Many parents, especially those with boys, face this problem sooner or later. While the child is very small, his mother follows him everywhere and helps to resolve minor conflicts that inevitably arise in the children's environment. But then the moment comes when the baby finds himself in a kindergarten group, one on one with other children, and here, if an unpleasant situation happens, you won’t call your mother for help. He must know how to stand up for himself.

Should you teach your child to hit back?

We often hear: you need to be able to fight back. Of course, you can’t indulge offenders - impunity provokes aggression even more. But does this mean that you need to teach a child to fight? Controversial question. On the one hand, by pushing a child to solve problems by force, we can eventually form a fighter who does not know how to solve conflicts in a different way. And on the other hand, setting up exclusively in a peaceful way, we run the risk of raising a quiet woman who is not able in the future not only to defend her interests, but also to protect her woman and family. As always, it is important to choose a middle ground. Here are some tips.

Physical development

Develop your child physically. Rollers, cycling, ball games, tennis, swimming are suitable here. Psychologists advise team sports - they teach to find a common language, unite, develop self-confidence. Choose the right sports section. A physically strong, dexterous child is confident in his abilities, it is much easier for him to adequately respond to aggression, or even extinguish it, because few people dare to climb on such with their fists.

Defense of the weak

Teach other children to protect - girls or just toddlers who are younger and weaker. Oddly enough, courage appears more likely when you have to defend another, and not yourself.

Girls don't get hit

Even those who fight themselves. If such a bully attacked your son, he should not respond to her in the same way. Let him close himself from blows, dodge, leave, but do not hit back. It is fundamentally. Because a man by his destiny is a protector of a woman.

More freedom

Do not try to solve all conflicts for the child, give him more freedom, do not control everything and everything - he must be able to get out of difficult situations. And it's good if he has wide circle communication: in the yard, in the kindergarten, on the playground in the park. Communication provides invaluable experience, coming into contact with many children, it is easier to understand how to build relationships, outline for yourself certain line behavior.

The word is a powerful weapon

And in order for the child to learn how to get out of difficult situations, play with him various options"collisions". Many boys, in principle, are peaceful, not prone to aggression, a kind of pacifists. It is sometimes impossible to push such people to active resistance. They are simply psychologically incapable of raising a hand to the offender, as they say, to punch him in the nose. And it is not necessary. Teach such a child to answer not with a fist, but with a word, because this is also strong weapon. Mockery, irony, sarcasm... Come up with and rehearse verbal responses to the attack.

Good boys fight too

Don't say that you can't fight, that it's bad, that good boys don't open your fists. The child will subconsciously learn the prohibition and in which case he will not be able to stand up for himself. Explain that sometimes a fight can be negated. To do this, you do not need to immediately respond with a blow for a blow. It is necessary to warn the aggressor: if you touch me again, I will respond in kind. And only if the enemy “didn’t understand”, strike.

Praise is a big deal

Praise your child constantly. Admire his strength and courage. Emphasize that he is a future man, strong and courageous, who will be responsible for people close to him, to protect his family.

Sometimes it's better to change garden

If a child complains that a specific boy in the group offends him, talk with the teacher, with the parents of the offender. This conflict should not become chronic. If the situation does not change in the near future, the only way out is to change the kindergarten. It is possible that more sensitive, professional teachers work in another children's institution who know how to influence their pupils. And there your baby will not have to suffer from someone else's aggression.

What is this "surrender" and where did it come from? You can dig deep and say that it all started a long time ago, with an “eye for an eye”. But in a modern civilized society, this is not accepted? Or not? On the one hand, we have a lot of proverbs saying that a smart person will not get into a fight. On the other hand, we constantly teach children to fight back! Don't believe? How do you respond to your husband if he raised his voice at you? The sales clerk in the store who was rude to you? Or how do you react if your child is bullied? Yes, we do not go into battle with our fists, but in fact we always give change. Let's try to highlight this issue.

