Everything is “in chocolate” for you, but you constantly encounter envious people who strive to ruin your life? the site will tell you how to properly respond to envious people and protect yourself from negativity.
Envy is a natural human feeling, because it is human nature to compare oneself with others in various areas. Therefore, as such, envy has no boundaries: people envy professional prospects, rapid career growth, appearance, health, happy personal life, etc.
Few people like it when they envy him, because envious people seem to emanate negative energy - they weave intrigues behind your back, speak arrogantly or aggressively, try to set you up, in general, they want to harm you in any way.
People with a fine mental structure react especially painfully to envy - sensitive, kind, afraid of offending or offending another. Such people, caught in the sticky networks of envious people, are often doomed to loneliness, constantly suffer from psychosomatic diseases and are in chronic stress.
How to protect yourself from the negative energy of envious people?
Don't brag and talk less about yourself
Undoubtedly, it is nice to share your joys and achievements. But if a person shows his superiority too zealously, brags about his successes, constantly talks about his excellent relationships with management and victories on the personal front, this will in any case irritate people prone to envy.
Therefore, to save yourself from envy, give up the habit of putting yourself above others. And it’s better to talk about your personal life – your husband’s creative successes, excellent-study children and an understanding mother-in-law – only with your family, and not at work. Because there will always be people deprived of family warmth - unhappy wives or single women.
Don't flirt openly at work
Especially with several men at the same time. Even if your professional affairs are going well. This way you won’t make enemies among the female half of the team.
Behave correctly at corporate events
No matter how great your mood is at the party, under no circumstances praise yourself, but rather admire other people, the atmosphere, the work of the host, the performances of the artists, and so on.
Don't show your superiority
If in a group or team you constantly feel your intellectual superiority, do not demonstrate it. You especially shouldn’t do this in relationships with your superiors. Try to use your intellectual potential to grow spiritually and professionally.
Be tactful in your communication
If you have problems with self-esteem, you shouldn’t increase it at the expense of others: “I’m so beautiful and fashionable. No match for you." When communicating, do not offend or embarrass your interlocutors.
Cleanse yourself energetically
When taking a shower in the evening, imagine that you are removing all the negative energy that has accumulated during the day. If possible, take a shower after communicating with an unpleasant person. If this is not possible, wash your hands and wash your face. Do not forget to cleanse yourself in the same way after visiting places that are unpleasant to you, as well as places with large crowds of people.
Perform a third eye massage
Use the bone of the index finger of your right hand to massage the “third eye,” imagining how all negative energy leaves and is neutralized in space.
Use the "Brickwork" method
If your envious person is in the same office with you, and it is not possible to change seats from him, do the “Brickwork” exercise. Imagine that a wall is growing between you and the envious person, brick by brick. Lay the bricks carefully and evenly and secure them with an imaginary mortar. Continue “construction” to a height that is comfortable for you.
If you are surrounded by a whole “flock” of envious people, surround yourself with walls on the right sides. Do this exercise calmly and concentratedly; you don’t need to wish the envious people all sorts of nasty things like: “I’ll wall you up, you’ll know.”
Take advantage of the power of nature
Try to take a walk during your lunch break in a park or square. Go to a tree, breathe in its aroma, lean against it. If there are no trees nearby or there is no desire/opportunity to walk, place branches of poplar, aspen or lilac on the table - they help protect against negative energy. You can also place a pot of ivy on the table or sew yourself a sachet filled with dried periwinkle leaves and carry it with you.
People envy me, how can I protect myself from negativity?
All this takes time. But what should those who constantly, for example, due to duty, need to communicate with envious people do? Tolerate envy and humiliation? To remain in splendid isolation? Of course not!
How to deal with envious people?
Don't make excuses
If you hear “fantastic” stories about yourself that clearly differ from reality, do not fly into rage or, conversely, tears, and do not turn away from the conflict. Firmly and briefly tell the envious person that what he/she is now saying is not true.
