Hello! It so happened that at the moment I am already 27 years old (I should be 28 in July), from the age of 16, 17 I began to go out with friends in order to meet a girl, I approached girls more than once or twice a day alone and with a friend. on the street (at fountains, in parks, in other cities, towns, villages, we went to different areas specifically to meet a girl, but the girls simply left us with no results or simply answered no, or even sent three letters From the age of 17, a problem began on my face - acne, no matter how much I fought with this problem, it has not gone away until now, and no matter how I get to know it, they still reject me, and with each failure I get more and more driven and begin to hate all the girls due to the fact that they either refused or ignored me to meet me, on social networks the same thing is even much more useless, to the usual pretext “hello, would you like to meet me?)” - the answer is: “No”, “I’m married”, “I I have m. Ch." , “Sorry, you’re not my type,” or it’s just generally ignored or silent, and if you don’t write everything the same way as the last non-human, she will remain silent. It turns out that no one likes me, it turns out that I will be alone all my life (All girls are 90% corrupt and this has been confirmed over the years and not only by me, Now I’m thinking about what to do with myself, I want to hang myself, there is nothing accessible in this world and there is nothing good in people of our century, I’m even annoyed by the picture when a guy is a stranger to me and a stranger girl with him walks together holding hands and at the same time I noticed many times that they look at me as if I’m the last one..., I myself don’t drink at all, I don’t smoke, I don’t I have a criminal record, I work, but I’m not from a rich family and not from a full-fledged family, but I myself work as a bus driver and am trying to earn money, I strive for something in life, but this money is not enough for today’s girls and I have dreams, but everything about it throws me off in fact - “I’m being ignored, no one needs me!” I think about this every day and I’m starting to hate the female gender because of refusals in dating, please help me, what should I do??? I know that the world cannot be changed, but maybe there are some exits! The fact that I wrote all this to you is really so and this is the real truth in every word! Thanks in advance!

Dmitry.V.

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

Dmitry.V., hello!
Well done for not giving up and looking for a way out of this situation!
Please tell us a little about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
Do you live with your parents?
Psychologist Ekaterina Krupetskaya will answer the topic after a while and try to help, but for now I recommend this article to you
I hope the information will be interesting and useful to you.

In my free time I relax after working for 16 hours, on weekends I usually sleep until noon on the first day, then I try to meet some girls on the Internet, I play the guitar, I walk alone in the evenings, I don’t go to clubs now and won’t.

Dmitry.V.

Dmitry.V., hello! Dmitry, please tell us who you live with: alone or with your parents, do you have brothers and sisters, what is your relationship with your father and mother? You work as a driver, as I understand it. Please explain why you have a 16-hour working day, is this due to some kind of production need? Perhaps you have a flexible schedule? How acceptable is it for a driver to spend so much time behind the wheel?

Regarding your attempts to get acquainted. I understand that you are not satisfied with the dating situation, but I would still like to clarify: in all the time you tried to make acquaintances, at least once did it continue further than your first question?

Hello, at the moment I live with my mother, my father and mother separated when I was 8 months old, as my mother told me, she says that my father began to drink and disappear at night (probably said he was hanging out with other women), my mother naturally did not approve of this and she stopped living with her father. My mother never met anyone after my father, I was with my father from his second marriage, I have a sister from my father’s first marriage (she probably belongs to me as a step-brother); I have never seen her (since my mother said she grew up in a family where her mother drank and partyed, and even this step-sister she served time for murdering a man, I don’t care about her at all, I don’t want to know anything about her, there is also her brother, that is, also from my father, he is also my stepfather, I don’t communicate with my brother either, we somehow wrote to him on social networks and he was not very positive towards me, he said that it was my mother’s fault, and I just needed my father then understand that he is disabled and drinks because of it.

