Mankind has recently stepped into the third millennium. But in all its history and stages of development, no topic has been discussed as often as the relationship between a man and a woman. Love was praised in poems and songs, it inspired people to create masterpieces and bold deeds. But it has always been the cause of suffering and sadness. Relations between spouses is a topic that will never lose its relevance and will be discussed forever. We will also touch this eternity, and at the same time we will try to figure out how to make the union of two people harmonious and correct.

Psychology of relations between husband and wife

As the practice of most psychologists shows, despite the individuality of each couple, problems relating to the relationship of spouses to each other are repeated from generation to generation. It all starts with the fact that each spouse is an independent and mature person with their own views on life, traditions of their families and habits. A smooth and ideal union of two different people cannot be a priori. However, the psychology of relations between spouses also implies working on mistakes, finding compromises, respect and trust in each other, which is often forgotten by most couples due to selfishness and inexperience. As a result, problems arise that psychologists call typical for most young families:

• lack of understanding;
• incompatibility of characters, habits and actions;
• Differences on those issues that require a common opinion.

The personal relationships of spouses often cross the border of confidentiality, and there is little good in this fact either. The main mistake most couples make is allowing their parents, other relatives and acquaintances to interfere in their lives. No one is able to solve the problems of spouses except themselves. Except, perhaps, the family psychologist. However, experts also note that those couples who come to consultations with certain problems usually either do not realize the essence of these problems, or underestimate their significance and do not believe that they can be solved. However, if you look at it, then even in such an individual and unique unit of society as a single family, you can develop harmony and avoid disintegration.

What should be the personal relationship between spouses?

In any relationship there must be an ideal. A kind of norm or set of rules by which most disagreements can be avoided. However, this ideal has nothing to do with the expectations that spouses draw in their heads. Another major mistake of any couple is a misunderstanding that the partner is not at all what it seems in the mind. So, here are some valuable tips that may help you avoid conflict or even divorce:

The relationship between husband and wife can be different. But each of the spouses must remember the truths that will always remain unchanged and help save the marriage. They are support, respect, ability to listen and willingness to help in difficult times. If at least half of modern couples forget about their own benefit and selfishness, then the number of divorces will noticeably decrease.

Many girls When they get married, they draw pictures of a beautiful life in their imagination like this: after a few years of marriage, the husband will make a career or create a business, they will have children, the husband will carry her in his arms and be grateful to her all his life. But in reality it turns out differently. After a few months of living together, the wife begins to complain that the husband turned out to be greedy, is not at all interested in her life and she does not even have the desire to talk to him. The "weather" in the house deteriorates many times over if a child is born in the family. After all, the birth of a child strengthens the family only when love and mutual understanding reign between the spouses. Where there are no deep feelings, the child will not be able to save from divorce. With the birth of a child in such families, relations are aggravated even more.

Before consider the problem of strengthening the family, I want to tell you a Polish parable: "In a small town there lived a teacher - an old sage. Once he saw his student catch a lot of fish, cook it and now eat it with appetite. The sage asked his student:" Why did you impose so many fish in the plate?" He replied, "I love fish!" The teacher shook his head and said, "If you loved fish, you would leave it in the water. And then I see you love yourself and your belly. There is no need to talk about love for fish when you are pleased to eat it. "This is the problem of relationships in many families. The love that many spouses are talking about is not love at all. More precisely, love, but not for a spouse, but for oneself True, faithful and eternal love for yourself.Often this love knows no boundaries and becomes the cause of the collapse of the family.

From the birth the girl dreams of marrying a "prince" who will provide her with a happy and rich life. And she represents all of this. In fact, marriage with such an attitude towards family life is doomed in advance, because it is like a trade agreement: I to you - you to me. The one who truly loves every minute thinks only about how to make his spouse happy. It doesn't matter to him whether he is a "prince" or an ordinary person. The main thing is that he began to live better next to her.

We are not re going accuse all girls of selfishness and inability to love. No one has taught them to think differently since childhood. Everyone around them talked about love, but no one explained how it should manifest itself. So the girls take "love for fish" for real feelings, and after marriage, the romantic veil quickly falls from their eyes and bitter disappointment comes. The retribution for this mistake is a long family life, when two people who are strangers to each other are forced to live under the same roof. The only way out of this impasse is by filing for divorce, which many spouses do not dare to do so as not to cause severe injury to the child or because of the fear of losing what they have gained over the years of marriage.