For children under 4–5 years old, the concept of “giving change” is very complicated. The child cannot determine where you respond adequately to aggression, and where you become an aggressor yourself. Therefore, kids should not be taught what to hit back.
In any case, try to show that the issue can be resolved with words, and somewhere to stop the one who uses not words, but actions in the conflict.
Consider your child's personality. If you know that he is a gentle and calm child, then the use of physical force can become a great stress for him.
When you tell a child that he may hit someone back, that he may use physical violence, it is not certain that the child will use physical violence in the situation in which you would like. Most often, as a result of such permissions for physical aggression, the child begins to try aggression in principle. He does not know social norms, he checks them in practice, tries to use physical violence in different situations as a way to resolve the conflict. And, of course, from time to time he misses.
If the child cannot fight back with his fists, then you need to suggest another response option, for example, warn with a voice, showing self-confidence.
If a child likes to talk and somewhere even dream about how he will fight back, do not be afraid to play along with him in this. Such peculiar methods of play therapy can be useful in the development of self-confidence.
You can send your child to the sports section. The main thing is that at this age the child has learned to protect himself.
Think of yourself as a child. When you were, say, 4 years old, was it easy for you to stand up for yourself? This is scary. It's scary that it will hurt. But when offended by the weak? Was everything easier? Maybe it will be easier for your child to stand up for someone than for himself, at least at the stage of getting used to what it is to fight back!
Remember that often parents impose on the child what is not! We ourselves exaggerate the situation. But in fact, the issue can be resolved easily and simply by the children themselves when communicating! Do not rush to draw conclusions for the child.
If you tell your child about a cruel world, he will either become angry and be angry at the whole world in advance, since he is small and it is difficult for him to cope with him, or he will close and he will develop a sense of fear.
Do not call your child names and do not call him insulting and humiliating words! This is unlikely to increase his confidence in the world and increase his sense of confidence in his parents.
Be for the child protection and support! This is what is important, and what will teach him to respond correctly to the world as you grow up.

A very controversial issue, since it is likely that an inveterate bully and a fighter will grow out of your angel. And if you teach a kid to be loyal and kind to everyone and everything, then you can grow a tucked-up sissy who will not be able to fend for himself. How to find the golden mean?

How to teach a child to fight back and is it worth it? Believe me, these sensitive questions torment many parents.

If a kid often appears on the playground who likes to offend peers, then better way to calm the offender than to repulse him - does not exist.

1. Do not intervene if the child gives away all the toys at the request of another child or if he does not respond to the abuser. Most likely, you are raising a child in a friendly atmosphere, which is why aggressive peers do not hurt him at all, but most likely just surprise him. However, make sure that children do not overstep the bounds - intervene only when the child is being bullied by someone who is too aggressive or older.
2. Remember that toddlers are not able to figure it out on their own - always watch them play so your child will feel emotionally safe.
3. Try to combine peace-loving children into some Interesting games- soon even bullies and fighters will join the game, so as not to be left alone.
4. If you see that your child is playing with a single toy, and all the rest were taken from him by other children, do not panic and teach him to take away his things - sometimes our children are much smarter - this can be a great strategy.
5. Teach your child to show and say that some actions are unpleasant and ugly. For example, you can teach your child to speak loudly to the aggression of an outside baby so that everyone can hear: “Jostling is very ugly. No one is friends with such children” or “No one plays with those who fight”.
6. If you have very shy child do not force him to play with other children - it is better to let him observe nature in the park.
7. Always speak polite words in the presence of a child, teach him to be careful.
8. Never allow a child to harm peers in any way: neither by word nor by action. Teach him flexibility. When watching children play, do not allow conflicts - on initial stage such a game can be easily taken into a more relaxed relationship and distract the kids.
9. If there is an aggressor on the site, to whom the usual actions are not suitable (to warn, distract, say), then you can offer your child an extreme measure - let him pinch the offender, say, for the ass. This will not bring any harm, however, it can be great to sober up the little fighter, he will understand that your baby can stand up for himself. But, explain to your child that this can only be done as a very last resort, if all else fails.
10. Allow your child to interact with other children - this will develop self-confidence. In addition, even if your child does not like to “wave his fists”, then he will learn to stand up for himself without it - to strictly warn the offender or show with his appearance that he will not allow you to touch him.
11. Sometimes a child may fantasize how he will give change to the offender. It is best to play along with him in such games - this will help him to respond to the aggressor in the future, both with the help of force and with the help of a word. Try to trust the child, do not impose stereotypes on him (this is bad, but this is good), try to discuss problems.
12. To teach your child how to fight back, teach them compassion for others. Pity is the most best weapon in the fight against fear, because you can’t be afraid of those you feel sorry for.