I hardly saw my father, he didn’t visit me, and one day I asked him in private, “Why don’t you visit me? I wanted to have a father all my life, I wanted fatherly care, education (but this did not happen). In the end, my father’s answer was me I didn’t visit you because your mother forbade me to see you!
This year I decided to find my father on social networks and communicate with him and I mentioned this to my mother, she told you I can’t forbid it, it’s your decision!
Well, in the end, we met and talked about personal things, my father was only happy to meet, but since he did not stop drinking, after three weeks he began to ask me for a loan of 2000 rubles. I refused and did not communicate with him.

I don’t have any siblings, my relationship with my mother is normal, but I often quarrel over nonsense, especially after the death of my mother’s grandmother (mother), when she died, my mother said everything, my dear, give me five thousand rubles every month for the first time. I gave it for years. Afterwards, my mother began to say, “lend me a loan,” and I lent her and didn’t pay back five thousand rubles each and began to live as before (sometimes I buy something for tea), that I wouldn’t ask her to borrow every penny, and that’s how we live.

Yes, I work as a city shuttle bus driver in a small provincial town right next to the city and I live, I work 16 hours a day, naturally this is a violation of the labor law, according to the law if I work 40 hours a week (and according to the employment contract it is written so that 40 hours but no more). It’s just that the employer reinsured himself in case of an inspection by the labor inspectorate, and so I have to work a 40-hour week, 8 hours a working day, the employer did this for 16 hours so that he would not have to pay more taxes, that is, the number of drivers he has is less than half It works as it’s supposed to, but here, as they say, it’s all right and you have to recycle it, and you also have to wash it with a hose after a shift (with a brush that we buy at our own expense). According to the savings fund for the pension fund, he notes our pension at the minimum wage so as not to pay more taxes to the state, they also force us to come half an hour before departure (although this is not stated anywhere) - if you don’t come, there’s a 500 ruble fine, in general, complete hell!

Regarding dating, I dated a girl for five months in 2014, broke up because she unexpectedly had an epileptic attack at the table during dinner at her house and I called an ambulance, at home she herself told me after the incident, “Is it scary?” I replied ( yes!), she “If you want, we can break up! A week later I told her everything and we broke up! For about three weeks after that incident, I didn’t sleep well, decided to go to church, and everything went away.

Dmitry.V.

Dmitry.V., I understand correctly that you have no education other than secondary school? Have you considered getting some kind of profession or undergoing additional training? Did you study until the 9th grade or until the 11th?

Since you still have an example of how your acquaintance was successful and even developed into a long-term relationship, let's build on it. Can you remember how you met this girl?