You should not indulge in arguments about why this is not true, how things really are, and so on. Remember, any justification you make will be regarded by your opponent as his personal victory. And you don't need it at all. Firmly stop the gossiper and return to your business as if nothing had happened.
People envy me, how can I protect myself from negativity?
Try to improve your relationship
In some cases, an envious person may be a good person, but very unhappy and angry with life. And it's not your fault. You can establish good business contacts or even make friends with such a person. How to do it? It is necessary to increase the self-esteem of the interlocutor.
Stages of increasing the self-esteem of the interlocutor:
- In a conversation, find out what values this person has. Talk about these values, you will probably agree on something. Be sure to say that you support such and such.
- When communicating, find out what this person does better than you. For example, he bakes pancakes, glues wallpaper, and does good math in his head.
- As if in passing, mention that pancakes, unfortunately, are not your thing, you’ve never hung wallpaper, and you can’t imagine your life without a calculator. It is important not to invent anything or exaggerate. Your inability must be real, otherwise your interlocutor will sense a catch. If you can’t find several inabilities in yourself, discuss one thing. The main thing is to be sincere. When your opponent believes that you are inferior to him in at least some way, he will calm down.
- Ask your opponent to teach you something. Ask how to properly prepare pancake dough, what type of pan should be used, ask to be taught some mental counting methods. Even if you're not particularly interested in something like this, it's worth doing for two reasons. First - so you will give
Question to a psychologist
*For as long as I can remember, I have always had this feeling.
As a child, I envied my friends if they had better toys. And now I envy married girls. I am 31, I am not married and have no one yet.
My friends are married and have children. I'm alone. Today I burst into tears when I found out that my friend’s husband gave her an expensive gift for her 30th birthday. And I have no one to give it to. And away we go: not married, no one needs her, and so on and so forth. That is, I don’t need the same gift itself, but a gift as an indicator of what is loved, what is needed, that there is someone to give and someone to love.
I seem to myself to be a failure and worthless, since I live alone and have not fit in with anyone until I was 31 years old. To be honest, I don't want to live simply.
Answers from psychologists
Hello Sania.
Envy can be called the engine of progress if it is creative, for example, it has something good and I want it even better and strive for it. It’s bad when a person thinks, he has what he has, so he shouldn’t have to suffer. People call them white and black envy. In general, you are a normal girl and if you look around, you will understand that in your city there are hundreds of men who want to be loved and happy. Many did not have successful first families, some were widowed, some got carried away with their careers and there was no time for dating. You are still free because you are waiting his a man. Only now have you really understood what you want, a loved one.
Now take a piece of paper and write: I tell the Universe (God, Nature, Egregor...) the traits of my ideal man: He is kind, humorous, caring.......Then, when you list the qualities that are important to you, we write below:
I'm pretty, educated, I cook well.... you write, what is good about you, as if it were not you who wrote this, but your sister who loves you. It is very important to write more of your good traits.
When you have a desire, take out this entry and read, thus programming your subconscious to meet your man and then you won’t miss him. And a kind smile works wonders. Good luck to you!
Good answer 1 Bad answer 1What to do with envy?
1. Stop it constantly compare yourself with other people in terms of “better” or “worse.” A healthy comparison: “what I am today” and “what I was a year (two, ten years, etc.) ago.”
2. Remind yourself more often that you are you, this is your destiny and your life. You cannot live it for another person. The experience of other people can and should be used, especially if they have achieved success in an area that is important to you. Try to analyze: what allowed a person to achieve success, what qualities, what actions. But you will still use some of this experience in your own way.
3. Try to look at things objectively. Usually, when we envy, we idealize the other person's achievements. For example, we completely lose sight of the fact that it took him 12 years to achieve success, and we want in a year to have what he has now. Many things have their price, and we do not always know about it, but judge only by what we see.