Parents of small children, aged 2-4 years, often have questions: “ Should you teach your child to hit back?», « How to teach a child to hit back?», «», « When should you start teaching your child to fight back?».

To find answers to these questions, you first need to understand what " hit back and when it is generally acceptable.

So, what does "Give it back" mean? Reply if you've been offended. There is even a phrase that characterizes this action: an eye for an eye. It turns out that if a child was verbally insulted, he must stand up for himself with words, if he was pushed, he must push in response, if hit - hit, if they took the toy - also pick it up. So?

But, here it is important to take into account the moment that the preschooler himself must determine the degree of resentment inflicted on him and choose the appropriate option for surrender. If the child was offended, it will be difficult for him to adequately assess the degree of impact of the offender. In practice, everything happens in the following way: if the hurt is not very strong, the child can respond verbally, and if the cup of patience is overflowing, surrender is given physically, and the insult can be both verbal and physical.

Should a child be allowed to fight back?

To find the answer to this question, you need to take into account that a toddler under 4 years old does not know how to analyze his actions, the reasons for his actions, to control himself and his behavior. And only from the age of 4, the baby slowly begins to talk about what his actions can lead to. What does this mean? That preschoolers cannot control their behavior and desire to fight back, as well as assess the consequences of their actions. So should they be allowed to fight back?

Temperament and Surrender

It's no secret that there are children who can't stand up for themselves at all. These are the so-called "quiet" (melancholic and phlegmatic). But choleric people are more quick-tempered, emotional, they do not always restrain their emotions and actions.

If you allow a child to fight back, keep in mind that he will not always use violence only in the situation in which you would like. He will understand that this is a way to resolve conflicts and always use it, there will be fights, conflicts between children, and someone needs to be responsible for this. It may be that someone looks at the child the wrong way, says something wrong, and he hits back. You need it?

How to teach a child to stand up for himself? After all, there are situations when a toy was taken away from the crumbs, and he stands and cries. I recommend teaching your baby to defend his interests verbally. In a situation with a toy, the baby must say that this is his toy, and he has not yet finished playing with it. Request her back.

If you teach your child to fight back, you put him at risk, because one of the parents may also want to teach his child to fight back, and he will be stronger and larger ...

What do parents want to achieve when they teach a child to "strike back"?

1. They want the kid to learn to defend their interests.
2. They want him to be able to stand up for himself.
3. They want to not let themselves be offended.
4. They want to be able to properly punish the offender.

But, all these tasks can be solved in a different way, without using physical violence.

First, you can resort to the help of an adult: a parent, educator, teacher. Of course, this option may be perceived by someone as snitching, but this is one of the ways to resolve the conflict peacefully.

Secondly, in the civilized world it is customary to resort to negotiations before using any force, so the following steps are recommended:

1. If the child was hit, he should ask the offender why he did it, because it hurt.

2. Threaten: “If you hit me again, I will hit back”, “I will tell the teacher”, “I will not be friends with you”.

3. If the threat does not work, only then implement the punishment: tell the teacher, or at worst, really respond physically.

If you teach a baby in this way, he will adult life it will be easier to resist force in negotiations.

What do you think about this? Should you teach your child to hit back? How to teach a child to fight back, stand up for himself? Write in the comments, and if you liked the article, share the link with your friends on social networks.