Well, I have a 9-grade education at a secondary general education school with two 4 grades in labor and physical education, the rest are grades, then I entered a vocational lyceum of primary vocational education to become an auto mechanic, graduated from full-time study, the diploma says about primary vocational education and complete secondary education with the qualification of a car repair mechanic for the 3rd time, yes, and it is also written falsely (driver of category B C) - at that time I didn’t even have practice driving a car, but they had already written out a ready-made diploma that supposedly is , but initially they promised to train you for these categories, and as a result, the traffic police arrived at the race track when they said that there would be no training from your institution since you are not subject to a license in this condition. But my friend and I went and studied for these categories in another place and we all successfully received category B and C licenses, then I learned A, then D (bus) and immediately got a job as a bus driver. In general, I still argue with my mother that she ruined the fate of my dreams in life, I wanted to serve since childhood, I dreamed about this, after barely getting the right to get permission from this psychiatrist, Now to the state. You can’t get a job, they won’t take you under a contract either, at the railway school I wanted to try to study to become an assistant train driver, because there, like the authorities, they asked for military service, the Ministry of Emergency Situations school also refused, the psychiatrist also refused a license for a security guard with a traumatic gun , it turns out that I have a wonderful destiny in the future!!! Everything I wanted didn’t come true! Only for private owners you will have to work on one salary for three and there will be no privileges and no pension, nothing will happen, my mother was afraid of what would happen, what happened to my father.
Not long ago I learned to be an excavator, but without experience no one needs it because everyone is a private owner and everyone needs the highest specialist to immediately cut down all the tasks assigned by IP Vaskin.
Regarding the girl’s disease, I knew she told me this a week after we met, I didn’t know what kind of attack it was, I heard that there was such a disease but I didn’t see it, after I saw this attack in her, I’ll be honest, for the first time it became like this I've seen the scariest thing in my entire life. I broke up with her because of this illness, because if everything with her was serious, then I found out that epileptics cannot bear a child during seizures, Secondly, I was afraid of responsibility for her suddenly if this happened not at home with her parents with her mother her on the street and that I would have been confused right away and would not have been able to physically help her since it also had to be endured morally, and even after that, even being alone with her, I began to fear this every second - and then she started asking “Why are you all looking at me like they’re going to steal me?” I was silent and didn’t say anything, after that I told her, “You’re a very good person, forgive me, but I decided that we don’t need to meet again,” naturally she roared, she was very offended, maybe she should have said something else, but since I’m with girls in general I had no experience in communication in any way, so I expressed as peacefully as possible what this separation would be, after half a year I saw her somewhere in a store, she was working and I bought her a chocolate bar and with a wink said forgive me, be happy!
And he left, I saw her recently, she talked to me, she didn’t mind talking, she willingly listened and smiled and talked
Actually, I met her through social media. The network is “mamba”, on the first day I met her, on the second day we already met (but she didn’t mind meeting on the first day, it’s just that for some reason she couldn’t and so we met on the second day. Initially I I wrote as usual: Hello, would you like to meet me?
She - Come on
Me - What do you do in your life?
She is studying
Well, in general, etc., and without thinking twice, I wrote to her
Do you mind seeing each other?
She agreed and we started dating her, I didn’t have an intimate life before her and she asked me about it and I said that I didn’t have it
A week later, she was the first to start leading me towards this, and so with her I entered into intimate life.
Next After her, I couldn’t find a girl for a long time and still can’t find much!
Who should you not write to on social media? The networks are mostly silent or ignored. If I ask silently, why are you silent?, then I look again at the message, read but does not answer, I write like this and will you ignore me? Can you answer in a human way? She - No! I can not! I am the last creature!!! And so I am with everyone who ignores me like that!
If communication goes well, then the girls are interested - what do you do? Where?, with whom do you live?
You start asking her in the same way, why do you need this?
I - well, how did you find out, and I want to know about you, then either ignoring or some kind of quarrel begins to happen over nothing, or in Socrates, as if he is being told off, he begins to respond reluctantly. Sometimes they start throwing my photo into messages and say look at yourself - giving your rotten pimples to girls, no one will like you! I’m not pimply, I like you, so why should I date such a pimply freak like you? Or I’m not happy that I live with my mother and not separately (or there is no separate housing) in short, everything is done with money.
In real life everything is much worse, everything is useless there and you have to blush that you remain in such a situation like a fool or they send three letters or basically pretend as if I am not next to them.
Where will I get incentive in life? Where will I get the mood to live?
Why then do I live and generally regret that I was born since I am such a shitty and ugly person!
A person is on planet Earth not to eat, drink and sleep, but probably to continue the family line, probably to create a family, to meet your person with whom you can live for the rest of your life, in my situation I don’t see this!

Dmitry.V.