4. Learn to enjoy what you have and appreciate it.
5. The best cure for envy is increasing your self-esteem
How to increase your self-esteem
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Good evening Sania! Absolutely all people have envy, some do not recognize it and reject it, others recognize it like YOU! And this is very important, you yourself understand that you have this feeling! The second positive signal is that you are not just aware of its presence, but wrote and asked for help. What to do with envy? Here you have already gone through two main stages yourself: awareness and search for a solution! And then start with self-love, look at yourself in the mirror, and begin to confess your love, right down to every mole, wrinkle, smile, compliment every cell of your body, let it feel your love. Make yourself comfortable, lie down so that you feel comfortable and imagine your envy, what it looks like, where inside you it lives, in what place, try to talk to it, ask forgiveness from your body and from yourself that you have to experience this feeling ! At first glance, this seems funny, but it works, and not only in relation to envy, but also in rethinking your life, needs, and when choosing a man. You can read the description of this technique in more detail in the books of Luule Viilma, which describes how to cope with envy, how to let it out, how to learn to forgive, live happily, in these books you will find answers to many of your questions! I think this is exactly what you need! Harmony and spiritual strength to you!
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0 
Envy......Do you love yourself? Do you accept yourself completely and completely with all your strengths and weaknesses? I'm sure no...
Self-love is a way of life, habits, the ability to make yourself happy. This is when a person does what he likes, when he becomes his own best friend.
Self-love implies complete acceptance of yourself and your shortcomings. When a person comes to terms with his individual characteristics, he gains strength, and in the future he can use it to transform his negative qualities into advantages.
Self-love is the absence of critical comments addressed to yourself. Why waste your energy on self-flagellation and condemnation. It is much more useful to use it for your own benefit, replacing criticism with approval. It is important to support yourself in any situation, to praise yourself for any success.
Loving yourself means taking care of the most precious treasure you have - your body. Feed him tasty, healthy food. Wear clothes that you enjoy wearing. Give your body the rest and physical activity it needs. Treat yourself the way you want your loved ones to treat you. Give yourself flowers, please and pamper yourself with various gifts.
Meditate, visualize, use positive thoughts. Rejoice and enjoy every moment of life. Be happy!
Good answer 2 Bad answer 0Ecology of consciousness: Today we will answer the question of how to get rid of envy and stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins, associated with other vices and crimes.
Today I will answer the questionhow to get rid of envy and stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins, associated with other vices and crimes.
Indeed, because of envy, many terrible actions are committed, which people later regret. But even if a person does not express envy outwardly, it eats him up from the inside, causing him to experience senseless pain and frustration due to the fact that other people have things that this person would like to have or have personal qualities that the envious person wants to have.
This pain is meaningless because it does not lead to anything other than suffering. Envy, dissatisfaction, which is learned by comparing ourselves with other people, does not bring us closer to what we envy so much: money, attention, social status, external attractiveness.
Instead of sharing the joy of success with another person or using his example as a life lesson, we envy, subconsciously wish for his failure, cultivate hatred for ourselves and suffer ourselves.
But the insidiousness of envy lies not only in the fact that it causes other vices, such as hatred, intolerance, irritation and despondency. The fact is that envy cannot be satisfied. No matter how rich we are, someone will still be richer than us. If we receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex, then in any case we will someday meet people who are more physically attractive than us. And if we are the undoubted leader in one thing, then there will always be people who will surpass you in something else. The outside world will not allow us to completely satisfy our feelings of envy.
How to stop being jealous of people
All this does not mean that this feeling cannot be gotten rid of. But in order to do this, it is necessary to direct influences on the mental mechanisms of the appearance of this feeling themselves, and not on the objects of the external world that supposedly cause this feeling. After all, the reasons for all your emotions and desires lie within you. I hope this article will help you overcome these reasons. I'll tell you how you need to work on yourself to achieve this.
1. Don't feed your envy
Many people, when they begin to envy, instinctively try to stop envy in the following way. For example, they are offended by the fact that their neighbor has more money than them. To cope with this feeling, they begin to think: “So what if he is richer? But I’m smarter, I received a better education, and my wife, although not as beautiful, is younger than his.”
Such arguments cool down envy a little and allow you to feel like a more worthy and developed person than your neighbor, whose wealth probably came from dishonest means.