A family- it's a lot of work. Therefore, you need to marry the person whom you are ready to accept as he is and during your life together try to make him better. Only the one in whom we invest strength and effort becomes dearer and more beloved to us every day. There is no need to prove this truth. After all, every mother loves her children no matter what, even if they give her a lot of trouble and trouble. Therefore, in order to truly love your husband, you need to start taking care of him. Certainly not in the sense of wiping his nose and changing his pants like a child. Just understand him, imagine him as your "child", start investing your strength, knowledge and means so that he achieves success. Each person loves, first of all, himself, and only those who are the creation of our hands or the result of our labor become dear and beloved to us, because they merge with us and become part of us.

Only sacrificing herself for the sake of a beloved man, a woman experiences feelings of affection, devotion and respect for him. Only these feelings can give a sense of joy in family life. This is how wives treat their husbands in real families, where spouses live happily ever after. They enjoy the fact that her husband enjoys her attention and care for him. Happy in marriage are those women who know how to give more than they take.

Of course here each a woman has the right to be indignant and say: “Let’s say, from tomorrow I will take on all household duties - I will cook delicious food every day, keep the house clean and tidy, take care of the child, buy groceries, pay rent, wash, iron and still walk to work. I will give and give, but what in return?". But your goal should now be formulated a little differently. After all, the desire to get something in return is also consumption. Learn to give just to please yourself. Look at your husband from the other side, remember why you liked him before the wedding? Then build communication with him, taking into account those positive traits of his character, for which you chose him as your life partner. Try to develop these positive features and then those shortcomings that annoy you now will become invisible. The husband will definitely feel how you have changed for the better and this will certainly affect not only relations with him, but also in his desire to take better care of the family and make your life happy.

Not worth it forget that every man creates a family, hoping that his wife will surround him with love and attention, and in order to bring their hope to life, not so much is needed.

Overcome laziness and start working on a par with her husband. No need to wait for someone to provide you with a decent life, look for ways out of this situation yourself and offer your husband ideas that will help him achieve good success. If you think that you are only a weak and helpless woman, then you should not demand from your husband that he "conquer the heights" and provide for the family better.

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- these are special ways of interaction designed to preserve the integrity of a small social group. Unfortunately, they do not always add up successfully, which leads not only to conflicts, but also to divorce. Both adults and their children suffer from this. That is why psychology is studying family relationships in order to find ways for spouses to save them or, if necessary, to break up, to do it the least painfully.

Why do marital problems arise?

Each person is a person, with his own personality, habits, outlook on life. However, very often we forget about it, trying to remake a partner, rebuild him for ourselves. Someone resigns, endures, the other begins to resist, defending their boundaries of independence, and has every right to do so, because even a stamp in the passport does not deprive us of individuality.

There are several main reasons why problems appear in the relationship between spouses.

1. Non-recognition of the identity of another person. In couples where the relationship between spouses is of a patriarchal type, it often happens that a man does not recognize the merits of a woman. She must unquestioningly fulfill everything that her husband says, take into account only his interests, completely forgetting about her own. It is difficult for a modern woman to come to terms with this state of affairs, she must be ready for this and have an appropriate upbringing that allows her to be on the sidelines.

2. Lack of respect. Good relationships are always built on respect for each other's partners. Respect means to value the time, actions, habits and views of a loved one. It means recognizing that there is personal space and a certain degree of freedom.

3. Leadership of a woman. By nature, a man should be the leader, but it happens quite often that this function is taken over by a woman who is stronger in character, more active. A man can obey, and there are two scenarios for the development of events: he will become weak, or sooner or later he will rebel and go to the one that recognizes the leader in him. Constant pressure from a woman upsets the balance, humiliates a man, and even without showing it outwardly, he experiences this inner. Conflicts in such a family are inevitable. Moreover, this negatively affects the development of the personality of children, who come to the conclusion that a strong woman who decides everything in the family is normal.

4. Intervention of relatives. How many families broke up just because parents were allowed to get into relationships. For some reason, mothers think that they know how to do it right, they begin to teach their adult daughter or son how to lead a family life and communicate with a spouse. The most interesting thing is that the mothers themselves had a relationship with their husband, as a rule, that did not develop very well. Constant nagging at the daughter-in-law or son-in-law, pointing out shortcomings, attempts to interfere in family affairs upset the balance and often lead to the destruction of the union.

5. Lack of time for a spouse. Everyone needs at least a little attention. It doesn't have to be a lot. If people came together and entered into an official union, it means that now they will not only have to live side by side, but learn to keep the family, develop it, and without attention to their chosen one, this is impossible.

What should be the relationship between spouses

Of course, we all strive for the ideal, but our understanding of it is different. Nevertheless, there are general recommendations that will help maintain full family relationships between spouses and even improve them.