Actually, I had a situation where I liked a girl, but she had a boyfriend, but she still has him, she’s probably been dating him for five years, he’s 23, she’s 19, she doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t go to bars, restaurants, parties, modestly she’s getting dressed, she’s beautiful, I talked to her and wanted to meet her, she agreed, then her boyfriend blocked me from her page and we didn’t talk to her after about five months, she wrote Hello to me and so we went to the movies and then she ignored me again, after a week I wrote to her and asked what are you doing?
She's making soup
I'm fine! I wish someone taught me how to cook soup
She - Do you want me to teach you this business?
I - why not, it’s not difficult for me to come to you?
She - come on over
Me - what about your boyfriend?
She - We don’t communicate with him!
Me - Why if it’s not a secret?
She - he always has no time for something
I'll be ok right now
I arrived, as soon as I entered, I asked, give me some soap to wash my hands, what can I do to help you?
She - here are three potatoes, cut them finely,
I'm ok, everything will be fine now
Well, we all sit, while the soup is cooking, she offers me tea, coffee, chicory? I am tea!
With lemon? I say yes, let's have lemon
How many spoons of sand do you need?
I come on, the more the kinder you are
She, smiling, slapped me five spoons and I drank tea and her mother called her and she and her mother were talking just in front of me about the fact that I don’t communicate, like I’m with him and we quarreled! After this conversation, I offered her a ride around the city in a car, she agreed and herself suggested that maybe we could come to my place again for coffee? I - well, let's go!
We arrived, drank coffee and agreed to go to a movie the next day, and the next day comes and she answers on the last ring - I’m doing pediatrics, I don’t have time for a movie today.

I looked at it strangely and decided to drive past her house, maybe she got back together with her boyfriend? And I’m driving and I see her boyfriend’s car parked not far from her house, then I write to her - I drove past your house recently and noticed your boyfriend’s car near your house, have you gotten back together? She and we made up! Will you meet him again? Yes, I think I will! Afterwards she writes to me, we don’t need to communicate anymore, I won’t ignore you, just let’s remain good friends! I Well ok be happy!
How else can you understand the girls, it turns out that for them I’m like a spare tire on a car, If we replace something temporarily, so here we go!

Is there a chance that she will write to me and that she wants something personal with me in the future? Is she interested in me based on the above from my story?

Dmitry.V.

I still quarrel with my mother because she ruined the fate of my dreams in life

Click to expand...

Can you explain what she did? As I understand it, you have repeatedly communicated with a psychiatrist, what is this story? They do not deregister you, is that why they refuse all of the above, or is there another reason?
I feel from your story that you are a living person and are interested in many things and strive to expand your professional knowledge. This is very good, from my point of view, a person striving for development ensures his future and relevance. As for the profession of an excavator, it is difficult for me to comment, but perhaps it makes sense to show some persistence and continue to offer yourself to employers if you have already invested the time and have the desire to work in this profession. And as for your basic education and specialty as a car mechanic - does it not appeal to you? Bus driver is a good profession, but at your current job you are clearly overworked. Perhaps it’s worth looking for other job options, in your own city or in neighboring cities?

Regarding your appearance. What did you do to improve the quality of your skin? Have you talked about this topic with an endocrinologist, dermatologist, or other specialists? Problem skin, indeed, can repel girls when meeting them - after all, it would repel you in a girl, wouldn’t you agree? You are a young guy and these types of problems are best simply treated. It may not be easy, but it's worth it. What about your other appearance characteristics? Can you say about yourself that you are in good physical shape? Do you play sports, do you have enough physical activity? Depending on the nature of your work, you may need this. In addition, girls love physical strength in a man, and a man in good physical shape will definitely attract the attention of girls. What do you think about this?

Regarding dating on sites: I would recommend that you come up with some other phrase to start dating, more non-standard and capable of arousing interest in you as a person. Girls initially do not know you, and it is your task to arouse their interest in yourself with the help of the first phrases. You should be more interested in them, ask questions, joke, and show a sense of humor from the very first phrases. If it’s difficult for you to do this yourself, then I recommend that you go to a training session where they teach communication and dating skills. If for some reason this is impossible, I recommend that you find a pick-up artist forum where they teach specifically the science of seducing girls. I think you have something to learn there. At a minimum, I suggest you stop asking girls who stop communicating with you questions about why they don’t answer - don’t waste your time, during this time you could already try to make several new acquaintances. In general, from your story, I understood that you are very upset by every refusal - but young men during their lives endure a huge number of unsuccessful attempts to start relationships with girls, this is quite natural, and this is usually treated not as a tragedy, but as a new experiences that can help you become more successful on your next attempt.