This is the natural train of thought of a person experiencing envy. Many psychological articles give advice along the same lines: “Think about your strengths and good qualities. Find what you are better at than other people!”
Also, such sources recommend looking for what is hidden behind the external well-being of the object of envy, suggesting that you pacify your envy by thinking that the people you envy may not be as good as they seem from the outside.
Perhaps your neighbor's wealth is not easy to come by, he has to invest a lot of effort and, most likely, he does not even have time to spend all this money. And his wife, perhaps, has the character of a bitch and takes out all her anger on her neighbor when he returns from tiring work.
In my opinion, such advice does not serve the purpose of eliminating envy, although it would seem to correspond to common sense considerations. Why do I think this?
Because when you try to cope with your envy in a similar way, you continue to indulge it, feed it. After all, you don’t make this “demon” of envy shut up. Instead, you politely reassure him with a feeling of your own superiority over others or with the knowledge that everything is not as good for strangers as it seems. Is this how you can defeat this “demon”? After all, he will gratefully swallow these arguments, but he will become full only for a while!
It’s the same as throwing a hungry and angry dog a bone so that he will occupy his mouth with something and stop barking and gnawing the bars of the cage in which he sits. But he will still gnaw the bone sooner or later. She will not satisfy his appetite, but will only excite him even more! And his fangs will become sharper, sharpened on the bone.
Therefore, I believe that there is no need to feed your envy with such admonitions. This does not mean that you should consider yourself worse than others in everything. This means simply accepting what is, not wishing any people failure and not putting yourself above others.
The “demon” of envy will die only when you stop feeding it with fruits from the tree of your conceit.
I have to apply this principle in my life quite often. For example, I notice that my friend has a great sense of humor, much better than me. I instinctively begin to think: “but I speak and express my thoughts better than him...”. But then I interrupt myself: "Stop! No “buts”. My friend just has a better sense of humor than me. This is a fact. That's all."
This calm acceptance that someone is better than you in something without any “indulgences” from your Ego requires a certain courage. But this is the only way to defeat your vice and starve the “demon” of envy.
Of course, this alone is not enough. It may not be clear to everyone how to achieve this. Next, I will try to give other tips that will help you, without unnecessary emotions, admit that you are not an ideal person and there are people who are better than you in some ways. I don't want to say that you should completely resign yourself to this and not improve your qualities. Not at all. I will also tell you in this article what self-development has to do with envy. But first things first.
2. Get rid of the sense of justice
Envy is often associated with our ideas of fairness. It seems to us that our (long-suffering) neighbor does not deserve the money he earns. You should earn this kind of money, because you are smart, educated, intelligent, not like your neighbor, who is not interested in anything other than beer and football, and you even doubt whether he graduated from school.
Due to the discrepancy between reality and your expectations, dissatisfaction and frustration are born. But it is important to understand that ideas about justice exist only in your head! You think, “actually, I should be earning more than I am.” Who do they owe it to? Or why should they? The world exists according to its own laws, which do not always correspond to your concepts of right and wrong, fair and unfair.
This world doesn't "owe" you anything. Everything in it happens as it happens and in no other way.
When you begin to think about injustice done to you, you look at it from the perspective of those things that you do not have, but are present in someone else and are the objects of your envy. But for some reason you don’t think about the things you already have.
You ask: “Why don’t I have such an expensive car like my neighbor, where is the justice?”
But you don’t ask: “Why do I have a house and someone else doesn’t? Why can I even want this car, and some people are born disabled, with severe physical limitations and cannot even think about women or cars?”
Why don't you ask where justice is in the latter case? Do you really think that injustice is being done only to you?
That's the way the world is. It doesn't always meet our expectations. Get rid of all the “shoulds.” Accept it.
3. Wish people well
Learn to enjoy other people's successes, and don't suffer because of them. If your friend or loved one has achieved some success, then that’s good! This is a person close to you, to whom you probably wish well and prosperity, since you feel sympathy or love for him (otherwise he would not be your friend).