1. Pay attention to your pregnant wife. Yes, it is difficult for a man to imagine what is happening inside a woman. These are both physiological and mental changes. The pregnancy period is difficult, the expectant mother needs care at this time. However, a woman should also take into account that this is also a difficult period for her husband. He worries about the health of his wife and child, the financial burden increases, and responsibility increases. Pregnancy should unite spouses. Remember the importance of intimate relationships. Physiological needs are natural, and if they are ignored, it will lead to certain problems. It's great if spouses have the same sexual needs, but this is not always the case. In addition, the desire is stronger at the first time of communication, then it becomes commonplace and is perceived as a duty. On this basis, misunderstanding often arises. To improve intimate relationships, it is sometimes necessary to diversify them.

2. Legal aspect. If the marriage is officially concluded, it is regulated by law. Now it is possible to conclude a contract, which facilitates the division of property, if suddenly the spouses decide to disperse. Do not ignore the legal relationship between spouses , and there is nothing shameful in concluding a marriage contract, but there must be mutual consent to this. If one of the partners experiences moral discomfort when signing such contracts, then it may be worthwhile to meet him halfway in order to avoid conflicts.

There are no identical families. Over time, each cell of society develops its own rules of life, principles for raising children, and budget planning. If you want to live a long and happy life with your spouse, you need to pay attention to all aspects of family relationships.

How to Refresh a Relationship When All Seems Lost

Marriage goes through certain periods of development. At first, this is admiration for each other, a desire to always be there. Then feelings can weaken, and sometimes there is a sharp rejection of the partner, the desire for him to be around as rarely as possible. These are natural processes, but this does not mean that they should be underestimated. In times of crisis, the risk of divorce is high. There are ways how to improve relationships between spouses and save the marriage.

1. Look at your spouse with different eyes. You will be surprised, but your partner also has positive qualities, you just stopped noticing them.

2. Stop criticizing. It is very difficult not to make comments, but you don’t even think that each of them adds negativity, and the spouse moves away more and more. For starters, try to say only positive things for three days, thank you even for any little things. At first, your partner will be very surprised, but then he will begin to behave differently with you.

3. Find time to socialize. Let it be only half an hour a day, but the partner must understand that they are interested.

4. Go on a little trip together. If you have children, then leave them with their grandmothers - on this trip they will only interfere. Going on a trip, remember about the positive, the absence of criticism and comments. We just enjoy life and communication together.

5. Give gifts. These may be very small surprises, but for a spouse this will already become a pleasant sign of attention.

Even a small compliment in the morning will already add positive. Make a sudden gesture - bring a cup of coffee to your husband or wife, your partner will surely appreciate it. Family life is built even from such trifles.

Is it always necessary to return the relationship

Considering aspects of the relationship between spouses, it is important to know in which cases it is necessary to maintain the union, and in which it is better to disperse. It often happens that living together brings more suffering than joy.

There is no point in maintaining a relationship if:

— The love has passed, and only dislike and irritation remain.

— Spouses have nothing to do with each other, except for children. But for the sake of their peace of mind, it is worth considering whether such an alliance is needed.

— One of the spouses has negative addictions, which he is not going to treat.

— The partner uses physical violence.

— One of the spouses (and sometimes both) started a relationship on the side, does not hide it.

— Partner humiliates morally, offends. The feelings of the spouse, his feelings do not matter to him, the main thing is to assert himself at the expense of another person. Life with such a partner turns into one big negative.

If the above factors are absent, then it is quite possible to return what was before and even strengthen the union.

In many ways, what will be the relationship between the spouses , depends only on themselves, the desire to work, correct mistakes, introduce something new, find compromises. If you think that by putting a stamp you have gained power over a person, you are deeply mistaken. It is these misconceptions that lead to irreparable errors. Relationships are preserved not only on love, because love passes, changes, but on the desire to be near, to appreciate a person and to cost joint happiness.

The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is a fairly popular topic.

Only the requests “how to return a husband”, “cheating husband”, “quarrels in a relationship” total hundreds of thousands.

Most often, women on their own with the help of the Internet are trying to establish family relationships. There are many ways: get help from a psychologist online, participate in a webinar, take the course "Psychology of relations between husband and wife."

But often only one side is active in this matter, hoping that the acquired knowledge and experience will help change the husband, convince him to behave differently. How many years have you been trying to change him or her? It turns out? Find any person in your environment whom you do not try to reshape in your own way, and you have normal human relationships. Why on the same principle - to accept a person as they are - not to build a family?

