively and more talented than men. The themes of men's and women's lies are also very different. Men hide their intrigues, incomes, like to show off and lie. Women hide their real age, expenses, lie in sex, often tell half-truths. A woman is more observant and attentive than a man, and feels when she is being lied to a mile away.

We got married when we were 21, we got married because we wanted to live together in my father's apartment, and her parents were categorically against not having a wedding. Because My salary is very small, but she did not work, then we agreed not to have children yet - we had enough back to back. As soon as they started living together, I began to notice that my wife was lying all the time, then she hides and erases some messages on the phone, then she says that she went to her mother, and she goes with her girlfriend to the store (I put the program on her phone, including always could find out where she was, and almost always she lied to me). But these are trifles. Big lie - she decided to open her own business, sew something at home and sell on the Internet, she spent all the money that she "earned" on herself, because. I thought that I and my father should support her, and what she does is her personal. It turned out that she bought fabrics on a credit card, sold what was sewn below cost and spent it personally on herself, when I found out, there was already ~ 25 thousand dollars of debt on the credit card, and this is my annual salary, clean.
Well, the biggest thing is that she accidentally became pregnant ... Well, it happened, it happens. Of course we decided to keep our daughter. After 2 and a half years, I accidentally became pregnant again, although at that time I no longer trusted her pills, and I used protection myself - only with condom. This also happens ... And bad thoughts began to appear, if the first daughter is my copy, then the second copy of my mother-in-law, i.e. nothing to do with me.
She kept lying and constantly getting involved in dubious adventures, and my father twice saved us from bankruptcy by paying off her debts. We fought a lot, it was very bad at home - dirty, not cleaned, food - only semi-finished products, she played with the girls like with dolls, she could forget to feed or change clothes. I came home from work and it all fell on me. Last fall was unbearable. Moreover, she began to speak that it would not be bad for a third child. In short, I acted not quite adequately - after another quarrel slammed the door and went to a friend, leaving his wife and daughters on his father's neck.
My wife was furious and immediately wrote on the Facebook book that we broke up. Then she began to write all sorts of nasty things about me. And, either after drinking, or something else, she wrote that she conceived both girls by deceit - the first one stopped taking pills, and about the second she wrote that "it's a secret for now." She also wrote that she was not going to move anywhere ... I was ashamed in front of my father that I set him up like that. They agreed that she and the girls would live in her father's apartment for another year, until the eldest would have to go to school (at 6 years old). I didn't know where I would live. alimony for my wife and alimony for my daughters were imposed on my salary, I was left with pennies, there was no longer enough for a room. For a couple of months I stayed with friends. Together with alimony, they filed for divorce, but this is a long matter with us, if the mother is against it, it can take up to 2 years.
And then this happened: a month later she brought herself a man (he was her ex-boyfriend). My father said that he would not have his foot in his house, nevertheless he stayed with her and they slept in our bed for a couple of months. My friend, unemployed, carless, homeless, and even with a history of mental disorders, sat at home and smoked weed. Then, under the pressure of their father, they rented a tiny one-room apartment and moved there four of them. I returned to my father's apartment. There was a rout - she took out everything that was our common and took it from her father. When I began to take my daughters to my place a couple of times a week, I had nothing to change them into, and nothing to do - she took everything away, and there was simply no money for a new one. Dad was so mad at me that he copied our new car to her (the car was bought by him), and I was left with an old wreck.
To be continued....

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Sergey!

Thank you for your trust. I will try to help you understand your situation.

Reading your letter, I see, on the one hand, despair, and on the other, a sincere desire to help close person. I will say right away that I cannot help your wife in this situation. Effective work can only be directly. But I'll try to help you.

I propose to consider 3 questions:
1) possible reasons lies - so you can better understand the reasons for the behavior of the spouse
2) your behavior in the current situation
3) possible ways to solve the problem

Let's start with the reasons. Surely you know that most of our fears, complexes and other joys are born in childhood. In the period when the child develops an understanding of himself, his role in the world (family). And one of the main behaviors of the baby is imitation. He copies the behavior of adults, their words, gestures. Moreover, it copies not only the good. This is where lies can come from. Seeing how mom says one thing about her friend, and then another. Or, for example, when dad asks to say something that is not true.

Another reason for the appearance of lies is the fear of punishment. With the help of lies, the child will try to avoid it.

Another problem that leads to the appearance of lies is the desire to attract attention to oneself. This happens when the parent is out of reach. The child cannot reach him. And lying is an easy way to get attention, even if it's negative.

And I want to dwell on the last two reasons in more detail. The fact is that they very often "grow up" with the child. And if we add low self-esteem to this (for various reasons), we end up with a constantly lying adult.

Who does he look like? Yes, to that kid who was afraid of punishment or who tried in every possible way to draw attention to himself. Therefore, I ask you to think about how you communicate with your wife? What tone? What words? Does your communication look like a conversation between a parent and a child, where you are in the role of a parent?

Punishment, by the way, in these cases leads to increased lies. Because the child will try to get attention again. Or, if the lie is dictated by the fear of avoiding punishment, the child will begin to withdraw into himself and be afraid to make the slightest wrong move.

Try changing your behavior. If you decide to talk to your wife again, don't expect another lie. Try starting a conversation just like that. The wife at this moment will not have the desire to make excuses.

Try to speak from the position of an adult, not a parent. And treat her like an adult, not like a naughty child. Try to speak from the position of I, not YOU.

For example, instead of "I don't want you to lie," say "Your lies hurt me." Talk about her BEHAVIOUR, not about HER. This is different.

Talk about her childhood, tell something about yourself. Lying is a sign of distrust. Therefore, establish a trusting atmosphere. Try to understand why she behaved this way as a child. Surely, there was some case after which the little girl stopped trusting the world around her and began to hide herself from it with a wall of lies.

The more attention you pay to manifestations of lies, the more often they will be repeated. Try to ignore them. Or, for example, if the lie was completely obvious, walk away from the conversation without blaming the wife: "I feel embarrassed that they are trying to deceive me again. Therefore, I would like to stop this conversation."

How often do you tell your spouse about your feelings? How do you express your love? What is "love language" for her? Words, gifts, or maybe time spent together?

Feeling an atmosphere of trust, love and mutual understanding in the family, the need for lies will simply disappear. I wish you strength, patience and understanding. You have taken the first step, decided to help your wife. And I believe that you will succeed.

If you have any questions, please write them back. I will be glad to help you.