And this is just great if this friend bought himself a new apartment in Moscow or married a smart and beautiful woman. Try to be happy for him! Of course, when you try to do this, you will be met with a feeling of injustice: “Why does he have this and I don’t?”
Instead, think about the fact that at least one of you has something and that is better than if neither of you had it.
"I" and other "I"
Many human vices stem from the fact that we cling very strongly to our “I”, believing that the desires, thoughts, needs of this “I” are much more important than the needs of someone else’s “I”.
And envy also comes from this attachment. We believe that the fact that we have or do not have certain things matters much more than whether other people have those things. Technically, it makes no difference whether you or your neighbor drives an expensive SUV. It’s just that the jeep belongs to someone and someone uses it. But from within your Self, this fact takes on enormous significance. It is important for you that you have this jeep, it is you, your “I”, who gets pleasure from driving it, and not the “I” of someone else! There is nothing surprising here. It was nature that made man such that he puts his own “I” at the center of all existence.
But this does not mean that this order of things is final and unchangeable. People very rarely think about the following thing: “why is suddenly my happiness and satisfaction so much more important than the happiness and satisfaction of another person?” If they thought about this more often, then, in my opinion, they would have a chance to understand that their “I” is not the most important thing in the world, that strangers are various “I”s, each of which has something wants just like you, strives for something just like you, suffers and rejoices just like you.
And this understanding should open a person’s way to compassion and empathy, which will allow him to share someone else’s joy and better understand someone else’s suffering. This is not just some kind of moral ideal, it is a way to stop clinging to our own desires as the most important thing in the world and to gain independence from these desires and from the fact that we cannot satisfy all desires.
The more a person considers his “I” to be the most important thing in the world, the more he suffers.
Exercise:
Therefore, the next time you are seized by a fit of envy in relation to a person close to you, try to mentally put yourself in the place of this person, realize his joy and satisfaction about some great acquisition, think about what feelings he is experiencing now. Imagine how he moves into a new apartment with his family or how he travels in a spacious car that he recently purchased. Then focus on your feelings for this person, think how much you love and respect him and how glad you are for him now Fine.
In general, try to imagine the object of your envy not from the side of your dissatisfaction, but from the side of satisfaction of your friend or close relative. Go beyond your own “I” and stay at least a little in the place of the “I” of another! This is a very rewarding experience.
It is enough to do this exercise for five minutes and the fact that it is not you who is experiencing this joy will no longer matter so much to you. You can at least share it a little with another person and be happy for him.
I realize that this advice is difficult to apply to people you don't like or who are simply not close to you. But you should try to be as friendly as possible towards all people, regardless of your likes and dislikes. Life will become much easier if you can do this.
4. Give compliments
A great way to quickly get rid of a feeling of envy is to compliment the person on what you admire. This may seem terribly counter-intuitive, but it works and has an amazing immediate effect.
One day my friend told me about some events related to sports. He told a very fascinating story, but what struck me most was that he remembered to the smallest detail some features of the lives and careers of athletes; many dates and events fit into his head! I immediately thought: “Wow! I wouldn’t be able to remember that many details!” And I began to feel a familiar lump of envy inside. I have always been most envious of the fact that people are smarter than me in some way.
But instead of thinking about how bad it is, I overcame myself and smiled and said: “Listen, you have a great memory! How can you remember so much!?”
And at that very moment I felt better, the envy went away. And I realized that in this situation everyone wins: my friend received a pleasant compliment, and I stopped worrying about the fact that he is superior to me in some things! Everyone is happy!
And since then I have constantly used this method and it has helped me out more than once, saving me from attacks of envy. Let's return again to our metaphor with the “demon” of envy, which we are trying to starve to death. Our compliment will let this demon know that we are not just depriving him of food. We simply take a piece of food that was intended for him and take it to someone else (maybe this someone is your sincere empathy, support and love) so that someone else eats it in front of the “demon”. We show him our firm intention not to submit to his whims, but to act in the opposite way.