There are different types of psychology of relations between husband and wife:

• Rivalry. In public, one of the spouses tries to put himself in the best light,
• Revenge or evil. Here, without explanation, everything is clear. Answer the first thing that comes to your mind: “What out of the impulse“ for evil! ” did you do to your husband/wife?” But even this is not the main thing, but for what purpose did you commit an act? What does it give you? A sense of superiority, an assertion of one's own "I"? Do you have to get married to do this?
• Relationships of control and accountability,
• Jealousy,
• Constant humiliation and insults, playing the executioner and the victim,
• A game of silence, if only not to disturb the family idyll with quarrels. To remain silent about what you are dissatisfied with, what you don’t like or touched a nerve - the cup of patience has never been bottomless. And then “out of nowhere” there is dislike for the second half, hatred, unwillingness to be in the same space,
• Search for a protector in a husband,
• For social prestige. After all, if you don’t start a family at the age of 40, people will laugh. Well, if you don’t feel like getting married or getting married, what’s criminal here? And people, by the way, can laugh for any reason, that a free person, that a respectable family man.

As you can see, love and mutual respect are far away. What to do? In the beginning, understand for yourself what family roles are. You will object that, they say, at the peak of passion, when hormones go off scale, what roles are we talking about? Your truth. And it is that the percentage of divorces every year also exceeds all acceptable values. Although there are young couples who have equal love and prudence, and in addition the understanding that there will be more responsibility and concern for another person. And not a la an endless honeymoon, and a little something is wrong - resentment, accusations, insults and divorce. The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is a daily work to create a prosperous family and, as an integral part of this, work on oneself.

There are a few simple rules in the psychology of a good relationship between husband and wife.

I agree that it is not always easy to fulfill them, but if the family is important to you, then what is the conversation about:

• Be sincere with each other. Say immediately what you don’t like, but not in the form of a complaint, but starting with the words “I don’t like”, “I don’t want”, “I don’t agree”. Any dissatisfaction with life begins with oneself - and ends there, by the way. Explain what you do not like about your husband, the situation that happened and why? Often, when the spouses speak out immediately, the conversation takes place calmly, without a raised tone. And what is most interesting: in a conversation, gradually showdowns become boring,
• Allow your partner to keep their personal space. Whether the wife wants to read a book alone or the husband goes fishing on his own, it's everyone's right to free time and space. Don't force yourself.
• Find common interests and hobbies. If in a routine home-work-home schedule each of the spouses will be on their own, and at home they will only spend the night and eat, very soon one of them will think about finding a “soul mate”. And help each other in joint affairs: pour tea, help in cleaning or preparing dinner, vacation fees, caring for children and parents, whatever. It happens that in difficult circumstances family relationships are saved only by mutual help and love,
• Be yourself and don't neglect your personal interests. If you like to spend your free time at home, and he likes to spend time in nature, you don’t have to step on your throat and pretend that you want to get out of the city. The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is based on one golden rule - everything (!) Can be agreed upon. If there is love in the family, then you can find a way out for both one preference and another,
• Husband and wife relationships are not meant to be perfect for each other. People converge to live in comfort, first of all, sincere. And not to put on makeup early in the morning or to be perfectly shaved,
• Say "thank you". More often, for any daily little things. This simple word carries a positive assessment of the partner and confirmation of his / her care and love,
  In a relationship, accept your husband or wife as they are. Do not break a person - he (a) is not iron. Plus, you're not perfect either. And you probably rear up when someone tries to comb your hair with someone else's comb,
• And most importantly, make sure that you love not only your partner, but also yourself. The games of self-sacrifice won't last long. The one who loves himself always looks at his surroundings with love. Otherwise, not far off are the phrases “you broke my whole life!”, “I put so much effort on you!”, “Yes, I’m everything for you, and you!” “You must love yourself without thinking about whether you deserve love or not. You are alive - and this is proof enough that you deserve love, just as you deserve breathing. You don't ask if you deserve the right to breathe or not. Love is almost invisible nourishment for the soul, just as food is nourishment for the body. And if you are filled with self-love, then you will be able to love others.” Osho.

Husband and wife are two poles of one whole: active and passive. They can be compared to a fire that lights up and burns for a long time when there are matches and firewood. Often an active woman desires for herself the same active companion. And what happens? Two matches that will instantly flare up and burn to the ground. And if there are two beginnings - passive - "firewood" - there will never be fire. Think about it…

There are many secrets in the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife. Yes, it is not always and immediately equal to love. But the point is a choice… a choice that you can make right now while reading this article: look at your partner with different eyes, see in him or her something good that you didn’t notice before, invent something new for your relationship to give it flavor and make brighter.

Love is the same choice. Not a game of hormones, sexual desire, a fleeting whim - but a choice. But we must remember that “Love is a flower that needs to be watered every day. Otherwise, he will fade.". (c) Natalia Solntseva.

I sincerely wish you joy and love in family relationships!