To get to specific recommendations, I would suggest you an exercise. Come up with at least five phrases to start dating that you think can attract the girl’s interest. This should be a witty phrase or question, easy, encouraging the girl to find out more about you. After this, I suggest you write to at least 50 girls on the site where you meet, 10 times each phrase and see what leads to greater success.

Regarding your friend, I assume that you should not waste time on a girl who currently maintains a relationship with another guy and immediately decided to restore it as soon as he came to her. I think that this is not yet your level - to win a girl away from your regular partner, you should learn to solve easier problems.

Hello, I’m quarreling with my mother because she turned to a psychiatrist at her own request and that’s where the problems began, despite the fact that I wasn’t accepted into the army, I can’t get a job where all the social packages and more or less without deception are not like private sector wages, in Mon. At my place of residence, she contacted me on the basis that I had childhood fears and nightmares (perhaps after I loved watching horror and action films a lot), I had headaches from time to time, but it wasn’t all that terrible.

It was in 1998 (I was 8 years old at the time), well, my mother took me and brought me to a psychiatrist. Well, she started telling everything about me and also tidied up a lot of things that they say I’m hot-tempered (in fact, this was not the case, on the contrary, I’m very a quiet and calm person, I would say even taciturn and she also mentioned this), well, the doctor wrote all this down in the outpatient card and I vaguely remember seeing a psychologist, I was referred by a psychiatrist, he gave me some tests and I didn’t think about answering them and I couldn’t make out a lot of the words written in the questions there either (I couldn’t understand the meaning of words like “character, wit, conflict”), after all this I was diagnosed with Emotionally Labile Personality Disorder, years ago and I need this diagnosis at the military registration and enlistment office they put it in 1998 for me to clarify it, so I came to the hospital and they told me to take my mother with me since she originally came with you and we need to ask her about her life history, well, my mother, on the way to the hospital, said what if the psychiatrist will ask you something, say everything is bad, your head hurts, etc., but I didn’t have time to say all this, my mother told me everything herself and the psychologist asked me the question why are you in a black suit, I answered that there is no one else, so what does she say? then I wrote it down and they gave me an even worse diagnosis - Organic brain damage, with this diagnosis I was under Article 14-b (with moderate mental disorders) and was not drafted into the army.

This year, I specifically applied to the hospital so that they would give me a referral to a hospital for examination in order to remove the diagnosis, the diagnosis was removed - after going through the entire hospital, they gave me a diagnosis - mentally healthy.

Regarding my job search, I posted my detailed resume on several job search sites. Everyone needs a specialist, no one needs one without experience, but where can I get one?
Regarding the bus driver, this is not a very good job, having worked in this field for 5.5 years, I have encountered many disadvantages of this field. Firstly, there is a risk on the road and at the same time a risk with people, and because of nonsense, people can write a complaint against me, (especially older people), No break, No free time to rest even a little, No normal lunch in 10 minutes during the break at the terminal, constant stress and nerves on the road and after the shift swearing over nonsense with the mechanic (I hate him).

Regarding the skin, I turned to skin specialists and a dermatologist-venereologist and nutritionists, and did everything I could, Nothing helped and unfortunately nothing helped, I also turned to a cosmetologist for a fee, he didn’t help me, Everything became clear to me that everyone only wants money and nothing else, and I didn’t go anywhere else about this because it became clear that it was incurable, it became clear that no one needed me with my problem on my face, in this world everything plays into appearance and money and more Nothing! So if, according to your words, that this is really true about the face, then this also convinces me for this feat to understand that this is all a skin problem, and since it is not curable and there are no means to contact a good specialist doctor, then it will remain and nothing will improve in the future with this problem, which means there is no point in living

No, I’m not a jock and I don’t do anything sports or physical. Loads, since after my 16-hour work I can no longer physically do this even on weekends, I can barely get home after the second shift, what kind of physical work is there? Loads, well, of course, in general, I’m not a jock, I’m pimply, I’m not rich - who really needs me!? No one, well, that means really this life...