Even if your compliment is not sincere, even if it is said forcefully, it will still lead you to a good result. Just try it! Action can give rise to emotions, and not just the other way around!
It happens that envy appears for the reason that other people's successes and merits remind us of our own imperfections and shortcomings. Compared to other people, we begin to seem like losers, weak people, and this causes an acute feeling of dissatisfaction with ourselves and envy.
But even if we are indeed worse than others in some ways, this does not mean that this will always be the case! It is from the belief that our personality cannot change and go beyond our innate abilities that it forms many vices: painful conceit, intolerance for failure, rejection of criticism and envy.
A person with such an attitude, instead of developing, directs all his efforts to prove that he is better, smarter than others from birth. Prove, first of all, to yourself. But reality will not always echo his expectations, causing acute disappointment and rejection.
We can develop the qualities in ourselves that we envy when we see other people.
After all, if we think about our qualities in this way, then there will be fewer reasons for envy, because the unfavorable verdicts that we make to ourselves, comparing ourselves with other people, will not be final! We will stop focusing on our supposedly unchangeable imperfection, which is most clearly manifested against the backdrop of the merits of others, and we will strive to change. We can become better and get closer to what we envy so much.
Of course, the idea that we can become as smart (or rich) as our friend if we put in the effort and develop our brain (or learn to make money) can inspire a person and help him cope with feelings of envy of a friend.
But, nevertheless, you should not completely convert envy into motivation for development. After all, if we develop only in order to become better than some people, then we will suffer the notorious disappointment. Firstly, someone will still be better than us. Secondly, we still won’t be able to develop some qualities much. No matter how much we want it, we can't get the looks of a Hollywood actor. Thirdly, our expectations and hopes will not always be realized. Even with titanic efforts, we may not achieve what we so desired.
Therefore, on the one hand, you should develop your qualities because it will help you become better and happier, and not in order to feed your pride. On the other hand, you need to accept yourself as you are, especially where you cannot change yourself and be prepared for the fact that your plans will not come true. It's a delicate balance between the desire to develop, become better, self-acceptance and readiness for anything. If you find this balance, you will be much happier and less jealous of other people.
6. Be prepared to take responsibility for the path you choose
Each person chooses his own path. This choice does not necessarily happen only once in a lifetime. This path is like a forked road with frequent forks. Different paths have different advantages. And the advantages that exist on one path may not exist on another.
Therefore, there is no need to compare your path with the path of another person, because you yourself made your choice, and the other person also made their choice.
If your used car with a rumbling engine is overtaken on the highway by a huge, shiny SUV, driving which you recognize someone you know, then know that this person is following his own path, different from yours.
Perhaps at one time you relied on freedom from daily work, a large amount of time that you could devote to yourself or your family, and not to making money. Whereas the man in the jeep decided that he would spend a lot of time at work constantly thinking about how to earn more. He took risks, strived for more and as a result of his efforts he was able to afford to buy this jeep.
Everyone chose their own and received what was due to their choice, you - freedom and personal life, someone else - money.
But the choice is not always conscious. Maybe your friend with an expensive car at one time chose the opportunity to work for his future, get a good education and work. And at the same time, you preferred momentary pleasure to your future: you skipped classes at the institute, went for walks, drank and had fun. And this is also a choice, although you might not be aware of it.
Therefore, be prepared to bear responsibility for the consequences of your choices. This is your path and you choose it yourself. And by the way, you can always change it. Then what can you be jealous of?
But if, say, you and your friend initially chose the same thing: education, then work and money, but the result is different for each of you: you drive a junk car, and he drives a beautiful jeep. You work as much as he does, but do not get significant results. What to do in this case? And here we come again to the concept of justice.
What determines your path?
You can accept that your path is determined not only by your choice, but also by the direction of the road, obstacles on your course, and the length of your legs. That is, it depends on random circumstances, luck, your abilities, meetings with other people along the way, etc.
If this is so, then everything falls into place. It turns out that no two paths can be the same, every path is unique. And the result of this path was formed under the influence of many, many factors, that is, this result cannot be called accidental. It existed within the framework of cause-and-effect relationships, which determined the final result. That is, everything happened the way it should have happened and no other way. Maybe this is real justice, which lies in the fact that everything happens in accordance with some order incomprehensible to man? (I'm not talking about karma or anything like that, I'm just talking about cause-and-effect relationships that we can't comprehend with our minds.)
I understand that I went into philosophy, but I want to say that all these arguments can be applied in life. Understand that the fact that you are driving an old car did not just happen. This result was prepared by many events in your life; the destinies of different people were involved in it. This was your path.
Even if you couldn’t always make your choice and decide where to move, but what happened, happened. That is life.
7. Think about the value of what you envy.
In fact, many of the things people envy are not worth envying. Do you really think that a person who has an expensive villa and a yacht is significantly happier than you just because he has these things? No, that's not true. A person gets used to everything and what seems to you a source of happiness until you possess it, ceases to be such, as soon as you achieve it. Man is designed in such a way that successes and achievements bring only short-term satisfaction. This self-deception occurs due to the work of the neurotransmitter dopamine.
Whatever a person strives for, he does not achieve the happiness that his imagination promises him.
Therefore, in principle, there are no such material things that are worth envying at all. Since there is actually no significant difference between whether you have them or not. I understand that this statement seems very controversial to some, but if you think about it, it’s true. Remember your childhood, were you more unhappy then than now, due to the fact that you did not have the attributes of adult life (car, money, etc.)? And when you got these things, did you become any happier than before?
I don't think so. But what can be said not about material things, but about some personal qualities. Intelligence, beauty, charisma, etc. In fact, these qualities, just like material things, also do not make people happier (at least not always). They can form a short-term contentment, fleeting pleasure, but one cannot say that a handsome and intelligent person is happy all the time just because he is like that! He gets used to these attributes as well as to a yacht or a car! Moreover, beauty (and intelligence too) are not eternal. Someday they will begin to fade. And then the one who was attached to these things will feel acute dissatisfaction and even suffering!
Therefore, there are practically no things to be envious of. Because many of them do not bring the expected happiness! In principle, it doesn’t really matter whether a person is smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly. By and large, everyone has similar fates: from a billionaire to a beggar, from a top model to a seasoned housewife. After all, it cannot be said that one of them is much happier than the other.
This is a rather strange statement for an article on a site dedicated to self-development. “Why develop if it makes no difference what happens in the end?” - You ask. I must answer this that, firstly, I never thought about self-development for the sake of self-development. I considered all the qualities that need to be developed only from the perspective of the possibility of achieving happiness, as tools of this happiness, and not an end in itself. Secondly, I don’t want to say that there is no difference at all between whether you are smart or stupid, rich or poor. You just don’t need to get attached to these things and believe that the one who possesses them certainly rests on some happy Olympus and therefore these are the things you lack for happiness.
Why did I take happiness as what determines the peculiarity of human destiny? Because all people, consciously or not, strive for happiness. But most of them choose the wrong path and, even having achieved fabulous wealth and power, do not come there.
Conclusion. Envy prevents us from learning from other people
Why is envy considered such a great vice? I already said at the beginning that it does not bring any benefit, but only suffering. It prevents us from sharing their joy with other people. But there is another reason. Envy prevents us from learning from other people. Instead of looking at their merits and merits and striving for them, we silently suffer because of envy, secretly wishing for these people to fail.
The peculiarity of negative emotions is such that they force a person to become fixated on themselves, depriving his mind of mobility and choice: such a person can only think about one thing. But openness, sincerity, respect and empathy give our minds more freedom. And he gets the opportunity to learn something new.
If you stop being envious, then the other person’s world will no longer be an object for comparison, but will become an open book from which you can extract a lot of useful things for yourself. By freeing your mind from envy, you will be able to understand other people more deeply.
This might interest you:
I hope my advice will help you overcome envy. But if you are still caught off guard by this feeling, remember that it is just a feeling that you do not have to obey. Stop suffering because of the thoughts that this feeling communicates to you. Just relax and observe this feeling from the outside without any thoughts. This always helps! published
Often in life we become hostage to things. We see some object on another person and want the same one for ourselves, we see happiness on the face of others and feel absolutely unhappy. This is called envy and this counterproductive feeling makes us feel unsatisfied and insignificant.
Like jealousy, envy seems to be an involuntary feeling that is impossible to fight. And the biggest problem is that we make a lot of assumptions, but do not see the big picture, causing this harmful feeling in ourselves. To get rid of envy you need to learn to think clearly and rationally.
It must be remembered that envy is caused in a person by low self-esteem and failure to accept one’s uniqueness.
It's easy to feel jealous, but you can get rid of this feeling if you just stop and think for a few seconds. After all, it is unfair to be unhappy just because someone is happy now. One thought and all prejudices will disappear, a positive attitude towards people will appear. Our main goal is to transform all negative emotions into positive and productive thoughts.
Nurtured, black envy is dangerous. It often leads to irrational thinking and immoral behavior. Like a worm, this feeling eats away at a person from the inside, making him rude and irritated, hating the whole world and ultimately not respecting himself.
Ways to get rid of envy
No wonder they say that a strong will helps you do anything. Here are some effective tips for getting rid of envy
1. Comparison
Often in life we meet people with such wonderful things (clothes, gadgets, etc.) that we immediately awaken a feeling of envy in ourselves. But it’s worth remembering that our parents also gave the following advice: If you want something you can’t afford, look at those who don’t even have what you have.
But it’s true. We want what we sometimes don't need at all. Cool phone? For what? New blouse? Do you have a similar one in a different color? This is the consumer society in action.
We think that another person is more successful than us, but let's take a piece of paper and make a list of things to do, purchases that we once made, but others may not have done. Even things that go without saying, such as family, housing, beloved brother, grandmother, friends and work - everything is there. This list will give you a feeling of satisfaction and help you realize that you are not really that “poor” after all.
Harold Grob: “Envy is the art of counting the wealth of others rather than one’s own.”
2. Look for compromises
Everything in our life is given in doses. Envy caused by the skills of others is completely meaningless. Do you envy your mathematical mind? But that person does not know literature, is not able to perceive the beauty of the surrounding nature. Ask the price. You only see one side of every person. Take a look at yourself. What are you strong at? What is your advantage?
You need to understand that in order to achieve something, you need to sacrifice something. Do you want to be a movie star at the expense of your personal life? By designing, you will not be able to write a beautiful story or even a novel. There are no geniuses in everything!
3. Get inspired
Take a closer look at the people around you. Which of them sincerely rejoices at your successes and victories? These could be family, friends or just co-workers. Now analyze where the rational grain is in this sincerity? But they are really happy for you, because they care about you. They know that taking a little of your happiness makes them both happy.
Each of these people will be your source of inspiration when envy creeps into your throat at the next moment. After all, we believe that you can both give happiness and accept someone else’s success. Each of them will be a source of inspiration when you pause and wonder, “How is it that this person isn’t jealous of me?” We are always surrounded by such people, and there is no reason why you cannot do the same.
4. Don't be shy to give
If you have a person who is a constant source of envy, give him something good. This can be both material and spiritual, but it must definitely bring a bit of good mood. Knowing that you are a source of happiness for another person will free you from envy and make you happy.
5. Find something fun to do
There are many interesting activities in the world that will captivate you and make you forget about feelings of envy: sports, gardening, chatting with friends, traveling (even to the nearest forest plantation). When you do what you love, a sense of satisfaction and good mood will prevent harmful emotions from influencing your life.
And finally, let’s say that envy is not always bad. Sometimes such thoughts push people to do good, sometimes heroic, deeds. Envy of the well-being of another person, directed in the right direction, sometimes forces a person, and these examples have long been known in history, to work even harder, gain knowledge and strive for the best.